“Please have lunch ready for 1pm. Thankyou.”

[diydh]

I’m interested to know if anyone else’s husband would say this in the morning before disappearing into his office for several hours. Please be honest.

YABU - yes, fair enough
YANBU - no, he is being quite bossy

OP chooses not to work Well, I'm sorry @MollysDolly but that's not the case. Her DH has told her that she has no need to work, he'd feel insulted if she did, and that she would be abandoning the children. He can't even understand why she would want to. So basically he's vetoed it, and the OP doesn't really have that choice.

How would he react if you asked him to do something (domestic) for you? E.g "could you please make me a coffee?" Or *I have an appointment, could you please make the kids some lunch?"

On the cultural differences part, his family are quite liberal overall and it’s not been an issue really. But I will never forget, just after we got married, his elderly grandmother who was quite a character made us sit down as a couple in front of her and she looked me in the eye and told me straight off the bat that if I was to die suddenly while my husband was displeased with me, then I would not be able to enter Paradise! Just like that, she said it. And then she told me I must take good care of my husband and be obedient and then he would be sure to shower me in endless gold (or something along those lines). All sorts of ‘advice’ was given. Not least from his mother.

California - I agree, the. ‘If you were a man you would be a ‘cocklodger’ thing doesn’t really apply, so it’s hard to know how to respond to that.

Classicblunder - I have got into the habit if not asking him to do things like that in the house because of the ‘I’m too busy and can’t be out upon’ vibe he gives off. It’s easier to do it myself. But if I needed anything for myself or the children and asked him, he would never say no. And he will always offer to pick them up and take them places if he can.

@diydh

On the cultural differences part, his family are quite liberal overall and it’s not been an issue really. But I will never forget, just after we got married, his elderly grandmother who was quite a character made us sit down as a couple in front of her and she looked me in the eye and told me straight off the bat that if I was to die suddenly while my husband was displeased with me, then I would not be able to enter Paradise! Just like that, she said it. And then she told me I must take good care of my husband and be obedient and then he would be sure to shower me in endless gold (or something along those lines). All sorts of ‘advice’ was given. Not least from his mother.

California - I agree, the. ‘If you were a man you would be a ‘cocklodger’ thing doesn’t really apply, so it’s hard to know how to respond to that.

My DH's (white, Western) grandmother used to try to pull that kind of stunt as well, about marital duties and rights -- this woman had had thirteen children who survived to adulthood, and used to kneel down to take off her philandering old soak of a husband's shoes when he came in, and scurry around feeding and cleaning up after 'her boys' even when they were adults defaulting 'home' between marriages, before ending her days in hospital after she had a bad fall in her 80s over one of her lazy sons' sportsbags, which he left lying on the hall floor for her to wash its contents.

I used to laugh and say that fortunately the world had moved on and there was contraception, education and professional careers for women, and that DH was a far better cook than I was.

Hope you took him coffee & biscuits in at 10.30

My husband wouldn't even dare to dream to say that to me without it being a joke.... he knows full well he would be wearing his lunch at 1pm if he ever did!!

No, unless we had agreed that I would do lunch that day for some reason. Then it would be 'thanks would 1pm be OK?' Otherwise I can't imagine that conversation ever happening.

A swift F* off often offends but can be quite effective 😂

.My DH tried it once when he started working from home. At 12pm I marched our 4 lovely children into his office and told him he was looking after them for 30 mins so I could get his lunch ready on time. He never asked again. I'm not against making him lunch but he can feck off if I'm having it ready for a certain time every day.

Are you wife - or servant???? The note I would leave in reply to anyone who spoke to me this way is unprintable - divorce him, he's an a*se

My ex husband would never have dared. He would have been:

a) told to get fucked
b) been served something disgusting or laced with laxatives
c) came home to his bags packed

Mine would and so would I. Who ever doesn't have meetings through lunch time does lunch. We discuss our schedule in the morning. It really depends on the context.

Well......yes the tone is unfortunate....but....if he us used to giving orders at work in this style he may just have said it this way without thinking. I would not make a major issue of it if he is otherwise a good husband.

@Janemain

My ex husband would never have dared. He would have been:

a) told to get fucked
b) been served something disgusting or laced with laxatives
c) came home to his bags packed

I'm guessing your calm and loving temperament isn't the reason he's an ex...

“ending her days in hospital after she had a bad fall in her 80s over one of her lazy sons' sportsbags, which he left lying on the hall floor for her to wash its contents.”

Omg Orreries!

Sorry but you sound bored this is why this is such an issue. right or wrong we all have quirks and mannerisms and from what you say it's not personal it's just they way he is .

if he's planning his day then he would plan the time for his lunch .

Making lunch for the husband not a problem. Husband asking politely if I could make him lunch not a problem. Husband speaking to me like a housekeeper or personal assistant of some kind and telling me to provide his lunch at a specific time rather than asking? Problem. He can eff off.

I thought of you today OP as I got home from a full on day at work and asked my husband (who is a teacher and had broken up for Christmas) ‘where is my dinner’ 😳

I can't see why not. It's a request, not an order. I'd say it to DP if I were out at business and he at home. I don't understand why it's considered humiliating to be asked to make lunch for a certain time. And yes, if he's the breadwinner you are the housekeeper. Fair does.

My husband and I both work from home, and if he is busy in a meeting when I am making my lunch I will often do a plate for him (sandwich / salad etc) and if he knows he has a very busy day he might say to me "could you do me some lunch when you do yours please and I'll eat it when I can?". But then it's just as likely to be me saying it if I've got a busy day. So yes to the making lunch for each other occasionally but no to the way your husband said it. If mine spoke to me like that he'd know that he wasn' getting any lunch made for him!!

Also, all the people should say they would tell their husband to f off. Would you really say that in reality?

I work from home and my husband was early retired so I do ask him to make lunch, which usually consists of a sandwich, at lunchtime

To coin a well-worn phrase from a well-worn film, 'make your own fucking tea!'

Do you have children? If not I’d leave a cheese sandwich and a Dear John note, actually, I’d just leave the note.