Page 12 | “Please have lunch ready for 1pm. Thankyou.”

WutheringHeights66 · 21/12/2021 18:25

Fuck that, it takes three minutes for Mr Very Important to make a sandwich unless he is an incompetent idiot.

Why is he expecting you to make his lunch? I do a lot for DH, more of the mental and physical load and I work but when he started WFH in Covid I set boundaries and they did not include making his lunch, I was busy at home, wfh too and he didn’t make mine.

Show him 5his thread, what a nob.

cultkid · 21/12/2021 18:26

I would ask my husband to make me lunch for a particular time and he asks me it doesn't offend me at all!! I'm not on a power trip with him or him with me it's just a helping hand for someone you love

Porcupineintherough · 21/12/2021 18:26

Call me old fashioned but I would think making lunch would be part of your remit if you have such a clear wage earner/home maker split in your marriage. Even if you are not planning on being in at lunch time you could just leave a sandwich in the fridge.

BarleyMop · 21/12/2021 18:27

I think if the roles you’re happy with are him working, and you preparing lunch, it would be a better conversation like this.

You: How’s your day looking? What time should we have lunch?

Rather than

Him: Please have lunch ready by 1pm

I don’t think it’s beyond belief that someone can work AND make their own lunch though. A lot of people do it, and cope just fine! Let him try?

katseyes7 · 21/12/2021 18:27

Dairylea on toast. Sorted.

Goldenbear · 21/12/2021 18:27

When people comment that they make the lunch/dinner for their husband/partner but they wouldn't make the meals if the above asked them in this way, surely you have never been asked as you are always making the meals so you can't really test that hypothesis! Ultimately, is making meals all the time much better just because you have fallen in to that role.

TheFairyCaravan · 21/12/2021 18:28

I don’t work because I’m disabled. DH is working from home atm. 95% of the time he gets his own lunch. If he’s really busy he’ll shout through that he can’t stop and ask if there’s any chance of a sandwich. I don’t object to doing that for him, but I’m not rearranging my day so I can jump to his orders. I don’t make his lunch when he goes into the offices, he manages to do that.

StEval · 21/12/2021 18:28

Saying you'd never do it for the person you married is a bit sad.
People arent saying it in a nasty way at all, thats your interpretation.
In 30 years Ive never made DH a sandwich or lunch.

1.I loathe sandwiches so he makes his own.

We eat lunch at different times, him 12, me 2pm

3.He just cracks on and makes his lunch, packed or at home. There has never been a time when he or my now adult DCs didnt just trundle down to the kitchen and make their breakfast or lunch. Im usually at work so really cant believe anyone would expect me to care about what my perfectly capable DH is having for lunch!

I dont understand the "too busy"
If you are in meetings then have something earlier or later
Its not healthy not to take a break.

Cuwins · 21/12/2021 18:29

@cultkid

I would ask my husband to make me lunch for a particular time and he asks me it doesn't offend me at all!! I'm not on a power trip with him or him with me it's just a helping hand for someone you love

I think 'ask' is the key word there though. The OP husband didn't 'ask' he told.

PussyCatEatingPigsInBlankets · 21/12/2021 18:29

@diydh

No I haven’t suggested to him he’s a narcissist! I cons hardly say that to him. And yes, I do think that therapists sometimes throw terminology around that’s not that helpful and they are too quick to do this. She has also said my parents are narcissists. I don’t know what to think half the time.

I think your therapist needs to see a therapist.🤯

As your DH is self-employed and you're at home I don't really see a problem in you making 2 x lunch instead of just your own. If you've stuff to do just cling-film a sandwich for him.

It's not that big a deal.

BarleyMop · 21/12/2021 18:29

I wasn’t working today, and my DP was. He came downstairs at about 1:30, and made lunch for both of us.

Chocolatewheatos · 21/12/2021 18:30

I don't disagree with him asking you to make his lunch. DH actually asked me this morning to make his lunch. Because he was working and we both wanted him to be able to come to DSs swimming lesson at lunch time, he asked if I'd be able to make his lunch so he didn't have to take a lunchtime aswell. But the fact he TELLS you to make his lunch is the problem.

