Are we being silly?

[BigTD45]

This is a very silly "problem", but I am curious to know other people's perspectives.

We were visiting PILs today. FIL was playing with DC and told DC that Santa is coming to our house next weekend to leave them presents.

MIL chirped up and said "Santa will also be coming here to drop off toys for you". I mentioned it to DP later and he said he didn't think it was right that his DM should tell DC this. For context, MIL has a habit of overstepping a little when it comes to DC. She's insisting on buying DCs Christmas day outfit and Christmas eve pj's, as she always does, but we just put our own outfit/pj's on DC. MIL will always ask why DC is not wearing what she bought, but we will just tell her we wanted DC to wear ours, and DC will wear her outfit another time (maybe new years?).

Are we being daft? Does anyone else have Santa going to 2 houses for 1 DC?

I know lots of people can have difficult relationships with in-laws but honestly, to have grandparents who want to be involved and care is not something to be taken for granted.

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

You describe them buying stuff as “overstepping”, a word with negative connotations.

Awww gotcha, fair enough!

No no, they're lovely people. They can buy DC whatever they wish, but I just feel dictating when said clothes are worn is a bit much, and then questioning why he's not wearing what they bought.

@JustRambling

Yes, exactly!

It just sounds like you don't like your PIL and are put off by pretty much everything they say and do.

Where on earth are you getting this from?

From your ridiculous over-reaction to perfectly normal grandparent behaviour?

I'm concerned that DC will go to school and tell his friends that Santa, not only went to his house, but GPs house too. I keep picturing that child in the playground wondering why Santa didn't even come to their house, let alone 2 houses. I was that child and I don't want that for another child.

What are you going to do - tape DC's mouth shut throughout December in case he mentions Santa?
What about all the kids who don't have grandparents - better embargo DC ever mentioning them.
Or holidays, on case other kids don't get to go on holidays ...

This is a funny thread. I love the people stating what Santa does as fact, and particularly the one with concern for the fact he already has enough houses to visit as if he's real and needs his working rights considered 😆. Also the faux concern for the hypothetical poor child with no presents that you have no idea exists in your ds's friendship group. You get it a lot too when people who insist only one present should come from Santa or just the stocking. They start with the concern then usually it slips out that they don't want a fictional man 'getting the credit'. I'd be thankful mil is more interested in keeping the magic of Xmas than wanting the glory tbh. She sounds lovely and involved. I don't think she's over stepping she's obviously excited to buy them outfits and unless the outfits are terrible I think it's petty not to put them on at least some of the time.

Back to the kids with no presents, by the time dc get back to school Xmas is a whirlwind that seems ages ago. Especially for those young enough still to believe in santa. They remember their favourite few presents and that's about it. It's unlikely they'll go in to detail about what had come to who or what house they came from. If one kid has had a switch and a hover board and the other a pound shop car then it's not going to matter to the child where any of it actually came from.

Poor grandma, she can't do right for doing wrong. She's trying to be part of the 'magic' of Christmas and she can't even get that right.

And because she buys certain things and claims that father Christmas, who doesn't actually exists, drops presents at her house for the children apparently, according to some posters, this makes her 'controlling'.

Bloody ridiculous.

Oh, and in answer to the question in your title OP, yes you are being silly.

@ChargingBuck

It just sounds like you don't like your PIL and are put off by pretty much everything they say and do.

Where on earth are you getting this from?

From your ridiculous over-reaction to perfectly normal grandparent behaviour?

I'm concerned that DC will go to school and tell his friends that Santa, not only went to his house, but GPs house too. I keep picturing that child in the playground wondering why Santa didn't even come to their house, let alone 2 houses. I was that child and I don't want that for another child.

What are you going to do - tape DC's mouth shut throughout December in case he mentions Santa?
What about all the kids who don't have grandparents - better embargo DC ever mentioning them.
Or holidays, on case other kids don't get to go on holidays ...

My ridiculous over reaction......

Oh the irony 😂

Another person asking if they're silly and when they're told yes, get defensive. What is the point in starting a thread like this?

I totally see where you’re coming from OP and it looks like you already have good boundaries in place. Keep speaking up.

This on its own is a small issue but in the context of them generally being a bit over bearing, I'd be annoyed. As parents and especially as first time parents, you want ownership over the very special things like Christmas and what your child expects from it. It's of course lovely that the buy things but I would also want father Xmas to come to our house and other presents to be from other sources.

