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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are we being silly?

252 replies

BigTD45 · 15/12/2021 20:35

This is a very silly "problem", but I am curious to know other people's perspectives.

We were visiting PILs today. FIL was playing with DC and told DC that Santa is coming to our house next weekend to leave them presents.

MIL chirped up and said "Santa will also be coming here to drop off toys for you". I mentioned it to DP later and he said he didn't think it was right that his DM should tell DC this. For context, MIL has a habit of overstepping a little when it comes to DC. She's insisting on buying DCs Christmas day outfit and Christmas eve pj's, as she always does, but we just put our own outfit/pj's on DC. MIL will always ask why DC is not wearing what she bought, but we will just tell her we wanted DC to wear ours, and DC will wear her outfit another time (maybe new years?).

Are we being daft? Does anyone else have Santa going to 2 houses for 1 DC?

OP posts:
DroopyClematis · 15/12/2021 20:53

It's a generous gesture but somewhat controlling.
You and your partner need to discuss this and decide on a solution going forward.

Christmas Eve PJs ( and the ensuing Christmas Eve boxes ) are the devil's creation.

This needs to be nipped in the bud .

iklboodolphrednosedpaindear · 15/12/2021 20:54

keep picturing that child in the playground wondering why Santa didn't even come to their house, let alone 2 houses. I was that child and I don't want that for another child.

Ah, then with all due respect (and understandably), you may be projecting a little?

SnarkyBag · 15/12/2021 20:54

@BigTD45

I agree it's lovely. My DC is very fortunate to have loving GPs. I grew up less fortunate, I didn't have loving parents, or grandparents.

I'm concerned that DC will go to school and tell his friends that Santa, not only went to his house, but GPs house too. I keep picturing that child in the playground wondering why Santa didn't even come to their house, let alone 2 houses. I was that child and I don't want that for another child.

On the nicest possible way you need to get a grip!
Original poster
BigTD45 · 15/12/2021 20:54

@ivykaty44

its a normal thing for grandparents to say

you're nit picking, you don't like MIL.

my paternal grandmother used to give my mum money to get me presents - then she couldn't get the wrong thing

Please don't out words in my mouth. I do like my MIL, she's a wonderful grandmother to my DC.

I asked about 1 single "issue", why on earth do people take it upon themselves to decide who I like or don't like? Hmm

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 15/12/2021 20:54

Santa is a big lie any way. He can drop presents anywhere, total non issue.

Rainartist · 15/12/2021 20:54

You will get people saying be grateful they care etc but in my opinion these people don't understand how frustrating it is to have people "controlling" what you do in your own family. They had their time with their own DC. It can be very oppressive and wearing and whilst some mean well others don't. You only have to read numerous threads on here about gifts with strings attached, parents giving money but dictating how it's spent etc

You get to decide your own Christmas traditions. Good on you for sticking with what you want, it is overstepping to try and impose their requirements on you. It's one thing to buy Christmas PJs, it's quite another thing to comment on them not being worn on The Day when GPs dictate. If they try and say FC left presents at theirs just ignore them and say to DC "say thank you to granny for the lovely presents"

pictish · 15/12/2021 20:56

I don’t think Santa goes to selected grandparents’ houses too, no. The presents at granny’s are from granny.
If you want to choose and enjoy Christmas Eve pjs and Christmas Day outfits, do so. Don’t let her take charge of that and certainly not both. She does sound rather self-important. I liked to choose when mine were little so she’d have annoyed me. I don’t give a shit now…they’re all teens.

Dailywalk · 15/12/2021 20:57

It wouldn’t bother me.

Your Mil just wants to join in the fun. My judgment may be clouded given that my in laws are dead. It’d be lovely for my kids to have grandparents that enjoyed sharing Christmas with them.

Original poster
BigTD45 · 15/12/2021 20:58

@iklboodolphrednosedpaindear

keep picturing that child in the playground wondering why Santa didn't even come to their house, let alone 2 houses. I was that child and I don't want that for another child.

Ah, then with all due respect (and understandably), you may be projecting a little?

Oh I totally agree that I'm projecting! But it doesn't change the fact that there's always children out there who get nothing for Christmas.
OP posts:
Darkpheonix · 15/12/2021 20:58

[quote BigTD45]@Darkpheonix

Agree, but why not minimise the hurt by limiting it to 1 house, rather than having "Santa" run everywhere to drop off gifts for 1 child, and none for another?[/quote]
But it doesn't really.

Christmas isn't all about Santa gifts. Even just converstations about what they all got can hurt other children.

