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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are we being silly?

252 replies

BigTD45 · 15/12/2021 20:35

This is a very silly "problem", but I am curious to know other people's perspectives.

We were visiting PILs today. FIL was playing with DC and told DC that Santa is coming to our house next weekend to leave them presents.

MIL chirped up and said "Santa will also be coming here to drop off toys for you". I mentioned it to DP later and he said he didn't think it was right that his DM should tell DC this. For context, MIL has a habit of overstepping a little when it comes to DC. She's insisting on buying DCs Christmas day outfit and Christmas eve pj's, as she always does, but we just put our own outfit/pj's on DC. MIL will always ask why DC is not wearing what she bought, but we will just tell her we wanted DC to wear ours, and DC will wear her outfit another time (maybe new years?).

Are we being daft? Does anyone else have Santa going to 2 houses for 1 DC?

OP posts:
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 16/12/2021 08:36

I think what @Hallowbat is saying is a perfectly reasonable solution if it is causing you anxiety OP.

shabbadababa · 16/12/2021 08:47

All due respect. I think your been massively pathetic. It sounds like your picking problems for no reason.. so what if santa goes to 2 houses my children know that mummy and daddy buy the presents santa collects them and them brings them back Xmas eve. So him going to two houses that have purchased things for him doesn't seem to be a problem to me

MistyGreenAndBlue · 16/12/2021 08:56

No wonder kids are working it out younger and younger these days.
If my grandparents had tried to pull this obvious tripe on me, I'd have definitely questioned it. Same with the "we send FC money" or worse, "he's just the delivery man." No way am I falling THAT. Grin
Obviously some kids are quicker on the uptake than others but really? The more convoluted you make the myth, the more questions you raise. Keep it vague and mysterious.

WOTW · 16/12/2021 09:00

I remember being this hung up on small issues when my DS was small. I would always become grumpy about MIL "overstepping."

Looking back, it was just immature. Stop wasting time and energy on these things.

A bit of perspective. One day, PIL's will be gone. How lovely would it be to remind your DC that they were loved by them very much. When your children are grown, you will regret caring so much about these things.

Elodeastar · 16/12/2021 09:03

We never did the whole Santa thing, but if you choose to do it then you have to accept that others might also want to get involved. It might sound like she interferes, but who knows, maybe she just loves her granchild(ren) and wants to be involved in their lives. As parents, even if we don't always agree with granny/grandad, we should try to involve them (unless they are abusive to the children/you of course, that's very different). Just be glad your child(ren) is/are so loved!

Livpool · 16/12/2021 09:12

This wouldn't bother me at all

Panacotta · 16/12/2021 09:13

@WOTW

I remember being this hung up on small issues when my DS was small. I would always become grumpy about MIL "overstepping."

Looking back, it was just immature. Stop wasting time and energy on these things.

A bit of perspective. One day, PIL's will be gone. How lovely would it be to remind your DC that they were loved by them very much. When your children are grown, you will regret caring so much about these things.

This. 100%! You might also be a PIL one day.
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 16/12/2021 09:14

Btw we do the stocking snd ONE present from Santa. The rest is from me - I don’t want some imaginary man taking all my fucking credit 😆😆😆😆😆

Bettysnow · 16/12/2021 09:15

My parents used to do this for my children when they were small. Not loads of gifts but a few things from santa. They loved it and it never entered their mind to tell other kids they had gotten two lots if gifts.
Just relax and enjoy the build up to xmas. Its nice that they make an effort and im sure no harm is intended

Cocogreen · 16/12/2021 09:24

@ZenNudist

No santa drops to the child wherever they are on Christmas eve and other presents come from grandma etc
Santa goes to the house where the child is sleeping on Christmas Eve, but in the case of divorced or separated parents can leave presents at the other house too. I have never heard of grandparents trying to get it on the act.
Qwertykeys · 16/12/2021 09:27

Santa often left presents at Other relatives houses

Helendee · 16/12/2021 09:29

I’m loving the irony, a PP said that the MIL was controlling with apparent disregard to how she (Mil) is only allowed to say what Dil approves of about a non existent character!
What on Earth is wrong with Father Christmas dropping presents to granny’s house if she will be seeing the kids later that day?

