AIBU to make this girl cry??

[mumzyof2]

Its not so much of an AIBU, but more of a, was I in the wrong.
I went to a Wacky Warehouse today with my son. We go quite a bit as in the area where the children play, theyve made a very nice relaxing coffee shop, so I take a few magazines, and let my ds run around for a bit.
Anyway, we went today, and it was quite busy as some of the local children had broken up from school at dinner and gone there. There was a group of 7 mums, and between them, they had about 10 children.
My ds is 2 years old, but will be 3 on Sunday.
After a while, I caught a glimpse of somebody being pushed over, and it was my ds
I got up straight away to see what was happening, and on my way there, this girl of about 7 years old was pushing him over, over and over again, it happened about 6 times. And it was actually pushing him right right over onto his back, from standing. When I got to ds, he really didnt know what was going on, and looked very confused as to why he was being pushed over.
I asked the girl if it was her pushing him over, she said yes. I asked 'Why?' she said because he was running around them. He's only 2 ffs! ( I didnt say that!) I was very angry so probably sounded quite scary, but I wasnt certainly wasnt shouting. I told her not to, as hes a lot smaller than her, and that if she did it again, Id tell her mother. Then she started crying!
As I started walking away, she said 'Excuse me, I am very sorry' but I just carried on walking. All mums know its not nice to see their children being picked on, especially by one twice their age. I didnt mention it to her mum, and neither did she. I dont even think she was in the room at the time. I felt quite bad afterwards because she cried, although that wasnt my intention. Was I out of order to get so mad?

As I said, my concern was that Id been too harsh on the child, or was out of line.
Not that it was wrong of me to assume a child wouldnt push my son around.

i have not read all the posts. but can safely say that i would have reacted in excatly the same way as you, mumzyof2.
i think that in the heat of the moment i would have been so angry at this girl, be she 4 or 7. yes these things happen, but if she knew to apologise, then she knew she had done something wrong. i dont think i would have hung around to hear what she had to say.
i would have just got my kid out of the situation, just lke you did.

Thankyou lizandlulu

yes but to be fair you also changed the topic to whether it is right for parents of older children to not pay them any attention so the thread dynamic changed slightly

but as I say, I'm not the enemy, you did not much wrong with the child and were probably a lot more restrained than most would be

yes i think ALOT more restrained tham some. all kids are different, and some more sensible than others. but i would like to think that if i was the parent of 6/7/8 year olds, i would tell them to keep well away from the littlies playing.
you must have gone with a friend, yes?
and her child is even younger than yours. i would have expected the parents to have kept an eye on their children to make sure they were not upsetting the littler children

Yes, he was 14 months old. I was under the impression that children were allowed to play in a play area, without getting hurt by older children.

as the parent of an older child too I know that my DS would be very kind with little ones, he has a younger sibling. I know a number of his friends would be too, but some wouldn't at 7 .. some have not developed the empathy

I don't know any parent who doesn't try to reinforce be kind to little ones .. but as the parent of a younger child I just wouldn't rely on it because I understand that my little child is not the central concern of anyone there but me

Magrat's post of 19:07:54 is spot on imo.
At 2yo I would have been shadowing my dc. Unless as Magrat said earlier there was an older sibling with me who could watch aswell. Bouncy castles and soft play areas are places where you have to be ever alert as the parent of a toddler. As soon as the older children arrive it generally becomes too boisterous for the toddlers. Some places have under-five areas and over-five areas but even there I wouldn't take my eyes off what's happening with a two-year old if older children were present.
In the situation you describe, yes I would have spoken to the girl and that would probably been the end of it. I wouldn't really have expected an apology, just more considerate behaviour. However, given that she did apologise, and off her own bat as you say her mother didn't know (so couldn't have prompted her) I would say that you were being particularly churlish and maybe a bit childish yourself for not acknowledging her apology, even if it was through gritted teeth. You had already reduced her to tears and then ignored her when she tried to make it right.

