Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sentimental family Christmas cards - does ‘everyone’ do these?!

183 replies

Whohashiddenthebiscuits · 18/12/2021 19:07

Not a serious one but just been having a conversation with DH after opening DMIL’s usual Christmas large card to us with a soppy poem (sorry, showing my bias here!). DD got one too.

My family never give cards to anyone actually in the same house as them and we never give ‘Mum’, ‘Dad’ etc cards on any occasion with the exception of Mother and Fathers Day. DM has definite opinions about ‘twee & faux sentimental’ cards snd while I’m less judgy about them, they do make me squirm a bit.

DH has a very different background to me, big family, working class, big on sentiment and emotion and demonstrating that. He’s just told me that my family are ‘weird’ to send ordinary cards and most families do send/give individual ‘Mum at Christmas’ etc cards. I think he’s wrong & while I didn’t want to say it, think perhaps whether you do or not might depend on your background.

I do for the record give DH a card and have done for years. I wouldn’t have done if I wasn’t married to him but I always get one from him. He gives me a big one (which I usually hate but kind of love him for anyway) and in return he gets a small, discreet one from me!

So - are my family weird?! Is everyone else giving out these cards?!

OP posts:
hulahooper2 · 19/12/2021 00:08

Special family cards given up all my relatives I care about and tbh you insultingly appear to look down on those who do this , nothing to do with class , you sound pretty miserable tbh

violetbunny · 19/12/2021 00:09

I don't do Xmas cards. I don't know anyone who does!

IncyWincyGrownUp · 19/12/2021 01:59

I get one for my dad, it’s what he’s used to.

He’s pretty much the only person I buy a Christmas card for though, so it’s no skin off my nose to buy him something that makes him smile.

WakeyWakey123 · 19/12/2021 02:04

There are shops where it’s hard to find a card which isn’t like this. You can’t get a simple ‘Merry Christmas!’ it’s all ‘To My Nan & Her Dog at Xmas’ or ‘Merry Christmas Stepdad.’ Clinton’s is one such shop.

I usually send my brother the most yucky syrupy one possible for a laugh but don’t bother other than that.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 19/12/2021 02:54

Exh’s family often used to buy cards such as birthday cards that stated the relationship of the person - “mum”, “dad”, “auntie”, “nephew” etc

We never do that in my family

Some members of exh’s family were adopted and I often wondered if that was the reason

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 19/12/2021 02:54

I mean to almost reassure each other

MrsT84 · 19/12/2021 03:09

I always make an effort to buy family specific cards and every year spend a long time deliberating over the messages inside to reflect on my relationship with that family member, including for my husband and our 7 year old son. It never occurred to me that the recipients may find it "cringeworthy" and I would feel sad to think a thoughtful card may create such a response.

JimCarreysMask · 19/12/2021 03:52

Happy to be working class and cringeworthy. May mum picks lovely cards with words that mean something to her and she’s passed that onto me. Some people I know like plain and modern so that’s what they get. Some like the words, so I’m happy to oblige. We’re not great at expressing our feelings in my family so it’s nice when you read something that although was not written by them, is how they feel about you. Cringey, love it, long may it continue

MalFunkshun · 19/12/2021 03:54

The rank snobbishness of some of the responses here is pretty grim, as is the fairly joyless first response - although both very MN.

I don’t send these cards because I prefer to write my own message, but my lovely (and yes, WC) Dad sends me them because, I suspect, he absolutely means every word but would never feel comfortable saying it out loud. Just because they’re not to your taste doesn’t mean it’s fair game to pull out the sly WC = tacky = so not ME, dahling - to me, that’s a far tackier and more unappealing attitude than the one that sends enthusiastic cards.

For those of you smugly proclaiming how you don’t send cards because it’s bad for the environment / it’s tacky / whatever weird MC justification you’ve come up with - They’re Not For You. For some people, that might be the only bit of post they get that’s not a bill. For others that might be the only personal message they get. I too have cleared out elderly relatives’ homes where all the cards have been saved. For the sake of a fiver and an evening scribbling some nice words, I think it’s an effort worth making to make someone smile.

DockOTheBay · 19/12/2021 04:02

My husband's grandparents give these, and expect them in return. I hate them and I find them really disingenuous because they would never say those things to me in real life. I make my husband buy their cards and this year he forgot so they've just been given one with my kids handprint on like everyone else and a brief sincere message.

Loads of them are so badly written as well, they don't scan or make sense or rhyme. We had one this year which was 3 sides of writing and was along the lines of "the real magic of Christmas is love because when we have love, magic comes too and the loving magic we feel goes on and on in a magical way." And so on for 3 sides.

ElftonWednesday · 19/12/2021 04:08

My DM loves soppy sentimental cards and I found that she and Card Factory cards are a match made in heaven. So I get my cards for all family from there recently.

