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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to make this girl cry??

182 replies

mumzyof2 · 19/12/2007 18:00

Its not so much of an AIBU, but more of a, was I in the wrong.
I went to a Wacky Warehouse today with my son. We go quite a bit as in the area where the children play, theyve made a very nice relaxing coffee shop, so I take a few magazines, and let my ds run around for a bit.
Anyway, we went today, and it was quite busy as some of the local children had broken up from school at dinner and gone there. There was a group of 7 mums, and between them, they had about 10 children.
My ds is 2 years old, but will be 3 on Sunday.
After a while, I caught a glimpse of somebody being pushed over, and it was my ds
I got up straight away to see what was happening, and on my way there, this girl of about 7 years old was pushing him over, over and over again, it happened about 6 times. And it was actually pushing him right right over onto his back, from standing. When I got to ds, he really didnt know what was going on, and looked very confused as to why he was being pushed over.
I asked the girl if it was her pushing him over, she said yes. I asked 'Why?' she said because he was running around them. He's only 2 ffs! ( I didnt say that!) I was very angry so probably sounded quite scary, but I wasnt certainly wasnt shouting. I told her not to, as hes a lot smaller than her, and that if she did it again, Id tell her mother. Then she started crying!
As I started walking away, she said 'Excuse me, I am very sorry' but I just carried on walking. All mums know its not nice to see their children being picked on, especially by one twice their age. I didnt mention it to her mum, and neither did she. I dont even think she was in the room at the time. I felt quite bad afterwards because she cried, although that wasnt my intention. Was I out of order to get so mad?

OP posts:
Magrat · 19/12/2007 18:35

of course it is also possible to be a couple of years out when estimating a child's age

Original poster
mumzyof2 · 19/12/2007 18:35

Why is it that parents think these places are just like nurseries, where they can just take their children for a couple of hours, then ignore them? I take a couple of magazines, have a couple of coffees, but look out for ds every four or five minutes. Honestly, this group of mums didnt look up once to see what their children were doing. Iv been quite a few times before, but never seen any mothers give less of a s@!t than them.

OP posts:
ADDICTEDtosayingHAAAAAAAPYxmas · 19/12/2007 18:35

well it was meant to sound not a threat as in i will actually push you over but threatening in the sense that she might suddenly think "oh crap no, i wouldn't like that"

WanderingHolly · 19/12/2007 18:36

YANBU

I can understand you being too annoyed to acknowledge the apology.

Agree about turning on the tears though - some kids do this to order and others have v low boo hoo thresholds.

I think she was probably shocked. Not many people tell off other people's wild beasts children. Might give her something to think about next time she feels like shoving a toddler.

Original poster
mumzyof2 · 19/12/2007 18:38

Yes Magrat, thats very true, which means she may even have been older. But even my ds who is nearly 3 doesnt go round pushing children over repeatedly, over and over, trying to hurt them. And he'd never ever do it to a child smaller than him.

OP posts:
Magrat · 19/12/2007 18:38

because they are indoor parks where children can play freely .. that is what they're for .. it is your job to be watching a child who is too small to speak up for itself .. not the parents of older children .. you may think that the world is designed around toddlers but older children need these places more

Original poster
mumzyof2 · 19/12/2007 18:38

Lol at Wild Beasts. Arnt they all at some point?

OP posts:
hatrick · 19/12/2007 18:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

cherryredretrochick · 19/12/2007 18:39

If she tried it with my toddler she would have something to think about and I don't mean from me

Magrat · 19/12/2007 18:39

Look I don't think what you did was out of order, up to the apology .. but I think your perspective of having a 3 year old will change hugely once you have a 6 or 9 year old who are still children

melinda · 19/12/2007 18:40

Hooray for you. She won't do that sort of thing again. Even if she was five, it was horrible and nasty behaviour and I'm glad she was pulled up on it.

