Are we being silly?

[BigTD45]

This is a very silly "problem", but I am curious to know other people's perspectives.

We were visiting PILs today. FIL was playing with DC and told DC that Santa is coming to our house next weekend to leave them presents.

MIL chirped up and said "Santa will also be coming here to drop off toys for you". I mentioned it to DP later and he said he didn't think it was right that his DM should tell DC this. For context, MIL has a habit of overstepping a little when it comes to DC. She's insisting on buying DCs Christmas day outfit and Christmas eve pj's, as she always does, but we just put our own outfit/pj's on DC. MIL will always ask why DC is not wearing what she bought, but we will just tell her we wanted DC to wear ours, and DC will wear her outfit another time (maybe new years?).

Are we being daft? Does anyone else have Santa going to 2 houses for 1 DC?

Santa only visits one house here. But in our case the grandparents like the kids to know who bought the presents, they’d hate Santa getting all of the credit.

Also, it would annoy me a bit if they were trying to ‘be Santa’. I do think that’s a parents role as part of Christmas.

Oh and I may bemean but I have always told my kids that I send money to Santa for their presents!

We do this. I remember hearing one of my younger cousins commenting that Santa didn’t bring them as much for Christmas as he did their friend, as my cousins parents just did a small stocking from Santa and main presents from themselves. I figure this way it’s not linked to them being seen as good/bad by Santa and we just pretend that we don’t know what santas going to bring them.

My parents were always split up so Santa came to my Mums, and each of my Grandparents houses too, Christmas wasn't ever just 1 day. Sometimes he even came a bit early 🤷‍♀️
Try not to be too Precious about it - makes it a lot easier in the long term.

(Main presents always came from whoever they were from, but 'Santa' still brought the odd small gift to the other houses too)

[quote Terminallysleepdeprived]@BigTD45 I honestly get why you are worried about I do think the fact you are thinking in this way means you are clearly a lovely person.

That said, I think your own issues are causing you to have a slightly skewed outlook on this.

Me and dd's dad are not together. Santa comes to both houses. Why shouldn't my dd have santa at both her houses?

If your MIL is overstepping in other areas then it is fully understandable that you are overreacting to this. Especially given the history you advise above.

I think you may need to consider the adage of "pick your battles". Is this situation actually harming anyone? Is it really a hill you want to die on?

Ultimately your MIL is trying to do a nice thing for your kids. Maybe cut her some slack on this one?[/quote]
Thank you ❤

I love the idea that we tell DC that we paid them Santa/Father Christmas for the gifts, and/or PIL come here Christmas morning and watch DC open all "Santas" gifts. That way, all 4 of us can appreciate the magic together ❤

Kids only belive for such a small amount of time and then the magic is gone 😔

I tell mine santa brings all their presents so my relatives tell them santa left gifts under their tree too
I mean he's there anyways dropping off theirs
So not a present goes under our tree until they are in bed on Xmas eve

I feel like everyone is trying to ruin my santa story! If santa and the elves make presents why do family members buy gifts? This makes no sense!!

Why are there presents under the tree before Xmas??

And why would your parents be the only family members not to buy the kids?

Rant over anyway

@camperqueen54

It just sounds like you don't like your PIL and are put off by pretty much everything they say and do.

THIS!

I’m not from UK originally. When I was a child Santa left me a present at Grandma’s and at my aunt’s as well.
We didn’t have relatives in UK so obviously couldn’t keep this tradition for our DD.

I used to work with a lovely lady whose little daughter would phone our reception desk and ask for Mummy Joan. We all thought this was so cute and commented on it. The poor mother explained that this was because her mil also had to be called Mummy by the child and she was eg Mummy Jill.The child was calling her mother and grandmother Mummy and this was how they were always addressed.
The same arrangement existed for her father and grandfather. It was shocking and unsurprising the marriage didn't last. It's a strange example but I think similar attitudes are evident.

Why not show her the Christmas outfits and pjs you want and get her to buy them and that’ll save you some money , Santa went to my kids grandparents houses too

This would annoy me aswell.
Why can't they just give the kids the presents from nanny and grandad? Why can't they just give some Pjs without asking u why they are not wearing them on Xmas eve.
They have had their children, it's now your turn to enjoy your children at Christmas and have your own traditions, getting them pjs to wear Xmas eve, your children getting excited about santa coming to your house while the kids are asleep.
Don't let them ruin it for u and your kids by Interfering. They need to take a step back. Tell them x

My in laws go OTT at Christmas but respond well to guidance on what to buy. They refuse to tone things down so I direct them to things the kids want and need. It actually saves me a load of money and makes the in-laws happy so it’s a win win. I don’t think children care who presents are from, they just mostly care about presents in general.

This sounds very controlling and unfair. Have you told mil what exactly you want your dc to believe about Santa? If not, then your mil just made a casual statement probably without thinking too much about what it meant. If you are that keen on controlling the narrative about Santa then you need to proactively inform anyone who might come into contact with your dc about what exactly the story is that you want people to stick to.

