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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are we being silly?

252 replies

BigTD45 · 15/12/2021 20:35

This is a very silly "problem", but I am curious to know other people's perspectives.

We were visiting PILs today. FIL was playing with DC and told DC that Santa is coming to our house next weekend to leave them presents.

MIL chirped up and said "Santa will also be coming here to drop off toys for you". I mentioned it to DP later and he said he didn't think it was right that his DM should tell DC this. For context, MIL has a habit of overstepping a little when it comes to DC. She's insisting on buying DCs Christmas day outfit and Christmas eve pj's, as she always does, but we just put our own outfit/pj's on DC. MIL will always ask why DC is not wearing what she bought, but we will just tell her we wanted DC to wear ours, and DC will wear her outfit another time (maybe new years?).

Are we being daft? Does anyone else have Santa going to 2 houses for 1 DC?

OP posts:
Contactmap · 15/12/2021 22:19

@Cottagepieandpeas

misses point of thread

Does anyone say ‘Father Christmas’ anymore, apart from me?

It is used by the aspirational.
starfishmummy · 15/12/2021 22:19

My mil would have liked DS to think that all her gifts came from Santa Father Christmas. But she was never there when he opened them so we would just say they were from Grandma and Grandad.

Terminallysleepdeprived · 15/12/2021 22:19

@BigTD45 I honestly get why you are worried about I do think the fact you are thinking in this way means you are clearly a lovely person.

That said, I think your own issues are causing you to have a slightly skewed outlook on this.

Me and dd's dad are not together. Santa comes to both houses. Why shouldn't my dd have santa at both her houses?

If your MIL is overstepping in other areas then it is fully understandable that you are overreacting to this. Especially given the history you advise above.

I think you may need to consider the adage of "pick your battles". Is this situation actually harming anyone? Is it really a hill you want to die on?

Ultimately your MIL is trying to do a nice thing for your kids. Maybe cut her some slack on this one?

maddy68 · 15/12/2021 22:22

Yes you are being really over sensitive. Santa used to visit awveal housss when my children were given gifts
Never a problem

friendlycat · 15/12/2021 22:22

You do know that Santa’s not real don’t you?

For goodness sake the big man is made up anyway. Does it matter how many houses he visits. On the actual night he visits billions so two in the grand scheme of things really don’t matter.

Nevermakeit · 15/12/2021 22:28

Santa goes to 2 different houses for our kids (whatever house we are at + other grandparents), and don't have an issue with it. On the contrary, I think it's nice to spread out the presents so they appreciate each one more.

And in terms of being concerned about the hypothetical 'other child in the playground', that smacks of hypocrisy to me if I am honest. Your child sounds very young, and within about 3 days they will have forgotten what they had for Xmas, they rarely talk about it in the playground (especially boys!).... and jealousy comes more from the number of gifts and perceived value of them,( especially when they are older) rather than the number of houses!!!
Think of all the parents who are divorced - they will also have gifts in at least 2 houses, if not more!

7eleven · 15/12/2021 22:29

I think some people need to get a life.

Suzanne999 · 15/12/2021 22:35

Your children are going to have presents at their home.
Your children will have presents at grandparents house.
If they’re young enough to believe Santa/F.Christmas/St Nicholas delivers them overnight why wouldn’t he leave presents at both houses?

They’re small children, Christmas is magical to them. Your in laws seem to enjoy buying gifts for their grandchildren. Lighten up, love. There are huge problems in the world —- this isn’t one of them.

Teaandcakeordeath83 · 15/12/2021 22:40

I'd say yabu. Father Christmas leaves presents at both sets of grandparents houses here. We only see DH family on Christmas day so it stretches out the excitement for the kids a bit. Usually see my mum a few days later and the kids love it. I find that they're less overwhelmed with fewer things to open at once too. Plus the bonus is if the grandparents get anything massive or wildly unsuitable to be around our youngest we get to say "ooh, so you can leave this here to play with when we come next time". Winner. 😂

TheViewFromTheCheapSeats · 15/12/2021 22:42

Perspective I think is needed, they are buying presents- not beating them.

My kids have always loved the visits and extra presents! It’s part of the fun, more houses, more presents. Plus it’s utter madness to stress about what a fictional character can or can’t do.

