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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

“Please have lunch ready for 1pm. Thankyou.”

838 replies

diydh · 21/12/2021 16:22

I’m interested to know if anyone else’s husband would say this in the morning before disappearing into his office for several hours. Please be honest.

YABU - yes, fair enough
YANBU - no, he is being quite bossy

OP posts:
PussyCatEatingPigsInBlankets · 21/12/2021 17:26

Leave him a Pot Noodle, a fork and a kettle with some water in...

I used to get up before DH, chuck some clothes on, make his breakfast and his lunch (sandwiches) while he was having a shave (etc), de-ice and occasionally dig out warm up both cars and then when he went to work at half 6, I'd head for Sainsburys or Tesco. 🤷‍♀️
When he was working from home, he'd hunt through the fridge/cupboards and sort himself out if I wasn't around...If I was home, he'd have what I was having or starve
Grin

TonkinLenkicks · 21/12/2021 17:27

I hope you wiped your arse on a slice of bread before you buttered it.

Aposterhasnoname · 21/12/2021 17:27

He wouldn’t dare

StEval · 21/12/2021 17:27

@TheVeryThing

I'm amazed that 'making lunch' is a thing for so many. DH and I are both working from home and it has never occurred to either of us to coordinate lunch breaks or make lunch for each other. We just grab what we feel like eating whenever it's convenient. I loathe being responsible for other people's meals, and just about manage to alternate dinner prep with DH. I would lose the will to live if I had to do any more than that.
Same here! My DC have made their own breakfast/lunch since I can remember as has DH. Its part of learning to be independent functioning adults. I cant believe some SAHM facilitate their DH in behaving like children but then I would never have been a SAHM!
diddl · 21/12/2021 17:27

No, even though I don't work & have told him to let me know if he needs lunch at a particular time!

ChargingBuck · 21/12/2021 17:28

@diydh

He expects me to make him lunch when he’s at home, yes.

He is always on the phone or Zoom etc and his whole vibe is he doesn’t have time. But I think he does have more time than he makes out, to be honest. No I don’t work which is why he has this expectation probably. But yes, it’s the way he asks. Not just on this occasion. I find him very blunt. But he’s mystified if I tell him this.

Ah come off it.

He manages to source & eat his own lunch when he working from the office. Of course he has more time than he makes out.

You still haven't said WHY he expects you to make his lunch.
Or why you just accept this.
Are you his cook, PA, or runner?

PussyCatEatingPigsInBlankets · 21/12/2021 17:30

Oh. just read that back and it doesn't really come across right.

I didn't work and it was the most efficient way of getting him out of the house to work.
I also love cold, icy, snowy mornings and used to follow him to the main road to push the car if he got stuck, so maybe I'm crackers anyway. Grin

Snowmanuel · 21/12/2021 17:30

@Mouseonmychair

Look yanbu but only so much as we don't know the division of labour. Personally my partner wouldn't be asked because unless it is her day off (I wouldn't entertain her not working or having a part time job she works full time or moves out) then it wouldn't happen. That's said if she was off work for a bit between jobs I would expect to be able to set some minor demands on her time.
😂
Ispini · 21/12/2021 17:30

Go for a jog, at lunchtime! 🤗 Sorted!

girlmom21 · 21/12/2021 17:31

@Ispini

Go for a jog, at lunchtime! 🤗 Sorted!
Or tell him to go for a long jog off a short pier...
C8H10N4O2 · 21/12/2021 17:31

@diydh

He expects me to make him lunch when he’s at home, yes.

He is always on the phone or Zoom etc and his whole vibe is he doesn’t have time. But I think he does have more time than he makes out, to be honest. No I don’t work which is why he has this expectation probably. But yes, it’s the way he asks. Not just on this occasion. I find him very blunt. But he’s mystified if I tell him this.

How does he feed himself in the office? Does he have a servant bring it to him?

He can be as mystified as he likes, the simple reality is that talking to you like a servant is rude and you don't like it. That should be enough to stop it.

