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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rude school Dad. AIBU to say something?

600 replies

NadjaofAntipaxos · 15/12/2021 17:52

When I'm picking DS up from reception, parents queue up down a narrow space between the school building and a fence and the teacher stands in the doorway calling each child out in order of parents in the queue. It's a long queue, 30 kids to be collected. You have to wait a while if you're at the back. I'm usually one of the last in the queue as I collect older DD first from another playground, so I've never noticed this before but today she had a playdate so I was maybe number six in the queue waiting before the classroom door opened.

Shortly before the door opened, one Dad just strolled past everyone and stood at the front of the queue. Right past about 20 other people and collected his kid third or fourth. Proceeded to also have lengthy "bants" with the teacher, delaying everyone else's child getting called and signalling he is in no hurry.

I was quite astonished and said to the mum behind me "I'm assuming he has a good reason for pushing past everyone else who's waiting". She just rolled her eyes and shook her head and said "every night".

Now I have encountered this man before on a couple of occasions and I took against him then. Spidey senses signalled the twat-horn. When a few parents took our children to the park across from school and I was part of a group standing chatting which included his wife who seems lovely, he barged in and took over the conversation. I learned they have older kids, so it's not like he has to dash off and collect other kids. He announced he is now retired (would guess he is late 40s early 50s) and his wife works part time and apparently he's a self-made business man who likes to boast about his money . So not rushing back after school to start work again (like me and lots of other parents). There was also a streak of sexism too, man barges into group of women and takes over.

So clearly I am being petty to let this piss me off enough to write a Mumsnet thread about it. But what would you do? I should just get over it I know. But ... So. Annoying. (His self proclaimed cheeky chappy persona gives me rage.) And our kids are likely to have another 14 years of school together.

Or shall I make sure I start getting to school early so I can address it with him if he does his entitled push-in job again? What do I say? He is an arrogant fucker clearly so would need to be well considered. Hence asking you wise people.
Do I even email school in a PA fashion to ask that they send out an email to all re queueing etiquette? I feel lovely teachers have enough to deal with, especially as I noticed CF dad being told by teacher at parents evening he was "cheeky". Didn't hear the comment he made but know the teacher and her tone suggested "back the fuck off".
Yes yabu - move on, get a life
No yanbu - take him down, or try to and get egg on face

OP posts:
GrumpyLivesInMyHouseNow · 16/12/2021 19:32

Empty buggy pushes in front of him to trip over when he tries to pass you?

IndieR22 · 16/12/2021 19:44

Here to find out what you do in future updates!

Unmerited · 16/12/2021 19:46

@Feeasco

Have you considered that he may have a condition - high functioning or ADHD. His behaviour suggests there is something wrong. Perhaps rather ask why you want to make it your mission. I mean, it is the teacher's responsibility to address the fact that he is holding up the cue. All the other parents have decided to let it go. There are reasons but they not worth making a bad atmosphere. Why are you taking it so personally?
ADHD doesn’t make you a twat. He’s a man who thinks he doesn’t have to queue, they’re ten a penny.
Pigwig10 · 16/12/2021 19:46

I just want to know what happens tomorrow so dropping in now WinkGrin

FabricedeSauveterre · 16/12/2021 19:46

Here for the update
Please don’t make us wait until next term OP!!

LianneCL · 16/12/2021 19:48

Take him down!!!

Let him know that there is a queue… if he retorts with anything other than ‘oh sorry’ and swiftly moving to back of said queue, repeat “oh I’m sorry you have misunderstood/misheard me, there is a queue here we are all waiting for you children, the back of the line is [point]”

Even better if you have an ally in the queue who will say the same thing if he tries to jump when you’re not there

HyacynthBucket · 16/12/2021 19:54

I can't believe that no one has ever said anything! What a wet lot they must be. Go for it,OP. You can be perfectly polite in pointing out that a queue exists and where the end of it is But as already said above, keep eye contact and have no silly business from him.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 16/12/2021 19:54

I don't understand why when you got to the door you didn't mention it to the teacher if you had already mentioned it to another parent.

TheRemotePart · 16/12/2021 20:00

Oh god OP, you’re like me. Everyone else around you quite happy to complain under their breath but waiting on someone like you to say something!
So annoying. Stand up for yourselves, people! Don’t always wait on someone else do it- so you can slink off out of the drama, but glad it was dealt with !

I’d email the school first and say “ I assume there’s a good reason why XX always jumps the queue and nothings said?” ( there might well be )
And if they reply “ eeeeeeh” I’d be marching up and not queuing myself.
Up to everyone else if they want to take a stand or queue away….

SayAaa · 16/12/2021 20:01

@LittleMG

Take. Him. Down.
This.

