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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to make this girl cry??

182 replies

mumzyof2 · 19/12/2007 18:00

Its not so much of an AIBU, but more of a, was I in the wrong.
I went to a Wacky Warehouse today with my son. We go quite a bit as in the area where the children play, theyve made a very nice relaxing coffee shop, so I take a few magazines, and let my ds run around for a bit.
Anyway, we went today, and it was quite busy as some of the local children had broken up from school at dinner and gone there. There was a group of 7 mums, and between them, they had about 10 children.
My ds is 2 years old, but will be 3 on Sunday.
After a while, I caught a glimpse of somebody being pushed over, and it was my ds
I got up straight away to see what was happening, and on my way there, this girl of about 7 years old was pushing him over, over and over again, it happened about 6 times. And it was actually pushing him right right over onto his back, from standing. When I got to ds, he really didnt know what was going on, and looked very confused as to why he was being pushed over.
I asked the girl if it was her pushing him over, she said yes. I asked 'Why?' she said because he was running around them. He's only 2 ffs! ( I didnt say that!) I was very angry so probably sounded quite scary, but I wasnt certainly wasnt shouting. I told her not to, as hes a lot smaller than her, and that if she did it again, Id tell her mother. Then she started crying!
As I started walking away, she said 'Excuse me, I am very sorry' but I just carried on walking. All mums know its not nice to see their children being picked on, especially by one twice their age. I didnt mention it to her mum, and neither did she. I dont even think she was in the room at the time. I felt quite bad afterwards because she cried, although that wasnt my intention. Was I out of order to get so mad?

OP posts:
lizandlulu · 19/12/2007 21:28

of course i know others have children ,but my dd is my first and i just think that if i was in the same situation, my first priority would be to my dd.
juulue, i agree with your thraed, that people learn as their child grows. only i have never been in this situation, and so i dont know how i would react. most likely i would just feel very very angry, go bright red and burst into tears on the way home!
i am learning every day and hope i continue to do so.
also, if it was me, i wouldnt think, oh the girl has apologised, so i will ignore her to upset her even more, i just ment that i would be in such shock that i maybe wouldnt be sensitive to the girls feelings

mysonsmummy · 19/12/2007 21:30

mumzy - are you sure she pushed him over 6 times. if you think how long it would have took him to be back up and to be pushed again and again - how far were you sitting from them?

chipmonkey · 19/12/2007 21:55

I do remmember when ds1 was little, I was terrified of him being around bigger children in case they hurt him, those bigger children looked huge to me! But now that ds1 is 11, I still think of him as "little" and vulnerable and I know he would get upset if another adult scolded him. Mind you, Greeny, he might well cry at the thought of someone telling me he had misbehaved to a toddler, I don't tolerate that kind of behaviour well and my reaction wouldn't be pretty!

Original poster
mumzyof2 · 20/12/2007 03:01

mysonsmummy, I wasnt too far away from him, but as I said earlier, he was actually inside the area, so he was kind of in the middle, but theres a lot of little paths, you cant just walk staright to children in these places, and I had to get on my hands and knees to get to him too. Im 21 weeks pg too

OP posts:
branflake81 · 20/12/2007 07:18

WHAT?! You were completeley in the wrong. fair enough to reprimand the girl but to ignore her apology and make her cry is shocking. She's 7 FFS!

HonoriaGlossop · 20/12/2007 08:00

I think two is very, very young to be left to go round these places alone with a parent only looking up from their magazine every five minutes or so.

I think a two year old is going to get in some form of 'trouble' unless supervised. Of course the older child shouldn't have pushed, but basically you need to supervise a two year old.

ADDICTEDtosayingHAAAAAAAPYxmas · 20/12/2007 08:06

really? i let ds wander off on his own in these places - he's 17 months. i don't do it when it is busy but if it is quiet i am happy for him to crawl off and explore by himself. i often see toddlers who are too scared to do anything without their parent being 2 steps behind them. i believe in children feeling safe yet independant.

Nightynight · 20/12/2007 08:09

right to tell her off, wrong to ignore her apology.

HonoriaGlossop · 20/12/2007 08:55

Yes very young children need supervision. To the OP a seven year old is huge and the temptation is to treat them as if they should be acting as mini grown ups, but the kids using these things are KIDS, young, inexperienced, unpredictable. Soft play places are pretty safe of course but in view of who is using them, yes I think kids need supervising!

