Psychologist told me autism is a superpower

[Midnightpharma]

I went to see a psychologist as part of a support package offered by my employer to help with my disability and perhaps learn a few strategies to deal with the anxiety I suffer from as a result of being autistic. I was talking about how my disability affects me, and the psychologist, at the end of my story, told me that "autism isn't a disability, it's a superpower!"

She proceeded to show me a kids video about how autistic people are a little different, but awesome and spent most of the rest of the session trying to make me think positively about my "superpower". I struggle on a daily basis and have had to take 6 months of sick leave in the last two years, keep feeling desperately uncomfortable at work and barely manage to stay in employment. To do so I need constant help in my home life. I can't work from an office full-time and have semi-regular shutdowns/meltdowns. I still have 10 hours of sessions left.

WIBU to try and cancel the others? I don't know what to do. They're not mandatory, but I don't want to look like I don't appreciate my employer's offer of support. At the same time this session was painful and invalidating and I'm not sure how to do another 10 hours of this. The person is a qualified psychologist who specialises is neurodiverse conditions. If being on the spectrum was a superpower why would you need to see a psychologist?!

OP I have no advice other than to empathise
over how unbelievably patronised you must have felt. Minimising your disability in the workplace when you actively sought support is not fair.

Take this to HR or your union. Massively i appropriate for a psychologist to be saying such things.

I totally understand why you feel like this. And although I can see that the "superpower" narrative is empowering (and maybe even true) for some, the reality for many is that that asd is a disability and a bloody difficult one to live with.

Thst said, could you try another session and tell the psychologist what you think? Might get the sessions moving in the right direction.

YANBU OP - that is an appropriate approach for children, but you’re not a child and should be able to depend on a psychologist treating you as an adult.

However, I wouldn’t cancel the sessions. You may find useful things in them. Even when I’ve had a not so good therapist or counsellor, I’ve been surprised at how there are still good and useful things to be drawn from the sessions anyway, and often a therapist who seems initially unpromising ends up being surprisingly good.

Just say this to the psychologist. You can explain to them that the video made you feel patronised and invalidated, and can they focus on strategies for helping you instead. It should be a two-way process! You are an active agent in it, not just a recipient.

I’m autistic too and would find this invalidating and patronising.

However, it’s possible it was a very badly worded introduction to what could be a strengths-based approach to helping you in the workplace.

And with any therapist there’s at least the first few sessions which is to find rapport and built trust. There could be some bumps along the way - this being one of them.

In your position I might try to feed back your thoughts on this - if this isn’t possible for you to do verbally - an email would work. Any good therapist will take on board feedback and adapt their approach to suit you.

Id be worried about refusing any form of "help" from your employer as you'll open yourself up to being let go under occupational health if it's affecting your day to day work.

I sympathise OP. The moment I could WFH, my sick leave vanished, literally overnight. It wasn't just because I wasn't catching bugs anymore, but the sheer stress and exhaustion of physically being in an office and masking all the time was damaging me. I don't think that NT people understand it.

If I were you I'd email the psychologist with what you've said here, and say that you're tempted to cancel the sessions but would like to talk it over first - give her a chance to adjust her approach.

You have to gel with any counsellor or therapist. Their approach isn't right for you, and you have the self knowledge to understand that. Psychologists know that too.

I wouldn't see them again and ask if there was a different person available or a different tack I could take. I'd just be really direct about it.

That’s appalling.

Tbh it’s crap even if directed at a child.

The whole autism is a superpower narrative is utter shite.

I know it may be difficult for you to speak to the psychologist so what about writing it down? Or ask to switch to a different one, you need tools to recognise what makes you anxious & how to deal with it.

I agree with Porcupineintherough that whilst some may see autism as a super power for many it just add stress or worse to their lives. Do not post what you have on any of the groups on social media that supposedly support people with autism and their families, a few of the extreme activists will attack you & are awful to anyone who doesn't believe autism is a super power.

What is it you struggle with at home? Do you need more structure and regulatory in your life? Or to give yourself time to decompress/relax after work?

What she's not realising or acknowledging is that our "spiky cognitive profile" means that there are just as many things we absolutely suck balls at. It isn't all rain man savant shit. The world is designed for middle of the road average Joes. Many of us never get the chance to benefit from our skills because we're held back and dismissed because of the things we can't do.

This is so true @DerbyshireMama I have distinctions and qualifications because I’m really clever but I’m completely useless at social grease and managing staff and planning career steps. So I earn £10 an hour and people less or just as intelligent manage me. It’s the only thing I’ve got going for me and I can’t use it.

