Sentimental family Christmas cards - does ‘everyone’ do these?!

[Whohashiddenthebiscuits]

Not a serious one but just been having a conversation with DH after opening DMIL’s usual Christmas large card to us with a soppy poem (sorry, showing my bias here!). DD got one too.

My family never give cards to anyone actually in the same house as them and we never give ‘Mum’, ‘Dad’ etc cards on any occasion with the exception of Mother and Fathers Day. DM has definite opinions about ‘twee & faux sentimental’ cards snd while I’m less judgy about them, they do make me squirm a bit.

DH has a very different background to me, big family, working class, big on sentiment and emotion and demonstrating that. He’s just told me that my family are ‘weird’ to send ordinary cards and most families do send/give individual ‘Mum at Christmas’ etc cards. I think he’s wrong & while I didn’t want to say it, think perhaps whether you do or not might depend on your background.

I do for the record give DH a card and have done for years. I wouldn’t have done if I wasn’t married to him but I always get one from him. He gives me a big one (which I usually hate but kind of love him for anyway) and in return he gets a small, discreet one from me!

So - are my family weird?! Is everyone else giving out these cards?!

Ahhh never mind! 🌷 We can all get a bit touchy when things that are meaningful to us are criticised or other people imply (or straight out state) that it’s the ‘wrong’ way or a silly way to do things!

It honestly doesn’t matter in the end does it...hopefully we’ll all keep bumbling along quite nicely together with only a few rubs the wrong way here and there. 😊

I wish you and your family a wonderful Christmas too! God knows we need it this year!🎄

My in laws send cards like these. They are not my taste at all and I think it's a huge and pointless waste of money, but it's their choice. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don't send cards but my husband always wants to give them to his family. We buy a cheap multipack so he can do this. Again, I think this is pointless but it's his choice.

I don't think it's a class thing though. If anything my family are lower class than his.

[quote Whohashiddenthebiscuits]@TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek

‘ I will try not to derail this thread by discussing the legitimacy of the classifications of the Class System in the 21st Century in the UK, however I do have to acknowledge that there are, to my mind, far too many people like you who still want to classify peoples place in society - I am not suggesting that you are equating someone's worth by their class’

While I appreciate the explanation Turkey and the pointing out that some of the comments weren’t aimed at me, I will re-iterate that I’m a socialist & Labour activist. Our society is hidebound by classism .. to pretend it isn’t or that divides don’t exist is nonsense. And look who is currently governing the country. But it is a hideous thing.

And no, I have never expressed my feelings on these cards to DH.. although he does feel clearly quite happy to express his feelings about the ‘unsentimental’ and ‘weird’ cards sent by my own family.[/quote]
@Whohashiddenthebiscuits I know that we have an unofficial class system, and that maybe for some social and/or political expediency we have a, hidden from the general public, official class recognition system, but that doesn't mean that we 'the general public' or we 'mumsnetters' should continue to perpetrate it. If I continue to try to describe my thoughts here about any class systems OP it probably will derail your OP, and make my headache worse. You seem to agree with me biscuit that class systems suck

"... Our society is hidebound by classism .. to pretend it isn't or that divides don't exist is nonsence. .... But it is a hideous thing."

so I don't understand why you want, or feel the need, to grade the status of people who give personalised cards? Some people do like to give/receive personalised cards, and others don't. Neither is right or wrong, but ridiculing people either way is totally wrong. I know that that wasn't your intention biscuits, but I do believe that in asking the possibility of, or even suggesting that the giving of personalised cards is working class, immediately brought out all the snobs who never want to stop being considered superior to those in a lower socioeconomic group. They feel so good believing that their tasteful choices (and they decide what is in good taste) are much better than the choices of thevworking class.

OP, I also think that your DH is completely out of order to judge your family's choice in cards. I think that you should have a conversation with your DH about judging other peoples legal life choices.

I am going to try and sleep off my headache now, and finish by wishing you a very happy, healthy and peaceful, Christmas.

My family are unsentimental and would think I‘d flipped if I sent them a flowery poem card. I prefer to write my own greetings anyway. As for receiving cards, I’m just happy to get them, I don’t really care whether it’s a fancy one or not.

no. No individual cards from us here.

I hate them. Soppy sentimental rubbish.

I don;t give cards to anyone I live with, but do send cards to family elsewhere, eg my Mum and Dad

No, no, no. I’ve never received a Mum, Grandma, Wife card and never want to. Uuuuggghhh.
I do like a card from friends I’ve not seen, either paper or e-card, with their news.

