“Please have lunch ready for 1pm. Thankyou.”

[diydh]

I’m interested to know if anyone else’s husband would say this in the morning before disappearing into his office for several hours. Please be honest.

YABU - yes, fair enough
YANBU - no, he is being quite bossy

My husband has occasionally asked me to have lunch ready for his lunch break but only a handful of times and never like that!! He'll say something along the lines of 'I'm really busy today, just want a quick lunch would you mind making me something around 1pm'. Which of course I don't mind! But would find what yours said very demanding and a bit demeaning

If I go out with my mum, she always, without fail, asks me if I need to get home to make food for my husband.

No I fucking do not.

Dear OH, your dinner is in the cat & he’s back out doing Amazon deliveries. He’s left you his dry rations & a bowl of water.

Any problems, suggest that you discuss with him when he gets back off shift.

my MIL did not impart many words of wisdom but 'not fucking house frau' was definitely one of them...

Well, if you are not WFH or otherwise busy, planning to make lunch and asked him what time suited him, then it's ok. If it came totally out of the blue, then it's rude.

Why can't he make his own lunch??

He expects me to make him lunch when he’s at home, yes.

He is always on the phone or Zoom etc and his whole vibe is he doesn’t have time. But I think he does have more time than he makes out, to be honest. No I don’t work which is why he has this expectation probably. But yes, it’s the way he asks. Not just on this occasion. I find him very blunt. But he’s mystified if I tell him this.

I’d be making a Whiskas butty.

Look yanbu but only so much as we don't know the division of labour. Personally my partner wouldn't be asked because unless it is her day off (I wouldn't entertain her not working or having a part time job she works full time or moves out) then it wouldn't happen. That's said if she was off work for a bit between jobs I would expect to be able to set some minor demands on her time.

Yabu to not fully appreciate his Very Important Job op...

Ok. Unpopular opinion. If you don’t work and are at home I actually don’t think it’s unreasonable to make him lunch…. BUT the way he’s asked (told!) you to do so is obviously unacceptable.

You say he’s mystified if you talk to him about it. Do you want to work? Does he? What does he do for you?!

What if you have a day out? Who makes his lunches then?

Why dont you work? Do you have young children home all day?

But he’d never, ever be so entitled as to order me around like a servant

Anyone with any level of good manners wouldn’t order a servant (your term, not mine) around either. Yes, mealtimes are generally pre-arranged but even then things do crop up unexpectedly and they’re re-arranged. That said, it should always be done by speaking to the person who works in your house so they can be given the respect they’re due as people/loved ones who make your life possible to be what it is.

Rude. I’d be sure to be sat in front of the telly in my dressing gown, eating chocolates at 1pm. If he enquires after lunch, claim to be busy.

I would be fuming if he asked in a way that I felt taken for granted but if he works and has a set lunch break and you don’t work, then it is not unreasonable for him to want you to make the food and it be at a time that fits in with his work.

I’d be leaving the house at 12.45 for a leisurely walk/trip to the shops. He knows where the kitchen is, he can get his own bloody lunch.

Not a chance. I'm his wife not his housekeeper.

Mine does say things like this. He also likes to lament about how he will go hungry if i'm out over lunch. He fancies himself as quite the comedian.

My Husband is not that brave

@diydh

Yes this is as I thought. And yes, his words were - “darling, please have lunch ready for one o’clock, Thankyou.’ Then he just sort of walks off.

He will think this is totally normal and he’s just trying to be helpful in communicating his schedule. That’s what he would say.

Presumably you waited until 1pm and when he asked for his lunch responded with "oh I assumed you were asking the chef. You know where the kitchen is"?

@FindingMeno

Depends on the circumstances. If he's working and you're not, for example, and he has wall to wall meetings except for a short time slot, then I can't see a big problem.

You don't see a problem with being instructed to have lunch ready at a certain time?

Ok. Unpopular opinion. If you don’t work and are at home I actually don’t think it’s unreasonable to make him lunch…. BUT the way he’s asked (told!) you to do so is obviously unacceptable

I agree.

YANBU

Well it's a command really. The please is illusory.

On that basis I'd be very very busy and not at home. Doing very important things of course. I'd keep doing it until he learnt how to speak to me. And also, just to drive the point home, that is how I would address him when 'asking' him to do something. See how long it takes before he gets arsey.

Tit for tat is horrible, but sometimes it's the most effective short term strategy for getting your point across.

This is unbelievable. I'm at home with an almost six month old and more days than not my very busy husband will try to make me lunch even I'd that means I find out later he didn't have time to make his own and wouldn't dream of "communicating" like this.