Darkpheonix · 16/12/2021 09:42

@Helendee

I’m loving the irony, a PP said that the MIL was controlling with apparent disregard to how she (Mil) is only allowed to say what Dil approves of about a non existent character! What on Earth is wrong with Father Christmas dropping presents to granny’s house if she will be seeing the kids later that day?
And OP had to go along with Santa because her Dp wouldn't not have allowed it any other way.
Original poster
BigTD45 · 16/12/2021 09:53

@LittleBirdBlu

You are being precious and ridiculous! Is this all you have to worry about in life?? Hmm
If you read my updates it would be clear that, no, it's not.
OP posts:
baublebuns · 16/12/2021 10:05

Father Christmas leaves presents at my house for my nephew, at his own house and at Nanna's. I'm just envious that I didn't have three houses with presents at Christmas.

MaskingForIt · 16/12/2021 10:13

Only the middle classes. The WC all day Santa. It’s one of the classic class indicators.

Helendee · 16/12/2021 10:26

@MaskingForIt

Yep I’m totally working class and isn’t Santa more prevalent in the US? I think ‘Father Christmas’ is traditionally English/British.

Original poster
BigTD45 · 16/12/2021 11:04

@TenGames

YANBU it is setting up an unsustainable tradition. With SC the best plans are to keep it simple and within the household(s) of the parents. My MIL tried some trick of suggesting a last minute essential purchase (clothes) was from FC. My child was 5 at the time and saw me order it.

We haven't had the my mum is dead posts yet but do have the "if this is all you can worry about" ones. With clothes stick them on your child at some point but not if you've got another outfit planned for the big day.

I try to be considerate and put them on DC on another big day e.g. New Years. I don't see the issue with that! People say I'm being controlling because I want my DC to wear what I'm excited to put on them, as does granny. Surely, if anything, we're both controlling? Lol idk

As for the "some people have bigger issues", we could say that about literally everything single post on this site Hmm

OP posts:
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 16/12/2021 11:14

@BigTD45

It’s fine to not want them in their clothes. It’s not fine to be annoyed that they’ve bought stuff. Just explain nicely every year “I’ve chosen something for Christmas but they can wear this Boxing Day, thank you.” That’s it. It’s not an issue. You could also say “you always buy things for Christmas which is sweet but I actually like to choose it so perhaps you could buy for NYE”. What’s the issue with using your mouth and talking?

It’s controlling to want to navigate the narrative around their Christmas presents. My MIL can be a total nightmare but I let this sort of stuff go because ultimately she’s just trying to do something nice for my children that they will enjoy. Not everything needs to be a battle of wills or “this isn’t what I want to happen”.

Original poster
BigTD45 · 16/12/2021 11:19

[quote Justheretoaskaquestion91]@BigTD45

It’s fine to not want them in their clothes. It’s not fine to be annoyed that they’ve bought stuff. Just explain nicely every year “I’ve chosen something for Christmas but they can wear this Boxing Day, thank you.” That’s it. It’s not an issue. You could also say “you always buy things for Christmas which is sweet but I actually like to choose it so perhaps you could buy for NYE”. What’s the issue with using your mouth and talking?

It’s controlling to want to navigate the narrative around their Christmas presents. My MIL can be a total nightmare but I let this sort of stuff go because ultimately she’s just trying to do something nice for my children that they will enjoy. Not everything needs to be a battle of wills or “this isn’t what I want to happen”.[/quote]
I'm confused, when did I say I was annoyed that they bought stuff??

OP posts:
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 16/12/2021 11:22

You describe them buying stuff as “overstepping”, a word with negative connotations.

kirinm · 16/12/2021 11:27

Sorry but this seems a ridiculous thing to get upset by. In fact some of my DD's presents will be dropped by FC at DM's house this year.

Maybe if you hadn't used the word 'chirped' up people wouldn't assume you have an issue with your MIL. That and also getting upset about a total non issue.

kirinm · 16/12/2021 11:29

Oh I forgot about the Christmas clothes and pyjamas. Don't people have better things to do than get upset about someone helping you out and buying things that you need?

It is just another thing off a list that you don't have to sort out. Why must your DC wear what you've bought?

kirinm · 16/12/2021 11:36

Telling your small child that you've paid Santa isn't "spoiling the magic"? What? I didn't realise there is any story where parents had to pay Santa. That sounds like an awful idea to me and most certainly not magic.

JustRambling · 16/12/2021 11:50

Oh dearie me. How can grandparents possibly remember all these “rules” that daughters-in-law demand they follow.

Especially when in this case the “rule” is which LIE to tell about a made-up character.🤔

Crazy.

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