DH has got his priorities wrong hasn’t he??

[didihearthatright123456]

We have nearly 3 year old twins. Before they arrived DH really enjoyed running, he still goes running but obviously the amount he can do it has reduced quite a lot due to family commitments.

He still goes to parkrun every Saturday. He’s just returned and all of his (older/childless/with grown up children) friends have asked him to go for a Xmas morning run at 9am. He’s expected to be out of the house for approximately 90 minutes.

I’ve said absolutely not, that it’s completely inappropriate with 2 toddlers to abandon us on such an special day, when they’ll be so excited about their presents.

He’s gone off in a total huff and now I’m the baddie 🤬

So AIBU to say no he can’t go and to get his bloody priorities right

Social services typically take rather a dim view of parents leaving toddlers for hours while they go for a run or take a long bath.

[quote Draggondragon]@icedcoffees couldn't agree more. And if someone said absolutely not to me, I would be out of that relationship in seconds.[/quote]
And if, as a mum of small kids, my partner said "I'd rather go for a run than spend Christmas morning with you all" he'd be out of the door in his running kit and no keys.

So, how do you propose squaring that away? Given that you now full well who is being selfish in that scenario.

So many posters who just don't value the first few Christmasses that are absolutely magical to children. So very many parents whose children will remember them as miserable fuckers. My parents lacked in so very many parenting skills but even they attempted to make Christmas special (albeit so DF could play father of the year). I can only imagine I would despise them even more than I already do had they not made that effort!

TLDR? Man can't run, will be miserable = emotionally blackmailing twat who needs to grow up!

Help isn't actually help when it's done wheb ever the tiger person can be arsed to make themselves available.

You need the help when u actually need it.

My ex would do things like that to me. Expect me to work with no space and without stuff I needed because he would wash up when he felt like it as opposed to when I needed it.

Meanwhile on another thread, a woman had her arse handed to her for suggesting her husband took the kids out on his own so she could cook Christmas lunch in peace

And if, as a mum of small kids, my partner said "I'd rather go for a run than spend Christmas morning with you all" he'd be out of the door in his running kit and no keys.

But why the need for such dramatics? It's ninety minutes out of an entire day. It's really not the end of the world.

And it doesn't make people "miserable fuckers" because they choose to do Christmas differently to you. As I said, the way I spent Christmas as a child would have MN fainting in horror but I have some amazing memories and never felt I missed out because we did things the way we did.

It's honestly not selfish to want to spend 90 minutes out of 12/14 hours doing something for yourself. Even if it is Christmas Day.

Hmm, I'd have no problem tbh.
By 9am all the presents would be opened, and kids would be sat playing/watching crap on TV. I'd be drinking a brew and or sorting out the rubbish and DH would be prepping in the kitchen. As long as his jobs dont end up being my jobs and it doesn't impact those visiting us then I don't mind!

Its the timing that's more the issue.

Its not just 90 mins.

Its 90 mins when the lounge floor is covered in wrapping paper, dinner probably needs to start being prepped and there the breakfast stuff that needs washing too as well as getting the kids ready brushing hair and making sure their teeth are cleaned.

I'm.sure not many would object to him going out fir ab hour once the kids r in bed or everything is done a bit later on.

I went for a morning run last Christmas Day, I was out for an hour or so. It was fine, kids didn’t care and neither did dh.

Your kids will likely be up early, into their loot and distracted by gifts, tv and chocolate for breakfast in their pyjamas. Does your dh need to be there for all of that?

God this thread is full of martyrs.
The amount of pressure women heap on themselves to create this magical day that they won't even remember.

@Pawprintpaper

Meanwhile on another thread, a woman had her arse handed to her for suggesting her husband took the kids out on his own so she could cook Christmas lunch in peace

Not the same. She wanted him out with the kids at the park for three fecking hours so she could have the house to herself while she cooked. She was handed her arse for being ridiculous.

It's only 90 minutes I'd Tell him to go without a doubt 🤷‍♀️
The kids will be busy playing with new toys so I would be happy and then iid have a lovely long soak in the bath in the evening while he entertained the kids.

IIRC it was expecting her husband to find somewhere to take the kids for 2.5 hours on Christmas morning. Hardly equivalent

God this thread is full of martyrs.
The amount of pressure women heap on themselves to create this magical day that they won't even remember

The only pressure comes from partners who are selfish and inconsiderate and think that domestic duties are something the can opt in and out of as they see fit provided it fits in with what they want to do.

With the added bonus of having to he happy amd cheerful amd enthusiastic enough because the adult child decides to hols u hostage with their moods because u dare suggest its slightly inconvenient at that time.

