Psychologist told me autism is a superpower

[Midnightpharma]

I went to see a psychologist as part of a support package offered by my employer to help with my disability and perhaps learn a few strategies to deal with the anxiety I suffer from as a result of being autistic. I was talking about how my disability affects me, and the psychologist, at the end of my story, told me that "autism isn't a disability, it's a superpower!"

She proceeded to show me a kids video about how autistic people are a little different, but awesome and spent most of the rest of the session trying to make me think positively about my "superpower". I struggle on a daily basis and have had to take 6 months of sick leave in the last two years, keep feeling desperately uncomfortable at work and barely manage to stay in employment. To do so I need constant help in my home life. I can't work from an office full-time and have semi-regular shutdowns/meltdowns. I still have 10 hours of sessions left.

WIBU to try and cancel the others? I don't know what to do. They're not mandatory, but I don't want to look like I don't appreciate my employer's offer of support. At the same time this session was painful and invalidating and I'm not sure how to do another 10 hours of this. The person is a qualified psychologist who specialises is neurodiverse conditions. If being on the spectrum was a superpower why would you need to see a psychologist?!

@BessieFinknottle

I mean, you may have a point santasmuma, but it's very much only a maybe. You could have phrased your message to reflect this, instead of taking the superior tone you did.

Sorry. It's just what I wrote. I'm not very articulate and I'm awful at explaining clearly but you knew what I meant and recognise I may have a pint. Any superiority you have placed yourself. I certainly don't feel or want to be that.

Sounds like your therapist practices "positive psychology" which is controversial. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is more practical, sounds like its more for you and has a better overall evidence base. I would ask if your psychologist could use CBT as you think it is better suited to your needs however the relationship with the therapist is also important so if this psychologist isn't the one for you please ask for another. It is normal for people to ask for alternative therapists. There does tend to be waiting lists for CBT so if you do decide to stick with this therapist please discuss taking alternative approaches, any psychologist worth their salt would work with you on this.

@santasmuma

We don’t frame Autism as a disability in this house. It’s not useful for my particular child who is essentially gifted. He has anxiety issues and sleeping issues and is shy - he knows his brain is wired differently. We label the symptoms and treat them separately. If anybody ever called my child disabled, I’d be quite shocked.

Your child is not shy. Your child has a social communication disorder, a disability which makes him appear shy. She is so dismissive. Denial won't make your childs disability any less. Label and treat isn't how autism works. Understand and adjust.

How you could possibly be shocked if someone called your autistic child disabled, they have a disability

I think she'd know better than you if her child is shy. There are plenty of people with autism who are not at all shy and are desperate to make friends with everyone. Shyness is not part of a diagnosis of autism and plenty of people are shy that don't have autism.

I don't consider my son disabled either although asperger's syndrome is considered a disability. I'm not in denial about it, I just see a very clever, often lazy but happy teenager whose is comfortable in his own skin and coping far, far better than many of the kids at his secondary school who aren't considered disabled. I wouldn't be shocked or offended by someone calling his disabled though, maybe surprised because he's just who he is to me.

I agree with 'understand and adjust' though and to me that is huge. Employers really need that to be their mantra and I really hope that's the case when it come to my son having interviews and finding a job. I think the OP's employers really need to take that on board as well and not think farming the OP out to the psychologist will be all they need to do to get her 'fixed'.

@RandomLondoner

I was wondering if the psychologist was male, but reading again I see not. This seemed like a classic case of a male vs female mindset, where the male thinks their job is to fix a problem, and the person being spoken to is enraged because they want sympathy, not solutions. (As a male, I think sympathy is not only pointless, because it fixes nothing, but positively harmful, because it rewards you for staying where you are. It entrenches misery, rather than combatting it.)

How would it help to be told that your life is shit because your brain is different? The pyschologist can't change the way you are wired. I assume the most they can do is help you find strategies to be happier and successful. Concentrating on potential positives in any situation seems to me a sensible approach that any person should be taking all the time.

There are people who are successful because of autism, even without being savants. I realise not everyone can be another Michael Burry, but on a more mundane level, years ago I heard of an investment bank that specifically recruits autistic people to do a certain type of job, because they are unusually suited to it. Even if one doesn't have the education or skills for that, I don't see why there couldn't be other jobs that were a good match for some others.

Sexist tripe.

Who says women 'don't want to be fixed'?

One of the striking things about autism is how it manifests differently in males and females. If thats the case perhaps its merely a question of the solutions offered are generally more relevant to males. Perhaps this also means that females need different solutions which reflect the differences in their problems. This does not equate to the patronising trope of 'wanting sympathy'.

It annoys me intensely how offer it is presented in life that a problem only has one possible solution. Its rarely true. But rarely are we offered a variety of possible options with an explanation of who they might suit. For example phonics don't work well for all kids. Its currently the learning method of choice but it doesn't work for all kids and there are other learning methods available which have been used in the past but have fallen out of favour.

