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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask where you meet professional men?

542 replies

InsideMyBed · 16/12/2021 14:25

To people that have professional dh with high earning careers (over 100k salary Shock).

Where did you meet them and how did you get together?

Wondering because apart from consultant doctors and dentists that I interact with in clinical settings only, I don’t think I ever come across men who earn over 100k salary.

I feel like most people I know earn £18,000 - £55,000 at the most. I’m sure a few might be on £60k but £100,000 a year Shock. That seems like so much money to me. I’m a university graduate and most jobs in my industry pay between £25,000 - £35,000 a year.

Where do you meet men who earn over £100k a year? Apart from doctors, dentists and barristers. I’m a bit jealous I will admit because these are the kinds of men I don’t even have access to much less share my life with one! BlushShock

OP posts:
succession · 16/12/2021 21:08

[quote thepeopleversuswork]@succession

I find my husband's ambition and drive really attractive too, which is also why he earns a lot

Wouldn't you rather have your own ambition and drive, rather than relying on someone else's?[/quote]
Who says I don't have my own?

DillonPanthersTexas · 16/12/2021 21:12

Oh and very few people get with a partner who is already earning 100k.

I dunno, i met my wife on match.com, we were both on six figure salaries.

Receptionclass · 16/12/2021 21:14

You might meet someone with a high salary if you had one yourself, as you would be mixing in those circles.

Jessie75 · 16/12/2021 21:16

I know somebody who had four children with somebody earning £22,000 I wanted to be a stay at home mum I don’t know how she ever thought that maths was going to work. it’s all very well falling in love with somebody and not to being too concerned about their salary but then youre going have to adjust your lifestyle accordingly.

XmasElf10 · 16/12/2021 21:23

I earn over 100k my DP of 2.5 years also earns about that (he owns his own business so it’s not quite as easy as a flat salary and when he retires he’ll sell up so is probably worth more than me realistically). We met online. He told me he worked in IT. I told him I worked in project management. He turned up for our date in a works van. It was a while before I found out about the big Tesla. I don’t date him for the money and neither of us really ‘fessed up to our earnings until we’d got past the stage of finding out we liked one another. Mostly on the weekends we trundle around in his old truck, take walks and eat bacon sandwiches cooked on a little travel gas stove. I really don’t want or need his money. I think we both found that attractive about one another!

BasicDad · 16/12/2021 21:31

Vast majority of life coupling up of £100k+ men is happening with £100k+ women in finance/legal/IT/other professional services.

If you want to just date and take your chances, then try The Ned.

PlainJaneSuperbrainthe2nd · 16/12/2021 21:41

Although there are young men earning that sort of salary it tends to go hand in hand with more senior positions. My DH was on around 50,000 when we met and my salary was similar. He's now earning over the 100k mark - it's often the promotions in your late 30s and 40s that get you into that bracket. So I imagine a lot of the men earning that amount are either married already or divorced but have kids.

allfurcoatnoknickers · 16/12/2021 21:59

I met DH doing a masters. When I met him he was a broke young idealist who was going to go into politics and change the world. Then he realized it didn't pay and now works in consulting via a stint at a FinTech firm and in a Megabank Grin. Makes about 250k pre-bonus. No one is more surprised than me. I liked him because he was interesting and ambitious, because he sure as hell wasn't rich.

So I guess in answer to your question - grad school.

SpinsForGin · 16/12/2021 22:05

Work!

He was earning around £55k when we met but that's increased significantly in the last decade.
I earn half his salary but I'm 11 years younger so I'm hoping to catch up at some point!

LactoseTheIntolerant · 16/12/2021 22:07

@Thedogscollar

I'm astounded we are 4 pages in and people are still advising the OP on what to do.

This is so obviously a load of utter bollocks.
IF the OP is a graduate at all her degree must be in bullshitting.

This thread is both embarrassing and depressing.

Exactly!
JaceLancs · 16/12/2021 22:26

DS is a high earner (accountant) but mainly because he also has a small business buying and selling niche collectable items - he’s not flash with it and is gay so looking for a husband not a wife - meets people socially or does online dating - I doubt he would disclose his wealth until things became more serious
I’m a reasonably high earner myself and get fed up of potential cock lodgers - I’d like to know how to meet more high earners myself just so we could have a more equal relationship

Thedogscollar · 16/12/2021 22:40

@LactoseTheIntolerant

Thank God I'm not the only one that can see this for what it is.

