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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Rude school Dad. AIBU to say something?

600 replies

NadjaofAntipaxos · 15/12/2021 17:52

When I'm picking DS up from reception, parents queue up down a narrow space between the school building and a fence and the teacher stands in the doorway calling each child out in order of parents in the queue. It's a long queue, 30 kids to be collected. You have to wait a while if you're at the back. I'm usually one of the last in the queue as I collect older DD first from another playground, so I've never noticed this before but today she had a playdate so I was maybe number six in the queue waiting before the classroom door opened.

Shortly before the door opened, one Dad just strolled past everyone and stood at the front of the queue. Right past about 20 other people and collected his kid third or fourth. Proceeded to also have lengthy "bants" with the teacher, delaying everyone else's child getting called and signalling he is in no hurry.

I was quite astonished and said to the mum behind me "I'm assuming he has a good reason for pushing past everyone else who's waiting". She just rolled her eyes and shook her head and said "every night".

Now I have encountered this man before on a couple of occasions and I took against him then. Spidey senses signalled the twat-horn. When a few parents took our children to the park across from school and I was part of a group standing chatting which included his wife who seems lovely, he barged in and took over the conversation. I learned they have older kids, so it's not like he has to dash off and collect other kids. He announced he is now retired (would guess he is late 40s early 50s) and his wife works part time and apparently he's a self-made business man who likes to boast about his money . So not rushing back after school to start work again (like me and lots of other parents). There was also a streak of sexism too, man barges into group of women and takes over.

So clearly I am being petty to let this piss me off enough to write a Mumsnet thread about it. But what would you do? I should just get over it I know. But ... So. Annoying. (His self proclaimed cheeky chappy persona gives me rage.) And our kids are likely to have another 14 years of school together.

Or shall I make sure I start getting to school early so I can address it with him if he does his entitled push-in job again? What do I say? He is an arrogant fucker clearly so would need to be well considered. Hence asking you wise people.
Do I even email school in a PA fashion to ask that they send out an email to all re queueing etiquette? I feel lovely teachers have enough to deal with, especially as I noticed CF dad being told by teacher at parents evening he was "cheeky". Didn't hear the comment he made but know the teacher and her tone suggested "back the fuck off".
Yes yabu - move on, get a life
No yanbu - take him down, or try to and get egg on face

OP posts:
Halloweencat · 15/12/2021 21:13

Take him down any which way you can. And please update us all after you've done it, can't stand those type of arrogant selfish men!

HohohoCoughCough · 15/12/2021 21:14

There was a dad who had a child in my child's class like this, last year. He obviously thought he was better than everyone. Just the way he walked, his demeanor. It was so off. He used to skip the queue but the teacher would make him wait. Grin You could tell she was annoyed with him.

He parks on double yellow lines and his wife seems miserable. Id be miserable too if he was my husband!!

eurochick · 15/12/2021 21:15

Surely it would be appropriate for the teacher to point out the queue?

WeatherwaxOn · 15/12/2021 21:18

People like this rely on nobody saying anything.
I'd have said loudly, "Excuse me, you've walked right past the queue. You need to join the back and wait like everyone else." But I'm a miserable git. :)

Goldenbear · 15/12/2021 21:18

If you do call him out he'll probably say something like, 'does it really matter' with a patronising laugh, intended to make you feel a bit petty.

pickingdaisies · 15/12/2021 21:24

Somebody mentioned a warning whistles, and I thought of this:
As Twatdad passes the back of the queue, the person at the back starts whistling the theme from the Great Escape. One by one, everybody joins in with whistling the tune as he strolls past, until by the time he reaches the front, everybody is watching him, and whistling. All stare at him and keep whistling while he retrieves child and walks back again. As soon as he is past the end of the queue again, break off whistling and start chatting to reach other as if nothing happened. That should unnerve the bastard!

StarryNightSky26 · 15/12/2021 21:26

I'd give someone leeway if it was a one off but 'be kind' only goes so far.

I had a similar awkward situation at ds3's swimming class. There are 5 classes at the same time so 25 kids or so coming out. One open shower block with 8 showers and two closed cubicles.

The kids classes come out in age order at about 2 minute intervals, youngest first. There was one woman who would get there first and block one of the two enclosed showers, waiting for her 10 year old daughter who was in the oldest/last out class.

I only made it two sessions of seeing this before I couldn't take it any more. Four or five tiny ones standing shivering waiting for a free shower whilst she stands there and stops anyone else using one.