Its a subject of research at the moment how there are a lot of different types of counselling out there for all manner of issues and conditions - with very little scrutiny and over sight about whether what is being offered to a particular person is actual appropriate for them. There are concerned that far too many people are being referred to sessions which are not only inappropriate to them but might actually exacerbate issues and do harm in the process. I know NICE are trying to look into some of this.

I don't think saying people arent engaging or somehow trying with a particular treatment is helpful in this context. It might genuinely actually be a problem and the gaslighting about it only makes that worse.

Where that leaves the OP is potentially pretty shit, because she may be in a situation where she ends up labelled as 'uncooperative' when it might be that its actually doing harm to continue.

This is where we need this reframed as it being a real valid issue that lots of people are being merely offered the wrong solution. Not 'sympathy'.

Your tone was a bit off to me, santasmuma, but I understand now that's not what you intended.

@BessieFinknottle

Your tone was a bit off to me, santasmuma, but I understand now that's not what you intended.

I don't know how to put what i mean without people reading some tone but I didn't mean to be off at all. It's a point most people might disagree with, but I see it as valid. I'm not here to act like I'm better or superior though.

@Tal45

I wasn’t judging somebody else’s child, obviously, for some clearly it is a disability. I am talking about my experiences.

Everybody’s different.
It’s a spectrum, you see?

[quote EIIa]@Tal45

I wasn’t judging somebody else’s child, obviously, for some clearly it is a disability. I am talking about my experiences.

Everybody’s different.
It’s a spectrum, you see?[/quote]
Sorry that was to @santasmuma

Eight, this kind of patronising bollocks is from the same school of thought that thinks saying, "the only disability in life is a bad attitude" it's in any way ok. YANBU at all OP

What a load of crap. I have an autistic daughter, she’d rid herself of that affliction in a heartbeat and be a normal teenager. Autism has spoilt so much for her and scuppered so many opportunities. It’s the very opposite of a superpower.

I’m sorry you’re having to put up with this, OP.

I didn't think it was relevant in my OP, but I was the one who asked for an assessment and support, not my employer. My employer offered because I asked, and this is the specialist company that they use. I'm not under review for underperformance, but I struggle staying in work, because over time it becomes impossible to manage and I end up either on sick leave or resigning. I'm trying to avoid that scenario as best as possible moving forward. I don't want to cancel because it would make me look/feel ungrateful, but so far I'm not enjoying this experience.

[quote EIIa]@Tal45

I wasn’t judging somebody else’s child, obviously, for some clearly it is a disability. I am talking about my experiences.

Everybody’s different.
It’s a spectrum, you see?[/quote]
Thanks. Yes. I think I've got it now.

We have had this recently, as my daughter was informed her dyslexia was also a 'superpower'.

I had that and people telling me it must be mild or dismissing any problems I'd encountered.

I got diagnosed at University near end of degree when it finally dawned on me I was putting in a lot more work and effort than many around me - I'd also developed many coping stratergies - and people clearly feeling they were being nice just wanted to dismiss all that.

Though I think the also dignosed dyspraxia probaly has more of an everyday impact.

It's very frustating - and I'm actually one for practical soultions (despite being a woman ) but I've never once found someone blowing smoke up your arse insisting a probelm isn't a problem to overcome but a superpower to bask in helps with that.

I'd try HR - say your finding the focus of the sessions wrong and unhelpul what are the options they suggest - is a change in approachor person possible?

@Midnightpharma, I feel for you. I got referred to my workplace’s external support team when I disclosed my autism, and they were worse than useless. They just didn’t have a clue how to support me, and I can well imagine them trying to make me watch that patronising bollocks video. I just cut mine out altogether and made any adjustments I needed through my manager. WFH has been a real blessing for me, like another PP said, the sickness and stress being caused by masking all day just disappeared! I hope you can make some changes that will help you.

Fucking idiot honestly can you change to a different one. My DS is autistic and it is no superpower it's a debilitating disability. I hate how that's invalidated by this new wave of positive autism shit it can fuck off.

I hate this.

I'm not autistic, but have dyslexia and ADHD.

I keep being told these are 'superpowers' by people who have no idea.

They are called disabilities for a reason.

I can't drive, I'm helplessly dependent on public transport and have lost job opportunities due to this.

If this was some attempt to make you feel better about yourself, it probably backfired miserably.

I'm a little puzzled by what the psychologist is trying to achieve tbh. I would have thought a support package would have identified ways that the job/work environment could be reasonably adapted to make it accessible to the OP. That's what you would do if the disability was blindness, or if the OP used a wheelchair.

I'm so sick of the infantilising of autism. I'm sorry this has happened to you OP and I wouldn't go back unless the person was changed and I was assured this wouldnt be their approach.

I get it @Midnightpharma I have yet to find a non patronising therapist for my anxiety. I am also autistic.

Also, I keep my autism to myself - especially at work. I’m in a male dominated industry and I don’t need any more of a reason to feel less of a person than I already do because I’m a woman.

