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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH has got his priorities wrong hasn’t he??

459 replies

didihearthatright123456 · 18/12/2021 10:26

We have nearly 3 year old twins. Before they arrived DH really enjoyed running, he still goes running but obviously the amount he can do it has reduced quite a lot due to family commitments.

He still goes to parkrun every Saturday. He’s just returned and all of his (older/childless/with grown up children) friends have asked him to go for a Xmas morning run at 9am. He’s expected to be out of the house for approximately 90 minutes.

I’ve said absolutely not, that it’s completely inappropriate with 2 toddlers to abandon us on such an special day, when they’ll be so excited about their presents.

He’s gone off in a total huff and now I’m the baddie 🤬

So AIBU to say no he can’t go and to get his bloody priorities right

OP posts:
CalmConfident · 18/12/2021 10:56

Christmas parkrun is fab…everyone in fancy dress, mince pies, , I would bundle kids into the car and go watch abd cheer him on. 3 year olds likely to have been up early so it will break up the morning too and give them a chance to have fresh air and run some energy off.

However 90 mins seems long…is it far away? I would expect him to be round in 30 mins if a regular runner.

Original poster
didihearthatright123456 · 18/12/2021 10:56

This is not a park run organised run, it’s a bunch of friends who he’s seen at parkrun this morning who want to organise a run with a small group of them on Xmas morning (about 20 of them). The rub will be about 5 miles, maybe more. It takes 20 minutes to get there each way and you can bet they’ll be lots of chatting which will increase the time he’s out.

On the whole I totally agree about parkrun, I absolutely loves it’s ethos and when the girls are older I definitely would like them to be more involved.

I just feel this year at nearly 3 years old it’s the first time they’re very aware.

One of my girls has been on her “phone” to Santa this morning asking for another baby doll 💕

OP posts:
RealBecca · 18/12/2021 10:57

Id be miffed if my husband wanted to do it because it's a day for the kids really.

But if he really wanted to then id go with the flow and vuddle up with kids and an xmas film and all chill out

WhiteCatmas · 18/12/2021 10:57

It’s 90 minutes, they’ll be busy with their presents, when he comes back hand over to him. Seriously it’s not a big deal.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 18/12/2021 10:57

A Boxing Day run would be more sensible!

It’s not like you’re stopping him running full stop, just at that key time on that key day

Or else you also get 90 mins to yourself later in the day?

BellaChagall · 18/12/2021 10:57

Christmas Parkrun is great fun. Lots of people dress up and it's a lovely family atmosphere. Why not go and watch with the children. I can see why he'd like to go.

lottiegarbanzo · 18/12/2021 10:58

Plus, it will only be a few years before he can get the DCs interested in taking part in Junior or full Parkrun and at that time, you could all go and enjoy the event's family-oriented wholesomeness.

Rather than the opposite, of abandoning his family, for his own selfish pleasure, on Christmas Day!

NoSquirrels · 18/12/2021 10:58

@rainyskylight

if he feels that it is ok/appropriate to go and leave us then he should go, but the decision will be on him.

Frankly that’s just really passive aggressive.

Why?
Luredbyapomegranate · 18/12/2021 10:59

Well, I don't think he should go - but I can understand that he might have entertained the idea as it's natural to want to do something you really enjoy. But as you say 90 mins is long time and it will be an hour longer all told.

It sounds like you have resolved it - perhaps he could suggest a boxing day run next year?

Ponoka7 · 18/12/2021 10:59

There's another thread on how low the bar is for Dads as opposed Mums, this is a good example. I grew up in the 70/80's when the men went to the pub and rolled home in time for dinner. Witnessing it continued the view that Mothers are the default full time parent, while men could pick up what they chose to and the women should be grateful.

MadeForThis · 18/12/2021 10:59

Hopefully he has realised how selfish that was.

RosiePosieDozy · 18/12/2021 10:59

Have you ever been to the park run? The one I go to, loads of families are there. Some members of the family run and some walk round and watch.

I don't think that your DH doing one run at 9am, out of the house for an hour, is excessive. It's good to look after your own health. As long as you are also having time to look after yourself and he is not away from the family doing hobbies in the week, I think it's fine.

