To ask how those who financially struggle manage at Christmas

[Crystalcrazy]

I’m a single person living on my own with grown up children who now live with their partners. I work full time on a low wage with no chance of overtime or a pay rise, I’ve asked multiple times. I can’t take on a second job due to other commitments.

I’m really struggling financially, every morning the first thing I do is check my balance on my online banking app. I don’t drink, smoke, go out or spend any money on myself on clothes, treats etc. My heating doesn’t get turned on above 15 degrees celsius and on the cold nights I get into bed after work with a hot water bottle.

I only now buy Christmas gifts for my children and their partners but even that is now becoming difficult. For Christmas dinner I’ll be putting something in the slow cooker to last me a few days.

How do those of you with little money manage at such an expensive time of the year. It’s really getting me down

Where does this relative live? I’m assuming they live alone. If you are there evenings and weekends anyway would sharing a place be an option? You could move in with them and sell/rent out your home or they could move in with you as a lodger?

I have already decided next year I will look for a better paying job but I don’t live in or near a city, it’s a small town with notoriously low wages.

You have so much in your favour, OP - but it’s as if you’ve forgotten how big the world is.

Your own property.

No dependent children. (And no partner tying you down.)

Your own car.

Enough physical capability to work outside the home.

But you write as if nothing can ever change. As if you can never effect any change in your life. Why do you have to stay in this low-paying small town? Why are you the only person who can offer any assistance to your relative, even briefly? Do they never see anyone else?

Does your relative claim Attendance allowance OP?

www.gov.uk/government/publications/attendance-allowance-claim-form

Get them to claim it and pay it to you.

What would happen to them if you broke your leg? Adult Social Care would probably step in and that is what will happen now if you get a second job, or do overtime. Your decision - I appreciate it must be difficult.

Why can't you get caters allowance for caring for the relative ?

In terms of my job, I feel so down at the moment it’s been hard to motivate myself to look for another job. I’m just literally getting through the slog of each day. The thought of even doing a CV, applying for another job, interviews etc is too much for me at the moment.

And all highlighted by worry about buying Christmas gifts and a large unexpected but necessary repair bill.

When Christmas is over and the new year is here the first thing I will be doing is job hunting.

do the responsible thing, please do not buy gifts when you can barely afford to feed yourself. Your presumably adult children (as you mention you'd buy for their partners) don't need presents, but if they want can pay for their own. As horrible as that sounds, it's really not that bad.

OP please, please come over to the Mature Study & Retraining board - linked above, under Education.

Another job in the same town, without additional qualifications, just might not give you much extra. You don’t say how old you are, but there’s absolutely no reason why you shouldn’t try to increase your earning potential with a new qualification.

There are all sorts of ways of funding this, where necessary. And it’s possible to study and work. I don’t know what else I can say to persuade you to think about this.

It doesn't sound like you can really afford to care for this person for free. If you weren't around would they be eligible for funding for care. If so maybe they need to apply, even a few hours funded a week would allow you to work a shift somewhere to make a bit of extra.

@LiterallyKnowsBest

I have already decided next year I will look for a better paying job but I don’t live in or near a city, it’s a small town with notoriously low wages.

You have so much in your favour, OP - but it’s as if you’ve forgotten how big the world is.

Your own property.

No dependent children. (And no partner tying you down.)

Your own car.

Enough physical capability to work outside the home.

But you write as if nothing can ever change. As if you can never effect any change in your life. Why do you have to stay in this low-paying small town? Why are you the only person who can offer any assistance to your relative, even briefly? Do they never see anyone else?

This

If you have no dependents OP, why are you paying for life assurance?

Just wondering, because when you die, if you have a mortgage the equity in the house should pay it off. If there isn't enough equity then what is there will be paid towards the mortgage, if there are no other assets, it get written off.

Hi, OP. That sounds really tough. I'm so low on the socioeconomic scale that this time of year is really stressful, with every penny being watched. I have 2 preschoolers and am a single parent. I do without, get everything 2nd hand, have no luxuries, walk everywhere, use the food bank, save all year round, only use heating in the lounge and my daughters' bedroom etc etc etc.

I haven't read all the threads but regarding earning more money, have you looked into matched betting? There are FB pages about it, it's legitimate and not a 'too good to be true' thing. It has to be done properly to work but it is worth thinking about.

I have tried but couldn't get into it, but might try again.

@toughtoes

Why can't you get caters allowance for caring for the relative ?

Because as has been posted multiple times already the income threshold to claim caters allowance is really low-something like £110 per week.

