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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Rude school Dad. AIBU to say something?

600 replies

NadjaofAntipaxos · 15/12/2021 17:52

When I'm picking DS up from reception, parents queue up down a narrow space between the school building and a fence and the teacher stands in the doorway calling each child out in order of parents in the queue. It's a long queue, 30 kids to be collected. You have to wait a while if you're at the back. I'm usually one of the last in the queue as I collect older DD first from another playground, so I've never noticed this before but today she had a playdate so I was maybe number six in the queue waiting before the classroom door opened.

Shortly before the door opened, one Dad just strolled past everyone and stood at the front of the queue. Right past about 20 other people and collected his kid third or fourth. Proceeded to also have lengthy "bants" with the teacher, delaying everyone else's child getting called and signalling he is in no hurry.

I was quite astonished and said to the mum behind me "I'm assuming he has a good reason for pushing past everyone else who's waiting". She just rolled her eyes and shook her head and said "every night".

Now I have encountered this man before on a couple of occasions and I took against him then. Spidey senses signalled the twat-horn. When a few parents took our children to the park across from school and I was part of a group standing chatting which included his wife who seems lovely, he barged in and took over the conversation. I learned they have older kids, so it's not like he has to dash off and collect other kids. He announced he is now retired (would guess he is late 40s early 50s) and his wife works part time and apparently he's a self-made business man who likes to boast about his money . So not rushing back after school to start work again (like me and lots of other parents). There was also a streak of sexism too, man barges into group of women and takes over.

So clearly I am being petty to let this piss me off enough to write a Mumsnet thread about it. But what would you do? I should just get over it I know. But ... So. Annoying. (His self proclaimed cheeky chappy persona gives me rage.) And our kids are likely to have another 14 years of school together.

Or shall I make sure I start getting to school early so I can address it with him if he does his entitled push-in job again? What do I say? He is an arrogant fucker clearly so would need to be well considered. Hence asking you wise people.
Do I even email school in a PA fashion to ask that they send out an email to all re queueing etiquette? I feel lovely teachers have enough to deal with, especially as I noticed CF dad being told by teacher at parents evening he was "cheeky". Didn't hear the comment he made but know the teacher and her tone suggested "back the fuck off".
Yes yabu - move on, get a life
No yanbu - take him down, or try to and get egg on face

OP posts:
chaosmaker · 17/12/2021 10:15

Is the teacher 'bantering' with this man also male? Why aren't they saying there's a queue?

Lindylou2703 · 17/12/2021 10:47

I bloody love you. I'm a wimp and hate confrontation but so excited at the thought of you calling this rude obnoxious prick out! We need more people like you, these twats rely on people putting up and shutting up (I am one of those).

Bertiebiscuit · 17/12/2021 10:47

Maybe alert the teachers in a light hearted way, just to cover your back a bit, then the next time he does it, tell him off, he's an entitled tw*t, all the women are just being too nice to tell him. But I bet everyone feels the same as you

Forsure69 · 17/12/2021 12:23

Tell him he is a twat.. he will continue to do it.. then trip the fucker..

CovidisaThiefofJoyandcandoone · 17/12/2021 12:37

we need to make it short and to have an escape route in case he has a child with sn:

"Why are you jumping the queue"? feels about right to me. it allows everyone to save face.

Pumasonsatsumas · 17/12/2021 13:36

I don't know what possible reason he could have for queue jumping that would be acceptable so I wouldn't have bothered writing to the school. What's he going to say - he has bladder problems? Get behind the pregnant women. He has work commitments? We all do.

comfortablyfrumpy · 17/12/2021 14:01

I'm not checking in to see if you've taken him out, or declared wonder at your invisibility cloak, yet. No, definitely not. Grin

Squeezita · 17/12/2021 14:06

Oh, it's ON. Like DONKEY KONG.

billy1966 · 17/12/2021 14:38

With all that is going on in the world you have to get upset over this????!!!!

Yep...just like me.😁

This would drive me bonkers.

Couldn't let this go.

I wouldn't be impressed with the teacher allowing it either.

Say what ever you decide to say, as loudly as possible, with a dead eyed stare right at him.
Let your utter distaste for him show.

This is REALLY effective with men.

They hate seeing plain dislike on a womans face, staring directly at them.

Complete CF.

The mothers in any of my children's classes wouldn't have put up with this for a second.

I play a sport that is mixed and a couple of the men annoy me, arrogant twats.

