DH has got his priorities wrong hasn’t he??

[didihearthatright123456]

We have nearly 3 year old twins. Before they arrived DH really enjoyed running, he still goes running but obviously the amount he can do it has reduced quite a lot due to family commitments.

He still goes to parkrun every Saturday. He’s just returned and all of his (older/childless/with grown up children) friends have asked him to go for a Xmas morning run at 9am. He’s expected to be out of the house for approximately 90 minutes.

I’ve said absolutely not, that it’s completely inappropriate with 2 toddlers to abandon us on such an special day, when they’ll be so excited about their presents.

He’s gone off in a total huff and now I’m the baddie 🤬

So AIBU to say no he can’t go and to get his bloody priorities right

Nah, don’t buy it, I just think posters want to be dicks to the OP

Nope, just don't agree.

Also, I like your calculations but it doesn't change the fact OP said 90mins.

Does he have to ask what clothes he's allowed to wear on Xmas day too?
An adult asking permission to do something is controlling.
I'm off for a 2 hr run on the morning of Xmas day, although the machine is downstairs so I've not far to go.

Whereas an adult requiring that another adult look after baby-then-toddler-now-3yo twins 24/7, for over three years now, because being left alone with them makes him feel a bit 'stressed', is not controlling in least, eh @Hrpuffnstuff1 ?

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

3yo is one of the big excitement years. YANBU

This. Does he not understand that this will be the first year that they really have a grasp of Christmas all be it not a full understanding.

It wouldn't have bothered me. As long as he isn't going to miss them opening their presents, I really don't see the issue.

@lottiegarbanzo

Whereas an adult requiring that another adult look after baby-then-toddler-now-3yo twins 24/7, for over three years now, because being left alone with them makes him feel a bit 'stressed', is not controlling in least, eh *@Hrpuffnstuff1* ?

He's off for a run, not visiting a strip club.😆

He's off for a run, not visiting a strip club.

Exactly this ^. You're not going to spend the entire day gazing in starry-eyed delight at a pair of toddlers enjoying Christmas. They will want a fair amount of their usual routine. Why shouldn't your DH enjoy a Christmas run, why shouldn't you enjoy 90 minutes of the activity of your choice while he minds the ship? I just don't get it.

Sorry? @Hrpuffnstuff1 I don't see the relevance of your non-sequitur.

The issue is not why he's going out. It's that OP never gets to go out alone and hasn't for over three years, while her DH comes and goes as he pleases, because he has cast her as default 24/7 carer.

I'd call that controlling behaviour on his part. Would you not?

Not that I'm expecting a sensible answer from the 'boys will be boys' club.

How can he even think of leaving his adorable babies for any single moment of Christmas Day.

To go for a run?

Do some presents before 9am.
Then why not all go to the park and enjoy some fresh air.
He does his run ( I assume around 25mins).

Come back n do rest of presents.

@Cosmos123

Do some presents before 9am. Then why not all go to the park and enjoy some fresh air. He does his run ( I assume around 25mins).

Come back n do rest of presents.

I think that the run is from 9.00 - 10.30, with travel time before and after, then he'll come back for a shower etc. The run time is a long time for toddlers in the cold.

@BellaChagall

Christmas Parkrun is great fun. Lots of people dress up and it's a lovely family atmosphere. Why not go and watch with the children. I can see why he'd like to go.

Read the OP

It's not Parkrun.

It's a group of friends from Parkrun

Why should the OP be dragged out to manage two toddlers on her own (again) who won't be interested and will want to be at home, I the warm, with their new toys?

@Hrpuffnstuff1

Does he have to ask what clothes he's allowed to wear on Xmas day too? An adult asking permission to do something is controlling. I'm off for a 2 hr run on the morning of Xmas day, although the machine is downstairs so I've not far to go.

Leaving someone rlse to do the work?

I think this thread illustrates pretty well how different people can see the same situation very differently. A caring and supportive partner will listen to that and take your feelings into account, not shut any discussion down and make you the bad guy right off the bat. I’m glad that your DH has come round and is doing just that.

The fact is, a run (or indeed any activity) for either of you on any day is fine; but if you are relying on the other person to provide sole childcare then you both need to agree that it works for you. He finds not running stressful, and you may find being left alone to prep lunch on Christmas Day with three year old twins stressful. Both points are valid if they affect your mental health.

It’s good that you were able to talk it over and find something that works for you both, and that you both feel also works for your kids. Merry Christmas, OP.

Again the funnel button helps people to read the OPs posts quickly and easily .

It's not parkrun. It's a 5 mile run with some (childless or people with grown up children) friends a 20 minute drive each way. There would be nothing for OPs DCs to see and a 5 mile run would take at least 40 minutes to stand and watch nothing.

If it had been parkrun then it might have been mildly entertaining for the DCs to come along,although of course it would be entirely possible for them to come to any of the other parkruns that don't happen to be on Christmas Day.

This father, in general, is not doing a fair share of parenting, rarely being ‘in sole charge’ of his twins. He has taken frequent leisure time for himself, 365 days a year. OP has been doing most of the parenting for 3 years.

I love running and indeed would prefer to go running for 90 mins on xmas day than to spend the entire time with my DC/family! I won’t because there’s lots of practical stuff to do (the meal etc) and it wouldn’t be my DCs/H’s family preference.

But if I did decide to go, I’m a hard working, good parent and partner all year round. OP’s H is not.

Exactly. You always have to look for the specific nuances when a scenario like this is posted.

If the run is at an actual park where the kids can play, then you could all go along. It will break up the day a bit and a good time to get the 3 year olds out. He needs to help though!

Read the update- they should do it Boxing Day!

If my other half did this they could guarantee they wouldn’t be having Christmas dinner with us either!

I would be unhappy with this too. Its a day for family and he should be spending it with his family. If he leaves you for a 90 minute run and takes another 40 minutes to get there and back then he will have been away for over 2 hours. He'll then get back, need a shower and to get dressed. Which is just more time for the op to hold the Fort. You haven't said if you are hosting but if you are it is hard to do so with kids. They aren't at the age where the op can leave them to it. When do you get a break op? Will you get to check out of family life for two to three hours on the day?

I'd let him do it simply because my ex used to make me feel bad about doing things I wanted to do. I still remember that horrible feeling I had when he tried to stop me. 90 minutes isn't much if he's spending the rest of the period with you. My DH has a sporting hobby and I let him do it whenever he wants. In return I get to see my friends etc whenever I want. I'd be pussed off if DH disappeared for several hours on Christmas day but 90 mins is acceptable.