I started politely and asked if she could step aside to let some of the kids waiting use the free shower. 'Oh I'm keeping it ready for my daughter, I do it every week, she'll be out in a couple of minutes' she said Angry

I wasn't the only one thinking it clearly - I said there were kids waiting who could be showered and done before her daughter came out and it wasn't fair or right to make the little ones wait and two other mums stepped in to say the same when she refused to move (we did get progressively less polite as she dug her heels in!)

She bowed to peer pressure and huffed off with a 'oh fine then' - and literally ten seconds after she freed the shower and someone went in her daughter appeared which was gold 😂😂😂

She hasn't done it again though and waits in the queue with the rest of the kids now.

It just needs someone to speak up, if you're thinking it then you can guarantee there will be many others around you thinking it too who'll be happy you said something.

Summerfun54321 · 15/12/2021 21:27

I love a good heckle and wouldn’t think twice about shouting out “oi mate back of the queue”. As long as you do it with a smile on your face that says “joking not joking”, then heckling is fine. I dare you to try it and see how liberating it is. Life is far too short to quietly seethe.

winterchills · 15/12/2021 21:30

Get him told, how rude of him!!

buckeejit · 15/12/2021 21:33

@AD80 you need to give your head a wobble. We can't let people get away with much less than this. This is wholly unacceptable. It's your duty to society to be pissed off about this sort of stuff & take firm action. Check yourself!

TitsInAbsentia · 15/12/2021 21:36

@PuntasticUsername

Fuck the cunt up. Stale lemon drizzle cake to the back of the head should do it.
FM! I only got this far, not sure I can read any more because this comment is the only one I need Grin
MajorCarolDanvers · 15/12/2021 21:37

Hi there's a queue.

Next time he does it.

FortunesFave · 15/12/2021 21:38

I want to know what OP does...

SecretRedhead · 15/12/2021 21:46

This would wind me right up! Do let us know how it goes if you pull him up OP.

Locomelon · 15/12/2021 21:48

'Err, excuse me, just because you have a penis, it does not entitle you to jump the queue that the rest of us are observing.'

HopelesslyOptimistic · 15/12/2021 21:48

@Halloweencat

Take him down any which way you can. And please update us all after you've done it, can't stand those type of arrogant selfish men!
My sentiment too. Update please on shaming the shameless.
Sonex · 15/12/2021 21:50

This is easy to fix. Wherever you are in the queue, you stand out of the line on the other side so that you are blocking him - just casually do it when you see him coming as if you're just adjusting to a more comfy position, swiftly getting out of the way of anyone coming back down with their kid and leaving of course. You recruit a few other friend mums to do the same so you are all staggered in his was as he approaches. He would then have to either barge past, in which case shout "oi wtf are you doing don't touch me!" or say excuse me, can I get past etc in which case you say 'er, no, theres a queue"

I would literally make this my life's work until the end of term.

Shodan · 15/12/2021 21:52

If you do call him out he'll probably say something like, 'does it really matter' with a patronising laugh, intended to make you feel a bit petty.

If he does this, you do a fake "Ha ha ha" followed by "Yes", said very seriously, with full Fight Face Glare.

If he says "No-one else minds" you say "Doesn't matter. I mind."

I cannot stand queue jumpers Angry and give them short shrift.

(Not as short as ds1, who is even firmer than I am about such things...)

BlackSwan · 15/12/2021 21:55

What a piece of shit. The world is full of them.

Seeing as it's a school setting & you don't want to let rip in front of children, just sidle up to him on his way back from queue cutting, grab his arm & ask him just who the fuck he thinks he is making you all wait for him.

snowdropsandcrocuses · 15/12/2021 21:55

Op you should borrow my mum. She is over 70 and she will take you down with a glare. I've been at folk gigs where she has literally moved on 20 different people that have dared to stand in front of her after we have waited an hour for good seats. She is so cringeworthy yet she's phenomenal when she's on your team! Grin

But yeah... I'm with those that suggest standing in the 'fast/exit lane'. Block his way which forces him to explain why he is entitled to get past you. Even better if you can canvas other mum support.

RedToothBrush · 15/12/2021 22:00

Enlist two or three wingwomen.

Confront him.

You will find that others will back you up.

Show no fear.

Be an episode of Motherland.

Tirediam · 15/12/2021 22:04

Can’t wait for an update on twatdad

L0stinCyberspace · 15/12/2021 22:08

But his time is much more precious than yours, OP!

FINISH HIM Grin

MindyStClaire · 15/12/2021 22:43

I stop queue jumpers at every available opportunity, but if it's every day at school I'd assume a good reason (ie child with SEN who can't cope with waiting). So I'd make absolutely sure that isn't the case which would be difficult to do I think.

He does sound like an absolute gobshite though so I suspect he's just an asshole.

tara66 · 15/12/2021 22:58

Can someone not stick out an elegant foot and trip him up?

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