Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sentimental family Christmas cards - does ‘everyone’ do these?!

183 replies

Whohashiddenthebiscuits · 18/12/2021 19:07

Not a serious one but just been having a conversation with DH after opening DMIL’s usual Christmas large card to us with a soppy poem (sorry, showing my bias here!). DD got one too.

My family never give cards to anyone actually in the same house as them and we never give ‘Mum’, ‘Dad’ etc cards on any occasion with the exception of Mother and Fathers Day. DM has definite opinions about ‘twee & faux sentimental’ cards snd while I’m less judgy about them, they do make me squirm a bit.

DH has a very different background to me, big family, working class, big on sentiment and emotion and demonstrating that. He’s just told me that my family are ‘weird’ to send ordinary cards and most families do send/give individual ‘Mum at Christmas’ etc cards. I think he’s wrong & while I didn’t want to say it, think perhaps whether you do or not might depend on your background.

I do for the record give DH a card and have done for years. I wouldn’t have done if I wasn’t married to him but I always get one from him. He gives me a big one (which I usually hate but kind of love him for anyway) and in return he gets a small, discreet one from me!

So - are my family weird?! Is everyone else giving out these cards?!

OP posts:
EventOfTheSeason · 19/12/2021 09:51

My in-laws love to give a sentimental card. I don't really do cards but try to send them one back as I know they like it. My own family have a handmade Christmas card tradition for immediate family which I have just opted out of as it fills me with dread each year Xmas Grin

Gennz18 · 19/12/2021 09:51

It’s such a pointless but quite onerous admin task @HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule!

I generally make an effort with cards but only ever when the occasion merits a gift - like a birthday or wedding. Or occasionally a thank you. Never just to acquaintances for the card’s sake alone. People must end up doing hundreds of cards!

TheLovelinessOfBaublyDemons · 19/12/2021 09:53

No I buy Star Wars ones for my adult son, that's it.

Whohashiddenthebiscuits · 19/12/2021 09:54

@CounsellorTroi, I can understand that. But quite honestly (certainly for me anyway) I don’t get offended by these cards, they are sent in good spirit, so why would anyone? They are just absolutely not my taste!

OP posts:
KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 19/12/2021 09:55

My mum and siblings still give the family cards with the verse inside, and it's quite nice as we always did that growing up. However, it costs a bloody fortune to buy everyone a separate named card and this year I got a box of cards and everyone got one of them instead. Oh my you'd think I'd committed the crime of the century!! And my eldest DS (who's living in his own place now) said he isn't sending cards anymore because he thinks they're a waste of money so he's also on the naughty list according to my family! Bizarre how I'm his mum and I'm not bothered at all
If he doesn't send me a Christmas card but his gran has had the vapours over it!

2pinkginsplease · 19/12/2021 09:56

The only cards I give at Christmas are our mums and my gran. I don’t give to anyone else and I do this because they get us all individual cards so I think it’s a kind gesture back,

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 19/12/2021 09:56

To my beloved son and his “friend”

To me you two will always be,
(and also to mum, R.I.P),
A pair of really special dudes,
(I forgive the accidental nudes),
At christmas time it’s super cute,
To be a massive posh beetroot

Merry christmas boys

Sentimental family Christmas cards - does ‘everyone’ do these?!
Eukanuba · 19/12/2021 10:02

My DM loves sending and recieving these cards ...my late DF's Christmas card to her still take pride of place , my DB always looks for that one first , amongst the family cards. All bonkers I know .

Whohashiddenthebiscuits · 19/12/2021 10:02

:-) @brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Now if named cards were all like this..

OP posts:
sugarapplelane · 19/12/2021 10:09

My FIL always sends these type of cards. "To a Wonderful Son and Daughter in Law" with an equally clingy, soppy, sentimental verse inside that bears no resemblance to how he behaves with us.

We just accept, have a giggle when he's gone and except the same on card next year.

We just send him a normal card with merry Christmas inside.

