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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BF going to the same restaurant as me

184 replies

DLDITN · 19/12/2021 14:23

I’ve booked a table in a restaurant for a catch up with my mum tonight.

My BF is going out with his friends and has told me that he’s booked a table at the same restaurant.

Am I overreacting to think this is a bit odd. I don’t want to be a part of his man’s night out and especially not when I’m trying to have a quiet conversation with my mother.

OP posts:
codexa · 19/12/2021 15:41

Unless he changes plans for a different venue (which I think you said he would), there are no wins here at all.

You change the restaurant, he remains suspicious and doesn't trust you, or if you go as planned he can watch your every move.

Let us hope he changes his plans, if he does that would be good.

girlmom21 · 19/12/2021 15:46

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

Has he met your mother? Perhaps he wants to meet her
Then perhaps he could say "oh can I come? I'd like to meet your mother."

Not just book the same place, pretend he doesn't know what his plans are and take his obnoxious prat of a mate along.

cakewench · 19/12/2021 15:47

ugh he's almost 50 and he has friends who are obnoxious to waitstaff and he must be fine with that if he's still going places with them. That's incredibly unattractive.

Compounded by the weird behaviour of booking in the same restaurant to keep an eye on you, I'd really be re thinking this situation. I genuinely thought you were going to say he was in his early 20s because it sounds like someone who hasn't fully matured.

ChargingBuck · 19/12/2021 15:49

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

Has he met your mother? Perhaps he wants to meet her
Because nobody ever met their girlfriend's mother by ... asking to meet her, & arranging to do so, do they? It's perfectly normal to find out the restaurant your g/f & her mum are eating in, & book in at the same time with your obnoxious mates. And act cagey about it until your g/f insists on you coming clean about your stalking.
JingsMahBucket · 19/12/2021 15:50

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

Has he met your mother? Perhaps he wants to meet her
What a load of malarkey.
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 19/12/2021 15:54

Ffs chill out I am not saying it’s ok I am merely trying to think of reasons why he might be acting like a fucking lunatic. She should dump him regardless but I’m curious and want to work out what he’s doing. Jesus Christ

Nanny0gg · 19/12/2021 15:55

@DLDITN

We live in an area near to major cities. The friends live on the other side of one of the cities so they normally meet in the city. I’m going to a small local restaurant.

I think he has arranged it to see what I’m up to. He asked me yesterday if I had a secret boyfriend.

Change your booking.

And don't tell him.

Then when he questions you, dump him

Nanny0gg · 19/12/2021 15:57

@DLDITN

Also to answer the question about why he told me - if asked him yesterday where he was going and he was evasive about it and said that he was letting one of the friends decide.

I asked him again today and obviously he couldn’t pretend that he didn’t know where he was going.

@limitedperiodonly - he’s never acted like this before. He’s normally pretty not jealous or controlling. This is the first red flag like this.

You only need one
oftenbaffled · 19/12/2021 16:01

Irrespective of what you decide

This relationship is absolutely dead In the water

girlmom21 · 19/12/2021 16:01

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

Ffs chill out I am not saying it’s ok I am merely trying to think of reasons why he might be acting like a fucking lunatic. She should dump him regardless but I’m curious and want to work out what he’s doing. Jesus Christ
Well she's already told us - he thinks she has a secret boyfriend
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 19/12/2021 16:07

@girlmom21

Sure. But it could be several things. Both are as unhinged as each other but who knows

ThinkWittyThoughts · 19/12/2021 16:32

Booking the same restaurant is the SECOND red flag. The first was accusing you of having a secret boyfriend.

Run.

WonderfulYou · 19/12/2021 16:35

He asked me yesterday if I had a secret boyfriend

Erm... I think this is the problem. Not the restaurant booking.

I agree.

Booking at the same restaurant may have been a coincidence or he may genuinely think nothing of it - but it’s very odd when you add that to the fact he thinks you have a secret boyfriend!!

I’m glad you are putting him straight.
It’s completely unacceptable and if you key it go it would just get worse.

CheshireKitten123 · 19/12/2021 16:39

Why don't you just ask him about it. OP, instead of speculating ?

And why can't you have a 'quiet conversation with your mum' with him and his pals there? Confused

Original poster
DLDITN · 19/12/2021 16:46

@CheshireKitten123 - because this has all only happened this afternoon. I have spoken with him about it and told him that I thought it was weird. He said that he thought it was fine.

In terms of having a quiet meal with my mother, he’d be over at the table seeing what I have ordered, taking any leftovers and trying to get me to give him the complimentary shot at the end.

OP posts:
oftenbaffled · 19/12/2021 16:49

How ,one have you been with him?

How can you honestly see this relationship working out?

keepOutOfTheFridgeDerek · 19/12/2021 16:53

Jesus. Surely at your age you should be setting the bar a bit higher.
Taking leftovers and trying to swindle you out of a complimentary shot?
All I can do is facepalm.

girlmom21 · 19/12/2021 16:56

In terms of having a quiet meal with my mother, he’d be over at the table seeing what I have ordered, taking any leftovers and trying to get me to give him the complimentary shot at the end.

Does he have any respect for you or your mother at all? Does he have any manners? He sounds as bad as his prick of a friend.

CheshireKitten123 · 19/12/2021 16:56

"In terms of having a quiet meal with my mother, he’d be over at the table seeing what I have ordered, taking any leftovers and trying to get me to give him the complimentary shot at the end."

How do you know he'd act like this? Has he behaved like this before?

If so you need to;
a) change the booking with Mum to another restaurant
b) change your BF

CariadWelshcake · 19/12/2021 17:03

In terms of having a quiet meal with my mother, he’d be over at the table seeing what I have ordered, taking any leftovers and trying to get me to give him the complimentary shot at the end

Please say you’re joking about this.

And if you’re not - you must really be desperate for company to be with him.

1forAll74 · 19/12/2021 17:05

That sounds a bit suspect, it might get embarassing if any of the men start to kiick off., or your BF is a bit iffy with you.

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 19/12/2021 17:09

Ugh.

How long have you been together? Do you actually know him well?

Original poster
DLDITN · 19/12/2021 17:12

I’m not sure if my mother being there might have made him behave a bit better but certainly when we’ve gone out for food he takes my plate away as soon as I have finished and eats any leftovers. He’d already mentioned that I could leave the shot on the table and he’d have it when we were discussing how he’d booked the same restaurant.

He has quite an eccentric personality so gets away with the behaviour somewhat.

We’ve been together for a few years but covid has obviously slowed things down quite a lot.

OP posts:
Original poster
DLDITN · 19/12/2021 17:14

Anyway, I’m going to start getting ready for going out with my mother shortly. I will update if he turns up at the meal. I’m sure he won’t though

OP posts:
oftenbaffled · 19/12/2021 17:15

You don,t really like him, do you?!

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