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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Rude school Dad. AIBU to say something?

600 replies

NadjaofAntipaxos · 15/12/2021 17:52

When I'm picking DS up from reception, parents queue up down a narrow space between the school building and a fence and the teacher stands in the doorway calling each child out in order of parents in the queue. It's a long queue, 30 kids to be collected. You have to wait a while if you're at the back. I'm usually one of the last in the queue as I collect older DD first from another playground, so I've never noticed this before but today she had a playdate so I was maybe number six in the queue waiting before the classroom door opened.

Shortly before the door opened, one Dad just strolled past everyone and stood at the front of the queue. Right past about 20 other people and collected his kid third or fourth. Proceeded to also have lengthy "bants" with the teacher, delaying everyone else's child getting called and signalling he is in no hurry.

I was quite astonished and said to the mum behind me "I'm assuming he has a good reason for pushing past everyone else who's waiting". She just rolled her eyes and shook her head and said "every night".

Now I have encountered this man before on a couple of occasions and I took against him then. Spidey senses signalled the twat-horn. When a few parents took our children to the park across from school and I was part of a group standing chatting which included his wife who seems lovely, he barged in and took over the conversation. I learned they have older kids, so it's not like he has to dash off and collect other kids. He announced he is now retired (would guess he is late 40s early 50s) and his wife works part time and apparently he's a self-made business man who likes to boast about his money . So not rushing back after school to start work again (like me and lots of other parents). There was also a streak of sexism too, man barges into group of women and takes over.

So clearly I am being petty to let this piss me off enough to write a Mumsnet thread about it. But what would you do? I should just get over it I know. But ... So. Annoying. (His self proclaimed cheeky chappy persona gives me rage.) And our kids are likely to have another 14 years of school together.

Or shall I make sure I start getting to school early so I can address it with him if he does his entitled push-in job again? What do I say? He is an arrogant fucker clearly so would need to be well considered. Hence asking you wise people.
Do I even email school in a PA fashion to ask that they send out an email to all re queueing etiquette? I feel lovely teachers have enough to deal with, especially as I noticed CF dad being told by teacher at parents evening he was "cheeky". Didn't hear the comment he made but know the teacher and her tone suggested "back the fuck off".
Yes yabu - move on, get a life
No yanbu - take him down, or try to and get egg on face

OP posts:

Marvellousmadness · 16/12/2021 20:43

@mde1982 you are not trained to handle rediculous parenr behaviour?? Or course not
But you still have common sense right ?! So you would just help the other mums get their kids first and tell the guy to get in line...

Ddot · 16/12/2021 20:46

Entitled plank

ifeelabitsad · 16/12/2021 20:46

I would be very polite and say quietly to him "you do realise everyone thinks you're very rude as you don't join the queue and wait your turn"

NumberTheory · 16/12/2021 20:48

Get some neon lights made (or write on a big sheet of paper) and attach to the wall by the door:

Twatdad,
You'll find every woman here
Has been waiting longer than you
Your penis does not entitle you
To a place at the front of the queue

Ideally this would unfurl (or turn on if neon!) just as he reached the door.

KaycePollard · 16/12/2021 20:50

But what would you do? I should just get over it I know.

No you shouldn't get over it. He should be called out. I think I might deploy a loud "Excuse me! There's a queue here."

He's a sexist twat, and why oh why does a queue of mostly women let hm get away with it.

I'd be furious.

Foxylass · 16/12/2021 20:53

As a young mom, I would just have let it go and been quietly peed off that he behaved that way.
Now though I just speak up.

So another vote for saying something to him. Polite but firm.

mde1982 · 16/12/2021 20:55

@BreatheAndFocus

As a teacher, it takes no effort to ignore him if he pushes to the front of the queue.

The teacher here should ignore him, look at the next mum in the queue and call out their child’s name. Repeat, repeat until the only parent left is Mr Twat, then smile and say “Oh dear, I didn’t see you there. Next time wait your turn in the queue like the other parents and I won’t miss you”

It does when he stands there, blocks the door, creates a scene etc.

Presumably there is someone else who has responsibility for the year group or key stage who you could have a word with? I wonder if the teacher doesn't have the time, energy or inclination to cause a confrontation with a parent at the end of a full day teaching. They'd probably welcome the support of a colleague nearby who perhaps could take the parent to one side to discuss the issue whilst the teacher keeps the line moving.

BorisBooster · 16/12/2021 20:56

Trip him up as he walks past.

Original poster

NadjaofAntipaxos · 16/12/2021 20:57

I am so sorry to disappoint but I couldn't do pick up today. Wanted to update as I sense some of you who share my rage for this type of ruuuuude bastardo may need some closure. I am committed to deliver this closure!

DH arrived just as he was exiting with his kid sadly, so couldn't say anything. I feel quite glad though as those who pointed out that it would just be him hearing it from another male are right. You have all inspired me with your fighting talk though. I will not let this lie.