I have to say, yes it was wrong of the girl to push him but, as you are an adult, you really should have accepted her apology. You're not flaming 8 years old, it's your responsibility as an adult, to act like one.

i dont think churlish or childish comes into it, esp when someone has just hurt your child. you dont know how you are going to react till it happens. most people just see red and want to throttle the one who has hurt them. obviousley with it being another child, you cant say too much, but if it was me i wouldnt give a toss if they were sorry or not, she was old enough to know better.
my dd is 2.2 and i wouldnt 'shadow' her at a play area. as long as she is in my eye sight, and not climbing too high, i leave her too it.
now i really must go and wrap some more presents, sorry to have to go!

I didnt ignore her too be childish, I was more concerned with taking my son back to where I was sitting. When she said 'soory' I didnt think, 'I know, if I ignore her, then it will upset her'. I was concentrating on movong my son as he was frightened.

Hate to be rude Landl but, you do realise that the rest of us here have dcs, don't you? You make it sound like you are the only woman to ever have a child!
The girl was old enough to know better, yes, but imo an adult (certainly one who is charged with bringing up children) should act like an adult, not a sulky teenager.

YANBU. Yes you should have acknowledged her apology but TBH I don t think I would have either. I would have been seething. You don t have to excuse taking your child to a soft play centre by explaining how tired you were by the way. There is nothing to excuse.

I like taking my kids to soft play but personally until DS was the age he is now - nearly 5 - I did not let him go about in there alone because there are always one or two older kids who have nasty streaks in them, pushing boundaries etc. Sorry but its true and I dont let DD out of my sight. She is 15 months.

She didnt say 'soory' ^ that would just be wierd! Damn typo's.
She said 'sorry' like a normal child would.

I do know how I would react. My children range in age from 20y to 4y. Some have pushed/shoved/whatever and some have been pushed/shoved/whatever. I do think it is churlish or even childish to reject or ignore a child's apology.
I do think that your perception of young children may change once your child starts to get older.

Last sentence to Landl.

pantoinghousewife, I think maybe you miss understand the part where I didnt acknowledge her sorry. My son was scared, he'd been repeatedly pushed over and was hurt. He was frightened, and I had him in my arms, INSIDE the play area, where all the children were. My head at the time was not listening to her, I was comforting ds, it only registered what she had sai afterwards when I got back to my seat.
Im not the kind of person to maliciously ignore ANYONE, especially a child. In fact, I happen to be quite good with children, but from this thread, I must sound like the child catcher in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
Honestly though, it wasnt done childishly or sulky, im just not like that. It was more of a 'head was busy doing something else at the time' kind of thing.

Last post to everyone really, not just pantoinghousewife.

Children learn how to behave from the experiences they have from the adults around them.

So today, you taught that girl that there's no point apologising when you're in the wrong. And if anyone apologises to her, she needn't graciously acknowledge it, she can ignore it.

Of course you weren't in the wrong to tell her off. But your total refusal to accept any reasoned arguments (and Magrat has been extraordinarily patient and gentle in trying to make you see a different point of view) makes it look a bit pointless to answer your question about whether yabu, because you only want to hear that you are in the right.

Yes I understand that, but my ire was actually directed at Landl, I totally agree with juule on this (coincidentally I have a 14 yr old and a 5 year old), your perception of this will change as your dcs get older and you gradually come to realise that every little so and so you and your children encounter is someone elses little darling too.

Oops, sorry I cross posted and you've explained a bit more about the ignoring her apology bit.

No, Im trying to get the point across, regarding the appology, was that I didnt 'hear' her at the time, I was comforting my son. He was SCARED, as I would be if someone was pushing me over.
I didnt ignore her, it wasnt like that, thats why Im getting worked up. I wouldnt just ignore her! I just didnt here her because I was looking after my son at the time.
I was actually inside the play area, I was on my hands and knees when I told her off, I just wanted to get him out.

janitor I'm shocked that you can refer to a seven year old girl as a 'bitch'. Nasty.

Fair enough. I've heard you mumzyof2.