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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask where you meet professional men?

542 replies

InsideMyBed · 16/12/2021 14:25

To people that have professional dh with high earning careers (over 100k salary Shock).

Where did you meet them and how did you get together?

Wondering because apart from consultant doctors and dentists that I interact with in clinical settings only, I don’t think I ever come across men who earn over 100k salary.

I feel like most people I know earn £18,000 - £55,000 at the most. I’m sure a few might be on £60k but £100,000 a year Shock. That seems like so much money to me. I’m a university graduate and most jobs in my industry pay between £25,000 - £35,000 a year.

Where do you meet men who earn over £100k a year? Apart from doctors, dentists and barristers. I’m a bit jealous I will admit because these are the kinds of men I don’t even have access to much less share my life with one! BlushShock

OP posts:
EurghCobwebs · 17/12/2021 14:37

Aside from the fact that you sound like a gold-digger it isn't just doctors and dentists that have earning potential. Nearly all my friends are near or on £100k+. Their jobs include - marketing, accounting, construction roles and some do coding/programming for online retailers. We all live in London.

Wanting to be with somebody because they are ambitious is fine but wanting to be with someone who can pay for your way in life is very questionable OP, which is how your post comes across.

DillonPanthersTexas · 17/12/2021 14:59

It's funny isn't it when men describe women as parasites because they don't have the same earning power.

I don't think anyone has been labelled a parasite due to their lack of 'earning power', they have been labelled that because they are explicitly seeking a wealthy man who can gift them a lifestyle they can't be bothered to attain themselves.

Jessie75 · 17/12/2021 15:30

@EurghCobwebs

Aside from the fact that you sound like a gold-digger it isn't just doctors and dentists that have earning potential. Nearly all my friends are near or on £100k+. Their jobs include - marketing, accounting, construction roles and some do coding/programming for online retailers. We all live in London.

Wanting to be with somebody because they are ambitious is fine but wanting to be with someone who can pay for your way in life is very questionable OP, which is how your post comes across.

Ambitious is one thing but having the actual ability to do is an entirely different matter, the friend that I refer to further up in the thread was to married somebody earning 22 grand a year, he was very ambitious just bloody incapable and lived a life with his head in the clouds regularly telling her that they were going to buy a carpark so that he could stand there taking money all day off people for a living 😳🙄 Another friend was married to visit Lawyer who again very ambitious slightly dubious bit dodgy Starting businesses closing them he was like Arthur Daley in a suit.
BeyondOurReef · 17/12/2021 15:32

@DillonPanthersTexas

It's funny isn't it when men describe women as parasites because they don't have the same earning power.

I don't think anyone has been labelled a parasite due to their lack of 'earning power', they have been labelled that because they are explicitly seeking a wealthy man who can gift them a lifestyle they can't be bothered to attain themselves.

Exactly this. It’s not the discrepancy in salary. It’s the intention to find someone to live off that makes them a parasite.
Thevoiceofreason2021 · 17/12/2021 15:45

A man who earns 100k is generally smart enough to avoid gold diggers and want to date someone with the same earning capacity as themselves. You might also want to consider relying on yourself rather than a husband for finances….50% of marriages fail and those that survive are also subject to bankruptcy, Ill health, and all sorts of other money problems.

BillyCongo · 17/12/2021 15:49

Met mine 16 years ago when he was a broke intern and I earned significantly more than him. I was buying his groceries at one point because he couldn't afford to eat. I certainly didn't pick him for his money! However I liked his intelligence, creativity and drive. I figured he'd be one to do well eventually. More importantly we instantly just clicked and he's the only man ever to be my equal. He is now a high earner, but so am I. Love him to pieces but would still never be financially dependent on him. It just means I'm lucky enough that it allows me to work part-time so I can do more parenting with DC..........and riding Dpony.....

LAgeDeRaisin · 17/12/2021 15:57

Met DH on Tinder. I'm a doctor, cambridge grad, and he's a fund manager CEO. Most well educated professional men want to go out with well educated professional women so I'd focus on that rather than your particular dating site. It's pretty poor taste to start off thinking about how much money you can get out of someone and potential partners, both male and female, can smell it a mile off.

helpadvicewhateverneeded · 17/12/2021 15:57

@InsideMyBed I think you need the sugar daddy websites.

HollowTalk · 17/12/2021 16:08

You are basically wanting to start a relationship with a huge imbalance of power and wealth.

You say you are prepared to sleep with somebody 35 years older than yourself in order to have money from them.

Take a quiet moment over the weekend and really think about that. What does that say about you?

Nobody wants to be with a guy who is dependent on her. Why would you think men think differently?

If I were you I would focus on your own career and earn some money for yourself.