I love to eyeball them my distaste...it adds to my enjoyment of the game.

Needdoughnuts · 17/12/2021 15:45

Unless someone has already mentioned it to the teacher I'm not sure how she's supposed to know. She's not sitting there twiddling her thumbs at 3 o'clock or looking out the window keeping a log of queue positions as she will be making sure kit, coats, bags are found/taken home etc, sorting out 'he PUSHED me' in the cloakroom, also books, invites, notices need to be given out and put STRAIGHT into bags, remember to tell individual children who's picking them up, what door they need to leave by, remember to remind everyone what's happening tomorrow and what to bring in. Someone will start crying, someone will injure themselves, someone will remind her no one has sung Happy Birthday etc etc. CF's non-queuing will not feature in those last 10 minutes trust me!

ellyeth · 17/12/2021 18:54

I probably would be too cowardly to confront him but, if I were not, I would say:

"Excuse me, there is a queue here. Is there any reason why you don't have to join it?"

NadjaofAntipaxos · 17/12/2021 20:15

I did it. And he SHOUTED AT ME.

I was right at the back so I walked to him in his usual spot and asked if there was a reason why he walks past everyone to the front of the queue everyday. He said there was nothing stopping anyone else from doing it. I pointed out erm...manners and said is this just the queue for people with a penis then? Cause you just walk past all these women. He shouted "How dare YOU talk to ME like that, go on, JOG ON". Pointing to the back of the queue!

I just said "I've got nothing left to say, everyone can hear you" and walked off to the back of the queue. I wish I had thought of something wittier at the time but I kinda think his behaviour said it all much better anyway and I didn't end up in a slanging match.

On their way out loads of people were saying "that was brilliant", "finally someone's said something" etc. One mum said you've got bigger balls than me love well done.

His kid came out and instead of leaving he just stood there for some reason, perhaps to make some sort of point? By that time a couple of mum's from DDs year had joined the back of the queue and l was chatting and laughing with them and their children about Christmas. I didn't bother to look his way.

We went to the pub after school and there were a few different groups of parents talking about it and how awful he is. One dad bought me a drink and said I was immense 😁 Lots of different stories were recounted about his knob headishness. My favourite was one dad overhearing him boasting about his holiday in Turkey and how it was shit that they went to a pharmacy and the pharmacist didn't even speak English. And yeah, I know it's Turkey but they should know English people go there on holiday shouldn't they.
Honestly.
I am quite sure he will make a point of continuing to push to the front. I also think he will also make a point of trying to somehow teach me a lesson as that's the kind of strange little man he is but I really don't much care. I think I might just laugh at him.

OP posts:
givemepiece · 17/12/2021 20:18

Bravo!!!!

Pumasonsatsumas · 17/12/2021 20:19

Wooh!! 👏👏👏

ProudThrilledHappy · 17/12/2021 20:20

Good for you Op!

Straycats · 17/12/2021 20:22

NadiaofAtipaxos-you are my hero👏
Well done you, now that it's got out I hope that other parents follow your lead.

HangOnToYourself · 17/12/2021 20:24

Bravo OP I'm sure you earnt a lot of friends today (and one enemy Grin). He sounds like such an arse

VitalsStable · 17/12/2021 20:25

You're bloody brilliant OP. I suggest the queue starts coughing in unison next time he does it.

ADialgaAteMyDog · 17/12/2021 20:26

Go go OP!
Maybe the other parents will feel empowered to stand up for themselves now.

Straycats · 17/12/2021 20:26

Can we please please have a update in January , pretty please?

Trudij123 · 17/12/2021 20:30

Oh well done!!! And yes - just laugh at him in future. Or maybe just have something in his way every day.

Hertsgirl10 · 17/12/2021 20:34

Well done!!

What did the school say about the email?

Ddot · 17/12/2021 20:40

I hope you find the other mams will grow a pair too. All start clapping when he walks past. Complete dick, actually change that to dickless prat

aquashiv · 17/12/2021 20:43

Stick your foot out as he passes.

NadjaofAntipaxos · 17/12/2021 20:46

I didn't email school in the end, had a super busy day at work and wasn't thinking on it. I decided to just ask him if there was a reason.
For anyone concerned he may have a reason like child's SEN, friend is good friends with his wife and assures me no issues there. Also, as someone pointed out, if there were, he should arrive early. He doesn't work.
He could also have said yes. I was quite prepared to be told to mind my own business. Fair enough.

OP posts:
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