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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH has got his priorities wrong hasn’t he??

459 replies

didihearthatright123456 · 18/12/2021 10:26

We have nearly 3 year old twins. Before they arrived DH really enjoyed running, he still goes running but obviously the amount he can do it has reduced quite a lot due to family commitments.

He still goes to parkrun every Saturday. He’s just returned and all of his (older/childless/with grown up children) friends have asked him to go for a Xmas morning run at 9am. He’s expected to be out of the house for approximately 90 minutes.

I’ve said absolutely not, that it’s completely inappropriate with 2 toddlers to abandon us on such an special day, when they’ll be so excited about their presents.

He’s gone off in a total huff and now I’m the baddie 🤬

So AIBU to say no he can’t go and to get his bloody priorities right

OP posts:
diddl · 18/12/2021 11:43

I think the day can still be about the kids even if both parents aren't there the whole time.

But I agree that it depends on how much he usually does, how much extra work it would be for Op & whether he also takes the piss with his stretching & showering!

ImmutableSexQueen · 18/12/2021 11:43

He can stay in the fucking house on Christmas Day, or find himself somewhere else to live by next Christmas! What a selfish, ridiculous man.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 18/12/2021 11:43

Reminds me of the christmas my ex husband asked for a £7000 motorbike for christmas - wanted me to pay for it too.
He had never bought me a christmas present in the 20 years we'd been together.
He got a divorce for christmas.

me4real · 18/12/2021 11:44

I think it'd be ok- they'd probably have already 'done' presents and he'dve been there for that. Then he'll be back before most of the cooking starts, to keep an eye on the LOs.

icedcoffees · 18/12/2021 11:45

@ImmutableSexQueen

He can stay in the fucking house on Christmas Day, or find himself somewhere else to live by next Christmas! What a selfish, ridiculous man.
Blimey, I'm glad I'm not married to you!

How insanely controlling and ridiculous.

Pawprintpaper · 18/12/2021 11:45

@audweb

I find Christmas Day a bit oppressive with small kids. It’s not relaxing, you’re stuck in the house, they’re excited it’s all hard work sometimes.

Could you not let him run then as they will have been up and opened gifts, then he gives you down time later in the day to equal it out?

So OP gets her time later in the day when they are overtired and grumpy and because there’s two of them, she will feel she has to wade in and help?

My DH is often on call for Christmas and I don’t resent it (it’s part of the job) but he’s often absent Christmas morning. The kids can be pretty full-on all morning. Making sure they don’t open toys and lose the bits, that they aren’t eating all their chocolate in one go, cooking lunch etc is doable on your own but isn’t the most fun and makes you feel a bit Cinderella. It’s supposed to be a celebration for everyone, but sometimes it feels like mum is just a facilitator for everyone else’s fun. Obviously my DH isn’t usually having the most fun at work, but I’d feel really let down if he was favouring his friends/hobby to leave me on my own.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 18/12/2021 11:47

Ask him straight out why he feels the need to ask for your permission to go running on christmas morning like a child thus turning you into the baddy if he doesn't get the right answer.
Tell him he needs to make his own decisions based on the needs of his family as he is the man of the house. You are not his mother.
See what he makes of that!

MsJaneAusten · 18/12/2021 11:48

I went for a run last year on Christmas Day… while ExH popped round to see the kids.

So you could always suggest to him that if he needs more time to himself, you could totally make that happen.

wombat1a · 18/12/2021 11:49

YABU, letting him out for 90mins is certainly worthwhile, you can then make sure he looks after them solo in the afternoon so you can have a break.

MsJaneAusten · 18/12/2021 11:49

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

Ask him straight out why he feels the need to ask for your permission to go running on christmas morning like a child thus turning you into the baddy if he doesn't get the right answer. Tell him he needs to make his own decisions based on the needs of his family as he is the man of the house. You are not his mother. See what he makes of that!
Love this. I think I’d quite like you to run my life for me please @Shehasadiamondinthesky
Beachgirl33 · 18/12/2021 11:49

I don’t think it’s that big an ask really as long as he pulls his weight the night before doing any last min prepping. And also if he I s happy when he gets home and showers that you get a couple hours of down time to do what you want with. Christmas Day is stressful so both of you having a bit of a break is ideal plus will the kids not be up super early? In our hours all presents and first chocolate reindeer/Santa/chocolate Orange/selection box have been ripped open and scoffed by 6.30!