Tomorrow I am going to email the teacher and say I appreciate there may be a good reason for a parent to come to the front and pick their kid up first everyday and I wanted to check this sensitively first before I address this directly with the parent (male) who sees fit to walk past everyone queueing (female). I am 99% sure no SEN requiring early pick up but as others have pointed out, even if this were the case, he doesn't work so can get there early.

I will see what the teacher says.

I will then get there early so he can't slip past me and rope in another mum I know who doesn't take any shit but is usually at the back like me due to collecting older kids.

I like a lot of these suggestions but "oh, is there a separate queue for men here? No I thought not, back of the queue is there my friend" appeals. As does just pointing out his behaviour " there is a queue, everyone must join the back of the queue the back of the queue is not here, it is there." And repeat " but there is a queue isn't there everyone? Everyone must join the queue" Etc ad nauseum.

OP posts:

Zipper666 · 16/12/2021 20:59

I know we all hate to be confrontational...

BUT

screw up your courage [maybe get another couple of young Mums on your side first] and when he starts to walk past SHOUT - VERY LOUDLY "excuse me, there's a queue here, you need to get to the back"

That's the only thing that will work [you can feel embarassed later!]

mde1982 · 16/12/2021 21:01

[quote Marvellousmadness]@mde1982 you are not trained to handle rediculous parenr behaviour?? Or course not
But you still have common sense right ?! So you would just help the other mums get their kids first and tell the guy to get in line...[/quote]
Being blunt, I'm not sure I would. My responsibility is getting the 30 kids to the correct parents. If I believe a child is being abused as a result of something I see or hear, I'll report it to our safeguarding team. But I won't sort out squabbles between parents. I teach children, not adults who act like children!

Overdon · 16/12/2021 21:09

Ask to see his priority boarding card, or ask in faux innocence for information on how to access the fast track system.

He is a prize twat, but I feel equally annoyed with the other mums putting up with this shit show, it should have been nipped in the bud ages ago.

Kikibabes · 16/12/2021 21:18

@Joolsin

I would have to make a special pet project of this, OP. Can't understand why anyone hasn't pulled him up on it before now. He's banking on this continuing, the chancer. Go for it, and update frequently!!!

Lmao- love this!!!! 💞💞 and couldn't agree more! Prick needs taken down a peg or two- there's a queue for a reason twat! 😡😡

Kikibabes · 16/12/2021 21:19

@Chocolatewheatos

I'd get there early and maybe test the waters with the other parents see if anyone else is willing to stand up to him. Then I'd just stand in the way so he can't get past. If he asks you to get past just say "oh no we're actually all queuing for the kids" and just smile and turn around. What he gonna say "yeah but I'm more important and need to push in front"?

This is pretty perfect an answer too 👍🏻👍🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

harmonyhall · 16/12/2021 21:27

Snaketime · 16/12/2021 21:30

I would just say, "the back of the queue is back there" and point to the back of the line.

Feeasco · 16/12/2021 21:32

@ChargingBuck if I was afraid of speaking my mind against the trend, I would not come on a thread and go against the trend. Don't know why you have make it a male thing - it is an individual thing. I do have knowledge on both ADHD and high functioning and often they DO NOT REALISE their behaviour. They can gain insight but often do battle with social boundaries and whether we react with anger or kindness is a reflection of who we are. As someone mentioned - the child could be SEN. This thread has a distinct aggressive tone. I've tried to give a bit of balance to the discussion and won't be pulled into conflict by reacting to condescending choice of words.

xsquared · 16/12/2021 21:46

Being blunt, I'm not sure I would. My responsibility is getting the 30 kids to the correct parents. If I believe a child is being abused as a result of something I see or hear, I'll report it to our safeguarding team. But I won't sort out squabbles between parents. I teach children, not adults who act like children!

Then teach children that it is not acceptable for adults to push in the queue either, by giving him a gentle reminder that there is a queue. I am a teacher but I wouldn't stand this sort of behaviour from any parent.

Dnaltocs · 16/12/2021 21:52

Possibly say in a loud whisper “As you’re an older parent, I do hope you don’t mind me saying this but perhaps you haven’t noticed the queue. I do hope you don’t mind me telling you how this operates. You just have to take your place in the queue”

mde1982 · 16/12/2021 22:04

@xsquared

The children are inside the building, the parents are outside the building. Even if I challenged the parent "as a teacher" it'd be outside the classroom and therefore the children wouldn't see/ hear it and it wouldn't be a teaching point at all.

Dnaltocs · 16/12/2021 22:09

As someone said earlier, perhaps the child or parent has a special need.
Please keep us updated.

PyongyangKipperbang · 16/12/2021 22:11

Ah the beauty of having to wear masks....."Oi!!!! There's a queue and you should be standing at the back of it!" cannot be attributed to anyone!

Mamamia344 · 16/12/2021 22:16

He wouldn't do it if it was a line full of men!

RachaelN · 16/12/2021 22:50

Yup. Take him down! He is definitely a twat.

Heartdogs · 16/12/2021 22:59

It's not your responsibility to sort him out but I would not be able to help myself if he did it again. I'd just shout 'back of the queue you'. Not letting him jump the queue is one thing. Trying to stop him being an asshole in life is pointless.

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