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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH has got his priorities wrong hasn’t he??

459 replies

didihearthatright123456 · 18/12/2021 10:26

We have nearly 3 year old twins. Before they arrived DH really enjoyed running, he still goes running but obviously the amount he can do it has reduced quite a lot due to family commitments.

He still goes to parkrun every Saturday. He’s just returned and all of his (older/childless/with grown up children) friends have asked him to go for a Xmas morning run at 9am. He’s expected to be out of the house for approximately 90 minutes.

I’ve said absolutely not, that it’s completely inappropriate with 2 toddlers to abandon us on such an special day, when they’ll be so excited about their presents.

He’s gone off in a total huff and now I’m the baddie 🤬

So AIBU to say no he can’t go and to get his bloody priorities right

OP posts:
RJnomore1 · 19/12/2021 10:02

It’s very rarely partners putting pressure on women to turn out the “perfect” day - they do it to themselves!

One year I got carried away. Did a full nigella, was prepping for days and I was unbearable. I was quite young and I just wanted to get it right.

DH does his bit. He was given his instructions and did as asked with out comment until after when he gentley took me aside and said, that was a bit much, maybe we don’t do it again?

No one gave a shit and my lovingly hand shelled shredded creamed Brussels got pushed round the plate just the same way as the microwave ones.

Not saying that’s what OP is doing but the amount of comments on here about :

He will need to SHOWER!
She will be left cooking (at 9am?)
Why does he not want to do ANYTHING with his family???

Are pretty unbelievable.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 19/12/2021 10:05

I always drag the kids out on Christmas day to break it up! A wander round the park or around the houses is a good way to get some fresh air and a break from the house!

pictish · 19/12/2021 10:07

I agree. So combative and melodramatic.

Kittykat93 · 19/12/2021 10:09

@Travis1

By 9am will the kids not be up, have done presents and ready to crash for a nap? Id look to compromise and if there’s anything that would normally be done Christmas AM for dinner get him to do it the night before so you can enjoy time with the kids whilst he’s out?

Since when do 3 year olds nap at 9am??

Dozer · 19/12/2021 10:10

‘ So many posters who just don't value the first few Christmasses that are absolutely magical to children. So very many parents whose children will remember them as miserable fuckers’

What bollocks.

Houseplantmad · 19/12/2021 10:11

Go with him - it's a lovely event and the kids can see daddy in action! We've done it before and the kids loves getting out and about.

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 19/12/2021 10:11

@icedcoffees

And if, as a mum of small kids, my partner said "I'd rather go for a run than spend Christmas morning with you all" he'd be out of the door in his running kit and no keys.

But why the need for such dramatics? It's ninety minutes out of an entire day. It's really not the end of the world.

And it doesn't make people "miserable fuckers" because they choose to do Christmas differently to you. As I said, the way I spent Christmas as a child would have MN fainting in horror but I have some amazing memories and never felt I missed out because we did things the way we did.

It's honestly not selfish to want to spend 90 minutes out of 12/14 hours doing something for yourself. Even if it is Christmas Day.

Oh ffs! I am sure I explained why I disagree with your take on it.

Stop twisting what you did read. For example

And it doesn't make people "miserable fuckers" because they choose to do Christmas differently to you - I said parents chosing to miss out on those first excited years of their KIDS!

You may have extemporised it, as I did the shite my parents subjected me to. But not everyone can or will

It's honestly not selfish to want to spend 90 minutes out of 12/14 hours doing something for yourself. Even if it is Christmas Day. And again, that isn't anything I suggested. I DID say that a parent using sulking, using emotional manipulation is childish and I will add that it is also selfish, fuckwitted and unforgiveable when it affects smal kids.

If anyone wants some time out on Christmas Day, and many do, then it has to be done via a conversation, agreement, compromise. Not an edict followed by a sulk!

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 19/12/2021 10:13

@Dozer

‘ So many posters who just don't value the first few Christmasses that are absolutely magical to children. So very many parents whose children will remember them as miserable fuckers’

What bollocks.

Why? Doesn't it strike you as at all possible that some kids with parents like that will become sad, bitter, resentful?

Or did you miss the fact that I didn't say all? ?

