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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Rude school Dad. AIBU to say something?

600 replies

NadjaofAntipaxos · 15/12/2021 17:52

When I'm picking DS up from reception, parents queue up down a narrow space between the school building and a fence and the teacher stands in the doorway calling each child out in order of parents in the queue. It's a long queue, 30 kids to be collected. You have to wait a while if you're at the back. I'm usually one of the last in the queue as I collect older DD first from another playground, so I've never noticed this before but today she had a playdate so I was maybe number six in the queue waiting before the classroom door opened.

Shortly before the door opened, one Dad just strolled past everyone and stood at the front of the queue. Right past about 20 other people and collected his kid third or fourth. Proceeded to also have lengthy "bants" with the teacher, delaying everyone else's child getting called and signalling he is in no hurry.

I was quite astonished and said to the mum behind me "I'm assuming he has a good reason for pushing past everyone else who's waiting". She just rolled her eyes and shook her head and said "every night".

Now I have encountered this man before on a couple of occasions and I took against him then. Spidey senses signalled the twat-horn. When a few parents took our children to the park across from school and I was part of a group standing chatting which included his wife who seems lovely, he barged in and took over the conversation. I learned they have older kids, so it's not like he has to dash off and collect other kids. He announced he is now retired (would guess he is late 40s early 50s) and his wife works part time and apparently he's a self-made business man who likes to boast about his money . So not rushing back after school to start work again (like me and lots of other parents). There was also a streak of sexism too, man barges into group of women and takes over.

So clearly I am being petty to let this piss me off enough to write a Mumsnet thread about it. But what would you do? I should just get over it I know. But ... So. Annoying. (His self proclaimed cheeky chappy persona gives me rage.) And our kids are likely to have another 14 years of school together.

Or shall I make sure I start getting to school early so I can address it with him if he does his entitled push-in job again? What do I say? He is an arrogant fucker clearly so would need to be well considered. Hence asking you wise people.
Do I even email school in a PA fashion to ask that they send out an email to all re queueing etiquette? I feel lovely teachers have enough to deal with, especially as I noticed CF dad being told by teacher at parents evening he was "cheeky". Didn't hear the comment he made but know the teacher and her tone suggested "back the fuck off".
Yes yabu - move on, get a life
No yanbu - take him down, or try to and get egg on face

OP posts:
WeatherwaxOn · 16/12/2021 08:56

@AdobeWanKenobi

Someine did this to me in Tesco the other week, i looked over to dh and shouted "DH! MY INVISIBILITY CLOAK! IT WORKS!" Bloke looked at me sheepishly and wandered off to the back of the queue at the next till.
I want to do this!
aSofaNearYou · 16/12/2021 09:05

Oh I MUST know the outcome of this thread, I've got second hand rage.

If nobody has spoken to him about this before then I think you have the perfect window to do so without it feeling overly confrontational. Just make sure it's nice and loud so it hopefully shames him!

Apiddleawiddle · 16/12/2021 09:11

I'm a cheeky fucker, I would be like, 'OI MATE, I ain't queuing for the good of my health. Wait yer turn.' And then proceed to say to staff that they shouldn't let people skip queues or you will be expecting them to do same for you when you are back of the line. Sometimes it takes for one person to stand up and do the right thing before others do.

DogsandCatsB4u · 16/12/2021 12:46

Rich guy who thinks he is above everyone

SingingSands · 16/12/2021 13:32

I'll back you OP. Tell me when and where and I'll join.

I'd shout "sorry Princess, there's no Royal treatment here - back of the queue is that way". And make sure to stare him out with a dead behind the eyes smile.

BSJohnson · 16/12/2021 16:58

How did today go, @NadjaofAntipaxos? Grin

ohfourfoxache · 16/12/2021 17:14

Place marking and I’m not even sorry

I hate entitled twats, hope you gave it to him with both barrels

WTAFhappened123 · 16/12/2021 17:26

So pleased I’m done with the school run now! Hate hate hated it purely because of twat parents! I would say ‘excuse me we are all queuing too’ and see what his excuse is…I’m betting it’s because he’s parked on the yellow chevrons! Twit

cherish123 · 16/12/2021 17:32

YANBU to be annoyed but, personally, I'd just ignore it.

angela99999 · 16/12/2021 17:40

YANBU but the teacher or school should deal with this. Otherwise he'll have a snide dig at you every time he sees you

Suzanne999 · 16/12/2021 17:41

Adopt an old fashioned loyd teachers voice. “ Back of the queue and wait your turn” or similar. Unless someone tells him, he’ll go on doing it. Chauvinist pig.

Buttercup1954 · 16/12/2021 17:41

I'd have to say very loudly excuse me there's a queue here. I couldn't keep quiet. I just hate that sort of thing.

Floundery · 16/12/2021 17:44

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

HeartofAss · 16/12/2021 17:45

Perhaps this only works because I am not British, but I find one word more useful than any other in this sort of situation:

"DUUUUUDE."

You say it disdainfully and really loudly. It's informal and relaxed (you kind of sound like a Californian surfer) but also there is no doubt as to what you mean.

CovidisaThiefofJoyandcandoone · 16/12/2021 17:46

good thread.

Best thing to do is go up to him and say

"why do you walk to the front of the queue at pickup?"

that way if his child has special needs that make waiting impossible, he can tell you.

HeartofAss · 16/12/2021 17:46

I do also think, "Hey Princess" as an above poster suggested could work, although 'Dude' has less sexism

RedToothBrush · 16/12/2021 17:48

Has anyone suggested linking to this thread on your parents WhatsApp group OP?

maybloss2 · 16/12/2021 17:51

Wherever you are in the queue, keep an eye out for his approach and block his path, by casually stepping into it, or placing something (a shopping bag) in his way. And just say -hey cheeky random man-the back of the queue is back that way. Please keep your distance.
Or, go in disguise and have an outrageous ‘melt down’ that takes up a lot of space so he can’t get past. (Although this really requires an accomplice)

anon12345anon · 16/12/2021 17:51

@LittleMG

Take. Him. Down.
Grin Grin Grin
NFLBingo · 16/12/2021 17:52

I’ll never understand the whole ‘He’s annoying but ignore him’ thing some have suggested.
No, you have things to do and places to be, you’re not there for a fun so fuck that for a laugh, get to the back of the queue you absolute dick.

Hertsgirl10 · 16/12/2021 17:52

Was dickhead dad there today?

Was you on time?

Is there a WhatsApp groupchat? I’d definitely say something in there if so. Especially if he’s in it and his wife.

Purplekitkat · 16/12/2021 17:53

Take him out. There is always one and more he does it the more entitled they become. If not appropriate then email school, might be the teacher just needs some encouragement to push back.

BiscoffAnythingIsTheWayForward · 16/12/2021 17:56

I was going to say about possible SEN which I can see another poster has already mentioned. But tbh if I was picking my own child up that has SEN’s and he couldn’t wait. I would make damn sure I was always number 1 in the queue. And if I was late I would of course apologise on my way up and give a quick ‘sorry I’m late to get X out of the door first’. It was always obvious to anyone that my child had SEN needs though. This man just sounds like an entitled CF 🤦🏻‍♀️

Hummingbirdcake · 16/12/2021 17:56

Shouldn’t the teacher notice and say something?

Pixiedust1234 · 16/12/2021 17:58

Check there isn't a valid reason for him to be first but what would give me the rage is the chatting to the teacher and holding everyone else up...that I would challenge. A basic " excuse me miss but I can't wait around any longer, some of us have appointments to get to". Embarrass them both since teacher is pandering to him. Good luck!