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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are we being silly?

252 replies

BigTD45 · 15/12/2021 20:35

This is a very silly "problem", but I am curious to know other people's perspectives.

We were visiting PILs today. FIL was playing with DC and told DC that Santa is coming to our house next weekend to leave them presents.

MIL chirped up and said "Santa will also be coming here to drop off toys for you". I mentioned it to DP later and he said he didn't think it was right that his DM should tell DC this. For context, MIL has a habit of overstepping a little when it comes to DC. She's insisting on buying DCs Christmas day outfit and Christmas eve pj's, as she always does, but we just put our own outfit/pj's on DC. MIL will always ask why DC is not wearing what she bought, but we will just tell her we wanted DC to wear ours, and DC will wear her outfit another time (maybe new years?).

Are we being daft? Does anyone else have Santa going to 2 houses for 1 DC?

OP posts:
Original poster
BigTD45 · 15/12/2021 21:10

@GrabbyAbbie

Oh and I may bemean but I have always told my kids that I send money to Santa for their presents!
Oh wow!!!!! I never thought of this!!

This is genius ❤ thank you!

OP posts:
Original poster
BigTD45 · 15/12/2021 21:11

@Lushplease

Well I think it's evident that your PILs are lovely and you're feeling a little put out that your own parents aren't so thoughtful to make up such stories and don't have as good a relationship with your dc. It's bittersweet. I'd let them enjoy it. It's not causing any harm- and let's be honest- this is not about worrying about some random child in the playgrounds grandparents not getting a visit from Santa- it's about how your own parents have let you down.
I would say it's definitely a little bit of both. How I was treated allowed me to have empathy for those less fortunate, and that's never a bad thing.
OP posts:
MrsLarry · 15/12/2021 21:11

@BigTD45

I agree it's lovely. My DC is very fortunate to have loving GPs. I grew up less fortunate, I didn't have loving parents, or grandparents.

I'm concerned that DC will go to school and tell his friends that Santa, not only went to his house, but GPs house too. I keep picturing that child in the playground wondering why Santa didn't even come to their house, let alone 2 houses. I was that child and I don't want that for another child.

You're massively over thinking this
honeyfox · 15/12/2021 21:11

Santa visited my grandparents' house too, we used to go there in the afternoon to see what he brought. It is one of the best memories of my childhood.

sst1234 · 15/12/2021 21:11

@BigTD45

I agree it's lovely. My DC is very fortunate to have loving GPs. I grew up less fortunate, I didn't have loving parents, or grandparents.

I'm concerned that DC will go to school and tell his friends that Santa, not only went to his house, but GPs house too. I keep picturing that child in the playground wondering why Santa didn't even come to their house, let alone 2 houses. I was that child and I don't want that for another child.

You are joking, right? This place gets more and more batshit everyday.
imnotacelebritygetmeoutofhere · 15/12/2021 21:11

Their comments come from a good place and your DC are lucky to have caring grandparents, but... I can see why this is frustrating.
I would have a chat with them and explain that the Father Christmas years are such a short time in a child's life, they had their fair share of doing that, and now you and DP really want to enjoy that experience yourself now.
So, Father Christmas only delivers presents to your home, and any presents at their home are from them alone, and the children will still love those presents, knowing they are from their lovely grandparents. Mum and Dad chose Christmas day outfits, perhaps let them do the christmas eve pyjamas or boxing day outfit or something like that.
@Cottagepieandpeas Yes, it's always Father Christmas in our home!

ElleGettingBetter · 15/12/2021 21:12

But you do sound like you don’t like MIL, and the poor child in the playground is a cover for this. If you were genuinely concerned about that, why are you doing the Santa thing at all?

Maybe we’re wrong, but that is how you’re coming across.

Original poster
BigTD45 · 15/12/2021 21:15

@ElleGettingBetter

But you do sound like you don’t like MIL, and the poor child in the playground is a cover for this. If you were genuinely concerned about that, why are you doing the Santa thing at all?

Maybe we’re wrong, but that is how you’re coming across.

You're definitely wrong.

I'm doing the Santa thing because my DP wouldn't allow it any other way.

OP posts:
HolidayTime2021 · 15/12/2021 21:15

@Cottagepieandpeas

misses point of thread

Does anyone say ‘Father Christmas’ anymore, apart from me?