Ailsa2021 · 18/12/2021 11:50

I think 90 minutes is fine. They'll be playing with their new toys anyway by the time he's back, he can help you sort out lunch etc etc. I really don't think it's that big of a deal? If it was 4/5 hours I'd say you weren't being unreasonable but 90 min, I'd be fine with.

Zilla1 · 18/12/2021 11:50

I think it might be OK for him to take his DC provided they've finished opening their presents. They might appreciate the run though he might need to think what to do in case they get tired. What a great opportunity for them to participate while you relax.

Motherofcats007 · 18/12/2021 11:53

My husband is doing parkrun on Christmas Day. He will however take our toddler in the running buggy leaving me to cook Christmas meal in piece. He needs to either get a double running buggy and take them out or not go at all. Not fair on you to wrestle with toddlers and I presume cooking Christmas lunch as well

CaptainMerica · 18/12/2021 11:54

In two minds, as Christmas day is hectic, and personally, I do value a long shower and time alone in the kitchen with a glass of wine. I would be 100% fine with DH nipping out for a run in the afternoon.

For us though, 9am would be too early. My kids won't wake until 7 at the earliest (touch wood). We do stockings in my bed together, and drag that out before downstairs for tree presents. So DH will probably just be making our breakfast at 9.

So how I feel would depend on whether he was suggesting missing the best bit or not.

checkedroses · 18/12/2021 11:54

I was about to come on and say Christmas Day parkrun is a fantastic thing, we've done it every year since ours was fairly little, and even if you're not running then going along with the kids, getting some fresh air and chatting with the other families (and getting a mince pie etc!) might be nice. An non parkrun run with some of his mates and no family involvment 'just because' however is something totally different and i wouldn't be happy about that at all!

LampLighter414 · 18/12/2021 11:55

You sound like hard work OP.

You have also ignored numerous questions about your plans for the day and whether you are hosting, being left to prepare Christmas Dinner, visiting family etc

2 hours out the house whilst the kids basically play with new toys and you watch some Christmas TV in the background isn't the worst thing and is not unreasonabke. 2 hours leaving you to do all food prep and greeting in laws who arrive at 10:30 is. He could pay you back with a break later in the day.

Lorw · 18/12/2021 11:56

Going against the grain here, I don’t think it’s that bad, it’s only 90 mins and it’s his Christmas Day too 🤷🏻‍♀️ Kids will have opened their presents by then and be too engrossed in that, they probably won’t even notice that much 😁

fitsandgiggles · 18/12/2021 11:56

YANBU that's bang out of order

sunshineandshowers40 · 18/12/2021 11:58

I am a runner. Would run every day if I could! Last year I went for a run on Christmas Day for the first time but my DC are older. I went late morning after we had opened presents and they were on their screens. I was gone for about 45 minutes. Wouldn't have crossed my mind to go for a run on Christmas Day when I had toddlers.

PigeonLittle · 18/12/2021 12:00

I'm imagining a world in which the majority of mothers of preschool children could just walk out of the house for near 2 hours on Christmas day, to take some time for themselves.

And go and find other Mums in similar circumstances to keep them company whilst they're out.

No, too much sci-fi for me to even consider.

Returnoftheowl · 18/12/2021 12:07

This isn't a parkrun... This is a fun about with his mates. And it won't be 90 minutes...add travel/showering/chatting time on.

How would he react if you said you were going out with your mates on Christmas morning, leaving him alone with the twins?

The morning is when prepping & cooking happens. Sounds like he wants to leave you with all the work then swan in just before lunch like the triumphant hero.

Pawprintpaper · 18/12/2021 12:08

This does sound like a plot line on motherland to be fair

Derbee · 18/12/2021 12:09

He’s a dick for even suggesting it

antisocialsocialclub · 18/12/2021 12:12

@Pawprintpaper

This does sound like a plot line on motherland to be fair
Yes it does. Julia’s always absent husband springs to mind.