Namek · 17/12/2021 16:40

I met my husband at 20. I was a student working in retail and he was working part time as a tree surgeon for his brother. I actually earned more an hour than him at the time! I loved how kind, honest and intelligent he was. He wanted to do better for himself and I admired that completely.

20 years later - he earns £150k a year and I earn £70k. We both work in finance. We live in a lovely home and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with anyone else except him - regardless of his income!

SawdustandHay · 17/12/2021 16:59

@HollowTalk
You say you are prepared to sleep with somebody 35 years older than yourself in order to have money from them.

I think she said 35+ years old not older!

OffMyCloud · 17/12/2021 17:21

This has got to be a wind up?

There are lots of MeetUp events for IT folks, pick your specialty and go there. A few of single 100K+, kind, nice (but sometimes geeky!) colleagues of mine go to these events. It's meant to be networking, but it's also a place to make friendships.

Ginfilledcats · 17/12/2021 17:27

Instead of finding a man earning 100k to "do more things with" why don't you work on earning 100k so you don't need to find a man to do it for you?

X

OnceUponAThread · 17/12/2021 17:30

Goodness this thread is grim.

IME the best way to meet a high earning man is to be a high earner yourself.

And the high earning men I know would run a mile from someone who was targeting richer men with no plans to improve their salary and contribute themselves.

My DH earns well over the bracket you specify (£150k) and we have a bigger age gap than you want. But I earn six figs (though less than him) and my career is gearing up as his slows down. I expect I will out-earn him eventually and I also supported him through a career break.

We met through adjacent careers, and while he doesn't give a hoot what I earn, nor did I care what he earns, part of the attraction is that we are both ambitious, hard-working people, who pull our own weight and contribute equally.

tinse1 · 17/12/2021 17:42

Errr, it’s obvious OP was joking (mainly) about this. Some people take themselves so seriously on MN Grin

MatildaIThink · 17/12/2021 17:48

@tinse1

Errr, it’s obvious OP was joking (mainly) about this. Some people take themselves so seriously on MN Grin
I am not sure, the OP has come back several times to dig the hole deeper. It could be a windup thread, but there are unfortunately also women who think this way.
Iputthetrampintrampoline · 17/12/2021 17:50

@girlmom21

They tend to hang out in places where it's easy to hide from gold diggers.
exactly! I know and I am not betraying their secrets either lol x
Rainyday4321 · 17/12/2021 20:42

Met mine playing a sport. He was on about £80k at the time to my 45 at the time- he was late twenties and I was mid twenties.
Best part of 20 years later it’s £200 to £120 but the point is even then it was obvious we were both fairly ambitious/ hard working & that financial security was important to both of us.
And that I wasn’t expecting a free ride.

Toomanyradishes · 17/12/2021 21:35

There are tons of jobs in tech and IT at the moment, lots of opportunities to retrain, companies specifically aimed at training women to get into tech jobs. You dont even need to be that techy for some at them, what are your skills and strengths then look for jobs you might like. You are much much more likely to meet a man earning good money in IT if you are in IT, and on the plus side ypu will earn some more money to have fun with in the meantime, and longterm

OMG12 · 17/12/2021 21:39

Become a financial dominatrix?

HoppingPavlova · 17/12/2021 21:50

None of them were consultant doctors so their salary wasn’t that high

Gosh, well best ditch them at the outset then.

Tbh, you sound hideous. I’m sure this comes across, so I really doubt you will ‘trap’ any high-earner. Funny thing about high-earners is they are generally not stupid. The only chance you probably have is a really old one, that’s divorced with adult kids who is happy to have a young gold digger on his arm for the few years he has left.

If you want money, improve yourself and your own earning capacity.

2bazookas · 17/12/2021 21:51

But jokes aside I don't think wanting to be with a financially solvent man renders someone a gold digger.

Seriously, don't confuse "earns over 100K" with financial solvency. (Or generosity, or honesty).

Panacotta · 17/12/2021 21:52

Kanye wrote a song about you a while back OP.

To ask where you meet professional men?
Lounginginmanchester · 18/12/2021 00:23

The Victorians got it wrong op.
Don't look for money, look for love and kindness.
You're only young - don't learn the hard way. A single older man is probably single for a reason rich or otherwise. Better a nice 20 something (same age) and a future with a chance of wealth (doesn't need to be monetary).

Wantubackforgood · 18/12/2021 06:20

My not so DH earned £18 k when I met him and I earned around £25k -this was 20 plus years ago.
After years of me helping to support him he suddenly rose up the ladder and earned £300k.

Then he had an affair and we split up but I still had my career so was ok

Moral of the story :
Poor men can get rich

Rich husbands can be a target for gold diggers Hmm