Sentimental family Christmas cards - does ‘everyone’ do these?!

[Whohashiddenthebiscuits]

Not a serious one but just been having a conversation with DH after opening DMIL’s usual Christmas large card to us with a soppy poem (sorry, showing my bias here!). DD got one too.

My family never give cards to anyone actually in the same house as them and we never give ‘Mum’, ‘Dad’ etc cards on any occasion with the exception of Mother and Fathers Day. DM has definite opinions about ‘twee & faux sentimental’ cards snd while I’m less judgy about them, they do make me squirm a bit.

DH has a very different background to me, big family, working class, big on sentiment and emotion and demonstrating that. He’s just told me that my family are ‘weird’ to send ordinary cards and most families do send/give individual ‘Mum at Christmas’ etc cards. I think he’s wrong & while I didn’t want to say it, think perhaps whether you do or not might depend on your background.

I do for the record give DH a card and have done for years. I wouldn’t have done if I wasn’t married to him but I always get one from him. He gives me a big one (which I usually hate but kind of love him for anyway) and in return he gets a small, discreet one from me!

So - are my family weird?! Is everyone else giving out these cards?!

My messages were never false or in ingenuine either.
Magical?
Yes, christmas was before my daughter died.
Now, not even worth a card, even a blank one.

It's just my opinion.
Not hate.
Just the same as every other opinion on here, and just as valid.
Hate???
You've a warped view of hate, I'd say.

@RedwineforSantaplease

MIL does these - the one for my DHs birthday is always a source of much hilarity between us. She means well but they're awful.

Any joint card is always a "son and daughter-in-law" one. Good to know your place.

@RedwineforSantaplease, will/can you please explain what you mean by this sentence "it is good to know your place"? If your obviously not D MiL, who loves both her son and you (?) wants to send you, her DDiL, a joint card with her son, what would you expect it to say "To a Dear Son and Daughter"? Incest is illegal in the UK, so probably not too many card companies would make that heading - are you not in the UK Red? or maybe if it said "To a Dear Daughter-in-law and Son", that would be all right because you like to come first?

My Dear Mother, who was the DD of a Head Constable, whose children went to private school, and who had a housekeeper at home, and my DMiL who was the wife of a partner in a firm of solicitors, always sent us (me and my husband, who was a barrister in a very high position in the Government at one time) personalised cards, and at Christmas they were joint ones. My DM got ones for her Daughter and Son-in-Law, and my DMiL did the same, but vice-versa. Neither my husband or I ever felt belittled, hard done by, or embarrassed by those cards, in fact it is lovely to be able to read them again, now that the senders are sadly no longer with us. I find your hilarity at your poor MiL's expense quite disgusting, so I do hope that if you have any DC that your DH and you don't let them hear you?

Personalised cards were always a 'thing' in both my and my DH's families. I still send them to my Children and Grandchildren, even the one who lives at home with us.

To all the other pp's on this thread who are sounding like Mrs Bucket/Bouquet, I am embarrassed for you and your snobberies.

I couldn't give a flying fig about any "class" system, but so many of you - including the OP - obviously could and do. You may not realise it, but you are embarrassing all of your acquaintances who do not belong to your distasteful set. Please, if you can't help having such horrid opinions, at least try to keep them to yourselves.

@FluffyRabbitGal

I’m with you. I find the faux sentiment in those cards vulgar.

@FluffyRabbitGal I had to laugh a little at your statement when you have the username that you do. Unfortunately that is not the only thing that I find funny in your little complaint, as it is posts like the OP's, yours and many other pp's on this thread, that, maybe ironically, I find vulgar. In fact I find them both vulgar and ignorant. I will bow out now as I don't suppose that anything I have said will have encouraged any of you to rethink your prejudices.

I don’t know anyone who sends these cards.

PIL are firmly in the "Oddly specific named cards for every family member" camp (no matter how obscure the relationship, they'll find a card for it); my parents don't send a lot of cards, but if they do it's often ones my mum has painted herself, or generic ones from a box of 20.