SpacecadetLovesChristmas · 19/12/2007 18:40

YANBU to tell her off..but I would have acknowledged her apology however it had been my dd that was being pushed over I would probably have been too enraged to take any notice when she apologised....I hate soft play centres

FrannyandZooey · 19/12/2007 18:40

no way would I have acknowledged the apology at the time after this had happened, I would still be steaming

maybe a few days later if she sent a bunch of flowers round

melinda · 19/12/2007 18:41

I have older children, and I still think it is horrible and shocking behaviour and she deserved to be told off.

Original poster
mumzyof2 · 19/12/2007 18:42

Magrat, its MY fault he was being picked on?
I took my eyes off him for a couple of minutes, in a TODDLERS play area, I didnt think he'd be pushed around. The girl was in the toddlers section, not the over fives part, therefore I assumed he was safe, and as I said, looked for him every couple of minutes.
Maybe I should have watched him 100% of the time, but isnt also the girls parents responsability to watch her daughter? Not mine?

OP posts:
AwayInAMunker · 19/12/2007 18:44

I don't think you were unreasonable.

But expecting perfect behaviour from children older than one's own is, whilst easily done, usually a waste of time. They're, as Magrat says, still children.

Original poster
mumzyof2 · 19/12/2007 18:46

Yes hatrick, I take magazines, and they chat, but I promise I am not exaggerating when I say they didnt look up once to check on their children. They were even sat around a corner where they wouldnt have been able to see them, had they even looked up. They may aswell have let them there, and gone shopping, and that came out of another mums mouth today, not mine.

OP posts:
Magrat · 19/12/2007 18:47

No of course it's not your fault he was being picked on and in my first post I said I'd have done exactly the same but would probably have acknowledged the apology

However you then said "Why is it that parents think these places are just like nurseries, where they can just take their children for a couple of hours, then ignore them? I take a couple of magazines, have a couple of coffees, but look out for ds every four or five minutes. Honestly, this group of mums didnt look up once to see what their children were doing. Iv been quite a few times before, but never seen any mothers give less of a s@!t than them."

And I think if YOU have a toddler it is your job to watch them, if THEY have older school-age children then they are more within their rights to ignore them, as children of this age are more used to this kind of play at school unless of course they have behavioural issues

.. So I think your perspective is flawed, quite naturally, form only having a 3 year old' and I think it will change as your child gets older

Original poster
mumzyof2 · 19/12/2007 18:48

So when my child goes to school, I can ignore him?

OP posts:
melinda · 19/12/2007 18:49

I think there is a massive difference between expecting 'perfect behaviour' and not expecting an older child to repeatedly push a toddler over from standing. That's not normal at all. It's nasty and cruel and she deserved to be told off. I also think it's a bit strange to say 'they are only children' when they are behaving thuggishly, but also to say they shouldn't be supervised by their parents because they are older!

Anonymama · 19/12/2007 18:50

I think it was perfectly acceptable to tell the girl off - and if she cried perhaps it is because she is not used to being told off. Sounds like she could do with learning about consideration for others.

I am really fed up of having other kids jump on my kid (also 2) whenever he has tried a bouncy castle or soft play area. I always accompany him or watch him closely on these things, but other parents seem to think it's acceptable to slope off for coffees whilst their darlings go wild. Whilst that might be OK when they are with a group the same age, when there is a mix of age groups, it can be a recipe for disaster, and is really unfair on the little ones.

melinda · 19/12/2007 18:50

As I say, I have older children myself.

Original poster
mumzyof2 · 19/12/2007 18:50

Ok, so maybe my raging pregnancy hormones played a part in being too angry at the girl, and I should have recognised that she said sorry.

OP posts:
hatrick · 19/12/2007 18:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Magrat · 19/12/2007 18:54

mumzyof2 .. well not immediately but there is a stage by which you can stop hawk-eyeing them after all daily play and lunchtimes don't involve close supervision and children do in general develop modes of conduct that is acceptable amongst peers (patently this child hadn't)

.. and I wouldn't take a magazine to a soft play when with my 3 year old unless an older sibling was with us to watch her .. because she needs watching .. because she's only 3

soft play centres are for older children during school hols .. I avoid them like the plague tbh

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