HandlebarLadyTash · 19/12/2021 10:18

No you are not being unreasonable, he will come back and have a lengthy shit, & shower and be refreshed.
You will be prepping for the day & playing with kids & have had no time to shower & get ready yourself.

icedcoffees · 19/12/2021 10:19

And it doesn't make people "miserable fuckers" because they choose to do Christmas differently to you - I said parents chosing to miss out on those first excited years of their KIDS!

But taking ninety minutes to yourself doesn't meant you're missing out, or that the kids are missing out, which is what your post implied.

CaMePlaitPas · 19/12/2021 10:19

It's 90 minutes, he's not going to be out the whole day.

pictish · 19/12/2021 10:20

Every single Christmas day in my living memory has had a hiatus mid to late morning. If it’s mum/dad and kids at home, it’s presents done, wrapping shoved away in a black bag and cooking yet to commence.
It’s the perfect time to go for a run.

Dozer · 19/12/2021 10:24

HoardingSamphireSaurus: your post was just nasty: calling other posters with different opinions ‘miserable fuckers’ whose tiny DC may, in future, have bad memories.

Swisscheeseleaves · 19/12/2021 10:29

2 year old twins can be bloody hard work. No he shouldn't be prioritising himself on Christmas Day, the selfish oik.

RJnomore1 · 19/12/2021 10:30

Omg now he’s being criticised because he might need a poo 😂 how DARE he have bodily functions! On Christmas Day! His poor children who will grow up scarred and resentful!

I’m obviously quite chilled today because the utter ridiculousness of some posters is causing me much hilarity now.

lechatnoir · 19/12/2021 10:31

Really struggling to see the issue here - kids will have done breakfast & presents by this stage and could easily sit and watch some TV for half an hour whilst you get on/do nothing. Yes Christmas is about making memories for your children but it is also meant to be a holiday for you & DH and if he enjoys running what's the issue.
I would see if he can knock it down to an hour as 90 mins could easily become 2 hours which then borders into selfish/irritating territory

icedcoffees · 19/12/2021 10:31

@RJnomore1

Omg now he’s being criticised because he might need a poo 😂 how DARE he have bodily functions! On Christmas Day! His poor children who will grow up scarred and resentful!

I’m obviously quite chilled today because the utter ridiculousness of some posters is causing me much hilarity now.

He should time his poos to fit in with the perfect Christmas Day calendar, of course Wink
JabNotInArm · 19/12/2021 10:32

It’s give and take surely? Facilitating time out for each other.

This

Whatwouldscullydo · 19/12/2021 10:37

Those of u unfamiliar with the lengthy luxury poos are extremely lucky.

My ex used to disappear to the toilet with his phone fir ages too.

Its amazing how quick they can be when they are going out to do something they want though.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 19/12/2021 10:37

Id live to see his reaction if OP fucked off for half the morning and expected everything to be done when she decided to swan back home. Can you IMAGINE.

Ducksareruiningmypatio · 19/12/2021 10:37

@RJnomore1

Omg now he’s being criticised because he might need a poo 😂 how DARE he have bodily functions! On Christmas Day! His poor children who will grow up scarred and resentful!

I’m obviously quite chilled today because the utter ridiculousness of some posters is causing me much hilarity now.

And a shower! More time to himself! How dare he shower on Christmas morning! 10.42am to 10.57am is PARSNIP PREP TIME! Taps Christmas dictatorship spreadsheet
pictish · 19/12/2021 10:39

I am really laughing now too. Grin

Swisscheeseleaves · 19/12/2021 10:41

And he definitely needs to pull his bloody weight looking after the children on his own. Twins are really really hard, especially at that age. Does he think you find it easy and therefore leaves you with most of the looking after them? He's dumping them on you because he finds it hard - well tough. He needs to learn to cope. If i were you id be adding up all the time he spends on parkrun a month and you get the equivalent child free time to do what you want. My twins are almost 5 and let me tell you, it doesn't get any easier at least until they start school. Even then it's still hard. So it's about time you had a little chat with him to sort out this balance of childcare.

pictish · 19/12/2021 10:44

Not at you OP. You wanted to know so you asked…I hope you have a great Christmas either way. I am laughing at some of the replies.

icedcoffees · 19/12/2021 10:50

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

Id live to see his reaction if OP fucked off for half the morning and expected everything to be done when she decided to swan back home. Can you IMAGINE.
Since when was 90 minutes half a morning, and since when did OP say he expected everything done by the time he returned?
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