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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are we being silly?

252 replies

BigTD45 · 15/12/2021 20:35

This is a very silly "problem", but I am curious to know other people's perspectives.

We were visiting PILs today. FIL was playing with DC and told DC that Santa is coming to our house next weekend to leave them presents.

MIL chirped up and said "Santa will also be coming here to drop off toys for you". I mentioned it to DP later and he said he didn't think it was right that his DM should tell DC this. For context, MIL has a habit of overstepping a little when it comes to DC. She's insisting on buying DCs Christmas day outfit and Christmas eve pj's, as she always does, but we just put our own outfit/pj's on DC. MIL will always ask why DC is not wearing what she bought, but we will just tell her we wanted DC to wear ours, and DC will wear her outfit another time (maybe new years?).

Are we being daft? Does anyone else have Santa going to 2 houses for 1 DC?

OP posts:
bg92 · 16/12/2021 06:30

[quote BigTD45]@Darkpheonix

Agree, but why not minimise the hurt by limiting it to 1 house, rather than having "Santa" run everywhere to drop off gifts for 1 child, and none for another?[/quote]
I agree completely with this.

Father Christmas will be leaving ONE gift for each of my children and they will be aware the rest are from mummy because they are fortunate

MumofBoys79 · 16/12/2021 06:31

Would you prefer them to say the presents were from them, as opposed to Santa?

Santa drops things all over the place in our family!

CelebrateAndDream · 16/12/2021 06:33

Yes you are...being silly.

bg92 · 16/12/2021 06:34

I don't think you're being silly OP

My dad does the same but he lives 200 miles away, so they think Father Christmas has been to their GD house too.

My children are older this year and I'll be explaining to them why I don't want the gifts to be from Santa

Looubylou · 16/12/2021 06:39

My sisters and adult nieces used to do this - though we all met up at one house later in the day, so their presents were all together. After a few years I asked them to stop - I wanted my son to know how kind and generous his family are, and for them to get the thanks they deserve. There was a bit of preserving the magic too. I do think MIL is overstepping the mark expecting to dictate what they wear. Elf tradition in our house for Pj's - even though he is now 11 and I'm sure knows I write the funny poems he gets with them. He won't admit it out loud of course - too savvy for that by far.

Arghteens · 16/12/2021 06:46

Missing the point slightly but I feel it’s a bit mean to never put the kids in the outfits grandparents bought for Christmas Day. It’s a kind thing to do. Is it that big a deal?

chaosrabbitland · 16/12/2021 06:50

santa leaves presents at our house and then at my mums house for dd , i think your making a big issue out of it frankly

chaosrabbitland · 16/12/2021 06:53

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

I don’t understand why they can’t just give the gifts from themselves but equally who bloody cares? They sound like nice and involved grandparents. Who cares about the Christmas outfit?! They can wear it Boxing Day. I find it a bit galling that you’ve come on to complain about in laws from a controlling point of view as YOU do not like them overstepping, then you’ve tried to make it into you caring about the less fortunate…can you not insult the intelligence of the readers of the thread with this nonsense.

I love the idea that we tell DC that we paid them Santa/Father Christmas for the gifts, and/or PIL come here Christmas morning and watch DC open all "Santas" gifts. That way, all 4 of us can appreciate the magic together

Great idea. Now that they’ve let you know their plans, totally disregard them to stop them from being so selfish and trying to celebrate the magic of Christmas with your children how they want to. How dare they.

yes lol it is pretty much this isnt it !
Gargellen · 16/12/2021 06:54

But according to Santa's FB page he sometimes leaves HALF at Grandma's and HALF at their home.

This would account for it surely?

Camii · 16/12/2021 06:55

I think you're silly and a bit mean tbh.
They just want to share in some of the joy and excitement. Surely in the realm of made up stuff there is room to bend and stretch the rules: granny wrote to santa and asked him to drop some toys for you at her house too. Aren't you lucky!
I get that it's annoying but throw them a bone. Why not comprise and put the pj's on dc and explain you'd like the choose their Xmas day outfit?
They sound like they just want to be involved with your child. Unless I am missing something...