Dh's grandmother was the only person I've known who sent that kind of card. They're not to my taste, but she chose them with care and meant every word. It was only on MN that I found out that some people are offended if you send them a card without mum/grandma etc on it!

God if you sent my Mum a plain card you’d never hear the last of it. We get “Daughter And Son-in-law” if DH is in favour and “Daughter and her Husband” if he isn’t. She is still moaning that she got a card from her brother and his wife which said “Sister-in-Law” and not “Sister.” Her brother died in 2014 and his wife about 10 years earlier. She also insists on “lovely words” - ie a mawkish verse. Very working class/immigrant background.

I love them, they make me feel nostalgic and really loved

I'm as WC as they come and send a box set card - can't be arsed standing around in a card shop hunting for relationship cards. Even then I only send cards to those I know would be hurt if I didn't - Christmas cards annoy me, both giving and receiving.

My mum buys sentimental cards though.

I will never forget my first Christmas with DH where he handed me a Christmas card on Christmas Day and looked at me expectantly for his one. I did not have one. He was crushed! He seems to think exchanging Christmas cards with one another is akin to birthday cards. I will happily write and post to all our friends and family, doctors etc but giving one another a card?! 😆🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

My mum loves a card with a nice verse so that's what she gets, I get the same in return with lovely words written by her. I like it and I know I'll miss it when she's no longer with us

I went out and got a "to you all" card for my DB/SIL/niblings and wrote it out before realising that I couldn't put "love from Auntie X" as I'm not my brother's Auntie... Went back out and got separate DB/SIL card and a card for the kids. I refuse to get separate kids cards. Bah.

@Footprintsinthegrass

My mum gives me super soppy old fashioned cards and I hate them. I like more modern ones without a verse in. She insists that I get her a card even though I wouldn't, I get her a modern one with no verse and I know she'd like a soppy one but she doesn't push it. I see her twice a week and will see her on Christmas day so I've no idea why she wants a card

But shes your mum? Cant you just get her what you know she will love?

My in laws all expect this so I have to buy them and they're quite expensive as my DH has 3 siblings! I really resent the money out of my Christmas budget.

@BellaChagall

I no longer have a mother, father, sister or brother. Trust me, it hurts when you walk around card shops. People may mock, but is it really a bad thing to buy a card like this for a family member? One of my most treasured possessions is the last 'daughter' card my mum bought me. I'm not a daughter any more.

Me too bella , it's a pain like no other

Footprintsinthegrass
My mum gives me super soppy old fashioned cards and I hate them. I like more modern ones without a verse in. She insists that I get her a card even though I wouldn't, I get her a modern one with no verse and I know she'd like a soppy one but she doesn't push it. I see her twice a week and will see her on Christmas day so I've no idea why she wants a card
But shes your mum? Cant you just get her what you know she will love?

This. You’re buying the card for her, not for yourself.

I paint a picture personal to the recipient then have it printed on a card. How much do I regret starting that.

No.
No parents alive now, and I don't write cards for people living in my house.

I buy cards to support charities. They get recycled after Christmas.

I've always seen cards as a way of communicating with people you're not going to see on the day, or don't live with. Wouldn't occur to me to send members of my immediate family, who live in the same house, a card. Seems odd and OTT to me!

We do the family ones. Mum/sister/niece etc but they're not flowery with poems type. It's just a tradition now

I send a flowery one to DMas she loved them and always used to send each of us when she was fit and well. Siblings and I don't send a card to each other unless were not meeting up Xmas day.
DM now has dementia and doesn't always recognise us so I've kept the last card that she wrote herself.

Can I just ask you all how many cards you would need to write of a Christmas season. Between family, friends, kid’s friends etc?

Mind boggling down here in the colonies

I have done 3 for teachers, 1 for the person I manage at work and 1 for our nanny. All to accompany gifts. Mainly because they are people I want to thank for all their hard work this year.

Family and friends get gifts but no cards. No cards for DH, or 2 DC.

A lot of the posts here seem to be about ILs “insisting” on a specific category of card. The sum total of DH’s contribution to Christmas has been buying a remote controlled boat for DS (that I sent him the link to) so if he expected me to organise naff cards for his family I would probably divorce him.

People increasingly don't do them/are reducing the number sent. There are usually some fairly vicious debates about cards on here in December. This year has been a quieter one than usual.