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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

“Please have lunch ready for 1pm. Thankyou.”

838 replies

diydh · 21/12/2021 16:22

I’m interested to know if anyone else’s husband would say this in the morning before disappearing into his office for several hours. Please be honest.

YABU - yes, fair enough
YANBU - no, he is being quite bossy

OP posts:
NoNameHere12 · 21/12/2021 17:15

I would do it if he asked me too, if he expected it though or done it regularly, I’d tell him to fuck off

Woofwoofbarkbark · 21/12/2021 17:15

I don't work. My husband does. I always make lunch. I'd find this acceptable. He's said please and thank you. And I would expect a time to be given to be honest. I'd be more pissed off if he didn't give me a time and then demanded lunch right there and then!!

CariadWelshcake · 21/12/2021 17:16

Ok. Unpopular opinion. If you don’t work and are at home I actually don’t think it’s unreasonable to make him lunch…. BUT the way he’s asked (told!) you to do so is obviously unacceptable

I agree with you.

I was a SAHM and I always saw to the meals. Would my husband have left a note like one the Ops husband did? No. Never. But that said we always did speak about what time he’d be home for lunch before he left for work in the morning and lunch was always ready.

Why didn’t I work? Because it didn’t suit us as a family.

Hockeyboysmum · 21/12/2021 17:16

Make him lunch and add a note saying ' please have dinner ready at 7pm'

withsexypantsandasausagedog · 21/12/2021 17:16

Why do you need to make him lunch?!

girlmom21 · 21/12/2021 17:17

Does he manage to get his own lunch when he's in the office?

StEval · 21/12/2021 17:17

@diydh

Just for some further context. He is neurotypical. He is 48. He is always busy, busy, busy. He does not present as strange in general life. He is very kind to me overall.

In his mind, he is just being communicative. So that I know his movements. This is his mentality.

He’s not always WFH, but when he is, this is what he’s like. He thinks I should WANT to help him
out as he’s so busy. He would not comprehend why I wouldn’t want to. This is the problem I have with him.

What a crock! Too busy yeah right.

The answer to this though Op comes from you.
You are the only one who can solve the problem.
"No thanks" should do it

NeverDropYourMooncup · 21/12/2021 17:19

@diydh

Yes this is as I thought. And yes, his words were - “darling, please have lunch ready for one o’clock, Thankyou.’ Then he just sort of walks off.

He will think this is totally normal and he’s just trying to be helpful in communicating his schedule. That’s what he would say.

Ha, ha.

Does he mean to sound quite such a pompous knob or does it come naturally to him?

hopingforabrighterfuture2021 · 21/12/2021 17:19

Again, I’m prepared to be flamed for this, but I do think it depends on if you have young kids at home.

If you are not working, and don’t have young kids then honestly, I think YWBU not to make his lunch, but as I said, the manner he communicates in is not ok!

If you have kids and/or are at home on Mat leave, slightly different…

Flingingmelon · 21/12/2021 17:19

Depends on the context.

If he actually wrote 'please can you have lunch ready for 1pm because I really want us to spend time together and I have to buy you your Xmas present at 12:20 and won't be back before. I need to leave for my booster jab at 1:40 and then pick up the ingredients for the lovely dinner I'm making you when I get home'

Then he's being absolutely reasonable Grin

bigbluebus · 21/12/2021 17:19

If he doesn't always WFH then what does he usually do for lunch. Surely if he doesn't have time to make lunch in the working day then he could just make a packed lunch before he starts work so he's got something to eat when it's convenient.
My Dh wouldn't even dare to assume that I would be in to make his lunch let alone expect me to make it for him. Even my adult DS (who has ASD) makes his own lunch at whatever time he needs to fit in with his working hours - and at the moment he's also having to make his dinner as he isn't here for our dinner time. No waitress service in this house!

TheVeryThing · 21/12/2021 17:19

I'm amazed that 'making lunch' is a thing for so many. DH and I are both working from home and it has never occurred to either of us to coordinate lunch breaks or make lunch for each other. We just grab what we feel like eating whenever it's convenient.
I loathe being responsible for other people's meals, and just about manage to alternate dinner prep with DH. I would lose the will to live if I had to do any more than that.

PieMistee · 21/12/2021 17:19

Do you work?

PieMistee · 21/12/2021 17:20

Because if you do stop making him lunch!

alongwayhome · 21/12/2021 17:21

Hahaha 🤣 if mine had a busy day at work, and he knew I wasn't busy, he might say "if you're making any lunch today, and could rustle me up a sandwich about 1, I'd really appreciate it as I'm on back to back calls. If not no worries"

If he ordered me to have lunch ready I'd tell him to shove it up his arse.

TheBareTree · 21/12/2021 17:21

@Nomoreusernames1244

Ok. Unpopular opinion. If you don’t work and are at home I actually don’t think it’s unreasonable to make him lunch…. BUT the way he’s asked (told!) you to do so is obviously unacceptable

I agree.

I agree too.
FinallyHere · 21/12/2021 17:21

Who has made his lunch for the last four or five decades?

If it was you, and your role officially includes cooker-of-lunch, then maybe fair enough.

Otherwise, who would risk the ridicule

BlancheB · 21/12/2021 17:22

If he's always busy busy busy then perhaps Mr Self Important should learn to prioritise and give himself time to make his own damn lunch. You're not his servant.

User310 · 21/12/2021 17:22

Honestly, my husband would say this as a joke to wind me up. There is no way he would even say this seriously and I would still laugh and tell him to bugger off at the joke.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/12/2021 17:23

If someone asked nicely if you wouldn’t mind, as a one off, doing them some lunch at 1 because they were in meetings all day, that might be one thing.

But definitely not in that tone!

Tricked2003 · 21/12/2021 17:23

I usually make lunch for DH as he works from home and I don't work (disabled dc). He wouldn't leave me a note like that!!!

Bumpsadaisie · 21/12/2021 17:24

Mine would and does say on a Friday, I have only got 30 mins between thing X and thing Y - could you do us lunch for 1 then we can eat together?

It's all in how you are asked. YANBU.

Summersnake · 21/12/2021 17:25

Oh god
Mine wouldn’t say it twice

HW1989 · 21/12/2021 17:25

Saying it like that, no!!!
If on an odd occasion he was super busy and I wasn’t and he asked nicely and discussed with me that lunch made around that time would be a massive help I would. If it were expected and asked like that, or I were just as busy as he was then absolutely not.

FinallyHere · 21/12/2021 17:26

Oh, and, for full disclosure, one of my top reasons for working full time is exactly to avoid household chores.

It worked when I was a child, my mother would let me off clearing up after dinner if I went to a desk and read/write things.

Have you considered looking for a job?