@pigsDOfly

Poor grandma, she can't do right for doing wrong. She's trying to be part of the 'magic' of Christmas and she can't even get that right.

And because she buys certain things and claims that father Christmas, who doesn't actually exists, drops presents at her house for the children apparently, according to some posters, this makes her 'controlling'.

Bloody ridiculous.

This. I wish my MIL was this 'controlling'!

And yy to Father Christmas needing to join a union because he's being overworked.

As parents and especially as first time parents, you want ownership over the very special things like Christmas and what your child expects from it

Yeh ok. In my experience if you have any expectations about your children’s expectations, you are going to have a baaaad time as a parent. It’s just odd to want “ownership” over what is essentially happiness. Your happiness over your children’s joy, your children’s happiness over the fun of Christmas, your parent’s (in law’s) happiness over the children’s joy. It’s happiness. Let people experience it and share it, not keep it to your chest like some sort of bizarre Scrooge of joy. It’s an infinite thing, it doesn’t exactly run out if someone else has some…

Do some people understand the spirit of the holiday at all or is it now purely a day for velvetisers and irritating homemade wreath posts on social media?!

Do some people understand the spirit of the holiday at all or is it now purely a day for velvetisers and irritating homemade wreath posts on social media?!

Oh fuck @Justheretoaskaquestion91 - I don't have a velvetiser. Have I ruined christmas?

Loved your point about the infinity of joy though :)

@Justheretoaskaquestion91 I agree… your paragraph about velvetisers and the concept of joy wins the thread for me too

Thank you @Pawprintpaper and @ChargingBuck - I didn’t actually know what the fuck a velvetiser was until MN showed me…although I now always smirk when thinking of one (not that I do with much regularity, I swear) after a thread where someone said it sounded naughty 😬🤦🏻‍♀️

Father Christmas leaves presents at our house and at both grandparents houses!! They want to see the kids opening their present from them, but not at 6am on Christmas morning!

One of my daughters wants to control everything to do with gifts for her children.

So some presents come from mummy and daddy but everything else comes from father Christmas, apparently.

Maybe in years to come my grandchildren will be on mn saying that their grandma never bought them any presents when they were growing up, who knows.

@kirinm

Telling your small child that you've paid Santa isn't "spoiling the magic"? What? I didn't realise there is any story where parents had to pay Santa. That sounds like an awful idea to me and most certainly not magic.

No no no, everyone knows that Santa invoices parents on boxing day. If a parent can't pay then Rudolph kneecaps them while the elves repossess the Christmas decorations. It's all very magical. Santa visiting two houses though? That's too weird, really hard to suspend disbelief than much.

All normal in our family. Santa has been known to also visit grandparents in Australia with gifts that get sent up. Some years he has also visited us in the US Xmas day and then also left presents under the tree in the UK. He is everywhere! 🎄😃

@Ionlydomassiveones

Depressing OP. Another DIL nit-picking and over analysing some throw away harmless comment from a MIL clearly trying to hold on to some crumbs of involvement in the lives of the GC she loves.

When people wonder why new mothers have gender disappointment at having a boy it’s because of shit like this. DILs who use any excuse to find fault.

You have no idea how much involvement MIL has in my DCs life, thank you very much. Please keep such comments to yourself in the future.

Not that I have to explain myself to you, but my MIL and DC have an extremely strong bond, as they should.

This is simply about Santa, as I wanted to know how others do it

Why can’t the presents at their house just be from them? Why do they have to be from Father Christmas?

I never attribute big presents to Father Christmas, in our house he just fills stockings. When my kid is older, if he asks why FC brings Xboxes to some kids and only little things to him, I’ll just say we have an arrangement that he fills our stockings with fun toys but we take responsibility for the big presents. Also, I want the credit.

@Ionlydomassiveones

Depressing OP. Another DIL nit-picking and over analysing some throw away harmless comment from a MIL clearly trying to hold on to some crumbs of involvement in the lives of the GC she loves.

When people wonder why new mothers have gender disappointment at having a boy it’s because of shit like this. DILs who use any excuse to find fault.

This is a batshit comment.

Please keep such comments to yourself in the future.

Snarks the woman who has just posted on a rambunctious public forum, asking for comments ...