Saint Nicholas you mean?
Original poster
BigTD45 · 15/12/2021 21:16

@sst1234

You sound like a really lovely person

OP posts:
Motherland101 · 15/12/2021 21:16

But it doesn't change the fact that there's always children out there who get nothing for Christmas

Yes, but this wasn't your point in the OP. Your point was that your MIL took it upon herself to say Santa will be visiting her house too and that she ALSO buys PJs and outfits for your DC that you don't want them to wear. In no way shape or form you were referring to certain children missing out, but your MIL overstepping boundaries. So obviously people are commenting on that. It does seem like you are nit picking and unless you actually have issues with your In Laws, I really don't see the problem here.

Pbbananabagel · 15/12/2021 21:17

I didn’t realise until recently that people give proper tree presents from Santa, he always just brought the stocking in my family. I’m with you Op, I think it’s mental and I bloody hate people buying other peoples kids special occasion outfits too, it is rude and overstepping completely. She had her turn.

BlueShirtGirl · 15/12/2021 21:18

Wish we had family who cared and went to half as much effort as your MIL. Send her my way!! My DC’s would LOVE extra attention/presents!!

LittleBabyCheeses · 15/12/2021 21:20

We go to my Dad’s house on Boxing Day every year and they have their presents from him there. They know they’re from my Dad though, if they didn’t how would they be able to say thank you for them?
Santa only brings a stocking and one gift here. Everything else is from the giver.

Dearblossom · 15/12/2021 21:21

@Cottagepieandpeas

misses point of thread

Does anyone say ‘Father Christmas’ anymore, apart from me?

Always!
hufflepuffnstuff · 15/12/2021 21:23

It does seem that she's stepping on toes and not caring. Imo, "Santa" should only visit once a year, and if that's how you and your husband feel, your MIL should respect that.

Her gifts are not less special and fun for the children, this way. If anything, your PIL get the benefit of taking credit for their presents, instead of letting Santa/Father Christmas bask in the glow of adoring children. Wink

RodJaneFreddy · 15/12/2021 21:29

Have you told your eve Santa isn’t really? If not is it your place to say where Santa delivers gifts?

ParkheadParadise · 15/12/2021 21:30

My mil took dd and bought her school shoes
My sister bought her blazer
My brother bought her uniform
My sister bought her school bag.
DH and I went away for the weekend and came back to everything ready for school.
Dd was happy because she's being out shopping with her granny and had a girls day out with her Aunties. It doesn't bother me.

ArblemarzipanTFruitcake · 15/12/2021 21:31

Father Christmas visits everyone! Surely he will drop off your DC's presents at the same time as he drops your PIL's presents.

Dearblossom · 15/12/2021 21:33

She's overstepping on clothes but saving them for New Year, great.

You are over reacting a tad Flowers but I totally appreciate Xmas brings up strong emotions and memories. Maybe you would like to put a box or two together for your local homeless shelter/food bank, you could involve your daughter, and MIL! Wink

As an aside - Stockings from Father Christmas in this house and presents from family members. FC came wherever we were staying, often at Grandparents.

TolkiensFallow · 15/12/2021 21:35

Oh we have this, I think it makes the whole Santa thing a bit too much and last year we specific asked grandparents not to say Santa left presents at their house as we want our daughter to be grateful to the people who actually bought her gifts. They didn’t…I think they just love reliving their own parenting days with a child who believes.

TroysMammy · 15/12/2021 21:37

Doesn't Santa leave presents at the address on the letter he receives?

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 15/12/2021 21:38

I can see I'm in a minority here, but I wouldn't like it either.

They had their time doing all the santa and Christmas PJ's bit when their kids were little. This isn't round 2.

They can have the joy of giving their grandkids gifts from them,which is lovely and generous of them, but how and where to do the santa thing is up to the parents.

Just tell them you don't want to confuse your dc so you're telling them santa just comes to yours.

Newmumatlast · 15/12/2021 21:39

[quote BigTD45]@Darkpheonix

Agree, but why not minimise the hurt by limiting it to 1 house, rather than having "Santa" run everywhere to drop off gifts for 1 child, and none for another?[/quote]
Or minimise the hurt by not pretending that santa exists in the first place if you're that bothered.

Life is unequal. Whether two houses or one there will always be a child sad that santa either didn't come for them or didn't give as much. That is the negative side of the santa lie. But you can't, unfortunately, cushion kids from the world entirely and there will be many many more inequities much worse than whether santa went to 2 houses or not. I think you're being a bit OTT. But if it bothers you that much you're the parent not your PILs so just tell them.

Alwayswonderedwhy · 15/12/2021 21:40

You sound mean. I don't understand what the issue is.