To make ds (23) and his boyfriend (26) sleep in separate beds?

[hypeg]

We have ds and his boyfriend coming tomorrow for Christmas. We’ve met the boyfriend once over lunch, and he is lovely.

Dh wants them to sleep in separate rooms. Now obviously when they are in their own city they must share a bed as they stay over at each other’s places.

But when our dd had her then boyfriend stay for Christmas when she was 21, we made them sleep in separate beds then. Our parents agree as they were not married, but did say things seem very different today.

How long ago was it that you expected DD and her partner to sleep in separate rooms? Times have changed and recently too. Does your DH perhaps feel icky about gay sex?

They are adults, they should sleep in the same room. Your DH needs to come to terms your DC are grown ups now.

'Not under our roof' is never acceptable in any situation with adult beds. Controlling the sex life of other people is always, always, creepy and gross. My house my rules does not extend that far, ever, and if you think otherwise you need to take a long look at yourself.

Bloody hell. They are adults in a committed relationship, not a pair of teenagers! Behave yourself.

I think some posters here aren't aware of how life was many years ago.

At 30 I and my then fiance were made to have separate rooms at my parents house, in the lead up to out wedding, even though we were living together.

It was ridiculous but then it was their house/their rules.

They didn't believe in sex before marriage.

When I stayed a DPs parents for Christmas in 2019 we were put in separate rooms, one on each side of his parents bedroom. We were 33 and 39 at the time and had been together 2 years

It is your house so you can do what you want. However, it is unreasonable.

But worse - while with a straight couple it would likely come across as annoying and treating them like teens - they'd be unlikely to take it as a personal insult.

With a gay couple it will come across as homophobic. Is that how you want your son and his boyfriend to think that you think about them? If not, don't do it.

@JinglingHellsBells

I think some posters here aren't aware of how life was many years ago.

At 30 I and my then fiance were made to have separate rooms at my parents house, in the lead up to out wedding, even though we were living together.

It was ridiculous but then it was their house/their rules.

They didn't believe in sex before marriage.

People are more than aware of that!!! The problem is that other people seem to be unaware of the fact that this is now considered weird, but worse still when applied to male adults it comes across as homophobic.

OP's son doesn't have to visit them or have a relationship with them, and she's going to find that out pretty quickly. And then we're going to have caterwauling posts about 'why does my son in law think I'm a homophobe' or 'why do I never get to see my grandchildren.'

Your husband sounds like a nasty homophobe OP.

My husband and I had to sleep in separate rooms once when we were staying somewhere.

Right enough, it did happen to be a monastery we were staying in

@MorningStarling

I can't believe how the voting has gone on this, 9/10 people think someone doesn't have the right to decide how their guests should behave in their own home? Wow. Especially given as he's only 23, that's hardly an adult.

How is 23 hardly an adult? At that point they have been an adult for five years.

At 23 I’d been living independently for six years, I was a professional sportsman, I had gained a first class degree in actuarial science, I was working a ‘normal’ job and studying for a masters.

At 23 my husband had been a home owner for three years, he’d been living in a foreign to him country for seven years, he was working in a professional and corporate environment and on his way to becoming an actuary.

@MorningStarling

I can't believe how the voting has gone on this, 9/10 people think someone doesn't have the right to decide how their guests should behave in their own home? Wow. Especially given as he's only 23, that's hardly an adult.

She and her husband can be as fucking homophobic as they want. They can let whoever into their house under whatever conditions they choose. There's no law against it.

But it doesn't make their behaviour remotely reasonable. Just because you can do something, doesn't mean that it's not disgusting.

Of course let them sleep in the same bed! So ridiculous to suggest otherwise!

@j712adrian

No big deal, who has a second double bed knocking around? They'll find it erotic anyway.

Find what erotic? This is such a bizarre comment!

Depends if you want your children to stay in your life going forward ... they are young adults in adult relationships. Treat them accordingly or face the fact that they may not want to spend much time with you as you get older.

This is utterly bonkers.

Sorry. They're adults, not children.

I can just see it - next year you'll be writing to MN asking "why doesn't my DS want to come to my place over Christmas ?"

I met my now DH when I was 23. Neither of our parents let us sleep in the same room though to be fair our house only had one double bed and it would have been a bit mean to evict my parents so we could sleep in one bed.

PIL had a 3/4 bed and once we were engaged we could sleep in it :)

I don't know about PIL but I was born before my parents got married so it was a tad hypocritical...

They're adults ffs. YABVU.

I need to know what what age one is an adult and if I am one yet ?

My ex's parents used to make us sleep separately even when we were living together! However, it didn't stop us having sex so I don't know what they were trying to achieve.

With my DS when he was an adult and as long as it was a relationship he shared.

But it is what you feel comfortable with in your home.

@MorningStarling

I can't believe how the voting has gone on this, 9/10 people think someone doesn't have the right to decide how their guests should behave in their own home? Wow. Especially given as he's only 23, that's hardly an adult.

Oh give your head a wobble ffs. Of course 23 is an adult! Loads of people are married/have their own home/have a child by that age!

They are not children who need to share a room they are grown adults in a consentual relationship with each other

Ridiculous decision. You'd be better off admitting to your daughter you are sorry you made a stupid call for her than repeat the error with your son.