Page 11 | “Please have lunch ready for 1pm. Thankyou.”

diydh · 2021-12-21T16:22:14+00:00

I’m interested to know if anyone else’s husband would say this in the morning before disappearing into his office for several hours. Please be honest. YABU - yes, fair enough YANBU - no, he is being quite bossy

BiscuitLover3678 · 21/12/2021 18:05

I would be pissed off.

speakout · 21/12/2021 18:05

I feel sorry for the posters that dislike their husbands so much that they can't make him a sandwich.

I agree it is tragic. Men are such busy figures,with so many important things to do, making big decisions and talking about really serious things, which us girls will never truly understand. Women who ignore such easy tasks are making their men a lunch are being petty and quite unfeminine.
What is the world coming to!!

MollysDolly · 21/12/2021 18:05

So you choose not to work. And haven't replied to those asking if you have small children at home.

I don't think lunch is a tall order, when you have zero financial responsibility for your household. You are complaining about making lunch, yet it's the lunch he's paid for, for you, and him.

ivfbabymomma1 · 21/12/2021 18:06

If he had back to back zoom calls and asked me a lot nicer than that then I would.

Chely · 21/12/2021 18:07

No but my son might do (asd), he often tells off if I'm late with meals.

Thirtytimesround · 21/12/2021 18:08

Honestly OP it’s close. Mine usually says “I’ve got a work call any chance of you bringing in some food at 1pm?” But sometimes I just get “Any chance of food?”

Which honestly I prefer to the alternative of when he gets caught up in work, forgets to eat, then comes out of study at 4pm in foul mood and stomps around.

Man I miss when he worked in an office.

BertramLacey · 21/12/2021 18:11

He is actually not ‘rude’ to me in general, in the sense he would never say anything to undermine me or be cruel. He never raises his voice if swears or is actually nasty to me or anyone. ... It’s useless talking to him as he takes offence and it’s not worth the drama.

Those things are in conflict. If you cannot raise issues with him, he is being rude in some form. He is being in some way nasty, if he's got you to the point where you don't raise things with him because you feel it's not worth the hassle.

EKGEMS · 21/12/2021 18:11

YANBU-I'm home on long term sick leave and my DH wfh permanently he will say "What do you want to do for lunch?" meaning buying lunch from a place nearby or making lunch from food here. Were he to say that to me I'd respond "Do you realize how close you are to the end of your life?!"

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 21/12/2021 18:12

I voted YANBU originally but after your update changed to to YABU. You don’t work for money, it’s your contribution to the marriage to provide smooth running of the household. If he’a not working and you’re not, why wouldn't you make him lunch?

GoldenOmber · 21/12/2021 18:13

He thinks I should WANT to help him out as he’s so busy. He would not comprehend why I wouldn’t want to.

I don't know about 'narcissist', but he certainly sounds like someone who thinks of you differently than most people would think of supportive partners. And it might be hard to see if it's presented in language like "wanting to help him out", because that's not in itself an unrealistic expectation, although there is something very off in the way he means it.

My job is busy busy busy sometimes, and I would maybe if I was WFH and DH was hanging about say something like "I'm in back to back calls until 3 and I'm starving, please could you stick a sausage roll in the microwave next time you're passing?". Because he would, generally, want to help me out if I needed it.

But I would never ever just assume that his job in our marriage was to help me. Or speak to him as if he spent his day either actively 'helping' me or waiting around for my next instruction. Because he's my partner, my equal, not my support human and live-in PA.

zafferana · 21/12/2021 18:13

Did you tug your forelock and answer 'Yes m'lud' and trundle off the kitchen to slave over a hot stove?

Woofwoofbarkbark · 21/12/2021 18:14

@speakout

I feel sorry for the posters that dislike their husbands so much that they can't make him a sandwich.

I agree it is tragic. Men are such busy figures,with so many important things to do, making big decisions and talking about really serious things, which us girls will never truly understand. Women who ignore such easy tasks are making their men a lunch are being petty and quite unfeminine.
What is the world coming to!!

@speakout

Oh, no one said that or thinks that!! It's about the people who have claimed they would never make their partner lunch because they are adults and don't need the help.

