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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are we being silly?

252 replies

BigTD45 · 15/12/2021 20:35

This is a very silly "problem", but I am curious to know other people's perspectives.

We were visiting PILs today. FIL was playing with DC and told DC that Santa is coming to our house next weekend to leave them presents.

MIL chirped up and said "Santa will also be coming here to drop off toys for you". I mentioned it to DP later and he said he didn't think it was right that his DM should tell DC this. For context, MIL has a habit of overstepping a little when it comes to DC. She's insisting on buying DCs Christmas day outfit and Christmas eve pj's, as she always does, but we just put our own outfit/pj's on DC. MIL will always ask why DC is not wearing what she bought, but we will just tell her we wanted DC to wear ours, and DC will wear her outfit another time (maybe new years?).

Are we being daft? Does anyone else have Santa going to 2 houses for 1 DC?

OP posts:
Cotswoldmama · 16/12/2021 07:24

We always say that stockings are from father Christmas and presents are from whoever gifted them. That way they can appreciate and thank people for their presents. My boys might be older than your kids they're 5 & 8 but we've had a few discussions about being very lucky to have enough money to buy a poppy at school for example and not to show off as others might not. Their school is very diverse and I would say we're a lower-middle income. So I feel it's important they're grateful for what they have but that they are also fortunate.

AD80 · 16/12/2021 07:28

Honestly I can't see why your mil can't just the gifts are from her and not Santa. She can still make it cute with a sack from grandma etc, just not Father Christmas!

In this house Santa only brings a small stocking with chocolate in and a sack with some novelty things. Most of the presents are from us the parents!

I hate the idea that Santa brings it all!

SleepOhHowIMissYou · 16/12/2021 07:29

You have two choices.

Choice one. Mention it. Cause some upset.

Choice two. Let it go. It happened, you can't change that.

Personally, I'd pick choice 2. It's just one more lie on top of the other Santa lies and there will be bigger problems to face than this in future. You're already upset, what would upsetting everyone else as well achieve?

For context, ask yourself if this is going to matter in 5 years time?

Tubs11 · 16/12/2021 07:34

My ILs do this, it's something my DH grew up with. We were more a load everything into the car for a show and tell with GPs kind of family. I find it odd they don't want all the glory for the gift giving but I'm three wines in at that stage of the day so so long as everyone's happy then everyone's winning.

ToodlePipPop · 16/12/2021 07:35

Uh huh, that's exactly what the problem is. Clever girl grin 👏

Well you've said yourself that you can just save the outfits for another time so... Maybe chill out and save this for actual issues, you know like some people actually have.

If you want to waste your time getting wound up about completely ridiculous things like this though then go ahead I guess... Clever girl Hmm

Chikapu · 16/12/2021 07:36

Your partner sounds like the one that's controlling, he won't 'allow' you to do things any other way?

Lovemusic33 · 16/12/2021 07:37

Surely santa doesn’t have time to drop off presents for a child at 2 different houses?

I agree OP, sounds crazy, Santa delivers present to where the child is sleeping. In our house Santa just does stockings and one gift, all other presents are from me or family/friends.

Fine that they get dc presents but they are from them, not from Santa.

ToodlePipPop · 16/12/2021 07:39

@Spudlet

God, these sorts of threads make me dread the day that DS finds a partner Sad
Me too. Just make sure you don't breathe in the wrong way Spudlet, you'll upset your DIL.
WheekestLink · 16/12/2021 07:42

I understand what you mean. I have this same thing but Father Christmas visits us and two different houses at the in-laws. Some years they forget they 'didn't buy' things so give me batteries and receipts in front of my daughter. They give her two huge bags filled with wrapped gifts and it's just overload, we don't even get that much.

For me it makes the magic go away a bit - if the presents are for the child, why are they going elsewhere (I'm not talking about separated parents here at all)?

hoomama · 16/12/2021 07:42

I know what you mean.

It is overstepping. My MIL Is similar. She will buy £200+ worth of presents for each of my kids and it makes "Santa's" pile look tiny. She also saw me in a shop and told me she'd found an outfit and said "so C will wear that on Xmas day".

I do think that it all comes from a good place though (as annoying as it is). I think sometimes you just have to let things slide even though it's really annoying it's not worth feeling angry over. I say that but I spent 2 years being fuming at MIL trying to take over. I had a second kid and now I want her to take over 😂😂

BedSoComfyWhyLeave · 16/12/2021 07:43

My lovely MIL said this for Ds's first Christmas and I had to explain that although it is a lovely sentiment my own Mum had Grandchildren already and they don't do that so why would FC leave gifts at your house and not hers? She totally got it.

I told her that when she gifts presents to my child I want them to know it came from them so he knows who to say thank you to.

My own childhood everything came from FC which could be shit because we were poor. For my own children FC does a stocking. Rest of the presents are from us.