For a group of a apparently intelligent people your gullibility is abundant.

The OPs replies are both ridiculous and disingenuous.

MeSanniesareBrannies · 16/12/2021 22:50

Everywhere. Work, mates of mates, at parties. I wasn’t ‘seeking a high earner’, but most of the men I met/dated were of similar backgrounds and level of education to me, and they tend to be quite well off.

I met DP on an app.

I do think that most people (male or female) are rather wary of gold diggers, though. So, your whole vibe might be off-putting, OP.

MeSanniesareBrannies · 16/12/2021 22:51

[quote Thedogscollar]@LactoseTheIntolerant

Thank God I'm not the only one that can see this for what it is.

For a group of a apparently intelligent people your gullibility is abundant.

The OPs replies are both ridiculous and disingenuous.[/quote]
Ooooh, I didn’t RTFT! Which is entirely on me.

MatildaIThink · 16/12/2021 23:00

I met my husband at the last year of uni when we earned very little, working around studying our degrees. He went into work after his BSc and slowly worked his way up in an entirely unrelated field, before having a large jump when he set up his own business and went into consultancy. I kept studying, did a masters, the a PhD, I worked on low ish pay until I worked my way up to leading research projects.

On the other side, my brother is single, he earns £400-500k pa, he has tried dating the last few years and although Covid has obviously not helped, one of the problems is there seems to be a lot of women wanting "professional men", which seems to be code for someone to sponge off. He is not bothered about a potential partner being on a similar income, the reality of that is very unlikely, but he does want someone who isn't just looking to be a parasite.

NotJust3SmallWords · 16/12/2021 23:18

Met my husband at college. I'm the higher earner but he's not doing too bad either.

Honestly op I'd suggest you focus on yourself, it's much more reliable knowing you'll always be able to take care of yourself if needs be. If your partner earns well it's a bonus of course.
Otherwise, I think look at the quality of a man's character above anything else and remember being being a very high earner isn't the be all.

Allywill · 17/12/2021 00:36

my husband earned almost 200k last year. you want my tips?
we met whilst at school so scoure the local cash and carry for a 17 year old saturday worker with an nice chat up line in the wonders of the zx spectrum computer.
move in with him to a slug infested, damp ridden hovel.
accept the £250 engagement ring (and pay half yourself) and plan the wedding of your dreams on a very limited budget.
stay married through thick and thin, good times and bad for 30 years raise 2 children almost single handed whilst he works very long hours, often overseas and finally reap the benefits in your 50s. good luck.

RobertaFirmino · 17/12/2021 00:40

You might as well just become a sex worker. At least you'd be living a more honest life.

lap90 · 17/12/2021 01:04

@MatildaIThink

I met my husband at the last year of uni when we earned very little, working around studying our degrees. He went into work after his BSc and slowly worked his way up in an entirely unrelated field, before having a large jump when he set up his own business and went into consultancy. I kept studying, did a masters, the a PhD, I worked on low ish pay until I worked my way up to leading research projects.

On the other side, my brother is single, he earns £400-500k pa, he has tried dating the last few years and although Covid has obviously not helped, one of the problems is there seems to be a lot of women wanting "professional men", which seems to be code for someone to sponge off. He is not bothered about a potential partner being on a similar income, the reality of that is very unlikely, but he does want someone who isn't just looking to be a parasite.

I'm not surprised your brother is having issues with dating if he thinks someone simply seeking a 'professional' is some kind of gold digger.
mobear · 17/12/2021 01:18

Work. I am not lawyer but ordinarily work in law firms

avamiah · 17/12/2021 01:18

@RobertaFirmino

You might as well just become a sex worker. At least you'd be living a more honest life.
Hahaha

Just literally laughed out loud.

Blossom64265 · 17/12/2021 04:41

You meet them at work because you are similarly employed. Alternatively, you went to university with them while earning the degree the got you a good career.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 17/12/2021 04:49

I work alongside social housing sector , with this I work daily with SLT (directors) CEO’s , heads of compliance and governance, heads of departments.

Most of these range from 85k to 245k

succession · 17/12/2021 07:14

@BasicDad

Vast majority of life coupling up of £100k+ men is happening with £100k+ women in finance/legal/IT/other professional services.

If you want to just date and take your chances, then try The Ned.

Cringe!
Unhomme · 17/12/2021 07:42

I earn just shy of £100k and I met my wife when I was on about £12k and not in a professional capacity...