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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are we being silly?

252 replies

BigTD45 · 15/12/2021 20:35

This is a very silly "problem", but I am curious to know other people's perspectives.

We were visiting PILs today. FIL was playing with DC and told DC that Santa is coming to our house next weekend to leave them presents.

MIL chirped up and said "Santa will also be coming here to drop off toys for you". I mentioned it to DP later and he said he didn't think it was right that his DM should tell DC this. For context, MIL has a habit of overstepping a little when it comes to DC. She's insisting on buying DCs Christmas day outfit and Christmas eve pj's, as she always does, but we just put our own outfit/pj's on DC. MIL will always ask why DC is not wearing what she bought, but we will just tell her we wanted DC to wear ours, and DC will wear her outfit another time (maybe new years?).

Are we being daft? Does anyone else have Santa going to 2 houses for 1 DC?

OP posts:
ToodlePipPop · 15/12/2021 21:41

What an absolute non problem.

ToodlePipPop · 15/12/2021 21:42

Where on earth are you getting this from?

Your OP and the fact you think this is even an issue makes it fairly obvious you don't like them. There's literally nothing wrong with what they said.

And they want to buy outfits for their grandchildren? Oh the horror.

LostForIdeas · 15/12/2021 21:45

Are we being daft? Does anyone else have Santa going to 2 houses for 1 DC?

Santa has been going out to many places in our house.
He has even been known to just know we were travelling, knew where we were and that we didn’t have a lot of space (we were taking the plane) so left the big stiff at home for when we came back!

Never bothered any of the dcs.

My parents did the same for me with my grand parents too.

ANameChangeAgain · 15/12/2021 21:45

I think you are over thinking Christmas. Santa is magic / manic, so he can be everywhere. Ours used to have presents left by him at both sets of grandparents' homes, it just extends the magic and let's other family members join in the fun. Christmas outfits and Christmas pjs are a lovely idea. They can just as easily be worn Boxing Day. It all sounds a little bit competitive between you and your mil.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 15/12/2021 21:45

When mine were younger all presents were from Santa, but Nanny, Auntie or whoever had asked him to give them to the child, that way there was still the magic but with a person they could say thank you to as well

Weatherwax13 · 15/12/2021 21:46

None of this matters. The older of my kids - like many - had divorced parents, so of course I told them that Santa had been to dad's house too. I would say roughly a third of their mates had separated parents, so there was a fair size cohort that believed Santa did multi-drop offs for them:)
Nobody in the playground queried this phenomenon Smile
Now I have little GC who come to mine Christmas Day and they've just assumed from the get go that Santa comes here as well as their homes. It's honestly never caused them any confusion.
As for grandmothers giving out Christmas outfits, I do that too. I'm not trying to control what they wear, it's just meant to be nice gesture! I don't think my GC's mothers get their knickers in a knot about it. I think they just indulge me as it's not a huge deal.

ApricotStew · 15/12/2021 21:46

I just don't think Santa should visit 2 separate houses

SallSall · 15/12/2021 21:47

You really cant use the excuse of other children Santa presents as a reason. Some families dont do Santa at all, some dont believe in xmas and follow other religious beliefs, some christian European backgrounds follow other non Santa traditions - how will you control these? you cant. therefore decide why it really bothers you and is this really a thing to escalate with grandparents. For me it is not a big deal, for you it seems to be..

StoneofDestiny · 15/12/2021 21:47

Blimey - can't believe this is even a problem!

ApricotStew · 15/12/2021 21:47

I just don't think Santa should visit 2 separate houses

I don't believe what I'm reading.

helpadvicewhateverneeded · 15/12/2021 21:48

What do children with separated parents tell their friends, OP? @BigTD45

LostForIdeas · 15/12/2021 21:50

I also think you are putting expectations and pressure on your dc and PIL that arent theirs.

Yes some children will get very little for Christmas.
However, this is not the case if your child.

Unless you are actually planning to give him nothing or really little just because other children will bet nothing, then I’d just go with it.
Enjoy his joy and his excitement. Give him what you didn’t get, and yes give it to him twice.
And then teach him that others are nit always as lucky and to be kind and compassionate and caring. This will do much more good and making everyone feel guilty/uncomfortable around Christmas.

Beancounter1 · 15/12/2021 21:51

I agree with you OP - it is for the parents to decide the rules about what Father Christmas does and doesn't do. Totally out of order for MIL to 'announce' to the children without discussing with you in private first what your rules or traditions are going to be.

Some posters are missing the point - it is not really about FC/Santa, it is about MIL telling the children stuff without clearing it with you first.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 15/12/2021 21:52

@Cottagepieandpeas

misses point of thread

Does anyone say ‘Father Christmas’ anymore, apart from me?

We do!
Foolsrule · 15/12/2021 21:54

So weird! Your MIL is totally overstepping!

IWouldntHavetoWorkatAll · 15/12/2021 21:54

I don't believe what I'm reading.

I don’t either. This is adults actually arguing (or discussing) whether Santa visits one or two houses.

ToodlePipPop · 15/12/2021 21:54

Totally out of order for MIL to 'announce' to the children without discussing with you in private first what your rules or traditions are going to be

Give over, you expect family to have a private discussion with you first about something as simple as saying 'Father Christmas will stop at grannies house too'?

I am so glad my family aren't as ridiculous as some people on here. It would never even occur to me to be pissed off about this or that they should have privately discussed something as bland as this with me first. Bloody hell.

ToodlePipPop · 15/12/2021 21:56

People are acting as though the woman told the DC Santa isn't real.

AutumnLeaves21 · 15/12/2021 21:56

I agree op. I think father christmas is a really personal thing. My MIL used to tell our children that I bought the presents, took them to Santa and he brought them back Christmas Eve Hmm hated it and quickly told the kids otherwise.

helpadvicewhateverneeded · 15/12/2021 21:57

What about families who celebrate Christmas at a relatives house, OP? We're going to my in laws this Christmas. Shall I tell my 2 year old Santa won't come because he's not at home? My in laws have a chimney, so......

Allywill · 15/12/2021 21:58

Your dp wouldn’t “allow you” ????? Why is it up to him??? Different families do the “Santa/father Christmas” thing in different ways. There is no right way and conversely no wrong way. In some cases mum and dad live in different houses so the idea that presents appear at more than one house is hardly unheard of. Kids cope and believe in the nonsense- until they don’t.

IWouldntHavetoWorkatAll · 15/12/2021 21:58

it is about MIL telling the children stuff without clearing it with you first.

Whether Santa visits her house or not? That is in itself very controlling. Should MIL ask permission to say the Moon is made of cheese? Or before singing them a song in case it’s the wrong song?

Bitofachinwag · 15/12/2021 21:58

@Cottagepieandpeas

misses point of thread

Does anyone say ‘Father Christmas’ anymore, apart from me?

Xmas Smile
Topseyt · 15/12/2021 22:05

I really don't see the problem. Sounds like a total non-issue to me.

Crinkle77 · 15/12/2021 22:09

Yes you're being ridiculous and controlling about the santa thing.

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