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 19/12/2021 10:10

If someone sends me a card that isn’t to my taste I’m not sure I’d even notice. I might shrug a little or think that’s a bit odd, but it’s no big deal. It certainly doesn’t offend me and I couldn’t imagine ever getting upset by it - even if an overly sentimental, gushing one would have me turning inside out with embarrassment. As OP said, I actually always genuinely appreciate the thought and effort. But it seems very normal in the other camp for it to be a VERY, VERY BIG DEAL, as demonstrated several times on this thread - not big enough, not the right kind of puffy, not gushing enough, not exactly the right title, not sent at precisely the ‘right’ time, and so on and so forth. Getting offended, being personally affronted, fallings out and such, because of a piece of card. I just can’t relate to that element of it and I honestly couldn’t be doing with all that. But then if I was used to it and it was just ‘normal’ to me I guess it potentially might not bother me.

I do agree that it all seems a lot of rather pointless busy-work and also yet more women’s work (in the main), and I also agree that I’d much rather have actions in daily life than empty words on a card and a signature. Hopefully most people do both and it’s not just an empty gesture.

TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek · 19/12/2021 12:02

@Whohashiddenthebiscuits

I'm genuinely sorry if you think that I flamed you OP. It sems to me that nearly everyone else who has commented on your thread agrees with you (well the vote was 67% positive for you last time I looked, which would be quite good odds for a bet), so you should probably do what most other mumnetters appear to do, which is ignore posts written by me (to be fair, that may be because they are often off putting due to their ridiculous length - I don't seem able to use one word when I could easily use three if I am selective enough!). The only parts of your posts that I was drawing attention to when referencing you OP was your insistence (is that too strong a word?) in believing that sending personalised cards is a sign that someone is working class.

I will try not to derail this thread by discussing the legitimacy of the classifications of the Class System in the 21st Century in the UK, however I do have to acknowledge that there are, to my mind, far too many people like you who still want to classify peoples place in society - I am not suggesting that you are equating someone's worth by their class, I would have been reporting your post instead of replying to it if I thought that - but unfortunately, to a lot of people, classifying people in that way does come with some weighty and potentially insulting connotations.

I was trying to explain both to you OP, and the other pp's on this topic, why I don't believe that whether one gives personalised cards or not, has anything to do with their perceived class. Which is why I went into quite a lot of detail about my family background, as I believe it points to the fact that me and my Dfamily, and my Din-laws are all what society would consider middle-class, and yet we still give personalised cards to our loved ones.

I wish that I knew, and could prove, what sort of cards the Royal Family give to their nearest and dearest (I don't mean the official Christmas Card photos that they send and publish), because if they send personalised cards then this 'argument' should be resolved.
I think that whether people give and/or like personalised cards is usually down to what their friends and loved ones do, and have done, going all the way back to Victorian times. By the way we only give our personalised cards to immediate family, and by hand if we are seeing them on Christmas Day, otherwise we post them.

Anyway OP, the majority of my response, which you took personally, was in fact aimed at @RedwineforSantaplease, and the other pp's who were writing in what I consider to be such a crass way. I did not accuse you OP of laughing or sneering at people. However if I suddenly found out that my DH had hated (on any level), or even disliked, the cards I had given him over the years I would feel like a complete idiot, and been upset that he hadn't told me the very first time instead of enduring them for years - so I really hope that your DH never finds out your true feelings on his cards to you, even if you do like them a little bit OP.

Penultimately, to anyone who might still be reading this, neither my family or I keep our sentiments to ourselves for most of the year, only expressing them via Christmas and Birthday cards; we often both tell our loved ones how we feel, and hopefully show them our love through considerate and caring actions throught the years. I just don't know where all the pp's got the idea that we would only tell them through our choice of cards!