"OI! The back of the queue is over there'

2reefsin30knots · 16/12/2021 20:08

If I were the class teacher he'd be waiting until last, just like the children who try to push to the front of a line.

Ddot · 16/12/2021 20:10

Get in front of him in queue then stand forward as he walks up, say sorry but do you get the concept of a queue. If he says something twatty, just say, your not setting a good example for your children are you.

Imissmoominmama · 16/12/2021 20:12

You can guarantee that not one single person will back you up, and then you’ll look like you’re the unreasonable one. This is how pricks like him operate and get away with it.

ChargingBuck · 16/12/2021 20:14

@Feeasco

Have you considered that he may have a condition - high functioning or ADHD. His behaviour suggests there is something wrong. Perhaps rather ask why you want to make it your mission. I mean, it is the teacher's responsibility to address the fact that he is holding up the cue. All the other parents have decided to let it go. There are reasons but they not worth making a bad atmosphere. Why are you taking it so personally?
ADHD isn't a reason to ignore social protocols - as I'm sure most people managing the condition will attest.

Why should OP question herself? Are you all twitchy because she's asserting herself in the face of patriarchal values or summat, @Feeasco? Do you feel unable to speak your mind unless the crowd does so before you?

user1493375230 · 16/12/2021 20:19

One like that in our school. Only he talks to the teachers like shit. Thinks he's a business man but in actual fact he's unemployed.

Mrspenfold123 · 16/12/2021 20:21

Why on Earth does it have to be done one child at a time in “queue order”.

Children get their coats and bags at different rates. As they come out, the teacher should check their parent is in view and let them go.

The real issue is that the school is wasting everyone’s time by making you all queue.

Noisyprat · 16/12/2021 20:23

I was in a very long queue at Gatwick once, long ago when we travelled freely, and a man with a young girl in tow did this. Just jumped in and pushed his stuff onto the security belt. I called him out, of course he was shocked and didn't like it. Evidently I am 'one of those types of women'! Firstly I couldn't give a ff about what he thought of me and secondly, oh how I laughed when he 'failed' the security check and had to go back!

Other posters are right, you will stand up and no-one will back you up. The best thing you can do is not call him out but firstly find out if he has a valid reason and when you find that, inevitably he doesn't, just mirror the behaviour including talking to the teacher. Do this right in front of him but completely blanking him.

BoredZelda · 16/12/2021 20:29

I've got to be the one who steps in. I imagine him to be the sort to try and joke his way out if it or ignore me.

Except you didn’t.

But sometimes you just have to take a stand man.

But only if you first report all about it to MN, then presumably when you finally do it, everyone will clap and cheer?

anotheronenow · 16/12/2021 20:30

Looking forward to the update/his comeuppance. Do it for Mumsnet!

CCC1 · 16/12/2021 20:33

“Is it a desire to exert male privilege or over confidence in your wearing cheeky chappy banter that makes you queue jump?”

Or

“Goodness! Well behaved children should know how to queue nicely.”

mde1982 · 16/12/2021 20:34

@RosiePosieDozy

Don't let him get away with it. Selfish behaviour. No doubt raising a selfish child.

Tell him there is a queue.

I am surprised that no one, including the teacher, hasn't said anything to him. The teacher must see him do this every day? Tell him there is a queue. If he still behaves like this, raise it with the teacher. It's unacceptable.

I'm a teacher. I'm not paid nor trained to sort out ridiculous parents with ridiculous behaviour.

What's next, shall I go and pop a parking ticket on any parents parked on double yellows?

BreatheAndFocus · 16/12/2021 20:40

As a teacher, it takes no effort to ignore him if he pushes to the front of the queue.

The teacher here should ignore him, look at the next mum in the queue and call out their child’s name. Repeat, repeat until the only parent left is Mr Twat, then smile and say “Oh dear, I didn’t see you there. Next time wait your turn in the queue like the other parents and I won’t miss you”

Marvellousmadness · 16/12/2021 20:41

"Does nobody point out the queue to him?

Seeming not. Lots of lovely younger mum's with toddlers and the occasional grandparent. Hardly any dad's funnily enough."

And this is exactly why this man does it and will continue doing it. No one telse him off!!!
No wonder women don't have equality. Come on op. Speak up!kick up a stink. Why are you (all of you) letting him get away with it. Speak up!

And if you are still to scared to speak up for yourself then complain to the school and explain what happens and make sure that you mention the teacher as well!!

Stormbraver99 · 16/12/2021 20:43

Form an arch with the other parents for him to walk under to get to the front.
He should get the hint then. It will confuse him if nothing else.

SunLovingMummy · 16/12/2021 20:43

Ooh. Looking forward to your update. Hope you took him down!