I do giggle a bit at some of the more specific named ones, and I think it's a bit daft to spend so much on cards that are just going to be binned (they'll send a card to DH & I, and one each to the DC, so multiply that by all their children and grandchildren and you're talking 15 cards just for immediate family), but I'm not really one for Christmas cards anyway. I never read the poems etc inside them, to be honest. I used to think they were just to fill the space; it's only really on MN that I've come across people who pay any attention to them.

Whatever floats your boat, though, I appreciate that PIL find it meaningful and it makes them happy to send them.

@Driposaurus

My MIL gave us hers today too. Big and special. “To the loveliest son and dil” (I wondered if BIL got “to the second loveliest son… ;)”).

MIL expects family cards to be displayed prominently, so I stuck hers behind loads of others on a over the door card hanger thing. It’s petty but I find it weird giving cards to people you actually see yo say happy Christmas to.

My parents would never do the family card thing but I notice they’ve given us a few in recent years. Need to nip it in the bud. It’s hard enough sending the cards to the people I want to communicate with by card (and a short note inside).

I have exactly the same situation. Wouldn't dream of giving a Christmas card to someone I'm actually seeing on Christmas Day, they are for people you don't see at Christmas!

My MIL is similarly obsessed with cards and sends us horrible big ones to my son and daughter-in-law and separate ones for the DC. These come in the post on 1 December despite the fact that we spend every Christmas with them. She expects family cards to be displayed prominently so i do similar and make sure they are in with everything else and not at all prominent. There's a big gap on her mantelpiece every year until she gets a card from us. I leave this to DH and it's one of her few ridiculous ideas that he does sort of pander to. He gets the card but doesn't give it to her till he sees her on Christmas Day. That shameful gap on the mantelpiece drives her crazy all month

I am with the OP. Your DH's family are BONKERS.

My family do this....mostly I do photo cards with my DC on but mum likes one with nice words in it.

It's so hard as she is also particular about the image...one year she was upset because I got her a card with "vermin" on it, actually fairly cute mice in Christmas hats!

That sounds quite bad but its actually pretty funny n I just laugh that stuff off 😆

I find it really unnecessary tbh, my husband’s side of the family all get personalised cards for the very specific relative (“for a very special step aunt-in-law”)

The weirdest thing though is that they have all this flowery text and prose and then they just write “to Tom and Sally, love mum x” surely if it’s an OTT card you’d use the space to write a nice personal message too?

Most odd

I used to send one to my late P.I.L because mum liked them.
When she died and we were clearing her home, we came across a large ribboned box containing every single Christmas, birthday and mother's/father's Day card that she and dad had ever been sent by their kids.
She was a bit sentimental like that.

I don't generally like them but it's mainly because they're not my words so the poems/gushy stuff seem a little empty.

My MIL loves them. If you go round theirs for a birthday celebration the recipient reads out all of the poems. It is painful.

We would be seen as being from different classes though we actually have many similar ways. This is not one of them!

@ShirleyPhallus

I find it really unnecessary tbh, my husband’s side of the family all get personalised cards for the very specific relative (“for a very special step aunt-in-law”)

The weirdest thing though is that they have all this flowery text and prose and then they just write “to Tom and Sally, love mum x” surely if it’s an OTT card you’d use the space to write a nice personal message too?

Most odd

Love this post! So very true.

Your family isn't weird. What his does sounds sweet, but so incredibly wasteful!

‘I couldn't give a flying fig about any "class" system, but so many of you - including the OP - obviously could and do’

‘ . I find your hilarity at your poor MiL's expense quite disgusting, so I do hope that if you have any DC that your DH and you don't let them hear you?’

‘Miserable’

Etc etc etc. Mumsnet eh! One pretty innocuous post and you wake up to find yourself completely flamed.

Just to recap, the question was ‘are my own family’ weird for not sending these cards (as per the conversation I’d just had with DH).. not let’s all have a giggle at the expense of DH & his family.

