DH has got his priorities wrong hasn’t he??

[didihearthatright123456]

We have nearly 3 year old twins. Before they arrived DH really enjoyed running, he still goes running but obviously the amount he can do it has reduced quite a lot due to family commitments.

He still goes to parkrun every Saturday. He’s just returned and all of his (older/childless/with grown up children) friends have asked him to go for a Xmas morning run at 9am. He’s expected to be out of the house for approximately 90 minutes.

I’ve said absolutely not, that it’s completely inappropriate with 2 toddlers to abandon us on such an special day, when they’ll be so excited about their presents.

He’s gone off in a total huff and now I’m the baddie 🤬

So AIBU to say no he can’t go and to get his bloody priorities right

Sorry I see not a Santa park run

‘ Why don't you all go?’

They aren’t invited! It’s some serious running mates who don’t have kids who want to go for a run - it’s not a Xmas thing or a family
Thing or a Park run

But if he wants to go and is presumably an adult with decision making competence, can you really forbid him? He will be sitting there feeling pissed off for missing out on what he wants to do and that he is controlled. If he's not a total dick and will. Co tribute and enjoy the rest of the day, he's being perfectly reasonable. I feel sorry for him.

Fellow runner here. Would never dream of going to Parkrun on Christmas Day with young children. Do get up and go on New Year’s Day though, suggest that as an alternative?

He’s a twunt.

I have to do horses Xmas morning, so will be dragging my sorry ass out very early to be back for DD waking up.
It’s my hobby but obviously they can’t be left, unlike a run.
He can run in the evening if he’s desperate, or get up very early.

@Draggondragon

But if he wants to go and is presumably an adult with decision making competence, can you really forbid him? He will be sitting there feeling pissed off for missing out on what he wants to do and that he is controlled. If he's not a total dick and will. Co tribute and enjoy the rest of the day, he's being perfectly reasonable. I feel sorry for him.

And OP will be sitting there pissed off because he's off doing his own thing and leaving her to cope with two excited toddlers and all the preparation. It's not controlling to ask someone to manage without an unnecessary run on Christmas morning. If he's an adult, the worst he will be feeling is guilty that he thought of buggering off in the first place.

It's not Parkrun. It's DH wanting to go out for a CD run with his friends who don't have young DCs.

Oops pressed send too soon.
I would agree that if he wanted to go for a short run at a convenient time on CD that should be ok, but this is minimum of 90 mins ( +showering afterwards) for a social get together.

OP if he goes, the only way he'll get the message is if you put your coat on straight after dinner and announce that you're off for exactly the amount of time he was gone in the morning.

Might be a bit late by now but buy him a double running buggy and tell him to learn how to look after the kids on his own for a bit for Christ sake. If they’re anything like my kids much easier to look after out the house so he should try that.

@Draggondragon

But if he wants to go and is presumably an adult with decision making competence, can you really forbid him? He will be sitting there feeling pissed off for missing out on what he wants to do and that he is controlled. If he's not a total dick and will. Co tribute and enjoy the rest of the day, he's being perfectly reasonable. I feel sorry for him.

I think this is true Seeds of resentment and all that (It's not like he's getting smashed in the pub whilst you cook like Christmases of old) The kids would have woken up HOURS before that, I don't get why so many people resent their other half's hobbies. Why do people not see past childrearing? People need to do things for themselves too

@Ducksareruiningmypatio I agree people need to do things for themselves, but why does it need to be on Christmas Day? OP has said she supports him running and doing parkrun, but doesn't want him doing it on the one day per year which is meant to be about family. I think that's perfectly reasonable.

[quote rookiemere]@Ducksareruiningmypatio I agree people need to do things for themselves, but why does it need to be on Christmas Day? OP has said she supports him running and doing parkrun, but doesn't want him doing it on the one day per year which is meant to be about family. I think that's perfectly reasonable.[/quote]
Because to many people, it's just another day and there's no need to spend every waking second glued to your families' side "because it's Christmas" - even if small children are involved.

Once presents are opened and the mess is tidied away, does it really matter if one parent goes out for 90 minutes for a run? Posters are acting like it would ruin Christmas forevermore - it's ridiculous imo.

Yes but the other runners are childless or their DCs have grown up. I wonder if the ones with grown up children took a couple of hours out of Christmas morning to meet their pals when their DCs were young - somehow I doubt it.

DH used to go for many weekends hill walking with Dnephew when DS was young, including being out hill walking for at least 2 days of an extended family week long holiday.Now DNephew has his own young DD, he has cut back significantly on these outings and says he needs to put his family first.

