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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to make this girl cry??

182 replies

mumzyof2 · 19/12/2007 18:00

Its not so much of an AIBU, but more of a, was I in the wrong.
I went to a Wacky Warehouse today with my son. We go quite a bit as in the area where the children play, theyve made a very nice relaxing coffee shop, so I take a few magazines, and let my ds run around for a bit.
Anyway, we went today, and it was quite busy as some of the local children had broken up from school at dinner and gone there. There was a group of 7 mums, and between them, they had about 10 children.
My ds is 2 years old, but will be 3 on Sunday.
After a while, I caught a glimpse of somebody being pushed over, and it was my ds
I got up straight away to see what was happening, and on my way there, this girl of about 7 years old was pushing him over, over and over again, it happened about 6 times. And it was actually pushing him right right over onto his back, from standing. When I got to ds, he really didnt know what was going on, and looked very confused as to why he was being pushed over.
I asked the girl if it was her pushing him over, she said yes. I asked 'Why?' she said because he was running around them. He's only 2 ffs! ( I didnt say that!) I was very angry so probably sounded quite scary, but I wasnt certainly wasnt shouting. I told her not to, as hes a lot smaller than her, and that if she did it again, Id tell her mother. Then she started crying!
As I started walking away, she said 'Excuse me, I am very sorry' but I just carried on walking. All mums know its not nice to see their children being picked on, especially by one twice their age. I didnt mention it to her mum, and neither did she. I dont even think she was in the room at the time. I felt quite bad afterwards because she cried, although that wasnt my intention. Was I out of order to get so mad?

OP posts:

FrannyandZooey · 19/12/2007 20:20

I would have ignored her because I would have been absolutely livid

I came across an older child being mean to ds once for no reason and I just FLEW at him like a mad thing and probably left him all spittle flecked

juuule · 19/12/2007 20:21

Well, to be honest, I don't think that I'd have just walked off and left her once she started to cry. In your op you say that you walked off, heard her say sorry and carried on walking, presumably leaving her crying.

Original poster

mumzyof2 · 19/12/2007 20:22

Lol FranneyandZooey, Iv never come across it before. I just saw red, which many people probably do.

OP posts:

fourboys · 19/12/2007 20:22

You were right to have had your say but wrong not to have allowed her to make her apoligy. It would have been good for your son to have heard her say sorry.

Original poster

mumzyof2 · 19/12/2007 20:23

Yes juule, but I was looking after a frightened ds, at the time, I thought that was more important. He didnt know why somebody was pushing him over like that.

OP posts:

Magrat · 19/12/2007 20:23

but surely flying at children because they are mean totally goes against everythign you stand for with regards to child-rearing Franny .. at least with regards to my understanding of your approach .. and yet you sound rather proud of this .. I appreciate that it's a primitive reaction to take care of your own child but this strikes me as very unlike you

CliffRichardSucksEggsInHell · 19/12/2007 20:25

You should have heard her apology, it's not often children apologise for doing wrong and it may encourage her to take responsibility more - after all that is a very grown-up thing to do. Also nice for your son to have heard this little girl apologise.

But then you were angry, as I would have been.

I've had kids cry before now when I tell them off too, I think the shock of a stranger telling them off just proves too much for some of them. None of them have ever apologised to me though!

(I think the bitch comment has been apologised for and that apology should be accepted gracefully, whilst we're on the subject)

hatrick · 19/12/2007 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

pantoinghousewife · 19/12/2007 20:27

I'm with Hatrick on this one, I'm quite laid back about it because they have to learn to negotiate with people like that in day to day life as they grow older.

juuule · 19/12/2007 20:28

If you had spoken to the girl and spoken to your son and told him she was sorry then everyone would have won all round. She would have learned a lesson and you could have calmed your son's fear. You are an adult, the children are not. You have the greater experience at controlling your emotions. Or maybe not in this situation as your ds is only 2.

SantaGotStuckUpTheGreensleeve · 19/12/2007 20:28

I get a really bad feeling from this I'm afraid. A child who repeatedly pushes over a smaller child, not even to show off to others but just to hurt/frighten him - then bursts into tears when reprimanded and apologises unprompted - oh dear I'd be very concerned about her home life. Maybe the thought of you telling her mother meant a bit more to her than you realised.

