Psychologist told me autism is a superpower

[Midnightpharma]

I went to see a psychologist as part of a support package offered by my employer to help with my disability and perhaps learn a few strategies to deal with the anxiety I suffer from as a result of being autistic. I was talking about how my disability affects me, and the psychologist, at the end of my story, told me that "autism isn't a disability, it's a superpower!"

She proceeded to show me a kids video about how autistic people are a little different, but awesome and spent most of the rest of the session trying to make me think positively about my "superpower". I struggle on a daily basis and have had to take 6 months of sick leave in the last two years, keep feeling desperately uncomfortable at work and barely manage to stay in employment. To do so I need constant help in my home life. I can't work from an office full-time and have semi-regular shutdowns/meltdowns. I still have 10 hours of sessions left.

WIBU to try and cancel the others? I don't know what to do. They're not mandatory, but I don't want to look like I don't appreciate my employer's offer of support. At the same time this session was painful and invalidating and I'm not sure how to do another 10 hours of this. The person is a qualified psychologist who specialises is neurodiverse conditions. If being on the spectrum was a superpower why would you need to see a psychologist?!

I see lots of people say this about their autistic children and I don’t agree, it definitely isn’t for my daughter anyway. I wouldn’t expect to hear that from a professional

Ha that shtick stopped working on my son when he was 7

You need anxiety management

We don’t frame Autism as a disability in this house. It’s not useful for my particular child who is essentially gifted. He has anxiety issues and sleeping issues and is shy - he knows his brain is wired differently. We label the symptoms and treat them separately. If anybody ever called my child disabled, I’d be quite shocked.

I hate things like this, it completely invalidates the struggles many people with autism face.

Ds may be amazing at some things due in part to his autism but that doesn’t override the massive day to day struggles he faces.

That is absolutely terrible practice.

"Most of us don't get to use our abilities" - yes, but if you know them, you can conciously change the situation (with help or on your own). You can seek ways to use them and congratulate yourself with every successful step, not comparing your journey with NT. Some will leave NTpicals in the dust with their success, but for some fulfilling life will be amazing and something to be proud of. "Autism is tragedy" is not a better narrative, only worse in my opinion. If you don't love even part of your autistic self, that means the problem is low self-esteem. And that one is on society, starting from childhood.

Occupational Health’s purpose is to find a way to fit you into the organisation in a way that works for you and the employer. That’s why empowerment language is used - it’s to empower your motivation. But if this isn’t your aim then yes you are probably wasting everyone’s time.

Many of us never get the chance to benefit from our skills because we're held back and dismissed because of the things we can't do
This is very true. I’m super intelligent and highly qualified but can’t get past the interview stage for any job. Interviewers feed back that they were impressed with my qualifications but I made them feel awkward because I’m too withdrawn and I don’t smile or talk enough. The only jobs I’ve had are ones where employers are desperate and just want to hire any warm body. I wouldn’t be impressed if someone said autism is a superpower, because it’s ruined my life due to not being able to get a permanent job.

Helping a person identify their strengths is one thing, but dismissing the struggles as happened to the OP certainly isn’t going to help!

We don’t frame Autism as a disability in this house. It’s not useful for my particular child who is essentially gifted. He has anxiety issues and sleeping issues and is shy - he knows his brain is wired differently. We label the symptoms and treat them separately. If anybody ever called my child disabled, I’d be quite shocked.

Your child is not shy. Your child has a social communication disorder, a disability which makes him appear shy. She is so dismissive. Denial won't make your childs disability any less. Label and treat isn't how autism works. Understand and adjust.

How you could possibly be shocked if someone called your autistic child disabled, they have a disability

shy is dismissive

A self-audit is useful. Itemising every skill you have in one column, every limitation in another. Work out what you absolutely need, office-wise, body-wise to really fly. "Superpowers" may be over-egging it a bit, but if you have significant impairment and are holding down employment, it must be that your abilities are valuable to your employer.

We have had this recently, as my daughter was informed her dyslexia was also a 'superpower'. We had a good laugh about when bad spelling might save the world!!! It's actually not funny though to be invalidated by someone, especially a psychologist. They should be listening to you, listening to what you need, and responding to you- gently challenging your language perhaps after a while, not jumping in and denying your experience.

I wouldn't want to continue with a crap therapist, also the therapist should listen when you say 'that's not working for me'.

The ironic thing is you are going for help with your anxiety/social communication issues- and she's a rubbish communicator! NT sometimes don't even notice their deficits in these areas.

Can you ask for someone else?

Oh OP I feel enraged even thinking about this for you.

Is there a Union you can talk to about what the psychologist said? Are they a one man band so to speak or are they part of a company? Do complain if you can.

I will assume you are an adult and not a seven year old child, like the psychologist seems to think you are. I'm so sorry. Sending you a virtual un-mumsnetty hug.

@santasmuma

We don’t frame Autism as a disability in this house. It’s not useful for my particular child who is essentially gifted. He has anxiety issues and sleeping issues and is shy - he knows his brain is wired differently. We label the symptoms and treat them separately. If anybody ever called my child disabled, I’d be quite shocked.

