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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH has got his priorities wrong hasn’t he??

459 replies

didihearthatright123456 · 18/12/2021 10:26

We have nearly 3 year old twins. Before they arrived DH really enjoyed running, he still goes running but obviously the amount he can do it has reduced quite a lot due to family commitments.

He still goes to parkrun every Saturday. He’s just returned and all of his (older/childless/with grown up children) friends have asked him to go for a Xmas morning run at 9am. He’s expected to be out of the house for approximately 90 minutes.

I’ve said absolutely not, that it’s completely inappropriate with 2 toddlers to abandon us on such an special day, when they’ll be so excited about their presents.

He’s gone off in a total huff and now I’m the baddie 🤬

So AIBU to say no he can’t go and to get his bloody priorities right

OP posts:
sashagabadon · 18/12/2021 11:06

I’d let him go as long as pressie opening done etc which is probably gonna be at 5am anyway. Just put on Xmas movie for kids.
But in return I would take myself off sale shopping or whatever on Boxing Day
( answer assuming you are not preparing a feast for 20 people at 1pm in which case hell no! He can peel the carrots and potatoes for his exercise

HikingforScenery · 18/12/2021 11:07

@larkle

My local Park Run on Christmas Day is wonderful. Great atmosphere and very, very family friendly. Everyone wears Santa hats and costumes. My son, his wife AND their two year old will all be running. We go to watch and for the atmosphere. We have offered to look after our grandchild while they run but they have a running buggy and they want to run together. It is a really brilliant start to Christmas Day. Might you take your children to watch and to run around?
It’s very different if they’re doing it as a family, isn’t it? Nothing like the OP’s situation.
HaaaaaveyoumetTed · 18/12/2021 11:08

YANBU.

I love wild swimming, there's a Christmas day swim I'd really love to go to, but my kids will be gutted if I leave for 90minutes, so I'm not going.

TraceyLacey · 18/12/2021 11:08

The question isn't logistically whether it's possible to fit it in/ make it work, it's about why he wants to be with friends doing an everyday activity rather than be with family on a day which is not a movable feast.

Nsky · 18/12/2021 11:08

He needs to think of his family, he’ll be out too long, selfish man

stalkersaga · 18/12/2021 11:10

I did Christmas Day parkrun with my sister a few years back, leaving my toddler DC playing perfectly happily at home with other family. It was lovely. Christmas Day parkrun is great and helps to get rid of the horrible claustrophobic food-oppressed feeling of Christmas Day.

diddl · 18/12/2021 11:10

They will be excited & aware, but that might be over by the time he would be wanting to leave!

Can he sees how it goes & decide on the day?

Do his stretching & showering with the kids?

Would it affect him cooking or helping with the meal?

Beautiful3 · 18/12/2021 11:10

Very selfish.

LavenderAskew · 18/12/2021 11:11

I think it all depends on what the dynamics are usually like.

If it's the case that he's selfless throughout the year, and when things come up that he wants to do for his own (and only his) enjoyment he prioritise his family. Such as not going off for an entire day because he went away for a dat last weekend. Also (importantly) he doesn't dump it on your lap so you are the miserable ball and chain that wants to stop him having a life if his own.

However I'd it's standard that he puts himself first and expects the OP is work around it. Whether it's her minding the children by default or her having to rearrange things because he's goes off to do something.

If it's the unselfish version than going off for 90 mins in the lull time on Christmas morning is fine.

If it's the selfish version then no it's not OK as it's probably the one tome the OP felt she might be prority (and by his choice, not by her being the bad guy.)

Corbally · 18/12/2021 11:11

@madisonbridges

Won't they have ripped everything open by 7.30 and then be busy breaking everything? Then be back by 10.45 when he can take over, keep an eye on them and another on lunch whilst you go and spend an hour on you?
That was my thought. 9 am for three year olds at Christmas translates to lunchtime.
icedcoffees · 18/12/2021 11:13

@TraceyLacey

The question isn't logistically whether it's possible to fit it in/ make it work, it's about why he wants to be with friends doing an everyday activity rather than be with family on a day which is not a movable feast.
Because he wants to? Because there isn't actually anything wrong with taking a couple of hours to yourself on Christmas Day, even if you have small children?