ALongHardWinter · 21/12/2021 17:32

Blimey! Is he aware that it is 2021,not 1951?!

grapewine · 21/12/2021 17:34

Ok. Unpopular opinion. If you don’t work and are at home I actually don’t think it’s unreasonable to make him lunch…. BUT the way he’s asked (told!) you to do so is obviously unacceptable.

Agree with this.

Original poster
diydh · 21/12/2021 17:35

The reason I don’t work is because it hasn’t made sense overall. His choice and mine.

The reason I ask this today is because my therapist has suggested he is a narcissist. She says this does not mean he is a bad person (because he’s not), but it’s a personality type and something to be aware of.

OP posts:
FawnFrenchieMum · 21/12/2021 17:36

Umm, I’m WFH, DH & kids have now broken up for the holidays. As he’s on holiday and I’m still working it’s a given he will make lunch in our house (also while we were in lockdown, he was on furlough, I was wfh). So if I only had a short break one day, I would say please can you do lunch for 12pm otherwise how else would he know when my breaks were?!

If you are also working or it’s every day then it’s unreasonable but I do think most people have jumped on him treating you as staff.

astoundedgoat · 21/12/2021 17:36

I'm thinking of when I might say that and it would be more like "DH I have a meeting from 12 - 1 and another from 1.15 - 2, could you make us some lunch for 1?" Like, I would give some context.

Although in reality it would be "I need to eat at 1 and don't have much time. Please don't eat ALL the leftovers from last night before then."

AstroBunny · 21/12/2021 17:36

Only on Mumsnet are perfectly reasonable requests and exchanges of conversations seen as heinous crimes. If you don't work, OP, and your DH is presumably working in his office, not having a party. Why on earth is he out of order for asking you to have his lunch ready for a certain time? He said thank you. Poor sod is presumably working in his office, maybe he has back to back Zoom calls til 1pm and is then on more calls at 130pm. Who knows. As long as he was polite, the rational, non MN hysterical reaction would be 'yes dear' or 'no, I CBA'.

Really not the big deal so many are making out on here Confused don't let them wind you up, OP

FissionMailed · 21/12/2021 17:37

My lunch would certainly be ready by 1pm, from whichever nice cafe I'd taken myself too, his would be ready whenever he got his own. Might even leave a post it note on the fridge.
"Lunch within... Some assembly required"

SilverRingahBells · 21/12/2021 17:37

That's a really brusque way to ask. I might say to DH "I've got back to back meetings today, and only a very brief gap for lunch, could you sort something out for 1 please?"

riceuten · 21/12/2021 17:37

Said like that, unacceptable. If he said "Can we have lunch at 1pm - I've got to do a fair bit of stuff this afternoon - is that OK?" then I would accept it.

Is he German ? (I'm half German myself) They are very direct in their ways and can't understand why British people beat about the bus.

GatoradeMeBitch · 21/12/2021 17:37

You reminded me of a YouTube video I watched the other day, a British booktuber. She was talking about feminism and giving a little "fuck the patriarchy" talk then her boyfriend shuffled in front of the camera and asked in a monotone "what's for dinner?" like he was asking his mother.

I wondered why she didn't think to edit it out, but I think she didn't make a link between what she'd been saying and what her boyfriend said. Just gazed adoringly up at him... Poor thing will probably be in for years of wifework until the penny drops.

Woofwoofbarkbark · 21/12/2021 17:38

Your therapist can suggest someone is a narcissist. But without meeting the person in question and doing a full psychological assessment she can't tell you he definitely is. I'd be careful throwing that accusation around.

Have you suggested to him he may be a narcissist?

Rosenborg · 21/12/2021 17:39

Erm NO!!!

Nanny0gg · 21/12/2021 17:39

@FindingMeno

Depends on the circumstances. If he's working and you're not, for example, and he has wall to wall meetings except for a short time slot, then I can't see a big problem.
There's ways of asking though.

And treating your wife like staff isn't the best way...

CheltenhamLady · 21/12/2021 17:39

Goodness, No, he wouldn't dare.

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