Sounds like the psychologist has no clue about autism and has just read the meme,s on Facebook ,about it not being a disability it's just a different ability etc etc ,they are completely minimising the fact it's a spectrum and affects everybody differently.

My daughter had autism and what she's been through during her teenage years could not be described as a super power. FWIW she says that she doesn't think her autism is a disability, just that her brain works differently. She says the social anxiety is the disability. I agree completely. I'm all for empowering people, absolutely, but minimising people's struggles that come from something they were born with is going to make them feel even more "disabled".

Sounds like she's used to treating children maybe find someone who deals more with adults with autism

I was wondering if the psychologist was male, but reading again I see not. This seemed like a classic case of a male vs female mindset, where the male thinks their job is to fix a problem, and the person being spoken to is enraged because they want sympathy, not solutions. (As a male, I think sympathy is not only pointless, because it fixes nothing, but positively harmful, because it rewards you for staying where you are. It entrenches misery, rather than combatting it.)

How would it help to be told that your life is shit because your brain is different? The pyschologist can't change the way you are wired. I assume the most they can do is help you find strategies to be happier and successful. Concentrating on potential positives in any situation seems to me a sensible approach that any person should be taking all the time.

There are people who are successful because of autism, even without being savants. I realise not everyone can be another Michael Burry, but on a more mundane level, years ago I heard of an investment bank that specifically recruits autistic people to do a certain type of job, because they are unusually suited to it. Even if one doesn't have the education or skills for that, I don't see why there couldn't be other jobs that were a good match for some others.

Wtaf. It’s something a well meaning aunt says because she watched a documentary about it, and is trying to be helpful. Not a bloody professional.

YADNBU I'm awaiting an assessment for my son and had to leave an support group for parents of children with autism because of this kind of thing. I home educate my child due to bullying at school, due to certain issues our worlds have shrunk and we've become increasingly isolated, he's self harmed, there are so many struggles it's heart breaking for us both. It feels like this positivity crap just glosses over and dismisses everything we're going through.

I’d go to the next session and start it with ‘I want our time together to be productive so I’m going to share my thoughts on the last session. My experience of autism is that it makes me feel anxious in specific situations and I’d like us to address that. Perhaps my mindset will change and I’ll embrace autism as a superpower but right now that narrative feels like it contradicts and dismisses my lives experience of having autism. What if really like to work on is…’

Think of your psychologist as a charity shop, you have to rummage around the sessions and look for anything that fits, functions and is to your taste.

Last thing: you can be a qualified psychologist by doing sod all, it’s not a protected title. You at least want a member of the BSP, which means they have a degree in psychology from a real university.

@Porcupineintherough

I totally understand why you feel like this. And although I can see that the "superpower" narrative is empowering (and maybe even true) for some, the reality for many is that that asd is a disability and a bloody difficult one to live with.

Thst said, could you try another session and tell the psychologist what you think? Might get the sessions moving in the right direction.

I did tell her that I didn't feel like I was the intended audience for the video and that I definitely do see my condition as a disability. Whilst she didn't directly tell me I was wrong, she spent a lot of the rest of the session trying to make me acknowledge the positive aspects of being autistic. She basically assumed that my work/life issues are caused by negative thinking and was surprised when I mentioned that I have friends and enjoy sports. I have autism, not depression!

It was extremely frustrating. I want to get something out of the sessions and I'm probably sounding like hard work, but I don't know how to go about changing things. Maybe I could ask if a different person was available, but I feel very uncomfortable with the idea of trampling on people's feelings. That is something I need to work on, but literally makes me want to throw up, so it's slow progress.

@RandomLondoner

I was wondering if the psychologist was male, but reading again I see not. This seemed like a classic case of a male vs female mindset, where the male thinks their job is to fix a problem, and the person being spoken to is enraged because they want sympathy, not solutions. (As a male, I think sympathy is not only pointless, because it fixes nothing, but positively harmful, because it rewards you for staying where you are. It entrenches misery, rather than combatting it.)

How would it help to be told that your life is shit because your brain is different? The pyschologist can't change the way you are wired. I assume the most they can do is help you find strategies to be happier and successful. Concentrating on potential positives in any situation seems to me a sensible approach that any person should be taking all the time.

