Refusing to hostess

[SecondSwitch]

Ever since I first met dh I made it very clear that I would never be the wife/mother who hosted Christmas. I grew up watching my mother tear her hair out every year at Christmas time, trying to be superwoman and as a result she would lose the plot and ruin Christmas. Every. Single. Year. So I vowed I would never be that person. I buy the children presents, I make all their favorite food, and I usually have a nap on Christmas day while dh cleans up. I've also said that dh is free free invite whoever he wants to Christmas dinner, the door is open to anyone who wants to come, I'll provide booze and snacks, but it's up to him to " host" as such ,as I'm not giving up my Christmas day nap. It's come to my attention that dh"s family think I am incredibly lazy and selfish. AIBU?

Yanbu why are mothers expected to burn their wick at both ends just to fit a conventional mould of how Christmas should look.

If you and your husband have it sussed out then every one else can mind their own biz

Some of these comments are really horrible to read.

It's not up to anyone elses expectations what you do for Xmas.

Well done for stepping away from what your mum did.

[quote BatshitBanshee]@ClaudiaJ1 - yes I did, well done. Where did I say there was anything wrong with anyone setting up camp? I said:

Yeah OP I'd be fairly mortified for my own behaviour if people were literally setting up camp on my lawn and I was in bed for my "Christmas Nap".

My criticism was of the OP, not the people setting up tents... I'm unsure how that's unclear but I apologise for your incomprehension.[/quote]
So OP should turf out her elderly guests and herself and her kids and DH from their beds to make room for these gossipy in laws?

How on earth is OP 'lazy' or 'selfish' for literally taking one hour to herself on Christmas day? She does everything else to make sure everyone else in her household has a lovely time, it's her Christmas too?!
I applaud you OP

I voted yabu your suppose to be a team and your dh is doing all the work whilst you nap, surely if you two the work together it takes less time.

@IncompleteSenten

What the op does

buys the childrens presents
makes all their favorite food
Does Christmas eve boxes
Takes a late night walk with eldest who is a teenager
drinks hot chocolate and chats (quality time)
Gets up at 5am with the youngest (while older children and husband carry on sleeping)
makes waffles and Christmas cookies with them while they wait for the others to wake so they can do stockings
Says anyone who wants to come is welcome
Provides an abundance of Christmas goodies for them to help themselves to
Has a nap for an hour.

What the op does not do

Cleaning up the kitchen after she has done the cooking
Cook a Christmas roast instead of/as well as the cooking of her family's favourite foods that she already actually does
Be a waitress
Be a hotel housekeeper

Given the pretty big list of things she actually does, I'm not sure why she is being criticised here. Her husband can easily do those bits she doesn't and his list will be

Prepare sleeping arrangements in the house for guests (if there's room. Maybe the bring a tent thing is because the garden is big but the house is small)
Cook a roast (in addition to all the food the op is cooking)
Clean the kitchen
Top up people's drinks
Man the fort alone for an hour

I'm honestly not seeing why the op is being so criticised here

Same here, I think the OP does plenty, and her Dh can step up in that hour.

OP I will just say I'm impressed by your decision on this issue. Great strength of character to recognise a potential issue/stressor, discuss it with dh in advance and make a plan to ensure you and the family have a good Christmas every year.
I'd happily spend Christmas camped on your lawn!

:-) sounds like a win-win to me. Nobody gets dumped on, people can still visit and no rows over what is just another day with lots of food. Isn’t it interesting they’ve decided you’re lazy for not cooking the dinner for them…

Carry on Op. You are fine as you are...

Awwww... that’s awful
Of you... leaving all the hard work to the other women. You should be pulling your weight and looking after everyone.

Fuck that

@LadyCampanulaTottington

I think you’re exactly like your mother but at opposite ends of the spectrum. By actively trying to be unlike your mother you’re making Christmas a miserable affair for your family.

Kids will remember that Mum “didn’t do Christmas”, no traditions and took off to bed for a nap. I think you’ve created a stick to beat yourself with.

I’m all for boundaries but they don’t sound like they’ve been built on a healthy foundation.

I certainly don't agree with you.

Because reading OP's posts, she's certainly doing an awful lot, and there are clearly traditions going on.

OP deserves a 1 hour nap, I see no issue with that.