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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Rude school Dad. AIBU to say something?

600 replies

NadjaofAntipaxos · 15/12/2021 17:52

When I'm picking DS up from reception, parents queue up down a narrow space between the school building and a fence and the teacher stands in the doorway calling each child out in order of parents in the queue. It's a long queue, 30 kids to be collected. You have to wait a while if you're at the back. I'm usually one of the last in the queue as I collect older DD first from another playground, so I've never noticed this before but today she had a playdate so I was maybe number six in the queue waiting before the classroom door opened.

Shortly before the door opened, one Dad just strolled past everyone and stood at the front of the queue. Right past about 20 other people and collected his kid third or fourth. Proceeded to also have lengthy "bants" with the teacher, delaying everyone else's child getting called and signalling he is in no hurry.

I was quite astonished and said to the mum behind me "I'm assuming he has a good reason for pushing past everyone else who's waiting". She just rolled her eyes and shook her head and said "every night".

Now I have encountered this man before on a couple of occasions and I took against him then. Spidey senses signalled the twat-horn. When a few parents took our children to the park across from school and I was part of a group standing chatting which included his wife who seems lovely, he barged in and took over the conversation. I learned they have older kids, so it's not like he has to dash off and collect other kids. He announced he is now retired (would guess he is late 40s early 50s) and his wife works part time and apparently he's a self-made business man who likes to boast about his money . So not rushing back after school to start work again (like me and lots of other parents). There was also a streak of sexism too, man barges into group of women and takes over.

So clearly I am being petty to let this piss me off enough to write a Mumsnet thread about it. But what would you do? I should just get over it I know. But ... So. Annoying. (His self proclaimed cheeky chappy persona gives me rage.) And our kids are likely to have another 14 years of school together.

Or shall I make sure I start getting to school early so I can address it with him if he does his entitled push-in job again? What do I say? He is an arrogant fucker clearly so would need to be well considered. Hence asking you wise people.
Do I even email school in a PA fashion to ask that they send out an email to all re queueing etiquette? I feel lovely teachers have enough to deal with, especially as I noticed CF dad being told by teacher at parents evening he was "cheeky". Didn't hear the comment he made but know the teacher and her tone suggested "back the fuck off".
Yes yabu - move on, get a life
No yanbu - take him down, or try to and get egg on face

OP posts:
HeartGoesLast · 15/12/2021 20:29

Place-marking. No shame.

C’mon, OP. Take the bastard out.

PaperTrails · 15/12/2021 20:31

I've remembered now. TwatDad was married to the woman who wore running spikes in the Mums' race on Sports Day. . .

BelleNoir · 15/12/2021 20:32

Place marking here too Grin

turnthemintojelly · 15/12/2021 20:32

Email the head and say you are concerned his pushing in is setting a terrible example to the children and is against the school values, and ask if she can have a word and send an email.

Hopefully, after ten minutes sitting in the head’s office on a teeny little chair having it explained to him what waiting your turn is, he will relent.

Wanker.

MrsLighthouse · 15/12/2021 20:32

Talk to the teacher . It’s their process so it’s up to them to enforce it. Escalate it to the head teacher if nothing improves . I’m no shrinking violet but have found that playground disagreements rarely end satisfactorily. I would be reluctant to address it directly with a man l don’t know as pride would probably means he wouldn’t take it well.

RallySooney · 15/12/2021 20:38

@LittleMG

Take. Him. Down.
Grin
nitsandwormsdodger · 15/12/2021 20:39

Get the teacher in board if you explain it teaching kids bad manners. Etc Im sure teacher will put him in his place

TerribleCustomerCervix · 15/12/2021 20:40

I would have given him short shrift long ago. Depressing that the 'lovely young mums' just take this.

This is where all that “Be Kind” shit gets us as a sex- grown women too scared or intimidated to stand up for themselves lest they be seen as slightly unreasonable.

Double3xposure · 15/12/2021 20:41

I can see that @LittleMG s suggestion has its merits. But personally I’m Team @ivykaty44.