I don’t understand why they can’t just give the gifts from themselves but equally who bloody cares? They sound like nice and involved grandparents. Who cares about the Christmas outfit?! They can wear it Boxing Day. I find it a bit galling that you’ve come on to complain about in laws from a controlling point of view as YOU do not like them overstepping, then you’ve tried to make it into you caring about the less fortunate…can you not insult the intelligence of the readers of the thread with this nonsense.

I love the idea that we tell DC that we paid them Santa/Father Christmas for the gifts, and/or PIL come here Christmas morning and watch DC open all "Santas" gifts. That way, all 4 of us can appreciate the magic together

Great idea. Now that they’ve let you know their plans, totally disregard them to stop them from being so selfish and trying to celebrate the magic of Christmas with your children how they want to. How dare they.

You are overthinking this.
You need to let it go.

My mum got round this by saying parents and anyone else giving me anything bought it themselves and gave it to Santa, which I thought was clever both logistically and to preserve the magic whilst teaching me to acknowledge people giving me presents. Santa then stored & delivered the presents to wherever we were on xmas day. I think Santa deciding if I was "naughty or nice" to decide whether I deserved presents may have been used when I was little enough, too.

So if we were at home, everything would be at home, labelled from whoever gave it. If we were staying with my gps to spend the day at my aunts, Santa would drop off my presents at my aunts house, but would drop off my stocking and I'd have some smaller presents from my GPs at their house to wake up to. Santa made sure children always woke up to their stockings. Extras from GPs in the am or if someone handed me a present pre Christmas day, probably meant I already had max allowance per child on the sleigh. Think it's pretty clever tbh! Think I also got one or two little things from Santa too- so I never questioned Christmas films where the elves made candy canes and little dolls or people got "just what they wanted" etc. Wouldn't work for every child but it did for me.

It also meant I was never expecting the "hot toy" of the year for Christmas either. I knew that because I knew it was my mum buying and she always made it very clear that she WOULD buy things, but only once people had stopped their silly queueing for it at Toys R Us etc. It usually got used as a reward for a good first half term back after Christmas.

@camperqueen54

It just sounds like you don't like your PIL and are put off by pretty much everything they say and do.

I agree with this too^ Where am I getting it from? You won’t let your DC wear PJ’s they have bought?! How mean and very petty of you. How old are your DC, the five year olds in DD’s class do not believe in Father Christmas! .

Thing is OP, if you ask 100 different kids, you’ll have 100 different replies about exactly what Santa does or doesn’t do.
It varies in every household.
I can’t see that it would cause any issues at all that he came to 2 different houses.
I know you said about children who got nothing, but I don’t think it’d be any easier for them anyway, and I think you’re overthinking exactly how a child would share this. I think they’re much more likely to discuss what they got than swapping tales about what was left where geographically.

You’re over-thinking it all. Honestly, when it comes to Father Christmas, mothers of young DC on Mumsnet are like theologians in the early Christian church, desperately tying themselves in knots to make something consistent out of something inherently inconsistent.

In answer to your OP, yes it is silly, very silly.

Why not let the GPs share in the Christmas magic if they are devoted enough to be this generous? At the end of the day the kids won't care.

I can't believe there are so many people who would take offence at GPs buying PJs for their grandchildren - total madness. If my MIL wanted to do this I'd let her go ahead - the children will still get the same joy whoever it is from. This is about a desire to be at the centre of a child's affection & nothing to do with the child's experience

I expect, as you have so much empathy for others, that you and your DC give some of their presents/money to children less fortunate each year.

So you don't need to worry about any of this as you're teaching your DC the real value of Christmas

Father Christmas comes to the child. So wherever they are. I would be taken aback if grandparents thought they do Santa too, and it’s just too many presents so I would absolutely say no. Fortunately hasn’t crossed any of their grandparents minds, they would think it as strange as I do!

i am a bit miffed as my dm has bought my dd knickers,
that is always something that santa brings for her
i am struggling with santa gifts as it is

For what it’s worth, I remember that Father Christmas left presents at both my grandparents’ houses. We stayed with one set and visited the other. He’d been there anyway to leave their presents, so why not? It didn’t spoil anything, I just accepted that was how things were.

Once I was older, I appreciated who the presents really came from, so learning to be grateful was not in any way impeded.

And I can recall talking about the presents I got. I don’t recall any child discussing where Father Christmas dropped off his presents ever, or indeed discussing Father Christmas much at all, other than in the context of adults/teachers asking “What did Father Christmas bring you”. In that context, it’s not all that likely that where presents were left would come up.

I’m sorry your childhood Christmases have left you with such sad memories, OP, but if you do decide to go along with this, I’m sure it will be fine. And perhaps MIL wants to share a little magic without having to get up early and in the comfort of her own home. Hope you have a great Christmas.

@Cottagepieandpeas

misses point of thread

Does anyone say ‘Father Christmas’ anymore, apart from me?

I was just thinking the same thing. Too much American input, alas.

I'm now so old that even my grandchildren are out of the "believing" age, but I'm certain that, as a child, I'd never heard of "Santa".

@ToodlePipPop

What an absolute non problem.

This.