To ask at what age were your children the most expensive?

[Invisiblewoman1]

I am trying to plan and prepare for being a single parent. I think the under 5 (childcare) and then teenage years are prob most expensive. Am I totally wrong?!

@Kite22

Thank you for your kind thoughts, but my situation isn't difficult at all. We just don't like waste. Lots of groups such as cadets, Scouts, DofE etc invite people to donate walking boots their dc have outgrown that have plenty of life in them. Then the same with football boots - there is a thriving 'market' for handing down boots that people had to buy for 1/2 term of football lessons or rugby lessons and then they outgrow before they are almost broken in. I've always been able to get my dc new school shoes, but there is a thriving charity in our City where you can go and pick up free uniform and that does occasionally include shoes, but when it doesn't, the saving by having blazers, PE kit, coats etc given you frees up money for the things you do need to buy.

However, people trying to build careers and earning to get to a point where they can provide things for their DC that most of their average friends have is not "living in a bubble".

No, of course it isn't, but thinking it is hilarious that not everyone is able to achieve reaching a position where you can just spend £200 on one of your dc's Christmas presents, is. That isn't 'poverty' that is normal life for people in normal jobs.

But that's £3.85 to or thereabouts to save each week of the year, to have £200 for a Christmas present. Unless living in extreme poverty, in the UK that is not out of many people's reach if it is a priority for them.

@immersivereader

Can't believe the cost of nurseries! Absolutely shocking

It really is.

@Invisiblewoman1

Thanks everyone so much. It’s been so helpful to read everyone’s comments and situations. Someone mentioned me getting maintenance from my ex; I am actually asking this question as I am working out if I can financially become a single parent using a donor. So no Maintenence and no second salary to rely on and no one to share child care.

I have worked out my full time child minder fee to be £1150 ish a month. I will only have one child due to my situation. I’ve got the savings for the treatment and a little nest egg for emergencies. But £1150 a month on one salary with a mortgage is a lot and I was thinking surely as they get older they won’t continue to cost £1150 per month. At times reading these replies I felt naive but I think I’m right. Even if they need a new suit and shoes every month, a ski trip once a year, a new device every Christmas and a year of driving lessons. It won’t equate to £1150 every single month for 21 years.
What I have learnt from this thread though is there is a sweet spot between 4-13 ish where they will be the cheapest they will ever be. So those are my golden years to save, have little family holidays, make the most of it

OP it sounds like you're going into this with your eyes open and as a fellow lone parent I think that sounds totally doable, to give a child a good life: if you can afford those nursery fees then barring any disaster such as you losing your job, you'll be absolutely fine. It is a lot to have on your shoulders: that you are the one who must do everything, provided financially and emotionally and there is no backup plan. But it can be done and provide a good life for a child if you have got to the point where you have the stability and finances in place, and have really thought it through, which it sounds like you have. Best of luck!

some employershelp towards childcare cost for small children.
not aware of any offering help for college/university.
we have savings accounts for each dc, every christmas and birthday we pay in 50€ or so and also family can put money in. by the time dc start further education that should help with the cost of living.

I would say teens.

I’m currently covering the cost of two of them‘s rent at uni one is paying for driving lessons herself but then she’ll need a car so I had to buy her that. Then of course that’s not fair to the other one so she’s basically had the cash equivalent to go travelling with.

Two down two to go. Cannot believe I used to bemoan nursery and school fees

Two down two to go. Cannot believe I used to bemoan nursery and school fees

Ok so anyone like @Jessie75 saying now is more expensive, can we have a (rough) breakdown of what your nursery fees were and what you're paying now? Also baring In mind the OP's posts that she is looking at nearly £1200 a month childminder.

I'm going to guess the first list is necessity and the second lots of optional. The uni gap if your kid gets the minimal loans is £500 a month, I was paying £1000 a month at the toughest point of nursery for ONE child, so double that but OP is only having one. With a 3 year gap mine overlapped in nursery but won't in uni unless eldest does a 4 year course.

I swear it's just the same crowd of mums that like to doom and gloom on the newer mums constantly, always see it in here.

Jessie75 Some of that will be discretionary though. Lots of students won’t have cars so ‘need’ is debatable unless doing something like nursing where travelling to placements. Have they taken the full maintenance loan available? Even with those costs they must surely be lower than nursery/school fees?

I didnt say id change a thing or resent a penny.

Truth is if you think about it enough youd never do anything would you ?

@Jessie75 it's not about regret or anything to do with you personally, it's about supporting the OP's understanding that for most families, especially without support like her, children are the most expensive when they are the most dependent because of childcare. The costs people are discussing with older kids are more discretionary and flexible. But instead people are enjoying playing the "just you wait" card giving her unrealistic expectations, I don't know why posters get so much kick out of that.