Wineisrequired · 15/12/2021 20:41

@PuntasticUsername. 😂🤣

SeaToSki · 15/12/2021 20:41

Can you be doing some ‘stretching’ when he wants to get past so that he has to stop and engage in conversation with you…then let him have it verbally.
Maybe someone at the very end of the line could whistle as he approaches to give you the heads up to ‘widen your stance’

Then maybe a couple of the other mothers around you could participate with strategic buggy placement and loud chatting about how you cant wait for covid to be over and the queue to not be needed any more.

I think an email to some of the other pick up Mums and a strategy planning session is called for, maybe with wine

Cherrysoup · 15/12/2021 20:42

@ivykaty44

in 1973 we were waiting in a queue of cars to enter the former Yugoslavia. The queue was very long to cross the boarder, but we were getting near the front. A large black mercury sailed passed on the other side, right to the front of the queue.

the guard stepped forward with what looked like an AKA47, used the weapon to motion "back "back"

the driver ended up reversing all the way back out of sight - I take it to the very back of the queue

possibly this would be overkill for the dad at school & you might not have an AKA47

I love this!

I wouldn’t be able to keep my gob shut and yes, the teacher needs to be told you’re all pissed off. Why shouldn’t she be told? Yes, she has loads to do, but she’s exacerbating the situation by allowing him to do it and having ‘bants’’. If he has no good reason to queue jump, call her out on it.

GoldilocksZone · 15/12/2021 20:44

I am so invested in this man's downfall - please update when you've put him in his place @NadjaofAntipaxos !

Franklyfrost · 15/12/2021 20:45

We all line up outside nursery. Those who don’t have much time to get to work arrive early to avoid waiting. There is one woman (hasn’t got anywhere to go afterwards) who pushes in every day. Just walks up to her friend and joins the line there. It drives me insane. Plus the friend has twins so it’s already longer if you’re behind her. And, to top it off, they’re the ones who when you’re the first in the queue and they come along and you say hi, they outright blank you. And, they dither getting they’re children through the door, start taking layers off, looking for lunch bags when it’s time to go in. Aggggggh. I’m pretty relaxed normally! Honest!

turnthemintojelly · 15/12/2021 20:45

@GoldilocksZone

I am so invested in this man's downfall - please update when you've put him in his place *@NadjaofAntipaxos* !
Grin
Franklyfrost · 15/12/2021 20:45

In conclusion, take that man down. For me.

BalloonSlayer · 15/12/2021 20:49

At Disney we waited on the kerb for the parade for an eternity to save places so the kids could get a good view. Cue an [English] Dad as soon as the parade started appearing out of nowhere and shoving his child to the front "because he can't see!"

PaperTrails · 15/12/2021 20:57

As TwatDad comes up on the inside TailEndCharlotte at the back signals with a cough and the whole queue in perfect synchronisation steps to the left. As he swerves to the right they take one step to the right.

Can I come and watch?

fourminutestosavetheworld · 15/12/2021 20:58

Is it possible he doesn't realise it's a queue? Like, he turns up late and just sees all the mums lined up and watching the door so looks for a space to stand in? Perhaps he thinks the teacher sends the kids out in any old random order and sends them to their parent regardless of where they're standing.

I say this as someone who was told off for queue jumping in the post office today - never been in before, approached from a different direction to the queue, chatting to friend, genuinely didn't see it but that definitely sounded implausible once it had been pointed out to me.

But if he definitely, definitely knows then I agree that it needs spelling out to him.

peachesarenom · 15/12/2021 21:01

I wish you well! This sort of thing annoys me greatly bit I've been so conditioned to 'be nice' I often don't do anything but I'm trying to change!

comfortablyfrumpy · 15/12/2021 21:05

Shameless placemarking ready for tomorrow's report....

I also vote Take. Him. Down.
Make sure to whistle nonchalantly while you do it Grin

3scape · 15/12/2021 21:07

I'd literally stick my arm out as he attempted to get past and tell him to join the back of the queue. But it's one few upsides to my ND. I don't find that embarrassing (other things do but hey).

Tastyyellowbeef · 15/12/2021 21:10

This filled me with rage

Take no prisoners

Destroy him

Dearblossom · 15/12/2021 21:10

Do it

Ahwelltoobad · 15/12/2021 21:13

Some people need a high five. In the face. With a chair. (OK, placemarking)