It doesn't follow that if you supervise your child that they will not be independent or will be too scared to do anything without their parent nearby. Proper adult supervision IS exactly what you describe; letting them feel safe but independent. That's what it's all about. it's somewhere between reading a magazine and following them about!

edam · 20/12/2007 08:57

and children at soft play are generally over-excited, too.

ADDICTEDtosayingHAAAAAAAPYxmas · 20/12/2007 09:10

i don't take a magazine but if i go with friends i will be chatting to them or if on my own maybe talking or texting to someone on my phone. i don't watch him constantly - it's pretty impossible to cos you can't actually see inside the toddler area - it's like a mini version of the normal play tower so is enclosed. i also look after my friends 2 year old. she is a good walker and climber so is allowed on the normal play tower. it's 3 storeys high so you have no way of completely watching. i listen out for cries incase she gets stuck but generally i leave them both to it.

IsawKIMIkissingsantaclaus · 20/12/2007 09:18

YRNBU in the least.

SpiritualKnot · 20/12/2007 09:27

I think you're perfectly reasonable not to acknowledge the apology. Kids need to learn that an apology doesn't make everything ok and that they shouldn't do these things in the first place.
SK

Original poster
mumzyof2 · 20/12/2007 09:29

branflake - have you actually read EVERY post? I have already explained 'Why' about the appology part several times.

OP posts:
5goldrings4MONKEYBIRDs · 20/12/2007 09:35

apologies have not read all the posts but you were completely in the right to tell her off. If it was my 8 year old doing that I'd be mortified. And so what you didn't acknowledge her apology - that's probably got nothing to do with why she cried. She is probably not used to being told off in public by other people and perhaps not even being told off at all given she was behaving so very appallingly. A 6-7 year old goes to school, will have plenty of experience with younger children and should know better.

Magrat · 20/12/2007 09:37

oh spiritualknot .. do you really believe that? .. that is one of the saddest indictments of modern life that I have ever read

even if it is true I don't believe that it is a stranger's right or duty to do so .. possibly a parent's though

morning mumzy .. how are you today?

EniDeepMidwinter · 20/12/2007 09:38

dont go to wacky warehouse

problem solved

Lazycow · 20/12/2007 09:44

I am flabbergasted actually at the number of people here who think it is OK not to have acknowledged this child's apology.

Of course you were upset and angry. However since the little girl's emotions (probably fed up of being hassled by a 2 year old) are no excuse for her behaviour, then neither 'mother instinct' an excuse for being mean in this way to a child.

Please don't misunderstand me I know why you did it and I may well have done the same myself if I had been angry enough but I would have known afterwards that it was the wrong thing to do.

Of course you were right to tell her off and of course you were wrong not to acknowledge her apology. As an adult you should know that.

Original poster
mumzyof2 · 20/12/2007 09:45

Morning magrat, im tired and kind of wishing maybe I hadnt started this thread, as I have to keep repeating myself, but hey ho.

OP posts:
Original poster
mumzyof2 · 20/12/2007 09:47

5Goldrings - she cried as soon as I said 'Whos your mum?', it wasnt anything to do with the appology.

OP posts:
Lazycow · 20/12/2007 09:47

All the rationalisations as to ehay shje appologised are just that - rationalisations. none of us know why she apologised. Maybe after being told off she realised she had been worng, maybe she was scared of getting into trouble, maybe she was scared.

Since we can't KNOW why she appologised excuses like 'she probably just didn't want to get into trouble' are irrelvant and are juat a way of justifing bahaviour that was bordeline cruel IMO.

themulledsnowmanneredjanitor · 20/12/2007 09:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lazycow · 20/12/2007 09:49

I don't think the apology makes everything OK either but an acknoledgement along the lines of ' I'm glad you are sorry for what you have done but my ds is very unhappy about they way you have behaved and so I am' would have been suffcient.

Original poster
mumzyof2 · 20/12/2007 09:50

Yes Lazycow, I was up this morning from 2.30 - 5.30am, (sick ds, different story) and had a good think about what I did.
I shouldnt have ignored her, but saw red, and wanted to protect ds. However, although we didnt mention it again, later, as iv said prev, she started telling me stories about hurting herself, and I was perfectly pleasant to her. I doubt Iv left any scars.

OP posts:
Magrat · 20/12/2007 09:51

no .. it's a good and interesting thread .. this is the point of mumsnet ... we need to find out different points of view to keep in check our own mother tigress impulses

well in principle that's how it works