2bunny · 16/12/2021 06:56

Omg are some people really saying santa is not real of course he is!! He comes Christmas eve to the house the child is at and drops some presents of for them, its the spirt and magic of Christmas 🎄 🎅🤶

Stopsnowing · 16/12/2021 06:59

My mother wanted to tell the kids that Santa had brought a tv to hers for them I stopped that

hiredandsqueak · 16/12/2021 06:59

Santa is leaving presents at dgs house and also here at granny's house for him because he is coming to granny's for lunch and it will save mama loading the car and he will have more presents to open later. It's logical to dgs and his mama has no issue with it but she has always been of the opinion that the more people who love and care for dgs the better and the happier he will be. Children are pretty much open to accepting anything IMO especially where gifts are concerned.

hugr · 16/12/2021 06:59

[quote BigTD45]@Darkpheonix

Agree, but why not minimise the hurt by limiting it to 1 house, rather than having "Santa" run everywhere to drop off gifts for 1 child, and none for another?[/quote]
I kind of agree with you about the MIL thing but this is ridiculous

Heatherjayne1972 · 16/12/2021 07:02

Didn’t you know that sometimes Father Christmas drops things off at other peoples homes
It’s just his way. He’s done this for years !

As for the ‘Christmas day clothes’ is that a thing now ?
I just wear whatever’s clean - same as every other day

Spudlet · 16/12/2021 07:03

God, these sorts of threads make me dread the day that DS finds a partner Sad

Benjispruce5 · 16/12/2021 07:04

Non issue. I work with primary children, there are many family traditions and Christmas looks different for lots of them. Your concern about the playground chat is pointless. This is how children learn that people live different lives.

GoodbyePorpoiseSpit · 16/12/2021 07:05

@Spudlet Grin yup, me too.

LittleBirdBlu · 16/12/2021 07:06

You are being precious and ridiculous! Is this all you have to worry about in life?? Hmm

AD80 · 16/12/2021 07:10

YANBU!! I posted similar on here a few years ago and I got flamed for it! Our situation was a little different. I have Ds with my ex and he keeps saying Santa would go there for him on Boxing Day too which is totally fine but I was struggling with DS's behaviour at the time and I threatened him with the 'no Santa' a few times. But he just laughed at me and said 'dad says I'm really good and he'll be definitely be coming'. DS's dad doesn't see the behaviour we do. He sees him for 2-3 hours a week! Also confused Dd as why does Ds get two visits from Santa and she doesn't!

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 16/12/2021 07:11

Oh yes. Silly is one word for it. They sound like lovely GPs and what they said is perfectly normal. Poor in laws.

TheWatersofMarch · 16/12/2021 07:11

It doesn't really matter which version of the story your kids are told. Personally I don't like your pushy MILs version, it takes the specialness away, but there is nothing you can do without looking really petty. Best to rant to your friends and suck it up. You'll just have to out manoeuvre her in terms of the Christmas outfits and PJs if this is important to you.

StruggleStreet · 16/12/2021 07:12

I think you know that it’s a minor thing to get upset about, and should let it go.
But I do understand your general point about them being overbearing, and sounds like this is just one small issue that’s part of a bigger problem. My PILs can be like this too, I generally don’t say anything because I know it comes from a good place and don’t want to upset them, but it can make you feel like you’re missing out with your own children when someone else is buying all of the outfits, arranging the activities, etc before you get chance to.

kickupafuss · 16/12/2021 07:15

@BigTD45

I agree it's lovely. My DC is very fortunate to have loving GPs. I grew up less fortunate, I didn't have loving parents, or grandparents.

I'm concerned that DC will go to school and tell his friends that Santa, not only went to his house, but GPs house too. I keep picturing that child in the playground wondering why Santa didn't even come to their house, let alone 2 houses. I was that child and I don't want that for another child.

Really? You are completely overthinking this.
Theunamedcat · 16/12/2021 07:21

@ZenNudist

No santa drops to the child wherever they are on Christmas eve and other presents come from grandma etc
This ^^

My friend told her child all gifts came from santa even the ones from friends and other family it was ridiculous having such a huge family and going around pretending santa had delivered there too! I think it contributed to her not believing a whole lot sooner than her friends

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