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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rude school Dad. AIBU to say something?

600 replies

NadjaofAntipaxos · 15/12/2021 17:52

When I'm picking DS up from reception, parents queue up down a narrow space between the school building and a fence and the teacher stands in the doorway calling each child out in order of parents in the queue. It's a long queue, 30 kids to be collected. You have to wait a while if you're at the back. I'm usually one of the last in the queue as I collect older DD first from another playground, so I've never noticed this before but today she had a playdate so I was maybe number six in the queue waiting before the classroom door opened.

Shortly before the door opened, one Dad just strolled past everyone and stood at the front of the queue. Right past about 20 other people and collected his kid third or fourth. Proceeded to also have lengthy "bants" with the teacher, delaying everyone else's child getting called and signalling he is in no hurry.

I was quite astonished and said to the mum behind me "I'm assuming he has a good reason for pushing past everyone else who's waiting". She just rolled her eyes and shook her head and said "every night".

Now I have encountered this man before on a couple of occasions and I took against him then. Spidey senses signalled the twat-horn. When a few parents took our children to the park across from school and I was part of a group standing chatting which included his wife who seems lovely, he barged in and took over the conversation. I learned they have older kids, so it's not like he has to dash off and collect other kids. He announced he is now retired (would guess he is late 40s early 50s) and his wife works part time and apparently he's a self-made business man who likes to boast about his money . So not rushing back after school to start work again (like me and lots of other parents). There was also a streak of sexism too, man barges into group of women and takes over.

So clearly I am being petty to let this piss me off enough to write a Mumsnet thread about it. But what would you do? I should just get over it I know. But ... So. Annoying. (His self proclaimed cheeky chappy persona gives me rage.) And our kids are likely to have another 14 years of school together.

Or shall I make sure I start getting to school early so I can address it with him if he does his entitled push-in job again? What do I say? He is an arrogant fucker clearly so would need to be well considered. Hence asking you wise people.
Do I even email school in a PA fashion to ask that they send out an email to all re queueing etiquette? I feel lovely teachers have enough to deal with, especially as I noticed CF dad being told by teacher at parents evening he was "cheeky". Didn't hear the comment he made but know the teacher and her tone suggested "back the fuck off".
Yes yabu - move on, get a life
No yanbu - take him down, or try to and get egg on face

OP posts:
xsquared · 16/12/2021 23:04

@mde1982 Good manners are important for people of all ages, not just children though. I get that it's not your "job" to call out adults on poor behaviour and by your logic, neither is it the other parents' job to do so.

This behaviour will continue until somebody calls him out on it. It really doesn't have to be confrontational, pointing out that there is a queue usually works. OP could you get back up from another parent?

DebHagland · 16/12/2021 23:05

I would just very loudly inform him that "there is a queue", if he ignores you then inform him "that he should be ashamed of himself for having such bad manners, no gentleman would behave in such a way" . Use a condescending voice as if you are dealing with a spoilt child, just for extra impact.

Devora13 · 16/12/2021 23:09

Think I'd be inclined to loudly point out to the teachers that they get the VIP entrance open so the local celebrity doesn't have to breathe the same air as the commoners.
Or go ahead to I the front myself, making it clear to everyone on my way that the queuing policy is obviously optional. Because really, as much as they're under pressure, it should be the school who deal with this. Because obviously their first come first served policy isn't working.

Toddlewaddler · 16/12/2021 23:25

Our nursery queue had this - it was a nightmare. People pushing in used to make the queue last longer and could actually make me late for work.

DC is now in Reception, and the school culture is completely different—mainly because the leadership team are a presence around the queue. They set the culture at pick up and drop off with friendly greetings and clear direction / intervention when needed.

It absolutely shouldn’t be left to parents to reproach one another.

Hydrate · 16/12/2021 23:41

He sounds like a huge....annoyance! Stick out your foot!

Mamanyt · 16/12/2021 23:46

It has been my experience that, to a VERY large degree, we teach other people how to treat us. He has evidently gotten a lot of very poor lessons, and it would do him good to get a sharp set-down. I can't say for sure it is a testosterone thing, or if he's just entitled generally, but I'd bet that his time is more valuable than the time of a "bunch of women" in his own eyes. If you can do so safely, by all means, call him out on being rude, crude, and a general nitwit.

BoredZelda · 16/12/2021 23:56

I know we all hate to be confrontational...

