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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Rude school Dad. AIBU to say something?

600 replies

NadjaofAntipaxos · 15/12/2021 17:52

When I'm picking DS up from reception, parents queue up down a narrow space between the school building and a fence and the teacher stands in the doorway calling each child out in order of parents in the queue. It's a long queue, 30 kids to be collected. You have to wait a while if you're at the back. I'm usually one of the last in the queue as I collect older DD first from another playground, so I've never noticed this before but today she had a playdate so I was maybe number six in the queue waiting before the classroom door opened.

Shortly before the door opened, one Dad just strolled past everyone and stood at the front of the queue. Right past about 20 other people and collected his kid third or fourth. Proceeded to also have lengthy "bants" with the teacher, delaying everyone else's child getting called and signalling he is in no hurry.

I was quite astonished and said to the mum behind me "I'm assuming he has a good reason for pushing past everyone else who's waiting". She just rolled her eyes and shook her head and said "every night".

Now I have encountered this man before on a couple of occasions and I took against him then. Spidey senses signalled the twat-horn. When a few parents took our children to the park across from school and I was part of a group standing chatting which included his wife who seems lovely, he barged in and took over the conversation. I learned they have older kids, so it's not like he has to dash off and collect other kids. He announced he is now retired (would guess he is late 40s early 50s) and his wife works part time and apparently he's a self-made business man who likes to boast about his money . So not rushing back after school to start work again (like me and lots of other parents). There was also a streak of sexism too, man barges into group of women and takes over.

So clearly I am being petty to let this piss me off enough to write a Mumsnet thread about it. But what would you do? I should just get over it I know. But ... So. Annoying. (His self proclaimed cheeky chappy persona gives me rage.) And our kids are likely to have another 14 years of school together.

Or shall I make sure I start getting to school early so I can address it with him if he does his entitled push-in job again? What do I say? He is an arrogant fucker clearly so would need to be well considered. Hence asking you wise people.
Do I even email school in a PA fashion to ask that they send out an email to all re queueing etiquette? I feel lovely teachers have enough to deal with, especially as I noticed CF dad being told by teacher at parents evening he was "cheeky". Didn't hear the comment he made but know the teacher and her tone suggested "back the fuck off".
Yes yabu - move on, get a life
No yanbu - take him down, or try to and get egg on face

OP posts:
UntilBubleSings · 17/12/2021 23:08

Please fill us in in the New Year
shamelessly placemarking

mommydragonn · 17/12/2021 23:08

@mommydragonn

Have a quiet word with the teacher to politely point him to the back of the queue if he jumps it. I get annoyed at people jumping queues, but even more annoyed with the people who serve them even when they know that there are others waiting.
Sorry... I am late to the party... well done OP.... so glad you got to do this before the holidays....he must be dreading the first day back and having to join the queue with people watching. I bet he will arrive last after most parents have left 😁
InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 17/12/2021 23:22

OP, I love you. That is all.

Iseestupidpeople · 18/12/2021 00:50

He is lucky he is not local to me. My husband does the school runs while I work. He is 6’7 3/4 and he would so not let this slide, at all. But he’s be polite compared to me. I would take him down! Start with stepping in his way to block him. I’d also loudly ask him if he needed some help to understand how the queueing system works as clearly he isn’t smart enough to work it! And if he bloody tried to manterupt me I’d make sure everyone knows that he is a chauvinistic sexist pig that has no place in a school ground! And he is to only return when he is ready to apologise to every other mum and learned some basic manners.

Tiredandbored · 18/12/2021 05:47

Now that you have addressed this it's the time for others to step up and support you. If he has the audacity to keep doing it he needs to be called out every single time, preferably by various people, so he realises that NOBODY supports him or his rude behaviour.

Momijin · 18/12/2021 06:03

Brilliant op! Keep telling him

CorsicaDreaming · 18/12/2021 06:06

@NadjaofAntipaxos

As in I can't see him pushing past a load of men somehow, but women with buggies should just concede he deserves to be first and special.
Maybe that's the answer - organise a buggy blockade along the path so he can't just nonchalantly stroll on past to the front.
DBI78 · 18/12/2021 06:07

It's not just your problem it's everyone's so they have a responsibility too. If it happened again and I was there i would say something loudly in front of everyone to him. But I wouldn't go looking for the issue.