Why don't you start going with the children? You can all walk/drive there together. Or has he considered one of those running pushchairs? He could take the children with him and children of about five start doing the park run themselves. It can be a family thing.

BellaChagall · 18/12/2021 10:59

Ah, I see it's not Parkrun. I'm on the fence. I think it's quite nice to get out and get some fresh air on Xmas day but I can see why you want him there with the children. On balance I think I'd be ok with it.

larkle · 18/12/2021 11:00

I would say at my Park Run, women outnumber the men. it is not 'pissing off to the pub'. it is very much a family activity. Lots of whole families running together.
When our children were young,we used to meet another family for Xmas footy in the park. Our children remember it as one of the best bits of Christmas

LoveGoldberg · 18/12/2021 11:00

I do the 9am run! The kids wake at about 5am, rip open presents, then I have a quick breakfast with the kids and play with toys while DP gets showered and ready. By 8:30 when I set off they are settled playing so I set off and am back by 10, when I get back DP tends to be plating up a fry up then I go get ready for the day.

I understand not everyone’s mornings work the same but it’s how we work it - DP usually buys me new trainers or rubbing clothes for Christmas so it means I get to show them off too

CalmConfident · 18/12/2021 11:01

Ah….your update changes things !

Proper parkrun - absolutely yes Xmas Smile

Just a run with parkrun pals - nope…that can be done super early or Boxing Day Xmas Confused

icedcoffees · 18/12/2021 11:01

I actually don't see a problem with this, and I grew up with a dad who went running everyday, including Christmas.

By the time 9am rolled around, I'd been awake 3-4 hours - presents had all been opened and we'd already had breakfast. I really, really don't see an issue with him popping out for 90 minutes while you all snuggle up and watch a Christmas film or play with some toys.

RosiePosieDozy · 18/12/2021 11:02

Just seen your update.

Park run: yes, a good thing, a good family activity.

Your DH going for a run on Xmas day, not the park run: not okay. I agree with you. He has a wife and young children. Christmas is not about your own hobby. It is about your family. I am surprised that he even wants to go.

lottiegarbanzo · 18/12/2021 11:02

Oh come on, dragging excited little children away from their presents and getting them all togged up to stand in a cold, muddy field for half an hour, to applaud Daddy doing a fun but unimpressive little run is NOT fun.

It teaches an awful life lesson about who is active and who is a member of the support team too. Bah bloody humbug to that!!

icedcoffees · 18/12/2021 11:03

@Haveyoubrushedyourteethtoday

Anyone who votes YABU will have accidentally clicked in the wrong button surely!
Yeah, because people obviously can't have different opinions Grin

I grew up with a dad who went running everyday of the year ( he still does and he's almost 70 now) and it was just normal - it's only a big issue if you make it into one.

Missing 90 minutes out of an entire day is really no big deal, surely?

CalmConfident · 18/12/2021 11:03

On which note….remember junior parkrun (4-14s, 2k) is on Boxing Day….will be great and is over faster Xmas Grin

rainyskylight · 18/12/2021 11:04

Ok if it’s not an actual Parkrun then yes I agree with you. He can easily pop out and do his 5miles in 30mins from his doorstep instead.

Ponoka7 · 18/12/2021 11:04

@larkle, this isn't a park run, the OP has stated that more than once. This is a group deciding to meet up. It is just adults, none of the others have young children. He's leaving the house to meet up with his mates.

@RosiePosieDozy, the OP has stated that all in it will be at least two hours.

lottiegarbanzo · 18/12/2021 11:05

That ^^ was to pps suggesting OP take the DCs along.

notacooldad · 18/12/2021 11:06

I'm with you OP on this one. Even if the kids are up and got the presents open part if the excitement is setting the toys up and joining in with them. If nit doing that then starting the prep for dinner.
I think your Dh is off his head if he thinks it's normal to go out running at that time on Christmas morning if you have young children. Maybe when they are a lot older and it isnt as giddy in the morning but not at this stage.
And he is being bloody annoying for going off in a huff!