Lastly, my other point is that even if I live with someone I will still give them a card (I date them surreptitiously), because like me they might like to keep them, and read them again, especially when that person is no longer with us. Yes I have boxes full of my special cards from loved ones.
@HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule and @Whohashiddenthebiscuits and
@Everyone else who say the sentimental cards just get thrown out after Christmas (not in my house) so they are a waste anyway, do your classy, elegant, artistic cards that you spend so long choosing, and then putting your own carefully thought out words into, not also just get thrown out after Christmas?
By the way, I send charity cards to my friends, and aquaintances, and any with lovely pictures in that I don't recycle post Christmas, I frame and hang on my walls. I usually love the pictures on the charity cards that I send, so I will often keep one of each scene back and frame them too.

FindingMeno · 19/12/2021 12:06

I used to do special cards for relatives where it was expected and they'd be offended if I didn't.
They have all died now and I don't do cards at all.
Postage is too expensive for one thing.

daimbarsatemydogsbone · 19/12/2021 12:07

Never understood the “Mum” “Dad” “Third cousin twice removed” etc on cards of any kind. But then I also find a load of blocks that say “home” on them similarly pointless and superfluous.
No harm though a lot of people think stuff I like is pointless.

sueelleker · 19/12/2021 12:07

I do give "relative" cards, but steer clear of sentimental ones. I've been known to put a lovely card back because it had gushing sentiments inside.

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 19/12/2021 12:13

‘Lastly, my other point is that even if I live with someone I will still give them a card (I date them surreptitiously), because like me they might like to keep them, and read them again, especially when that person is no longer with us. Yes I have boxes full of my special cards from loved ones.
@HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule and @Whohashiddenthebiscuits and
@Everyone else who say the sentimental cards just get thrown out after Christmas (not in my house) so they are a waste anyway, do your classy, elegant, artistic cards that you spend so long choosing, and then putting your own carefully thought out words into, not also just get thrown out after Christmas?
By the way, I send charity cards to my friends, and aquaintances, and any with lovely pictures in that I don't recycle post Christmas, I frame and hang on my walls. I usually love the pictures on the charity cards that I send, so I will often keep one of each scene back and frame them too.’

I don’t know why you included me in that - I said specifically that I do keep cards and I’m actually quite sentimental about them so I completely understand it from that perspective. I’ve not once claimed it’s a waste. I also made allowances, more than once, I think, for the fact that although some parts of this ritual and the context around it baffle me, I do understand that a tangible memento of an occasion might matter a lot so from that perspective I get that people still like to exchange cards with people they see. I don’t appreciate your reading a load of stuff into my comments that I haven’t actually said. I just personally don’t like overwrought sentimental poetry on cards, and I’m perfectly entitled to hold that opinion, but I think I’ve actually been very fair and quite reasonable on this thread.

I also send charity cards. Not sure what your point was on that, tbh.

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 19/12/2021 12:14

Above to @TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek

Peace and good will to all on this thread.🎄

That’s about all the discussion on cards I can take. It’s really not such a big deal.

daisychain01 · 19/12/2021 12:17

I don't buy any cards with words on as I'm quite capable of writing my own, and don't want Mx Hallmark or Mx Clinton etc telling me what I think and feel. They never say things the way I say them so why would I buy them for people.

I always buy nice Christmas cards in boxes, but they're still a lot cheaper than individual ones. No way am I spending £2-3 per card for each different family member or friend. If they don't know who they are to me by now, and need me to remind them via Hallmark or Clinton cards, then they're living under a rock (grin]

Whohashiddenthebiscuits · 19/12/2021 12:22

@TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek

‘ I will try not to derail this thread by discussing the legitimacy of the classifications of the Class System in the 21st Century in the UK, however I do have to acknowledge that there are, to my mind, far too many people like you who still want to classify peoples place in society - I am not suggesting that you are equating someone's worth by their class’

While I appreciate the explanation Turkey and the pointing out that some of the comments weren’t aimed at me, I will re-iterate that I’m a socialist & Labour activist. Our society is hidebound by classism .. to pretend it isn’t or that divides don’t exist is nonsense. And look who is currently governing the country. But it is a hideous thing.

