DH has got his priorities wrong hasn’t he??

[didihearthatright123456]

We have nearly 3 year old twins. Before they arrived DH really enjoyed running, he still goes running but obviously the amount he can do it has reduced quite a lot due to family commitments.

He still goes to parkrun every Saturday. He’s just returned and all of his (older/childless/with grown up children) friends have asked him to go for a Xmas morning run at 9am. He’s expected to be out of the house for approximately 90 minutes.

I’ve said absolutely not, that it’s completely inappropriate with 2 toddlers to abandon us on such an special day, when they’ll be so excited about their presents.

He’s gone off in a total huff and now I’m the baddie 🤬

So AIBU to say no he can’t go and to get his bloody priorities right

I agree with others saying I’d let him go if possible. One Xmas day is very like another imo.

My local Park Run on Christmas Day is wonderful. Great atmosphere and very, very family friendly. Everyone wears Santa hats and costumes.
My son, his wife AND their two year old will all be running. We go to watch and for the atmosphere. We have offered to look after our grandchild while they run but they have a running buggy and they want to run together. It is a really brilliant start to Christmas Day.
Might you take your children to watch and to run around?

He can go during nap time. Or after bedtime. YANBU.

I meant before they wake Peakedtoosoon. Like, well before they wake. And it was kinda tongue in cheek. I know what 3 year old twins are like. I had a set of them 11 years ago!

His priorities are his priorities and he doesn't have to share your priorities.

However, he has shown you that you and the children are not a priority - running with his mates is his priority.

I'm really surprised by the amount of people who would happily give up 90 minutes of their Christmas day with their toddlers when they didn't have to!

I’m pretty sure the answer to this is, would he happily wave his wife off for 2 hours on Christmas morning whilst entertaining the twin toddlers?

If he wouldn’t be delighted at the prospect, then there’s his answer.

Having an outside activity early on Christmas day is a refreshing antidote to the inside claustrophobia of most of the day.
Also take a look who takes part. There are the keen runners but plenty of people walk the circuit with a child in a buggy

I would let him, he is an adult, it is up to him. You enjoy the Christmas magic with the children and let him fuck off on his own, I honestly couldn't be bothered arguing with him. However I wouldn't be putting myself out to prepare Christmas dinner while he is out.

Well done for saying no rather than just seething about it.

a) why doesn’t he want to be with his tiny children on Christmas morning? He’s probably got 7 years when it will be magical for them and the most exciting thing in the world. Maybe 100 waking hours out of their lifetime?

b) why is he happy leaving his wife with three year old twins on Christmas morning?

Leave him to get over himself and don’t defend yourself. You are quite right.

I’d let him go too. I would want to be able to meet up with friends for a bit if I wanted to, Christmas Day is not a prison sentence. He needs to return the favour of course, and let you have 90 mins off at some point in the day.

I don’t think this is unreasonable. My DH is a committed park runner- it’s really important to him and I encourage it. He comes home in a great mood, it keeps him healthy.

90mins seems like a long time for what is a 25min run? It’s really more like 1 hour max even if travelling to a different one - are you exaggerating or does he normally hang about afterwards?

The toddlers will likely already have been up and opened stockings. The tree presents can wait til he’s back at 10:30, then you can get on with other things.

It doesn’t have to be a fight.

Could he re arrange it for 5.30? He'd be back for 7. 😁😁😁
Unless the children will be up earlier????

Getting twins to wait until 10.30 to open presents should be a piece of cake!

Also, can’t you all go? Is there a play park? Can’t you all pop along and cheer him with Santa hats on?

Christmas is about the kids but the adults are allowed a nice say too

Honestly, I wonder how many of the posters on here have ever been to a Park Run. It is so wholesome and family orientated. Fast runners like your husband will do it in under 30 minutes. One of the best bits of Christmas Day

We don't open gifts til 10!!

@larkle I agree. ParkRun at Christmas is bloody glorious. It’s a wonderful activity.

Ok after my initial rage I’ve just been to speak to him. I’ve told him that come 8.30am, once the girls have opened their presents, if he feels that it is ok/appropriate to go and leave us then he should go, but the decision will be on him.

After his huge strop he’s now backtracking massively & saying that maybe I have a point (you think 🤔)

I just really object to being left alone, as it won’t just be 90 minutes, it will be the time he needs to shower (and feckin stretch) and the responsibility will again fall on me to get everyone sorted

I bet it is a lovely family-oriented thing.

But I also know that if it were me I would 100% not be in the mood in Christmas Day for dressing and wrangling two-year-old twins out of the house by 9am. No thanks!

It's not about you 'telling him', it's about you asking him, with genuine interest, why he cares so little for his family and for sharing his children's enjoyment of Christmas.

Is he unwell, depressed etc? That could be an explanation for such emotional blankness.

Put that to him. See what he wants to say about his own feelings and priorities. Give him space to say it. It might not be what you want to hear.

if he feels that it is ok/appropriate to go and leave us then he should go, but the decision will be on him.

Frankly that’s just really passive aggressive.

I don't think OP is taking about Christmas Day pr though? No everywhere is doing one and this sounds like a longer run?

parkrun on Christmas Day is lovely as a family, if everyone wants to be there, but it's not something to be dragging people who aren't interested to.

O haven't been to Park run on CD, but have had two young children on CD and the best bit of advice is to not have firm plans and go with the flow. They might get up at 5am through excitement, or crash until 9 after being exhausted through excitement. They might want to explore stockings for an hour or so. Or open everything in site. They might be overwhelmed and want to go out. But you don't know until its the actual day

Is running the new 'pissing off to the pub while women do the work' ? No doubt there'll be a few cyclists doing the same and it's ok because it's done in the name of health. You don't piss off out of the house on Christmas morning when you've got young children. It's just more absent parenting.

"it can be a bit frustrating as an adult if you are theoretically "on holiday", yet you can literally not do one single thing that you genuinely want to do"

That gets considered at the point of TTC. Your life isn't your own with under 6 year old children.

@Haveyoubrushedyourteethtoday

Anyone who votes YABU will have accidentally clicked in the wrong button surely!

No it was no accident. It's a mint gift to give you OH and will put them in an awesome mood.