There are people who are successful because of autism, even without being savants. I realise not everyone can be another Michael Burry, but on a more mundane level, years ago I heard of an investment bank that specifically recruits autistic people to do a certain type of job, because they are unusually suited to it. Even if one doesn't have the education or skills for that, I don't see why there couldn't be other jobs that were a good match for some others.

This is just bullshit.

Saying, "autism is a superpower. Love it. You're great," does shit all do solve the problem.
You really think someone spouting those quotes at you, fixes the problems?

You dont go to a psychologist for sympathy. You go to get tools to fix your problems, or learn to manage them. Learn coping mechanism.

The psychologist needs to be listening to the OP and then giving her strategies and coping mechanisms for the specific reactions she explains ahe experiences.

As a man, you've decided that fixing the problem is what needs to be done and all us women just want to moan and get sympathy. You think the psychologist is doing it right.

You've got it totally backwards. The OP wants her to listen and work through coping strategies with her. Instead, all she got was a cheerleader pointlessly shouting that autism is a superpower. That's less than useless.

@RandomLondoner

I was wondering if the psychologist was male, but reading again I see not. This seemed like a classic case of a male vs female mindset, where the male thinks their job is to fix a problem, and the person being spoken to is enraged because they want sympathy, not solutions. (As a male, I think sympathy is not only pointless, because it fixes nothing, but positively harmful, because it rewards you for staying where you are. It entrenches misery, rather than combatting it.)

How would it help to be told that your life is shit because your brain is different? The pyschologist can't change the way you are wired. I assume the most they can do is help you find strategies to be happier and successful. Concentrating on potential positives in any situation seems to me a sensible approach that any person should be taking all the time.

There are people who are successful because of autism, even without being savants. I realise not everyone can be another Michael Burry, but on a more mundane level, years ago I heard of an investment bank that specifically recruits autistic people to do a certain type of job, because they are unusually suited to it. Even if one doesn't have the education or skills for that, I don't see why there couldn't be other jobs that were a good match for some others.

What the fuck have I just read

@RandomLondoner

I was wondering if the psychologist was male, but reading again I see not. This seemed like a classic case of a male vs female mindset, where the male thinks their job is to fix a problem, and the person being spoken to is enraged because they want sympathy, not solutions. (As a male, I think sympathy is not only pointless, because it fixes nothing, but positively harmful, because it rewards you for staying where you are. It entrenches misery, rather than combatting it.)

How would it help to be told that your life is shit because your brain is different? The pyschologist can't change the way you are wired. I assume the most they can do is help you find strategies to be happier and successful. Concentrating on potential positives in any situation seems to me a sensible approach that any person should be taking all the time.

There are people who are successful because of autism, even without being savants. I realise not everyone can be another Michael Burry, but on a more mundane level, years ago I heard of an investment bank that specifically recruits autistic people to do a certain type of job, because they are unusually suited to it. Even if one doesn't have the education or skills for that, I don't see why there couldn't be other jobs that were a good match for some others.

I don't think my life is shit and I am not miserable. I think that I have a disability and I was looking for practical tools/strategies to mitigate some aspects of that, perhaps things I hadn't thought of before. Perhaps some new techniques to relax ahead of xyz thing. I wasn't looking for sympathy at all. There is a wealth of difference in my opinion between being positive about my abilities and calling autism a "superpower". It is not, at least not for me. It's a disability that affects me on a daily basis. Acknowledging that is not a crime or a symptom of self-pity.

This seemed like a classic case of a male vs female mindset, where the male thinks their job is to fix a problem, and the person being spoken to is enraged because they want sympathy, not solutions.

What shiny shit is this about?

@RandomLondoner
I missed one point.

Sympathy is not harmful.
Validating someone's feelings is a really useful tool. Someone going through a really shit time sometimes needs to hear that yes, this is shit and how you feel right now is totally right. Hearing someone else tell you that they would feel the same, that you're right to feel this way, helps people to take a breath and realise they arent wrong. They arent strange for feeling the way they feel. They can accept that this is a normal emotion. That's how you start to work through it.

There is a book call A Monster Calls. In one scene, a character smashes up a bunch of stuff in a room due to how angry and upset they are and they've been trying to hold it all in and they just let rip. The other character walks in and sees the mess. Instead of telling them off or "trying to fix it" they push something off the mantel sonic smashes too. Like saying, "you know what, yes, I'm angry too, you should be angry and sad and that's OK".

It helps lead them to healing. Just have your feelings validated takes a huge weight off you. And then you can work through it.

Basically, you're are entirely wrong. And unhelpful.