Autism, anxiety and the general feeling of inadequacy all go hand in hand.

very rarely I find autism a super power. It’s a burden and I wish i could wake up one day and be a muggle (neuro typical)

@Porcupineintherough

I'm a little puzzled by what the psychologist is trying to achieve tbh. I would have thought a support package would have identified ways that the job/work environment could be reasonably adapted to make it accessible to the OP. That's what you would do if the disability was blindness, or if the OP used a wheelchair.

Exactly.

If WFH isn't possible then is mixed working - in office two/three days a week or meeting.

I personally find open plan offices less pleasant than smaller offices - but I find them much worse when I'm stuck in middle with my back to most of it - then I'm constantly on edge.

Help is identifying what the problems are and what can be done not dismissing fact they actually exist for OP.

I would make a complaint regarding your concerns but framed 'constructively' eg. I felt that this video was more orientated to a younger audience and this made me feel patronised at times. For me rebranding my neuro-diversity as a 'superpower' made me feel like my symptoms and deficits were minimised and made me feel shut down emotionally and put me off doing further work. This could be a real backwards step for somebody with my condition, and although I will continue attending the sessions, I wanted to make you aware of how these techniques made me feel. I hope you can review these as they may be off putting to other people in future.

Or something like that.

Then keep attending the appointments. They might be rubbish, but if you don't do them you might lose your job. This appointment sounds patronising and demeaning, but that doesn't mean this psychologist has nothing to offer you. You may find that this was just a poorly judged ice breaker but that the other appointments are much more helpful. If not, share your grievances through the complaints procedure and try and give them feedback that might help the next person.

I know that dealing with a neuro diversity can be really hard, especially when people expect you to be of lower intelligence or lower maturity when there is no reason this would be the case. It can also be hard to explain that just because you are a square peg trying to fit into a round hole doesn't mean your just the same as all the other square pegs. That autism is a spectrum disorder, that it effects everyone differently and that everyone have their individual differences to start with, means it can be difficult to cater to each individual and professionals do have to make generalisations in order to do their work, however that is not a justification for overgeneralising or making erroneous assumptions regarding your maturity level or intellect, which is what often happens when people chose a one size fits all approach.

I think it's great that you asked for support. Maybe you can ask to change the therapist - sometimes there are clashes or people don't "click" there doesn't have to be any criticism.

It seems that providing services to ND people is "thing" right now and I have found a lot of it appalling. I think you have to keep going until you can find someone that you work with.

I was recommended that my teens would benefit from "psycho education". I booked with a recommended provider who had a very impressive website with a road map to help teens and adults progress their skills. On the day, my teens were underwhelmed with a bland powerpoint that could be summed up as "kids with autism are good at maths and science and bad at making friends and working in teams". The therapist then engaged with dc for 10 minutes because DC said he is autistic and therapist said that "the autistic community wanted people to say person with autism".

From what you describe OP, you clearly do have superpowers to be hanging in there for so long and achieving so much when is evidently such a struggle for you. I do feel this for my children, I see what they do and how hard it. Everyone else sees them doing all the things that other kids take for granted and have no understanding of the effort involved. I don't mean to patronising. I genuinely think persisting in those conditions and never giving up is a kind of super power.

My kids were also recommended to have CBT adapted for the needs of young people on the ASC for anxiety. Maybe you could ask to be referred to someone else who can deliver this. Best of luck. Please don't give up.

For people who are high functioning enough ASD is not always considered a disability. It is a processing disorder or difference. Something to be managed through anxiety control / working hours / strategies to improve friendships and communication

I'd say that description does not apply to anyone who is diagnosed with autism, but does apply to someone who has a few autistic traits. Many people have a few traits, but are not autistic.

To be diagnosed with ASD the DSM-5 criteria are

"The DSM-5 Manual defines autism spectrum disorder as “persistent difficulties with social communication and social interaction” and “restricted and repetitive patterns of behaviours, activities or interests” (this includes sensory behaviour), present since early childhood, to the extent that these “limit and impair everyday functioning”. "

If these do not limit and impair everyday functioning then the person will not be given a diagnosis.

OP, I agree with other posters about letting your counsellor know that the 'superpower' approach does not work for you. An email from you is fine if you struggle to get the words out face to face, there's a very good draft upthread.

Also let them know what you need them to do, ask for their support in suggesting reasonable adjustments for your working physical location and its environment.

ah, my people! Working from home is a bloody lifesaver isn’t it? The utter relief of not having to mask all day is just indescribable.

OP, I think you need to be clear and direct with the psychologist in outlining why this approach doesn’t work for you. As far as I’m concerned (and i can only speak to my own experience) autism isn’t a superpower or a tragedy, it just IS. It’s part of who I am and how my brain works, and it comes with its own set of positives and negatives. The psychologist’s refusal to acknowledge this would make me feel very patronised and misunderstood. As autistic women we are constantly a) infantilised and b) compared to a male model of autism that doesn’t match our loved experience. It’s incredibly frustrating.

*LIVED experience