@Clymene

Social services typically take rather a dim view of parents leaving toddlers for hours while they go for a run or take a long bath.

Wtf? Yeah a dim view if you leave the kids alone. Social services couldn’t give a shit if you leave them with their parent!

So glad you are keeping up the responses @icedcoffees because I can keep nodding along! This is a batshit thread.

@Whatwouldscullydo

Its the timing that's more the issue.

Its not just 90 mins.

Its 90 mins when the lounge floor is covered in wrapping paper, dinner probably needs to start being prepped and there the breakfast stuff that needs washing too as well as getting the kids ready brushing hair and making sure their teeth are cleaned.

I'm.sure not many would object to him going out fir ab hour once the kids r in bed or everything is done a bit later on.

So get him to help clear up and sort breakfast before he goes if that's the issue.

Most families with two year olds will be awake well before 9am on Christmas Day anyway - and it doesn't take hours to shove the wrapping paper in a bin bag, surely?

I actually think 9am is a better time than after lunch when children are over tired, over excited and overstimulated after a long and busy day. If he gets the run out of the way early, he's around for clearing up lunch, bath and bedtime!

[quote Envoitrevisage]@Clymene

Social services typically take rather a dim view of parents leaving toddlers for hours while they go for a run or take a long bath.

Wtf? Yeah a dim view if you leave the kids alone. Social services couldn’t give a shit if you leave them with their parent!

So glad you are keeping up the responses @icedcoffees because I can keep nodding along! This is a batshit thread.[/quote]
It's all bonkers to me

But then I often spent Christmas Day on the other side of the world from my dad visiting my mums family. I also spent one Christmas skiing in Switzerland with my dad as it was my mums year to work, which would no doubt have many MN'ers fainting in horror

I don’t go with the notion that Christmas is ALL FOR THE KIDS either…and we must pay undivided homage to that. Some of it is for the adults too. A Christmas Day run is a pleasure.
Some of the harsh responses on here…good grief.

Come on. It is only 90 minutes, not the entire day...

And he is not 'abandoning' you.

I never understand people who expect their partner to give up all hobbies and friends to be with them all the time. That kills relationships.

I am happy to have a partner who takes care of his health by doing physical activities and who has a good social life and interests. It benefits the relationship to have some time apart now and then and to keep separate interests.

It is also a slippery slop to think you can forbid your partner to something as innocent as this. If a man tried to tell me what I can and can't do in term of recreational activities, I would show him the door.

Tell him you will expect him to look after the kids on his own for a couple of hours as well, so you can have time for yourself/a break later on that day.

A pleasure fir you maybe.

Some people have alot of experience of being the one left to facilitate all these hobbies.

@Whatwouldscullydo

*God this thread is full of martyrs. The amount of pressure women heap on themselves to create this magical day that they won't even remember*

The only pressure comes from partners who are selfish and inconsiderate and think that domestic duties are something the can opt in and out of as they see fit provided it fits in with what they want to do.

With the added bonus of having to he happy amd cheerful amd enthusiastic enough because the adult child decides to hols u hostage with their moods because u dare suggest its slightly inconvenient at that time.

"Domestic duties" Ex MIL used to get up at 5am to start cooking, fucking batshit. No one allowed to help, moaned all day about how tired she was, heaped enormous pressure on herself to create a magical day for everyone. No one gave a shit about how the brandy butter was presented apart from her. I see this so much, even now. I had pizza one year because my mum was in A&E, it was still a memorable and great Christmas. (She was fine, had glass in her eye) Why do people try and create some weird Disney-esque Christmas? I just don't get it. It's a holiday, why mix with people you can't stand, why put so much effort into a glorified roast that everyone will be sick of by boxing day? Why insist that everyone in the household fall into line with your rigid plans?

It’s give and take surely? Facilitating time out for each other.

Jeeze, it’s only 90 minutes.

I wouldn't say no. He'll just be a sulky git if he's "forced" to say home?

@Nayday

Our park run Christmas day run is a great atmosphere, lots of spectators etc. Take the kids, let off steam in the park, have a cuppa watch dad come over the finish line? I'd say exactly the same to you if you wanted to run it but DH was huffing.

Hey kids - forget about all those toys Santa has brought you. Let's go to the park now, stand in the freezing f*cking cold and wait patiently for Daddy to finish his run! Yay!

I’d say ‘I fancy a relaxing walk, I’d love to clear my head a bit and stroll after the excitement of presents. I’ll go when you come back. I’ll lay the table before I go so we can eat as soon as I’m back…’