TheViewFromTheCheapSeats · 15/12/2021 22:45

‘Minimise the hurt’ is also crossing the line into manipulation, using evocative language to get your own way. No one is actually hurt, you are having to create hypothetical hurt.

somehowsunshine · 15/12/2021 22:46

My MIL used to say this too... when they were little. Once my eldest hit 5, I made it clear that Father Christmas visits the house they are sleeping in on xmas eve. It pissed me off because she used to claim the gifts were from Santa but then after a few drinks later, she started telling me about all the bargains or how pleased she had been with her purchase... in ear shot of the kids. There was no way I was going to let her ruin the magic for them so asked her not to say this. I had the conversation with her in the summer so it was less emotional and didn't affect the Christmas experience. I said that the children would then wonder why Father Christmas took presents to one set of GP and not the other set. I also said it would be better for the children to know the presents were from their grandparents so could say thank you. This seemed to be ok.

sammyjoanne · 15/12/2021 22:49

MIL used to write a letter to Santa to ask if he can drop the odd present off for DC at their house so MIL can watch them open them.

Her tradition also extended to creating a goodie bag for all her grown up boys. Always contained a box of shortcakes, chocolate orange, after eights, york fruits, peanuts, pringles, heroes. This was handed over on Christmas eve day time. In laws would go home, then we would snack on them watching a christmas movie in the evening . (not all at once mind you , they lasted for days lol)

RaininSummer · 15/12/2021 22:54

As a grandmother myself I always think this is overstepping. They had their turn at that part with their own children.

RaininSummer · 15/12/2021 22:58

And to the poster above whose kids won't be in their own home Christmas day, obviously Father Christmas delivers the gifts to whichever house the children are sleeping in that night.

minniep · 15/12/2021 22:58

@GrabbyAbbie same here. I was always told by my mum that Santa pays the elves and toy producers so he needed to be paid. A little less magical maybe but it cuts down on unnecessary drama so I tell mine the same .
OP Santa also visits my mothers house and leaves toys for my DC. I just pick my battles. It makes my parents very happy and great excitement for my children.

Beebababadabo · 15/12/2021 22:59

Does it matter, you're are essentially fighting over who gets to lie to a child over where the gifts come from. Christmas pjs Xmas Hmm Yes the whole none issue is silly.

Heartdogs · 15/12/2021 23:05

I think it is nice that they want to do nice things for your DC. When my MIL buys my DC pyjamas for Christmas eve I say thanks and put my kids in them.

Lalliella · 15/12/2021 23:09

Darkpheonix
Don't see the issue.

Does it really matter if the, made up Santa drops a gift at theirs or not?

To me it does, yes.

You’re being utterly ridiculous. How on earth can that matter? You’re being mean to your ILs. Why can’t the kids wear the clothes the ILs bought? I always took pleasure in seeing my MIL happy to see the kids wearing and using the things she’d chosen for them. You’re being selfish.

Original poster
BigTD45 · 15/12/2021 23:10

@ToodlePipPop

Where on earth are you getting this from?

Your OP and the fact you think this is even an issue makes it fairly obvious you don't like them. There's literally nothing wrong with what they said.

And they want to buy outfits for their grandchildren? Oh the horror.

@ToodlePipPop

And they want to buy outfits for their grandchildren? Oh the horror.

Uh huh, that's exactly what the problem is. Clever girl Grin 👏

OP posts:
WrongWayApricot · 15/12/2021 23:12

Silly would be an egregious understatement.

Original poster
BigTD45 · 15/12/2021 23:15

@Beancounter1

I agree with you OP - it is for the parents to decide the rules about what Father Christmas does and doesn't do. Totally out of order for MIL to 'announce' to the children without discussing with you in private first what your rules or traditions are going to be.

Some posters are missing the point - it is not really about FC/Santa, it is about MIL telling the children stuff without clearing it with you first.

Thank you, I agree! According to some posters I'm mean, controlling and selfish lol

It's one thing to come on here and give me helpful advice e.g. I'm being daft, it's another to come on here and try to offend me 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
nokidshere · 15/12/2021 23:17

I just don't think Santa should visit 2 separate houses 🤷‍♀️

You are being ridiculous. And you know you are. There are millions of children who get presents from Santa at more than one house. There are millions of children getting nothing at all.

If your only concern is about the children getting nothing then it wouldn't matter how many houses Santa visits, those children are still getting nothing.

Phoenix76 · 15/12/2021 23:21

I agree with you op, 100%, I’m not going to go in to why as I can see from a lot of the replies that would be pointless 😆

Original poster
BigTD45 · 15/12/2021 23:22

@helpadvicewhateverneeded

What about families who celebrate Christmas at a relatives house, OP? We're going to my in laws this Christmas. Shall I tell my 2 year old Santa won't come because he's not at home? My in laws have a chimney, so......
Eh........I mean......it's not really up to me what you do, is it? Therefore I'm not really sure why you're asking me?

I'm just on here looking for advice with my issue.
You can create your own thread about this, if you like Confused

OP posts:
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