For the record, I like the fact DHs family express their emotions far better and louder than my own family who just simply don’t. But I don’t like and have never liked these cards - they are absolutely not my thing! They obviously mean something to DMIL and DH though .. so no, I’m not dismissive of them in front of either DH or DC. Rather in contrast, he is dismissive of my family for not sending them (hence the question in the first place). He has given me one for the last 18 years, something if I was sneery and snobbish about he clearly wouldn’t do! They mean nothing to me .. but they do for him. What does mean something to me and I will keep till the end of time are the beautiful hand written letters he has written to me over the years - the sentiment in them far more genuine and personal to me than some gushy poem written by someone else on the front of a card.

As for me caring about the class system @TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek, I’m a Socialist and a local campaigner for Labour. My family are very established middle class - it’s just a fact. In our horrible class ridden society, different classes do often tend to do Christmas a bit differently. You won’t see huge inflatable Santa’s in anyone’s front garden in Chelsea for example (and for the record, I’m not ‘sneering’ at blow up Santa’s either. Don’t want one myself.. but love taking the dog for a walk at nighttime and walking past houses that have gone ‘full Christmas’. Makes me quite joyful in a way sentimental cards just don’t!).

My parents always used to send the ones with rhymes in them for birthdays, but not necessarily Xmas. Same with my uncle. PIL don't but MIL always used to write her own little message inside.

I always buy plain ones but our weekly market has a stall where you can buy cards for just about anyone. "To our beloved step cousin and her fiance" etc. It always seems to be one of the busiest stalls at this time of year.

My husband does these cards but without the cringey poems. Me, I only send Christmas cards to people I don’t see around Christmas or haven’t seen for a while. We’re fine with each other’s choices-interestingly I’m from a northern wc background, he’s solidly left wing middle class. My reason is nothing to do with class rather I’m as lazy as they come so do the minimum necessary! A couple of people seem really angry on this thread as if the opinion of randoms really matters that much? It’s an interesting thread rather than judgy.

I always get ‘mum and dad’ and ‘husband’ cards, but never twee, long verses. Generally something funny or touching. DH and My parents give the cleanse type of card to me.

PIL send us cards but it is always a more generic card that could be sent to anyone. Often blank. And at Christmas it is one that comes from a multi-pack. Always nice cards though.

‘Cleanse’ = same

MIL does these cringey cards, the ones with several pages of awful poetry. She puts them out as place cards at Christmas dinner and we all have to open them one by one in front of everyone and read them out admiringly. It's an ordeal.

Ohhh @WellTidy brings up another point! Apparently some people consider receiving a card from a multipack to be the worst possible affront! I remember that from the last thread...

I buy beautiful cards, with artwork that pleases me and conveys the ‘feel’ I want for the year. I write my personal, meaningful sentiments inside them, which are specific to each couple or individual.

I’m not going to spend something ridiculous like £5 each on a different card for each person in case someone takes offence at my (lovely, chosen with care) multipack card!

Ugh my family started doing this a few years ago so end up having to get cards for parents, grandmother and siblings family. My mother is into all the sentimental verses. I hate soppy words in cards so go for a nice picture. I just buy cheap cards, it all adds up. Having to go to the sodding shop today to get them.

The only person who I don't exchange cards with (of any kind) is DH, we don't do cards.

@HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule

‘I buy beautiful cards, with artwork that pleases me and conveys the ‘feel’ I want for the year.’

This exactly. I love design and will spend ages both selecting cards and paper (recycled & recyclable). Good design and art give me a lot of pleasure.

What a lot of horrible sneering, snobbish comments on this thread. Only on MN have I ever seen this. Thankfully, everyone I know sends Christmas cards, especially charity ones - and special ones for close family members.
Oh well, I must be working class. The shame!

In our family we do it as a joke and actively seek out super cringeworthy cards.

It started years ago when my DM bought myself and DP at the time a card that was so awful it was almost good and it's now become tradition.