Your child is not shy. Your child has a social communication disorder, a disability which makes him appear shy. She is so dismissive. Denial won't make your childs disability any less. Label and treat isn't how autism works. Understand and adjust.

How you could possibly be shocked if someone called your autistic child disabled, they have a disability

For people who are high functioning enough ASD is not always considered a disability. It is a processing disorder or difference. Something to be managed through anxiety control / working hours / strategies to improve friendships and communication.

For people who are high functioning enough ASD is not always considered a disability. It is a processing disorder or difference. Something to be managed through anxiety control / working hours / strategies to improve friendships and communication.

Oh off you go with your labels

It sounds patronising. That might be useful for children to help with their self esteem but you are an adult, fully able to articulate problems in your life and to know your personal strengths. It also sounds very 'general' and not about you as an individual who needs support. You need a better fit that this psychologist.

I think the problem with some psychologists is that they get caught up in their research and then seem to be able only to think along those lines. She probably wrote a paper/thesis on why autism is a super power and now it is her mantra and she's in a bit of a rabbit hole with it and thinks it solves all problems.

I wonder if you could take a proactive approach and write a list of things you struggle with and tell her that you are looking for strategies to help you manage those particular things.

Your child is not shy. Your child has a social communication disorder, a disability which makes himappearshy.

Is it possible Ella knows her child better than you do, santasmuma?
Shyness and a social communication disorder could be considered separately. For example, my autistic DS can struggle with anxiety in social situations, but he's a very sociable person otherwise, not 'shy' at all.
I just don't like people assuming they know better like this, whether it's the OP's psychologist or someone on a thread. Listening to what people are telling you is important.

I'd really struggle with words like superpower and a kids videos to take anything the person said seriously.

I mean, you may have a point santasmuma, but it's very much only a maybe. You could have phrased your message to reflect this, instead of taking the superior tone you did.

She's trying to counter the constant message that autisitics are less than, that they can't do things, autism is bad and all that. It affects autistics self esteem and actually makes them less able. But you were talking about your difficulties and she told you that you're wrong which is just as demeaning as being told you're wrong for being autistic. I wouldn't cancel but I'd email and explain why she didn't handle it well. Funnily enough I've just been driving and thinking about all the positives from my autism and how sometimes my brain working differently is actually different in a good way.

Email and explain and that you're really just interested in practical ways to work with your autisitic brain.

@RandomLondoner

I was wondering if the psychologist was male, but reading again I see not. This seemed like a classic case of a male vs female mindset, where the male thinks their job is to fix a problem, and the person being spoken to is enraged because they want sympathy, not solutions. (As a male, I think sympathy is not only pointless, because it fixes nothing, but positively harmful, because it rewards you for staying where you are. It entrenches misery, rather than combatting it.)

How would it help to be told that your life is shit because your brain is different? The pyschologist can't change the way you are wired. I assume the most they can do is help you find strategies to be happier and successful. Concentrating on potential positives in any situation seems to me a sensible approach that any person should be taking all the time.

There are people who are successful because of autism, even without being savants. I realise not everyone can be another Michael Burry, but on a more mundane level, years ago I heard of an investment bank that specifically recruits autistic people to do a certain type of job, because they are unusually suited to it. Even if one doesn't have the education or skills for that, I don't see why there couldn't be other jobs that were a good match for some others.

this is such a missunderstanding of anything to do with help and support.

I work in a pastoral role. 90% of the time people need space to be heard. If you are a psychologist or a counsellor, your job is very specifically NOT to tell people what to do. Your job is to primarily listen.
As a generalisation, yes, men find this hard to believe. They don't get it. But most people need to be heard. Once they are given space to talk about how things are for them, they are then able to begin to see where the crux of the issue lies and therefore how they could move forward. You telling them what to do doesn't help.
It has to come from within.

In OPs case, the psychologist bulldozed over anything the OP was trying to say. How is that helpful?
As a man, your desire to 'fix things' is not helpful, and you need to understand that

Is it possible Ella knows her child better than you do, santasmuma?

Of course they do. It's not uncommon for parents to minimise and dismiss their child's autism though. I'm allowed to comment. I may be right and I may be wrong, but 'shy' to describe an autistic person who's whole diagnosis depends on communication deficits seems rather dismissive to me.

@HadaVerde

That’s appalling.

Tbh it’s crap even if directed at a child.

The whole autism is a superpower narrative is utter shite.

I agree. I have autism and the last thing I see the condition as is "a superpower".

If there are other options definitely look into changing. I have this support in my job and there are a number of psychologists/psychiatrists/coaches that we can pick from and they bill the company it's not a directly employed person.
A skills coach might be more useful for you, as you are not depressed more looking for strategies to implement to improve your daily life.
I don't have autism but a fair few physical health problems and had a life coach to help me work in the supports and habits I needed to build to improve my daily life. It was very useful.
Mine was more focused on physicality but I'd imagine there is huge demand for managing anxiety/over stimulation and identifying priorities etc.
The identifying priorities one I manage in work by directly asking managers what they need first and putting reminders in my calendar and blocking out meetings with myself to get things done.
I greatly sympathise, I find a lot of corporate speak and culture difficult to understand and as far as I know am NT.