Must admit it entertains me slightly to give sloppy sentimental cards to the in-laws, as I'm sure they will be slightly (inwardly at least) tutting and feeling a bit superior as the OP is here. MIL sends very tasteful blank inside religious-themed cards.

RobertSmithsLipstick · 19/12/2021 04:13

I send them, but with my mouth twisted into a bit of a sneer.
That let's me off the "tacky" hook, I think.

neatlittlerows · 19/12/2021 04:20

I used to roll my eyes a bit at the soppy cards my mum would send for birthdays and Christmas. Now she’s not here I’m glad that I kept them each year. I’m more of a ‘blank inside for your own message’ kind of person but she wasn’t. Horses for courses. It’s the thought that counts. My auntie was another who would send those cards, but she died last night, so no more sentimental cards for me ☹️

ElftonWednesday · 19/12/2021 04:24

I'm so sorry @neatlittlerows Flowers

I find myself getting more sentimental as I get older. If cards make me cry in the shop they are the right ones for my DM, PIL and Auntie.

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 19/12/2021 04:33

The only person I know who does this is my mum. I don't like them and I find it a bit of a joke to be honest as she spent most of my childhood telling me she wished I'd never been born. Yet she acts like these cards are truly how she feels.

I only buy cards that have very little inside them and struggle to buy cards for my mum as I can't bring myself to get anything that mentions love or how amazing mums are (hard to find a very basic card) and she's previously thrown a wobbler if the card doesn't specifically say mum on the front.

halloweenie13 · 19/12/2021 04:37

Not only is it an environmental waste, but it is just not necessary with family you are actually close with.

halloweenie13 · 19/12/2021 04:40

@YellowandGreenToBeSeen

Absolutely not. Named or ‘Relative’ cards are considered overly emotional and, dare I say it, tacky in my family.

Mass produced poems (or joke based comments) don’t do it for us.

This! They are beyond tacky and cringey , there's just no need, say it to them when you see them if you must!
GirlOfTudor · 19/12/2021 04:41

My husband's brother loves to write a 'special' message whenever he writes a card and got very upset when he received a card from me and my husband for the first time and it was a simple 'to X, from X' that I do for everyone. He told me that's how I need to write cards, and I may or may not have ended the phone call there 🤷‍♀️
I find his messages cringey as they're always the same 'health and happiness' sentiments 🙄

RobertSmithsLipstick · 19/12/2021 04:42

Well, most things pertaining to christmas arent necessary, are they?
Dinner, starters, elves on shelves, puddings, drink, Christmas outfits on and on ad nauseam.

halloweenie13 · 19/12/2021 04:43

@MalFunkshun

The rank snobbishness of some of the responses here is pretty grim, as is the fairly joyless first response - although both very MN.

I don’t send these cards because I prefer to write my own message, but my lovely (and yes, WC) Dad sends me them because, I suspect, he absolutely means every word but would never feel comfortable saying it out loud. Just because they’re not to your taste doesn’t mean it’s fair game to pull out the sly WC = tacky = so not ME, dahling - to me, that’s a far tackier and more unappealing attitude than the one that sends enthusiastic cards.

For those of you smugly proclaiming how you don’t send cards because it’s bad for the environment / it’s tacky / whatever weird MC justification you’ve come up with - They’re Not For You. For some people, that might be the only bit of post they get that’s not a bill. For others that might be the only personal message they get. I too have cleared out elderly relatives’ homes where all the cards have been saved. For the sake of a fiver and an evening scribbling some nice words, I think it’s an effort worth making to make someone smile.

They were all entirely honest opinions so please do not be so dismissive and do not assume someone's background just because they find this idea tacky or bad for the environment (which it is on both accounts)
RobertSmithsLipstick · 19/12/2021 04:44

As is most of Christmas.

itbemay1 · 19/12/2021 04:44

@Tinkletwat

My mother in law sends us one of these and it does make me cringe a little (ok, a lot). Would rather her behaviour was more in line with the sentiment of the card than send these monstrosities.
Exactly this!!
halloweenie13 · 19/12/2021 04:44

@RobertSmithsLipstick

Well, most things pertaining to christmas arent necessary, are they? Dinner, starters, elves on shelves, puddings, drink, Christmas outfits on and on ad nauseam.
I'm a catholic, so christmas is actually part of my culture and religion and this has never been a thing, people don't waste paper to send false and ingenuine messages....
RobertSmithsLipstick · 19/12/2021 04:46

So what else do you do as a catholic?
A big christmas dinner?
A new outfit?
A twinkly tree?

halloweenie13 · 19/12/2021 04:50

@RobertSmithsLipstick

So what else do you do as a catholic? A big christmas dinner? A new outfit? A twinkly tree?
I didn't say that though did I , I only spoke of the ingenuine messages towards loved ones, I don't care for material goods or fancy dinners. Please take your hate else where,