Also in terms of financial planning, there should be time to save for university costs. Nursery fees come at a point when many people have used savings for mat leave, new homes etc. lots of people might be part-time.

The Op could start saving £50-100 a month for university costs from school age for example and then would be able to build that buffer for university without it feeling anywhere near as painful as paying for childcare in the early years.

[quote U8976532]@Jessie75 it's not about regret or anything to do with you personally, it's about supporting the OP's understanding that for most families, especially without support like her, children are the most expensive when they are the most dependent because of childcare. The costs people are discussing with older kids are more discretionary and flexible. But instead people are enjoying playing the "just you wait" card giving her unrealistic expectations, I don't know why posters get so much kick out of that.[/quote]
I think it’s more a case of planning ahead and obviously if they were different things I could go back and change I would’ve planned more saved more. Compound interest is a quite marvellous thing I think the only thing I would’ve changed if I could go back is I would’ve saved more money before I had the baby number one because my capacity to save once you do start pay Nursery fees and school fees diminishes dramatically. As does my inclination to work I mean I’m still fairly driven I enjoy my job but I can’t lie I think in the next 10 years I’m gonna go part time and I’ll still have a 21-year-old to support at that stage.

I've got two teens. They're draining me! It's never been like this... Sheer amount of food, clothes (will they ever stop growing!), school stuff, clubs, social life. They work hard and earn their pocket money. They're grand kids but bloody hell I'm skint! They're not at all spoilt. They understand when I say no, which I hate doing because they're bloody awesome!

@U8976532

I looked after my own kids when they were babies so didn't pay any childcare, they attended the 15 hours a week free only. University is a killer, currently it's £5k a year for one and £15k for the other as she changed degrees

One of my teenagers had a paper round from 13, then went on to do other things like babysitting for neighbours, gardening etc. Was earning enough to enjoy life and save. Apart from basics hardly asked for anything. The other one was totally different wouldn't get a job and expected regular hand outs. Also wanted the best of everything. So that was expensive until I got fed up with it all when it was suggested that I pay for driving lessons. Guess which one is on the property ladder.

They've never been expensive. We don't live a lifestyle where children carry iPhones or have expensive gadgets, not expensive clothing. We have days out as a family, and holidays, which are not child-specific.

Children are as expensive as you make them. Furnish them with 300 earphones and 1000 phones if you want to, but that's your choice.

@gogohm as I've stated, multiple times 1) unless you've never worked your labour isn't free, not working has a cost either way 2) it's not the OP's situation, she isn't staying at home and she's only having one child, and changing degrees is a choice not a necessity, looking after a preschooler is a necessity.

+They've never been expensive. We don't live a lifestyle where children carry iPhones or have expensive gadgets, not expensive clothing. We have days out as a family, and holidays, which are not child-specific*

How old are you’re children? If they are teens are they completely happy with this?

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

+They've never been expensive. We don't live a lifestyle where children carry iPhones or have expensive gadgets, not expensive clothing. We have days out as a family, and holidays, which are not child-specific*

How old are you’re children? If they are teens are they completely happy with this?

Well the truth is they probably don’t know any better. I mean my daughter is friends with children who come from quite deprived backgrounds and their expectations of life and their parents are so different. I guess if your parents have never done bugger all for you you’re not going to miss it are you ?

Bridstar - surely childcare for them when little was expensive in some way, even if in that someone wasn't working whilst looking after them? Not attacking just genuinely curious.

Also your holidays must be a bit more expensive because you have a couple more (or however many) people there, surely?

Children are as expensive as you make them

If you are happy to deny them opportunities, dont mind them standing out from friends and peers then this is true. But it's not actually that easy to say to a child you love "no you cant go to the beach with your mates because you cant swim" or "despite being desperate to, you cant learn dance" or "well done for studying so hard for so long but it's the local uni or nowt for you as we cant afford to help with accomodation". I mean, you can do all these things but most of us like them to enjoy at least a little of the things their peers do. Not so much fun to always be the child thats left out.

Yes I remember it well.

Mine are 5, 3 and 3 months and am dreading knowing that they might get more expensive as they get older, they already cost me a fortune.

5 and 3 year old: School fees (no state school where we are and here they also start school at 3)
Baby: Full time nanny (who also provides wrap around care for older kids)

My employer currently pays around 80% of the school fees but I'm changing jobs next spring and it's no guarantee that my new employer will offer this (and DH's definitely doesn't)

I thought the baby stages would be cheap until I had a preterm birth and 3 months of going to NICU every day

Children are as expensive as you make them

I’m just not sure that’s true. Children want to fit in with their peers. If you don’t let this happen by not buying the right tribal stuff, then they get marginalised. I’m not sure l would want that for my kids.