MIL still did do stockings at hers but the gifts were from her and FIL and she got a lot of joy from doing it and the children loved it. It is a thing they both miss as she sadly died a long time ago.

You can love a parent or MIL and they can still do something that annoys you, does not mean you dislike them as a person. I really did love my MIL, she was kind, thoughtful, generous and a completely lovely lady.

ittakes2 · 16/12/2021 07:49

Its interesting seeing people's comments there is nothing wrong with this.
Absolutely she is overstepping in my opinion and its confusing for the kids.

Outdoorbeanbags · 16/12/2021 07:55

Yes, I think you probably are being a bit silly but as others have said, Santa is a made up tradition so you can do it how you want to…

I would just try to see it from the viewpoint of your son and his relationship with his grandparents. What would make him/them happiest do you think? Maybe have a convo with them that you think it would be better if he knew the gifts were from them so he can be properly grateful?

EIIa · 16/12/2021 08:00

We had rellies who used to say stuff like this - the point that they virtually made it obvious that there’s no Santa magic cos he can just pop in

Sometimes Santa used to speak to them too apparently 🙄

During the Santa years I had to become quite controlling so they wouldn’t ruin it ie not let them turn up into the presents had truly been opened up etc

lesenfantsdelesperance · 16/12/2021 08:01

@BigTD45

I agree it's lovely. My DC is very fortunate to have loving GPs. I grew up less fortunate, I didn't have loving parents, or grandparents.

I'm concerned that DC will go to school and tell his friends that Santa, not only went to his house, but GPs house too. I keep picturing that child in the playground wondering why Santa didn't even come to their house, let alone 2 houses. I was that child and I don't want that for another child.

This is the part where you are being ridiculous. Kids will all have different experiences and though it's a shame they don't get the same, if you take this to its logical conclusion, your child can't talk about santa at all at school. Every family does things differently anyway, I didn't do things your way. You are over thinking it.
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 16/12/2021 08:03

I think you are over-thinking this. Unfortunately there is no Santa Script, and every family the world over will have a slightly different interpretation of Santa's job description. Yes, I agree it's confusing, but so is much of life. Don't even get me started on the Santa keys so that a jolly fat man who may or may not have been DBS checked can get in your house in the middle of the night. That would give me the heebie jeebies if I was 6 and not 60 Xmas Grin

BluebellsGreenbells · 16/12/2021 08:09

I also hate the idea that Santa brings everything. He brings small gifts the rest are under the tree from family and friends.

They learn about giving and receiving and help wrap presents to other people. How else would you do this? Post a load of gifts to Santa to return to relatives?

Surely it’s better that learn that?

cherrypie66 · 16/12/2021 08:10

Some grandparents don't bother atall so think yourself lucky they want to be involved don't be ungrateful and make a big deal over nothing

helpadvicewhateverneeded · 16/12/2021 08:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 16/12/2021 08:17

[quote helpadvicewhateverneeded]@BigTD45 you clearly didn't get the irony in my post. I was giving you advice. Chill tf out and celebrate Christmas, that's my advice. Let Santa go wherever the fuck he wants. Have a baileys. [/quote]
But some people worry about The Big Fat man going wherever the fuck he wants Xmas Grin

Whistleforthechoir · 16/12/2021 08:18

You may actually find that when they're young enough to believe in Father Christmas, by the time school restarts in January (if it even does this year Hmm) your DC has forgotten about where his presents have come from.

When my DCs were young there wasn't a great deal of talk about all their presents/how big a pile everyone got by the time they were back at school. They'd mention one favourite gift and that's it. Sizes of piles/who gave what seems to be more of an issue to the adults than the DCs themselves.

Either way, I wish you a merry Christmas now you're an adult with your own happy family. I'm sure you'll have the lovely day you missed as a child x

helpadvicewhateverneeded · 16/12/2021 08:26

@SpongeBobJudgeyPants these people have far, far too much time on their hands!!!

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 16/12/2021 08:31

@helpadvicewhateverneeded I agree it's a bit of a non-issue. Thinking back to when DD was small, sometimes I would stress the small stuff, when I was just stressed out generally, by XDH etc. I think often women are running about like the proverbial blue-derriered flying things, and additonal stresses are just too much.

TenGames · 16/12/2021 08:32

YANBU it is setting up an unsustainable tradition. With SC the best plans are to keep it simple and within the household(s) of the parents.
My MIL tried some trick of suggesting a last minute essential purchase (clothes) was from FC. My child was 5 at the time and saw me order it.

We haven't had the my mum is dead posts yet but do have the "if this is all you can worry about" ones. With clothes stick them on your child at some point but not if you've got another outfit planned for the big day.

Hallowbat · 16/12/2021 08:34

My ex in laws used to say that and it confused the kids so I told them that he doesn’t really they were just saying it and he only went to our house for them

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