I think your best bet if you’re tied to looking after your relative is to look into them claiming attendance allowance to at least cover your costs-that’s precisely what it’s for

Presumably if you weren't looking after your relative the authorities would have to make arrangements to take care of them. I think you need to think very seriously whether you can continue with caring for them when you have hardly enough to eat and your house is freezing. A better job or even another part-time job if you can find one would make a big difference to your life. You would also have more energy and motivation for your current job if you weren't spending all your evenings as a carer. I hope things improve for you and there is nothing to be ashamed about in using a foodbank in your circumstances.

I don't know if it's the same under every council but in my area, often people who need care will have their own care budget to manage through Direct Payments. I think adult social care sets the amount probably after an assessment by an occupational therapist. They can then pay whoever they want to provide the care.
Please ask your relative to look into that.

You need a better job OP, I mean this with kindness. I am up to my eyeballs in debt having just left my minimum wage job (only on minimum wage 8 months and it has royally screwed my family finances!)
Hopefully I should be able to get sorted over the next 12 months, I have children dependant on me but if it's just you it should be easier to see a change more quickly!
Alternatively the free care you are giving is no longer sustainable. The relative you are looking after needs to make sure they are claiming what they can and in turn paying you for your time or you need that time for an extra job to make your life easier.

It's not an easy choice but your only option is to make more money I there is nothing left to cut down on

@crystalcrazy one suggestion I have is using a cash back website when changing your internet/phone contracts. I use TopCashback (I’m sure there are others) and whilst getting the cheapest deal I can I also get around £100 cash back. You can similar amounts of cash back when taking out life insurance, switching energy or car insurance. I save all cash back that I get and use it for Christmas or other treats.

I also buy a lot of presents in charity shops or on FB marketplace, starting in august time as better things are often available and not snapped up then.

@Crystalcrazy

Unfortunately there are no NHS dentists in the town where I live.

I care for a relative after work and on an evening, they have no one else.

I have already decided next year I will look for a better paying job but I don’t live in or near a city, it’s a small town with notoriously low wages.

If you care for a relative then contact council if you were in hospital would they die of neglect.

Well then if you really can't afford to do the caring you have to stop and then take a paid job in the evenings instead. It's awful really when working full time doesn't pay. I'm in a lot of debt myself, as have the kids to look after, I do work but DH is out the house very long hours and the only other option is to pay a babysitter.

She needs life insurance
Exhorbitant to take out when older and do you should never cancel a policy . But they pay out when terminally ill and that money can make a massive difference to end of life care

You don’t want to die terminally ill with only the nhs

Never mind Christmas OP, you shouldn't be living like that at all. As a single person with no dependents, even on minimum wage you should be able to afford to eat well and have the heating on. You don't seem to spend anything, so where is your money going? If you're servicing a lot of debt, I'd suggest getting help from a debt charity to bring repayments down. If your mortgage or rent is eating your income, are there cheaper options?

@NotAnotherCrapHamper

She needs life insurance Exhorbitant to take out when older and do you should never cancel a policy . But they pay out when terminally ill and that money can make a massive difference to end of life care

You don’t want to die terminally ill with only the nhs

I didn't know that, I thought they only paid out after death to next of kin

Looking at your first post again … How many evenings a week do you look after your relative?

Do they have a warmer home than yours?

Do they know you live in such straitened circumstances that you can’t turn up the heating or have any social life?

If they do - that sounds pretty heartless. If they don’t … Well it suggests you’re giving far more than you’re getting in return in terms of emotional support at the very least.

Perhaps you have multiple postgraduate degrees and don’t need progress in that direction - but if not, you could look into an evening course and do your studying in their warm house?

I haven’t mentioned this to my children, family or friends. I feel embarrassed and am a very proud person. I’ve thought about food banks but worry someone would see me who I know. I’m fully aware this sounds ridiculous.

For those asking where my money is going, it’s swallowed up on bills and living, not on extras or luxuries.

I buy a lot of presents through the year in charity shops and at car boot sales. There’s loads of new stuff which I can only assume are unwanted gifts. This year I’ve bought several really nice candles , socks and toiletry sets ( all still sealed) - average price less than £3 each.
There is far too much “stuff” in the world, tons of it going to landfill because it’s unwanted but still usable. I refuse to buy anything that comes from China ( their human rights record and Covid) but if it’s second hand someone else’s money went to that regime.

I can’t remember when I last shopped in a regular store.
Start looking after Christmas ( lots of unwanted gifts donated) and buy one or two a month.