Your child is getting the same amount and same gifts. Just Santa is doing an imaginary stop off at another house.

As I said, if ita important to you, its important to you.

But if a child is getting g no presents at Christmas. Your child have f something dropped off at GPs is likely to not cause anymore upset, than there already is.

They will remember no presents. Unlikey to remember that someone they went to primary with had a present at their GPs. Also my experience is that lots if families say this too. So it's not like your child would be unique saying this.

But its important to you, I think its unreasonable. You obviously think you aren't and its important to you. Doesn't really matter what everyone else thinks.

Scandisaurus · 15/12/2021 20:59

Pick your fights. This is not it.

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 15/12/2021 20:59

It doesn’t really matter does it? I mean Santa isn’t actually coming to either house.

MargaretThursday · 15/12/2021 21:00

I don't think that's normal, and would make me uncomfortable too.
If they asked "can we do extra presents from Santa here" it puts a slightly different angle on it, but just announcing it to the child is controlling.

Original poster
BigTD45 · 15/12/2021 21:00

Just FYI. It doesn't have to be just our presents that are from Santa. If they wanted to leave their "Santa" gifts at ours and be there for DC opening the door and seeing them, I would be totally fine with this. I would actually love it if they were there!

I just don't think Santa should visit 2 separate houses 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
NadjaofAntipaxos · 15/12/2021 21:01

I had this with parents and in law's but asked them not to say Santa was bringing presents to their house too. I said that I wanted our children to understand that the presents came from family members so they could appreciate how loved they are by these people who have gone to so much trouble to get them thoughtful, exciting things they love.

Not so important when they are little but more so when they are getting older and we are trying to teach them about being grateful. Also that idea of feeling loved by extended family creating security. Not that presents mean love!, More an emphasis on the thought and care behind someone choosing and wrapping a gift for you.

longwayoff · 15/12/2021 21:03

Obviously, their grandmother should have said "Santa Claus is a ridiculous fantasy that indulgent parents like to foster. Here's 50 squids apiece sprogs, off you go to Bluewater and get what you want". So festive. Merry Christmas.

PeskyRobins · 15/12/2021 21:05

I say Father Christmas too! @Cottagepieandpeas

Darkpheonix · 15/12/2021 21:05

To be fair, the whole concept of Santa can make kids who get no or few presents feel bad.

If those kids are a priority to yimou and I understand why, I am surprised you are going down the Santa route.

I think kids can accept there's little or more money, rather than 'Santa who give kids loads of presents left one/non for you'.

Original poster
BigTD45 · 15/12/2021 21:06

@longwayoff

Obviously, their grandmother should have said "Santa Claus is a ridiculous fantasy that indulgent parents like to foster. Here's 50 squids apiece sprogs, off you go to Bluewater and get what you want". So festive. Merry Christmas.
Hmm

Ok........

OP posts:
escapingthecity · 15/12/2021 21:06

We have an agreed approach to Santa (he only brings stocking presents to wherever DS is), all other gifts are from the named giver) and if any GPs contradicted that I would be mad.

GrabbyAbbie · 15/12/2021 21:06

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest, your in laws love and care for your children and want to
Share in the enjoyment of Christmas and the magic of Santa. Why begrudge them that?
A lot families do Santa differently some say Santa just leaves a stocking, others all their presents, some just one "from Santa" present.
So most children won't have the same experiences with Santa anyway.

SoSickOfItNow · 15/12/2021 21:07

@Cottagepieandpeas

misses point of thread

Does anyone say ‘Father Christmas’ anymore, apart from me?

Father Christmas in this house too! (DC is older teen)
Original poster
BigTD45 · 15/12/2021 21:08

@Darkpheonix

To be fair, the whole concept of Santa can make kids who get no or few presents feel bad.

If those kids are a priority to yimou and I understand why, I am surprised you are going down the Santa route.

I think kids can accept there's little or more money, rather than 'Santa who give kids loads of presents left one/non for you'.

My DP would NEVER allow me to tell DC that Santa isn't real.
OP posts:
GrabbyAbbie · 15/12/2021 21:08

Oh and I may bemean but I have always told my kids that I send money to Santa for their presents!

Lushplease · 15/12/2021 21:09

Well I think it's evident that your PILs are lovely and you're feeling a little put out that your own parents aren't so thoughtful to make up such stories and don't have as good a relationship with your dc. It's bittersweet.
I'd let them enjoy it. It's not causing any harm- and let's be honest- this is not about worrying about some random child in the playgrounds grandparents not getting a visit from Santa- it's about how your own parents have let you down.

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