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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how those who financially struggle manage at Christmas

157 replies

Crystalcrazy · 17/12/2021 08:25

I’m a single person living on my own with grown up children who now live with their partners. I work full time on a low wage with no chance of overtime or a pay rise, I’ve asked multiple times. I can’t take on a second job due to other commitments.

I’m really struggling financially, every morning the first thing I do is check my balance on my online banking app. I don’t drink, smoke, go out or spend any money on myself on clothes, treats etc. My heating doesn’t get turned on above 15 degrees celsius and on the cold nights I get into bed after work with a hot water bottle.

I only now buy Christmas gifts for my children and their partners but even that is now becoming difficult. For Christmas dinner I’ll be putting something in the slow cooker to last me a few days.

How do those of you with little money manage at such an expensive time of the year. It’s really getting me down Sad

OP posts:
2TurtleDovesInARow · 17/12/2021 09:31

Sorry if this has been suggested but what about secret Santa with a budget limit for gifts? If you have 2 grownup kids and all do a secret Santa with partners then that's one gift instead of four to buy.

Also if you can on Xmas Eve go to the supermarket as there can be some cracking reductions on lovely food.

Merryoldgoat · 17/12/2021 09:33

I’m really sorry OP.

This sounds very hard.

CharSiu · 17/12/2021 09:39

You haven’t put enough detail.

Physical distance between yourself and your adult dc, the other commitments plus your housing situation.

The only way forward is to cut outgoings, increase hours or pay, move housing, take in a lodger or give up or change the other commitments.

ufucoffee · 17/12/2021 09:43

I struggled when my children were ermmm children and I was a single parent. I coped with Christmas by getting a loan from my local credit union and paying it back over the year. Also used catalogues and a department store that allowed interest free purchases over a few months. No other way.

Mabelface · 17/12/2021 09:50

It's shit, isn't it? Single household earner here, with older son with ASD on benefits, plus I got reduced pay this month due to being off ill. 93p to last me till payday. I have food and heat and we're visiting family over Christmas, with them paying for travel.

Original poster
Crystalcrazy · 17/12/2021 09:52

My other commitments are caring for someone in a non official capacity so not eligible for carers allowance.

Also not eligible for any other benefits apart from single persons council tax.

I’m not going to my children’s on Christmas Day as they are working and don’t have a choice.

To the person who asked what my wage is going on. Here is a list:

Mortgage
Council tax
House insurance
Car insurance
Life insurance
Broadband
Mobile phone
Netflix
Water
Gas
Electric
TV license
Dental plan
Petrol
Food
Toiletries

I can not get rid of my car as I need it for work, Netflix is my only treat, everything else is what I need, believe me I have gone through them with a fine tooth comb.

I also spend money on home repairs and car maintenance (my car is quite old).

Thank you to all of those who have made helpful suggestions.

OP posts:
evtheria · 17/12/2021 09:59

I don’t know how much spare time you have with your work & caring, but if you have a computer/laptop at home have you seen the £10 a day thread in the Money area of Mumsnet?

You’ve said Netflix is your treat, do you still need the tv (license) or could you do without live tv/bbc iplayer?

Iputthetrampintrampoline · 17/12/2021 10:08

my friend got divorced and she found herself in a similar financial position OP, She got 2 lodgers and it made a huge difference to her, Not saying this would suit everyone but she is very socialable and enjoyed the company of the students she let to.

ufucoffee · 17/12/2021 10:10

@Crystalcrazy

My other commitments are caring for someone in a non official capacity so not eligible for carers allowance.

Also not eligible for any other benefits apart from single persons council tax.

I’m not going to my children’s on Christmas Day as they are working and don’t have a choice.

To the person who asked what my wage is going on. Here is a list:

Mortgage
Council tax
House insurance
Car insurance
Life insurance
Broadband
Mobile phone
Netflix
Water
Gas
Electric
TV license
Dental plan
Petrol
Food
Toiletries

I can not get rid of my car as I need it for work, Netflix is my only treat, everything else is what I need, believe me I have gone through them with a fine tooth comb.

I also spend money on home repairs and car maintenance (my car is quite old).

Thank you to all of those who have made helpful suggestions.

Do you need the life insurance?
ufucoffee · 17/12/2021 10:11

Also the dental plan? I'd let that go and only go to the dentist once a year.