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/12/2021 06:18

He’s shouted at you. You should email the school and say you’ve tried to tackle this as a parent but he shouted at you so the school needs to step in now.

sue20 · 18/12/2021 06:27

I think raising concern with school staff is the way. They sound like they have similar feelings towards him so they might be happy for a parent complaint against him. It’s difficult cos things type of thing can quickly escalate and feel like you shouldn’t have caused a fuss. Personally I always jump in with this sort of narcissistic behaviour he sounds like a complete dickhead.

ElftonWednesday · 18/12/2021 06:29

I'd have stood in front of him as he tried to walk to the front and said, "Excuse me, but there is a queue." In fact I wouldn't as someone else would have got there and said it first. I can't believe everyone just stands there and lets him push in every day. Is this in the UK? In my experience British people point out immediately any queue jumping, whether accidental or deliberate.

bluebellYellow · 18/12/2021 06:32

I have a feeling he won't queue properly until the teacher or head specifically tell him to. He will continue to queue jump just to annoy you all further.

I have someone like this at my child's school. Even when we had to be socially distanced, they would walk in through the exit of the one way system and be front of the line.

Well done for telling him though.

ElftonWednesday · 18/12/2021 06:38

I didn't see your last update, OP, but well done.

If he has the brass neck to do it again, I'd say "Got the VIP pass again, [name], eh?" Talk to the other parents first and get them on side as well in case he does.

Popetthetreehugger · 18/12/2021 06:51

Well done you 🙌 this would drive me bonkers ! Only thoughts to add , stand in a clump at gates , parting for leaving families, so little man would literally have to push threw . Or if new term he is up to old tricks , all just chant ‘go to the back !’ And lastly get friend to tell wife it’s negatively impacting their DC as people are so feed up with his knob behaviour , DC are unlikely to be top of invite list for play dates . Enjoy your Christmas, you star ⭐️

Eleganz · 18/12/2021 07:04

@Mummyoflittledragon

He’s shouted at you. You should email the school and say you’ve tried to tackle this as a parent but he shouted at you so the school needs to step in now.
This. His response was not on and it occured on school grounds. OP has done a great job in making sure he knows clearly that his behaviour is unacceptable,now she needs to make sure that the School knows they have a situation they need to deal with.
RampantIvy · 18/12/2021 07:10

That was a satisfying read. You are a hero. Please come back and update in January.

DifferentHair · 18/12/2021 07:14

Why is the teacher just ignoring the queue and delivering his child while other people wait? I'd contact the school as well.

He sounds like an entitled bully.

NextChristmas · 18/12/2021 07:19

Blimey, this exact thing happened a few weeks back in our school and resulted in a huge fight, kids being kept in the class for their safety, the headteacher stomping out and virtually dragging the people involved inside and a letter to all parents demanding appropriate behaviour at pick up. Not saying you should try to start a fight with this man but it's odd that out of maybe 25 other parents no one is inclined to put him in his place!

lisaandalan · 18/12/2021 07:26

If I were there and he did it again I would call out excuse me there's a queue and some of us have to get back to work. X

PrescriptionOnlyMedicine · 18/12/2021 07:29

OP, you’re a bloody LEGEND

Have a brilliant Christmas 🎄

Mix56 · 18/12/2021 07:48

I am praying all the mums in the queue will now take a step left as he walks up the corridor, blocking him, or a communal snort would be good !
Singing "Golden Balls dont get a special pass 😁"

samwitwicky · 18/12/2021 08:03

Well done OP for taking a stand.

My guess is though that he will continue doing as he pleases, so do raise this with the school. It is bad behaviour on so many levels, please continue to call him out. I hope the other mums back you up.

Well done though! Have some WineCake on me Xmas Grin

RantyAunty · 18/12/2021 08:36

Well done!
This made my weekend!
Standing up to the arrogant toss pot!

I'm grinning and chuckling at the thought of him being heckled daily by mums with buggies until he fecks off.

EllaPaella · 18/12/2021 08:58

'Twat-horn' Grin😂
Love it!

Roadshiner · 18/12/2021 09:22

You have ruined his weekend and quite possibly his whole Christmas, serves him right.

However, I’m disappointed that nobody backed you up “in the moment”. They are all quite happy to rightly praise you, but only when he is out of earshot. Just one other person joining in when he shouted at you would have enforced the message. As it is he will see only you as being a problem.

In your position I’d be telling your “supporters” that you’ve done your bit now. (They sound a bit of a spineless bunch to be honest).

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