But when you decide to spend the rest of your life living under the same roof as someone, sometimes putting a piece of ham between 2 slices of bread putting it on a plate for them can be quite helpful and kind.
Saying you'd never do it for the person you married is a bit sad.

It's got nothing to do with gender so don't try and play the sarcastic "poor men" card.

Original poster

diydh · 21/12/2021 18:14

Sorry, we have three children. I should have said. But they are 10, 12, 14.

We have never really discussed me working, to those who ask. When I was pregnant, he said he didn’t want me working now we were having a family. I wanted to be with our children as well, so that’s not been an issue in itself.

OP posts:

CaliforniaDrumming · 21/12/2021 18:15

I don't agree that non-working women are supposed to be skivvies for their rude husbands. Posters have missed that it is not the lunch; it is the way her husband is asking for it. (Though for me, I think even the most hardworking men can make their own damn lunches. How long does it take to make an omelette or a sandwich).

Blue4YOU · 21/12/2021 18:16

I would tell him to set his watch for 12:55 to get ready to be told to fuck off

Lampzade · 21/12/2021 18:17

@happychristmasbum

Write a note for him saying

Please Fuck Off.
Thank You.

This would be my exact response

Pallisers · 21/12/2021 18:18

I find him very blunt.

Actually he is not blunt at all. If he was blunt he would say "make my lunch for 1 pm because I am more important than you and you exist to serve me" or maybe he'd have said something obnoxious along the lines of MollysDolly's contribution above.

I'm constantly amazed at how many women think that if you are married and only one of you works the other immediately becomes his servant. My father wouldn't have spoken to my mother like that back in 1958. He had more respect for her.

I often make lunch for dh. I like doing things for him. If he spoke to me like that I wouldn't like doing things for him anymore because he'd be a bit of a shit really.

lottiegarbanzo · 21/12/2021 18:18

We make our own lunches on working days.

If we did make them for each other, then 'would you be able to...' or 'do you think you could...' would be appropriate.

OMG12 · 21/12/2021 18:21

As my husband is still alive and we’re still married I can confirm he has never said this

Benjispruce5 · 21/12/2021 18:21

Never! Been married 25 years, was a sahm for severe years, I cook 90% of the time but my DH has NEVER expected me to cook.

violetbunny · 21/12/2021 18:21

How does he behave if you don't comply to such requests?

mangoandraspberries · 21/12/2021 18:23

Possibly unpopular, but if you aren't working and he is, I would expect you to make his lunch - especially as the kids are in school, so you have all day. That said, o completely agree that the manner in which he asked (told) you isn't acceptable. Perhaps he had got used to telling you what to do, as you have been at home for a long time?

DynamiteFilledRadish · 21/12/2021 18:24

Never ceases to amaze me how many women are so willing to just give up everything to serve men.

DynamiteFilledRadish · 21/12/2021 18:25

I'm constantly amazed at how many women think that if you are married and only one of you works the other immediately becomes his servant. My father wouldn't have spoken to my mother like that back in 1958. He had more respect for her

Grim isn't it.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 21/12/2021 18:25

That is very rude. If you usually make lunch then "please could you do me a favour and have lunch ready for 1pm today, I have a meeting at 1.30?" followed by proper thanks when you agree is an acceptable way to ask. But “Please have lunch ready for 1pm. Thankyou.” is what people usually say to an employee or subordinate or a hired cook (and even then it's a bit short!) not a wife. So my answer would be either the Paddington Bear Hard Stare and "I BEG your pardon!?!" or a raised eyebrows and "sorry not today, you'll have to get your own".

If he's already disappeared into his office I'd put my head round the door at about 11am and say "sorry I'm out for some last-minute Xmas shopping, you'll have to do your own lunch" and then leg it.

And later on some hard words about how he speaks to me in future if he wants to have lunch made for him ever again. Consequences.

I do think that therapists sometimes throw terminology around that’s not that helpful and they are too quick to do this. She has also said my parents are narcissists. I don’t know what to think half the time.

If your therapist is usually on the ball then I would think that it's not a coincidence that having narcissistic parents you have also married a narcissistic husband.