Elfonthesofa · 17/12/2021 10:13

@crystal1717

Do you have massive outgoings? Even on min wage its £1000+ a month. Where's it all going?
Well, my rent is £700 pcm Council tax is £150 Water around £50 Electric is around £100 (we're single energy) This is without home insurance, Internet, phone and oh yes of course FOOD!
DixonD · 17/12/2021 10:14

She will need the life insurance - she has a mortgage!

DixonD · 17/12/2021 10:15

I’d get rid of the dental plan though, maybe find an NHS dentist (easier said than done!).

NoSquirrels · 17/12/2021 10:19

Can you downsize the house? Or, as others have said, get a lodger.

If you’re in say a 3-bed house that is quite a bit of property to maintain and heat etc if you live alone on a low income and are still paying a mortgage.

Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 17/12/2021 10:22

I think even more detail might be helpful OP. My thoughts are that this is not just an Xmas issue. Unless you've been frittering money all year and not budgeting, the issue is that there is little left after you've paid essentials. So it really is about looking at how you can change things over a longer time period and not just at xmas.

My thoughts would be - maybe you can sell and downsize? Maybe you can remortgage and save money that way? Why do you need a dental plan if eligible for NHS dentistry? Are you sure you're on the best value broadband and have the best value mobile phone? Can you take in a lodger? Are you sure that your caring does not make you eligible for carers allowance? Can you give us more detail re: how much you have coming in and are spending on things? How much are you spending on the presents you're planning on buying?

Flowers500 · 17/12/2021 10:23

Do you need the life insurance? I have a mortgage and don’t have it, it’s not mandatory anymore

Didicat · 17/12/2021 10:24

If you check FB local pages we have had several super kind people who are offering to plate up a Christmas dinner and deliver to those on their own or struggling.

If we were at home I’d happily make you a plate of roast dinner and pop some Christmas pudding over to you? Local churches sometimes also organise this?

Flowers500 · 17/12/2021 10:25

Who are you caring for and why? When you’re caring for them you should be eligible for the carer’s allowance. Please tell me this isn’t a drip feed about a dead end partner… have you considered putting yourself first and getting the job you need, rather than caring for them?

itsmellslikepopcarn · 17/12/2021 10:31

Single parent & my DD birthday is the week of Christmas too.

I start my shopping in august. Shop around a lot in charity shops, this year I’ve managed to find brand new LOL teddies, TY teddies, LOL monopoly for £1-2 when they retail up to £10-20 each. I’m self employed and had a good couple months leading up to Christmas fortunately so I’ve been able to spend more then.

girlmom21 · 17/12/2021 10:34

@Flowers500

Who are you caring for and why? When you’re caring for them you should be eligible for the carer’s allowance. Please tell me this isn’t a drip feed about a dead end partner… have you considered putting yourself first and getting the job you need, rather than caring for them?
My SM cares for her elderly DM who receives the lowest level SLA so SM doesn't qualify for carers even though her DM absolutely needs a lot of care.
JSL52 · 17/12/2021 10:52

@crystal1717

Do you have massive outgoings? Even on min wage its £1000+ a month. Where's it all going?
Not funny.
Original poster
Crystalcrazy · 17/12/2021 11:00

Unfortunately there are no NHS dentists in the town where I live.

I care for a relative after work and on an evening, they have no one else.

I have already decided next year I will look for a better paying job but I don’t live in or near a city, it’s a small town with notoriously low wages.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crystalcrazy · 17/12/2021 11:01

I’m tied into mobile phone and broadband contracts.

OP posts:
notanothertakeaway · 17/12/2021 11:04

@DixonD

She will need the life insurance - she has a mortgage!
If you're single, you don't necessarily need life assurance. If you die, the mortgage would be paid off when the house is sold
BarbaraofSeville · 17/12/2021 11:04

@DixonD

She will need the life insurance - she has a mortgage!
No she doesn't. The OP is single with no dependents. If she dies, the house gets sold to pay off the mortgage.

OP, I don't think you can get carer's allowance unless you earn less than a very low amount anyway (about £100 a week or so? so that wouldn't help).

If there are costs associated with this caring, does the person pay these? Petrol etc? It is likely that they will get benefits and allowances so if you are running up costs, they should really cover these.

How long until your mortgage is paid off? Once that happens you'll have more spare money. Or is there any chance of downsizing or moving to a cheaper area?

Otherwise, ruthless budgeting and prioritisation and saving all year for Christmas - if you can't afford to save, you can't afford to spend the money, sadly. You shouldn't be sacrificing heating or other essentials to buy your adult DC presents and if they're decent people, they'd be horrified if this was happening.