Having said that if it had been my 2yo, at the time I would have been incandescent. I don't know whether I would have accepted the apology - I hope I would, but maybe not. I've snarled at the odd older child under similar circumstances, but they're usually smirking unrepentant boys of around 7-8.

FrannyandZooey · 19/12/2007 20:28

I don't know Twig, I hadn't considered whether it was like me or unlike me, it was just what happened

I think people are being a bit hard on the OP expecting her to be totally reasonable at a time when she was possibly quite angry and upset

Magrat · 19/12/2007 20:31

am rather shocked Franny I must say

CliffRichardSucksEggsInHell · 19/12/2007 20:31

Greeny, methinks you read far too much into things.

The OP was angry, protective of her ds (who is only little) and upset. I'm sure we've all lost our tempers at some point and not reacted as rational adults. In hindsight I'm sure the OP wishes now that she had acknowledged the apology and quite possibly that she had not posted the episode onto a AIBU thread on Mumsnet. But hey, life goes on! That little girl might think twice before pushing other kids.

Original poster

mumzyof2 · 19/12/2007 20:46

CliffRichardsuckseggsinhell - Im a little confused, was the appology thing about calling that girl a bitch aimed at me?
It wasnt me that said it, nor did I agree with it.
I thought maybe I was on the right thread, as its not my usual daily routine of making children cry, and wanted to know if I had done the right thing by even confronting her at all. Im worried that everybody has got me wrong, and thinks Im a heartless child hater.
Of course, now I wish that maybe I had accepted the girls appology, but since when do we all do the right thing. Also, my ds and the girl ended up playing together after a while, and she told me the story of how she got a black eye falling down a slide, so I cant have been that petrifying to her.

OP posts:

CliffRichardSucksEggsInHell · 19/12/2007 20:47

No Mumz, it was aimed at those who ranted against poor Janitor after she had apologised.

I agree with you!

(are you from London?)

ItNeverDidMeAnyHarm · 19/12/2007 20:50

I've had this with DD. Little boy was following her around and shoving her, pushing her over and barging her out of the way of everything she went to play on.

He was perhaps 18 months to 2 years older than her. She was 3 at the time I think.

I was soooo angry.

But, I calmly walked over, saw where he was hiding, waiting to pounce on her next time, and waited myself.

He jumped out at her when she ran past - arms out ready to push her and I stepped into his way and bellowed "WHAT are you doing? Pushing isnt very nice, is it?" He turned on his heels, ran away, and didnt come near DD again.

I'm not in the habit of frightening small children, but, I'm not perfect at this parenting lark - especially when it comes to other peoples children.

Original poster

mumzyof2 · 19/12/2007 20:51

No CRISEIH, up sunny north, why?

OP posts:

CliffRichardSucksEggsInHell · 19/12/2007 20:52

Cause I can only agree with posters from London, I have to be specially nice to them!

piximon · 19/12/2007 20:52

YANBU in my opinion. Similar incident happened to my DS1 a few years ago when he was around the same age. The older children were supposed to be watching a puppet show while the smallies played at the tiny tables (with those loops and beads etc on). One much older girl started shoving DS1 off. I was bfing DD1 at the time and having trouble getting to DS1 to rescue him. It made me really mad to see someone deliberately hurting him. I called to her to say I was watching and she hurried off but it left me mad for ages after.

pantoinghousewife · 19/12/2007 20:53

Nobody thinks you're a child hating heathen, you asked, people put their points across, that is all. And yes, for my part, I did misunderstand the ignoring the girls sorry part, so for that, I'm sorry.

Original poster

mumzyof2 · 19/12/2007 20:57

Not to worry pantoinghousewife - Iv relaxed a bit more now

OP posts:

pantoinghousewife · 19/12/2007 20:59

And no, am not perfect, d'ya want a list

Original poster

mumzyof2 · 19/12/2007 21:05

Oooh, if you're offering, but that could be a whole other thread

OP posts:

tinselfairy · 19/12/2007 21:07

she probably just apologised to stop you telling her mum

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