MyDcAreMarvel · 21/12/2021 18:30

You don’t work or have young children of course you should be making lunch. Your dh is working and was polite.

BorsetshireBanality · 21/12/2021 18:32

I’ve had this, only it was lunch at 12 and I was 2 minutes late back from the bakery, bringing back bread for sandwiches, as there was a long queue.

This is why I’m working out of the house from January, I’ve enough of other people working and schooling at home! I lose hours of my day because of their food requests!

Fomofo · 21/12/2021 18:32

That's nice, what that has to do with the original post, I have no idea

Original poster

diydh · 21/12/2021 18:33

The problem with him is he doesn’t really cook at all, except for very occasionally. He would make a sandwich or something, but he wouldn’t be delighted about if.

OP posts:

Fomofo · 21/12/2021 18:33

#to barley mop

Woofwoofbarkbark · 21/12/2021 18:35

@StEval

Saying you'd never do it for the person you married is a bit sad. People arent saying it in a nasty way at all, thats your interpretation. In 30 years Ive never made DH a sandwich or lunch.

1.I loathe sandwiches so he makes his own.

We eat lunch at different times, him 12, me 2pm

3.He just cracks on and makes his lunch, packed or at home. There has never been a time when he or my now adult DCs didnt just trundle down to the kitchen and make their breakfast or lunch. Im usually at work so really cant believe anyone would expect me to care about what my perfectly capable DH is having for lunch!

I dont understand the "too busy"
If you are in meetings then have something earlier or later
Its not healthy not to take a break.

Wow. You've been together 30 years and you've never made him lunch or eaten at the same time. That's quite an achievement 🏆 Well done.

thepeopleversuswork · 21/12/2021 18:35

@MyDcAreMarvel

You don’t work or have young children of course you should be making lunch. Your dh is working and was polite.

Polite? Maybe. If you were talking to an employee.

But speaking to your life partner and the mother of your children? Nah.

OP he thinks he owns you.

You need to go back to work as soon as possible. Your kids are old enough. See if he tries this shit if you have a job.

GoldenOmber · 21/12/2021 18:36

Does he also tell you what he wants you to make for his lunch, or does he just expect whatever’s easiest/whatever you’re making for yourself?

ineedsun · 21/12/2021 18:36

@diydh

I’m interested to know if anyone else’s husband would say this in the morning before disappearing into his office for several hours. Please be honest.

YABU - yes, fair enough
YANBU - no, he is being quite bossy

If DH said this I would laugh my head off and depending on how I felt I’d either say ‘what did your last slave die of’ or ‘please fuck off to the far side of fuck and when you get there, fuck off a little bit more. Thank you’

JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil · 21/12/2021 18:37

This is why working mothers have it so hard. We are working with and competing for promotions with men who have so much help at home they are pretty much ‘staff’.

I worked alongside a man who’s wife prepared his lunches, ironed his clothes etc. He had the cheek to comment on me looking ‘windswept’ one day after I’d rushed in after taking the youngest to nursery to make a meeting in time. The fucker.

thelegohooverer · 21/12/2021 18:37

Have you spoken to him about this? A couple of times in my marriage I’ve had to point out to dh that I’m not his employee, and on another occasion that I’m not his mother. Sometimes it’s as simple as phrasing things slightly differently (“any chance of getting a bite of lunch at 1?” is completely different in tone) and it doesn’t sound like he’s being intentionally high handed.

It has amazed me how often things can be resolved with a conversation. I’m not saying it to be patronising - I genuinely struggle sometimes to bring up in conversation something that has upset me, but it’s always worthwhile when I do.

Does he help you out when you’re busy? You said it wouldn’t occur to him that you wouldn’t want to help him. Dh and I would both expect to lean on each other a bit but it’s definitely mutual.

Clymene · 21/12/2021 18:37

He's forgotten you're his wife.

I'd get a job.

Chasingaftermidnight · 21/12/2021 18:38

Well, I think this thread has established that it’s unusual for husbands/partners to order their wives to have their lunch ready by a certain time.

But there are other unusual (for 2021) features of your relationship. Most husbands don’t tell their wives they ‘don’t want’ them to work once they have a family. It’s relatively uncommon for women to be SAHMs to secondary school age children - most have rejoined the workforce by then.