But not the OP. She’s been clear, she thrives on being confrontational, her job depends on it. For some unknown reason she didn’t call him out when she saw it.

Magnificentbeast · 17/12/2021 00:45

This type of thing would annoy me too. He sounds extremely entitled and a complete pita. I think you should tackle it on a level that's comfortable for you.

We queue outside the school gates at home time. Some people never join. They stand across the road from the gate and then cross when the gates open. Is that queue jumping? I don't even know anymore - although it's not something I would do. It just seems to be the norm for that group of non-queuers now unfortunately. Possibly it's not as blatant as your entitled dad. Others just walk to the front on the other side of the road.
Of course, the majority do wait their turn.

I was about third in the queue for the school Christmas show. When the doors opened a couple of people just bypassed the queue. It wasn't even a surprise.

There does seem to be a divide between those who queue and those who don't. It speaks to me of a level of entitlement but those who don't bother to queue don't seem to think anything of it. Although they may be the first to tackle it if it happens to them. Who knows!

On occasion I have called people out on it in other queues. I choose my moments.

Touchmybum · 17/12/2021 00:58

After a conglomerate of nearly 21 years' schooling for 3 children - I can tell you, it's not worth the aggravation!!

Dovecare · 17/12/2021 04:44

I dont think it is worth making a scene about. Yes he is rude but that's his problem. Scenes at school gates are unpleasant and embarrassing.

lottiegarbanzo · 17/12/2021 05:34

A scene? No-one needs to 'make a scene'. No drama required. Just an ordinary, everyday 'oy mate there's a queue here'.

Funny idea of 'a scene'. Wouldn't buy tickets for it myself.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 17/12/2021 05:46

@Hydrate

He sounds like a huge....annoyance! Stick out your foot!
They have buggies. With a little co ordination there could be a slalom courseforhim to run.
chocolateicecream · 17/12/2021 06:09

I’m looking forward to the update. I’m visualising a big round of applause when you pull this bloke up. I really wish this could happen.

Galiano · 17/12/2021 09:20

I'm with the lemon cake in the back of the head suggestion!

Lilydot · 17/12/2021 09:21

Hes obviously a bully. Don't stand for it.

supersop60 · 17/12/2021 09:21

Looking forward to the update. Entitled git needs to be called out. Why is his time more important than everybody else's?

Laiste · 17/12/2021 09:25

@Galiano

I'm with the lemon cake in the back of the head suggestion!
Me too!

So many (usually mums actually) push in to our round the bloody block queue on the pretence of spotting someone they like to stand with or want to talk to.

Balls of brass. I couldn't do it. It's always the same 7 or 8.

Rude.

jamdonut · 17/12/2021 09:25

I’m surprised the teacher doesn’t just ignore him and continue with the queue as it is! Sadly , there are too many parents that ‘don’t get’ the way it works at dropping off and picking up time.

CovidisaThiefofJoyandcandoone · 17/12/2021 09:30

They can’t close the schools till this is sorted.

Laiste · 17/12/2021 09:34

@CovidisaThiefofJoyandcandoone

They can’t close the schools till this is sorted.
LOL

I was thinking the same thing. If OP doesn't act today all is lost!

IntermittentParps · 17/12/2021 09:38

Just a simple 'There's a queue' with a little gesture to the back should suffice.
He sounds like a tit.

ChargingBuck · 17/12/2021 09:42

This thread has a distinct aggressive tone

Not as aggressive as feeling entitled to barge to the front of a queue every day @Feeasco

ChargingBuck · 17/12/2021 09:48

@Dovecare

I dont think it is worth making a scene about. Yes he is rude but that's his problem. Scenes at school gates are unpleasant and embarrassing.
His rudeness makes a problem for 30 other parents, who also have to wait while this man does Performance Picking-Up with the teacher once he's barged to the front of the queue.

But you'd rather let him get away with his entitlement @Dovecare?

LouH1981 · 17/12/2021 10:07

YANBU but he sounds like the type of kn*bhead who probably wouldn’t listen even if you said anything anyway and that would probably just wind you up even more.

TheFestiveFeminist · 17/12/2021 10:11

Put your professional hat on, and take him to task. Politely but firmly point out that the queue is in place for a reason, and he must also wait his turn. Hopefully you will be close enough to the front of the queue that the teacher will hear you and bring out the other children first.

He wont take kindly to it but you aren't in this to make a friend, you're in this to bring about change. Good luck.