The DH sees and runs with his pals every week. He can go for a solo run on CD or go out on a different day, CD is supposed to be about the DCs.

Because to many people, it's just another day and there's no need to spend every waking second glued to your families' side "because it's Christmas" - even if small children are involved

Its not about being glued to eachother. It's the compete lack.of thought or appreciation for what the other e person has to get done while they get to avoid doing anything to help.

I expect trying to prepare breakfast or Xmas day lunch is hard work with 2 small over excited kids in tow.

The assumption she will get on with it while he swans off doing his hobby he has been able to do every other day he wants is just entitled bullshit.

Some people seem very invested in this man getting his personal leisure time on one day of the year, and justifying it that he might sulk otherwise.

I always thought marriage was about seeking the other’s good. If they had one small baby in a good nap routine where OPs DH could go for his refreshing run with her blessing while she pottered in the kitchen listening to buble then that sounds lovely.

Being stuck in trying to do everything with two excitable (?)potty training preschoolers for what is realistically going to be 2hours, really doesn’t seem fair, whatever was wrapped up under the tree, this would speak greater volumes to me about what I meant to him. Getting an hour or two to walk about on my own or such like in the afternoon, in the dark, where most of the work is done and he just wants to doze on the sofa instead of engaging with the kids, doesn’t sound that inspiring either.

I told my DH about this thread and he couldn’t believe this man even suggested it, and he is someone who spends a lot of extra time at work and has some weeknight hobbies.

I think you're being a bit unreasonable here.

If they're that excited by 9am they'll have been up for at least 3 hours at that point. If you're one of those people who does morning presents they'll have opened them. So what else are you planning to do? You've not really explained why he can't go out.

90 minutes isn't that long. Though if you need time to prep dinner etc you could compromise and say he can be out for an hour or 45 minutes. Or another compromise look for a christmas day parkrun locally (many are) and all go along. He can run you can watch and/or walk it with the twins. Family time and fresh air. A perfect balance.

90 minutes isn't that long. Though if you need time to prep dinner etc you could compromise and say he can be out for an hour or 45 minutes. Or another compromise look for a christmas day parkrun locally (many are) and all go along. He can run you can watch and/or walk it with the twins. Family time and fresh air. A perfect balance

Omg so it's entirely her job to prep dinner then?

And give him a curfew like she's his bloody mother.

And she has to drag two over excited over tired kids out in the cold with a million things to do back home while he still gets to fuck off on his own leaving her behind.

Good grief

I don't think it's about being a man. It's horrendously claustrophobic being smothered and controlled. I couldn't bear it neither could my OH otherwise I would have bolted years ago. I feel sorry for anyone not allowed to do things by another adult.

Expecting a husband to help out with kids and dinner in Xmas day is controlling?

He could go for the run but not bother coming back if you were me OP. Infact if that's his attitude towards you and the kids I'd tell him to jog on permanently anyway.

It's less than 2 hours. It's his Christmas too. Having babies isn't a jail sentence

@Whatwouldscullydo

Because to many people, it's just another day and there's no need to spend every waking second glued to your families' side "because it's Christmas" - even if small children are involved

Its not about being glued to eachother. It's the compete lack.of thought or appreciation for what the other e person has to get done while they get to avoid doing anything to help.

I expect trying to prepare breakfast or Xmas day lunch is hard work with 2 small over excited kids in tow.

The assumption she will get on with it while he swans off doing his hobby he has been able to do every other day he wants is just entitled bullshit.

Okay, so she can go and take ninety minutes to herself in the afternoon while he clears up after dinner and puts the kids down for a nap then, surely?

It's not entitled to take time for yourself on Christmas Day. I swear people on this website can be such martyrs and it's just not an attitude I see in real life at all so it baffles me somewhat.

I never ever had a Christmas Day where my parents didn't take time out for themselves for a bit - my dad would go running for a couple of hours, my mum would often go and have a long bath and a pamper, or she'd sometimes go and meet a friend who was alone on Christmas Day. It was just normal and it's really not something to make such a drama over IMO.

@icedcoffees couldn't agree more. And if someone said absolutely not to me, I would be out of that relationship in seconds.

Amd what about ops Xmas. Where the prep now takes twice as long because its just her doing it because the men need their space.

Shes supportive of his hobbies she's already said that.

But it's really not on to fuck off and leave your wife to do everything then quite probably be unavailable fir significant time afterwards while he showers and rests etc

So he isn't going to help at all just because he's going for a run for 90 minutes.
. Such melodrama from the mums today