Does nobody go and take themselves off for a bath or for a nap or anything on Christmas Day anymore? All my Christmas Days growing up were spent doing some things together and some things alone - and I was an only child, so no siblings to play with.

I'd spend part of the day with both parents, then normally my dad would take me to ride bikes or something for a bit, we might go for a family walk, I'd watch some Christmas films with mum while dad went for a run, and I'd even be expected to entertain myself for a bit while my parents relaxed/watched TV etc.

Even when your children are toddlers, you don't have to spend all day glued to each other - it won't ruin Christmas, I promise!

greenlynx · 18/12/2021 11:13

It’s all lovely to say that it’s a holiday and he can have some ‘me’ time but it means that OP will have more to do, so she’s right to object.
And for those who say why he can’t do what he wants, well, because he’s got two small toddlers, that’s why.

icedcoffees · 18/12/2021 11:14

@greenlynx

It’s all lovely to say that it’s a holiday and he can have some ‘me’ time but it means that OP will have more to do, so she’s right to object. And for those who say why he can’t do what he wants, well, because he’s got two small toddlers, that’s why.
Or, OP could equally take some time for herself at some point too....
audweb · 18/12/2021 11:14

I find Christmas Day a bit oppressive with small kids. It’s not relaxing, you’re stuck in the house, they’re excited it’s all hard work sometimes.

Could you not let him run then as they will have been up and opened gifts, then he gives you down time later in the day to equal it out?

Tiddlywinkly · 18/12/2021 11:15

I'm a keen runner training for a spring marathon and it's a YANBU from me. At that age the kids will need help with all the packaging and will want family playing with them, especially if you will be trying to sort food. He can run Christmas Eve or Boxing Day FFS.

Unsure33 · 18/12/2021 11:15

If you plan the morning and open presents when he is back then I think the compromise is that he then lets you go out for a 90 minute walk on your own later while he looks after the twins.

Slayduggee · 18/12/2021 11:16

I’m a parkrunner (or was until DC2 but I want to get back into running). This is not a Christmas Day parkrun. This is a bunch of blokes pissing off on Christmas Day Morning to get out of the grunt work.

Since it’s not a parkrun it doesn’t have to start at 9am. Couldn’t he do a short run or go earlier?

As this twins are almost 3 this will be the first year they really ‘get’ Christmas.

I would be tempted to take back whatever you have bought him for Christmas and buy him double running buggy. Then he can take the kids to parkrun every week! I’m assuming once they turn four he will be signing them up to junior parkrun and taking them every week!

greenlynx · 18/12/2021 11:16

@icedcoffees we don’t know what was your mum’s opinion about this, also in some circumstances entertaining one child, say 7 y.o, is much easier then coping with two 3 y.o.

Inertia · 18/12/2021 11:17

But this isn’t an organised park run where he has to fit in with that time- this is a bunch of friends organising their own thing. It could easily happen on a different day. Christmas with children of that age is one of the truly joyful parts of parenting- why would he want to miss out?

ItWasTheBestOfTimes · 18/12/2021 11:17

Im honestly baffled by PPs who would be happy with this and also want to negotiate their own 'personal time' on Christmas Day. We like our hobbies and down time but neither one of us would dream of missing a minute with the children whilst they are so little on Christmas day. It's one day during which children are awake 11/12 hours at most so there is plenty of time to wind down or run when they are asleep. If he wants to go running he should do it before the children wake. In my experience children that age don't wake up on Christmas Day any earlier than they would usually do.

tara66 · 18/12/2021 11:17

He either has mental health problems or is completely selfish and self obsessed. A narcissist? Your poor children. How long is this sort of thing going to carry on for? How long are you going to allow it? Don't they do some sort of personality/character assessment for the police? (I would have thought they were tightening up on that sort of thing?) Regarding him regretting leaving the army - I think he might have been ''laid off'' anyway because numbers cut?

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 18/12/2021 11:19

I bet op doesn't want to miss 90 mins of her dc's Christmas...

tara66 · 18/12/2021 11:19

So sorry - wrong thread!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 18/12/2021 11:21

What would his response be if you said you were planning a brunch with friends on Christmas morning from 8.30-10.30am?

HaaaaaveyoumetTed · 18/12/2021 11:21

@tara66

So sorry - wrong thread!
I did think you were overreacting a little bit!
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