And no, I have never expressed my feelings on these cards to DH.. although he does feel clearly quite happy to express his feelings about the ‘unsentimental’ and ‘weird’ cards sent by my own family.

OP posts:
HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 19/12/2021 12:24

My final thought: I don’t know whether people keep my cards. I know my grandmother did because we found them after she died.

It doesn’t matter to me either way - if they want to keep them, lovely, I’m glad they count it worth keeping; if they don’t want to keep them that’s fine too. I send cards to the people I love and care about to convey my my affection - in my own words, because that’s the way I like to do it - so that they can know I’m thinking of them. They’re free to value the card itself and save it, if they wish, or they’re free to value the sentiment at time of reading and then recycle. It’s not a waste - if I thought it was a waste I wouldn’t do it.

KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 19/12/2021 12:28

My mum has every card she's ever been sent, and I've kept and continue to keep all mine.

TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek · 19/12/2021 12:32

@sueelleker

I do give "relative" cards, but steer clear of sentimental ones. I've been known to put a lovely card back because it had gushing sentiments inside.
Me too @sueeleker. When I am chosing my personalised cards for my family, I will only pick the ones that say exactly how I feel about the person I am sending/giving it to. I also dislike the over gushy ones, my family are all pretty intelligent and funny human beings and they would do the pretending to be sick actions if they read those! I always add a few of my own words too that acknowledge their importance to me, and maybe any particular life stages they are going through.
Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 19/12/2021 12:32

Have never given my mum a Xmas card. Ever.
Only post ones to family if l am not seeing them over Xmas.

WilliamofBaskerville · 19/12/2021 12:46

Never realised that cards from a multipack could be considered a no no. I always use these, and what’s worse, I buy them in January when they’re reduced to 50p! Clearly I’m an uber cheapskate.

TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek · 19/12/2021 13:10

@HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule

‘Lastly, my other point is that even if I live with someone I will still give them a card (I date them surreptitiously), because like me they might like to keep them, and read them again, especially when that person is no longer with us. Yes I have boxes full of my special cards from loved ones. *@HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule* and *@Whohashiddenthebiscuits* and *@Everyone* else who say the sentimental cards just get thrown out after Christmas (not in my house) so they are a waste anyway, do your classy, elegant, artistic cards that you spend so long choosing, and then putting your own carefully thought out words into, not also just get thrown out after Christmas? By the way, I send charity cards to my friends, and aquaintances, and any with lovely pictures in that I don't recycle post Christmas, I frame and hang on my walls. I usually love the pictures on the charity cards that I send, so I will often keep one of each scene back and frame them too.’

I don’t know why you included me in that - I said specifically that I do keep cards and I’m actually quite sentimental about them so I completely understand it from that perspective. I’ve not once claimed it’s a waste. I also made allowances, more than once, I think, for the fact that although some parts of this ritual and the context around it baffle me, I do understand that a tangible memento of an occasion might matter a lot so from that perspective I get that people still like to exchange cards with people they see. I don’t appreciate your reading a load of stuff into my comments that I haven’t actually said. I just personally don’t like overwrought sentimental poetry on cards, and I’m perfectly entitled to hold that opinion, but I think I’ve actually been very fair and quite reasonable on this thread.

I also send charity cards. Not sure what your point was on that, tbh.

@HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule I have just gone back and read your posts on this thread and I have to give you a massive apology! I have absolutely no idea why I put your name down, I agree with nearly everything, if not everything that you have been saying, so I am especially sorry to have upset you over this - you try to be very reasonable and understanding, then some idiot (unfortunately me Blush ) comes along and accuses you of something you haven't even done!

It really is only the linking of the type of cards one gives, to what class someone is, that has frustrated me in this thread. In my walk of life it is just an individual thing as to who will and who won't give personalised cards, we all have very similar lifestyles and backgrounds. My favourite cards to receive have photos, or good reproductive prints, of animals or nature, and of course any cards from my loved ones, and especially handmade ones. Sorry again!

I truly hope that you and your loved ones have a lovely Christmas Holly 🎄🍫